A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

Episode 110, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd:  Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd,

Craig: and I’m Craig.

Todd: Well, we finish off 2017 with, as promised, one last Christmas horror movie. And this one, unlike most of the others we’ve done, actually has the word Christmas in the title. Yes. This this one, couldn’t be more Christmassy. This is a Christmas horror story, which I think was titled a holiday horror story for the sensitive Walmart crowd apparently. Go figure. This is a 2015 film, so it’s about 2 years old. And I was a little surprised by this because I think I might have seen it on Netflix like come up in my list or something, but I kind of skipped right over it because to be honest, it looked like one of those super low budget kind of crappy movies

Craig:  from the

Todd:  artwork and the fact that’s called a Christmas horror story, and I really didn’t see anything of it. Did this make a did this get a theatrical release?

Craig:  I don’t know. I don’t know if it did or not. I gosh. I I’m hesitant to even speculate because I really didn’t read about it, but I felt the same way that you did. This is one of the ones that I saw like on the shelves at Walmart, and it kind of looked like one of those cheap Kompass knock offs that came out around this time. And so I didn’t really pay much attention to it either, until I think it became available on Netflix. I don’t know, maybe sometime before, maybe Redbox or something, I don’t know. But I decided to check it out and, I was actually really, really pleasantly surprised.

Todd:  I actually think that this is

Craig:  a really good anthology movie. Honestly, this

Todd:  is kind of to Christmas as, maybe I’m going too far here, but this is to Christmas as I feel like trick or treat is to Halloween.

Craig:  Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. Now I don’t know if it’s exactly on par, I don’t know if it’s quite as good, but it’s really darn close, and very similar in feeling. It’s fun and dark and, you know, I thought it did a really good job. Okay, so there are several different segments. What I think is interesting and unique about this particular anthology is that it’s unlike some of the anthologies that we’ve watched and talked about, in that a lot of those you kind of have stand alone segments, with some sort of wrap around or something tying them together. And this one’s a little bit different in that the segments all play out concurrently and you keep kind of jumping back and forth between them. And, I’ve now seen this, I think, three times. I’m pretty sure that I watched it last Christmas and I watched it again this Christmas forgetting that you and I had already planned to talk about it. And so then when we were preparing to talk about it, I sat down and watched it again. And each time that I’ve watched it, I’ve noticed different little connections between all of the stories. The characters Craig paths at different points in all of them. And I didn’t notice that the first couple times around. But so having seen it several times now, I I can really appreciate that they really wove these together in a very kind of natural way.

Todd:  I picked out 1 or 2. I can’t wait to hear about more of them from a person who’s watched it multiple times. I I think that you could have played this movie, you know, with the segments back to back like you would in a traditional anthology, and it wouldn’t have changed it too much, I think. It would have changed the overall feel of the movie. I guess, I should say the emotional ride that you take through the film is one of slowly building tension, Whereas in an anthology story, you’re getting these little bite sized nuggets, so each story, you’re getting these little bite sized nuggets. Whereas in an anthology store, you’re getting these little bite sized nuggets, so each story you’re going up and down, and up and down, and up and down. In this one, you really gotta hold a lot in your head.

Craig:  Yeah. That’s true.

Todd:  As it goes along, and it’s at times, I felt it was maybe a little overbearing because we jump back to another story, and I’d be like, oh, where do we leave off with this? And then when everything’s, you know, building and building and building up to a crescendo, I just feel like you’re just overall getting this really tense amount of dread where the tenseness that you’re getting, if that is even a word, from one segment kind of carries over into another one.

Craig:  Mhmm. Mhmm.

Todd:  You know what I mean? So Yeah. Absolutely. Emotionally, it’s satisfying, and maybe it makes a little scarier because then it buoys the the less strong stories. Right? Because Yeah. They’re they’re feeding off of each other in a way. One of the things that I liked about it was I felt like like we’ve talked about this before in anthology movies where some of them are a little more disappointing, or some of them are just a little off compared to the others, or one of them has a super humorous tone that just throws the balance away, or maybe they they get their balance from the fact that one’s a little funny, one’s a little more serious, one’s a little scarier, one’s a little more traditional. This movie, I felt like they all almost all the stories were just pretty strong altogether.

Craig:  You know, it felt really kind of more of a traditional narrative pattern where you’re, you know, seeing things as they happen and and like you said before, you’re not, oh okay, well now we have the conclusion of this one, let’s move on to the next one. You know, it’s kind of keeping you invested in all of them as you go along, and you’re absolutely right. I think that Todd does help some of the weaker entries. Now, Todd and I talked about how we wanted to do this before we started, because you know we usually talk about plot in sequence as would be logical to do. But for this one, I think that even though this isn’t the way that the movie is structured, I think for the purpose of talking about it, it might be easier Todd talk about each story kind of independently, and then kind of talk about along the way and maybe at the end how the stories are connected. But I don’t know how you feel about the different entries. I’ll put it out there and say that my favorite entry is the Santa Claus entry. Yeah. I love that one. Which is why I think we should save it for last.

Todd:  I agree. I agree. Well, let’s just say that the movie starts out with a sweeping actually, it’s a it’s a really cool, title sequence as simple as it is, with a really cool song. The music, it’s like it’s like Carol of the Bells, but they do some I’ve heard a Carol of the Bells is, like, my favorite Christmas song because it’s a little sinister. And, and I really like that dichotomy that it has. But I also like it because different people play with it, you know, in many different ways. Like, I hear different covers of that tune. And everyone, a making it what it and in this movie, they do that. In this movie, I feel like the title sequence is a really nice little version of Carol Cabelles. It really got me in the Todd, you know? Yeah. And if you’re gonna open a Christmas horror movie with a song that’s a Christmas song, you’re either gonna go with, like, like, Acropolis where it’s this bright upbeat song that’s that’s, you know, completely at odds with the tone of what we’re going to get in the movie. Or you get this, which is a sinister song yet Christmassy.

Craig:  Yeah. Yeah. And they play with the lyrics. You know, I didn’t write any of the lyrics down, but they they didn’t make the lyrics kind of, ominous and scary. And it’s called metallic, sharp, bloody snowflakes flying around. Eventually, one of them morphs into a Craig, which then turns upside down. And, yeah, it’s it’s a a cool, sequence.

Todd:  But but it’s all kind of like like because then it swoops down onto this fake ass CGI video game castle.

Craig:  Cool. Whatever. I thought it looks cool.

Todd:  It looked cool. But the special It was They obviously didn’t have the budget to get, like, you know, ILM or Weta Workshop or anything to work on this movie.

Craig:  Well, it was still pretty. It was. Yeah. It’s okay. But, yeah, I mean, it starts out it starts out at Christmas Eve at the North Pole, or at least you assume so, and you see Santa walking in this stable full of his reindeer and he’s kind of looking at them or whatever, and you notice that the staff he’s carrying is bloody on the end. And then he hears some rattling from the doors at the end of the stable and there’s light behind the doors, and you’re wondering what’s going to come in, and then it just cuts to black screen 12 hours earlier. Mhmm. And, on the radio it says

Todd:  Merry Christmas, Bailey Downs. It’s Christmas Eve, the most wonderful time of the year. And I’ll tell you what, listeners. Danger’s Dan is gonna tell you a secret. I love Christmas. There, I said it. And I don’t care who knows it because I love tinsel. I love Rudolph. I love cranberries. I love baby Jesus. Before he went all hippie with the sandals and the long hair.

Craig:  Okay. First of all, we’re late in posting this because we just couldn’t get our shit together over the holidays.

Todd:  Typical holiday. We tried, we tried

Craig:  folks, but it just didn’t work out. So it’s been a week or so since I watched this and I’m maybe not as up on my, trivia as I should be, but the same people who are behind this are the people who are behind the Ginger Snaps series and another TV series, which

Todd:  I can’t, Orphan Black. Orphan Black.

Craig:  Okay. That series, the Ginger Snaps 3 movie series and Orphan Black, also take place in this fictional town of, Bailey Downs. And I loved the Ginger Snaps movies, so, whoever was behind those, who was also behind this, they’re doing some good work. And it starts out, and the connective between all of these stories is William Shatner playing a radio DJ named Dangerous Dan. It’s Christmas Eve and he’s talking about how he’s gonna be there all night and he talks about there’s this big charity food drive at the mall and, their weatherman, Norman, is going to be covering that for them. And, that’s just kind of basically the intro, and then we jump into these stories. And the first story that we jump into, which I think is a good place to start because frankly, this is my least favorite. Not because it’s bad, it’s not bad, it’s fine, it’s just of all of them, it’s probably the least Christmassy. It works in the context of the movie, but it feels a little bit wedged in. Whereas most of the other ones, I don’t know, I guess there’s another one coming up that really doesn’t have all that much to do with Christmas either, but, this one, seemed to be kind of wedged in there. But it’s not a bad story, it’s about these 3 teenagers who the girl, of the 3, Molly, for a school project wants to do this investigative report for her journalism class about this murder that happened at their school the previous Christmas. And, they start out by watching, this police footage. I don’t know where they got this film.

Todd:  But they have this

Craig:  police footage of the aftermath of this crime scene where these teens were killed in some sort of what appears to be a ritual killing at school. And you know, we get to see the carnage of that. You know, 1 guy’s like dead, like hunched over a bed, and on the wall scrawled in blood it says, For unto us a child is born, for unto us a son is given. They’re waiting in the car to go to this school and what they’re waiting for is Dylan, one of the guys, there’s Dylan who’s like the good looking hip one and then there’s Ben who’s like the quiet kind of geeky one. And Dylan’s girlfriend is gonna be bringing them keys to the school, and his girlfriend shows up and his girlfriend is Caprice, who ends up being the teenage daughter in another one of the segments. So it’s just a quick crossover there, but she gives him these keys and she’s like, Oh yeah, I’ve got the stickiest fingers in Bailey Downs or whatever. Right? See? Oh, that’s what I Todd you. And, so she gives them these keys, and they go to check out this high school, their high school apparently, but they go down to the basement where all this happens, and they’re gonna do this investigative report, and that’s how all this gets rolling.

Todd:  That’s right. So they go in, and their high school is like a former convent we hear later. It looks actually very, religious. This move this segment is really like it it takes the religious aspect, I think, of Christmas and tries to do something with it, which which is actually pretty interesting. You know, normally, Christmas movies don’t really go there. Oh, Christmas horror movies, I should say, don’t really go there. And so anyway, they they go downstairs into the basement, and in the basement of this former convent slash now school is where this killing happened. And so, they go down there with their video cameras, and they’re going to she films a little segment

Clip:  crucified exactly 1 year ago Todd, on Christmas Eve. Connor’s neck was broken. And over here, Jenna’s mutilated body was found hanging off some metal piping in the ceiling. Why would somebody go to so much effort? That is just one of the many unanswered questions in this baffling case.

Todd:  And of course, instantly weird things are happening. It’s it’s very much your traditional people poking around in asylum. Right? It’s creepy things that happened there before, and we’re seeing the ghosts of those of those incidents. Apparently, this is where, as she explains, the nuns would take the girls who had gotten pregnant. And this is a real thing actually. You know, there was a whole period in the US history, where girls who got pregnant would be quietly whisked away

Craig:  Yeah. Yeah.

Todd:  For a while, and they’d either get abortions or they’d be put in the care of some special home or some special place, bring their child to term, their child would be taken away from them and given up to adoption. The kid would then go back to school, and it was like, oh, she just turn returned from a holiday. So I I thought that was interesting. I’d never actually seen that before as, setting, you know, kind of a theme for horror film.

Craig:  You get all of this just kind of in their dialogue and it’s it’s a little bit choppy, but I feel like that’s intentional. You know, they they’re they’re not trying to lay things out too much for you. They’re leaving a little bit of mystery. But apparently, there was this girl who, had a who was pregnant but who self aborted or or or she she tried to give herself an abortion, and I think that she died in the process. They’re down there and, like, they almost get caught by the principal, but then they don’t. And then, they’re down in the basement and they kind of film some of their stuff and, like, they hear some weird noises, like, some weird things are going on. But they finish up their segment and they wanna leave, but they go to try to leave and they’re locked down there, and they can’t get out. And they’re, you know, it’s cold down there. They’re talking about how they wish they could get, you know, they have other things to be doing. Ben says he’s supposed to be helping out at the food drive at the mall. Oh. You know, they’re like, well, somebody will eventually figure out that we’re missing. You know, if nothing else, Dylan’s girlfriend, Caprice, you know, when he doesn’t call her tonight because their phones are also not working mysteriously. You know, they’ll they’ll figure out they’ll figure out that we’re gone and it’ll be fine. Well so they’re hanging out down there and, like, every once in a while we see an image of a ghost, like, lingering behind, like, the ghost of apparently this girl. And and at first they don’t see it, but at some point Dylan goes off to pee and they’re all tense because, you know, there’s weird noises going on and stuff. But he goes off to pee and everything’s okay, but then all of a sudden, the girl Molly looks at Ben and over his shoulder is this bloody faced girl ghost, and she freaks out and, like, goes into convulsions. Now of course at this point in the movie it switches over to another story, but when we come back to their story, everybody’s asleep, but now Molly is all of a sudden awake and okay again. And she wakes up Dylan and she’s like, come with me, and she takes him to this room with a bed in it that they’ve seen before and it’s the room with the writing on the wall.

Todd:  Yeah, where the person was killed before. Mhmm.

Craig:  Right. It appears that she’s trying to seduce him, she starts taking off her clothes and, then she, you know, grabs him by the waist line of the front of his pants and and pulls him to the bed and starts unbuckling his belt and he’s like, woah woah woah. You know, this isn’t gonna happen. I’ve got a girlfriend. Good for you, Dylan. It’s almost like Dylan has been in a horror movie before. So, so he says no. And, you know, she kinda looks at him and then the cross on the wall starts shaking. And, again, we cut away to another segment. And then when we come back, we’re now back in the other room where Ben is sleeping and she wakes him up and he’s like, well, where is where is Dylan? And she’s like, well, he’s in in the other room. And he wanted me to come with him, but I wanted to stay with you. And then I this this scene is, I don’t know. It was really kind of uncomfortable and disturbing for sure.

Todd:  It is, and it was also I think part of why it’s so uncomfortable and disturbing is it’s also kind of sexy, but it you know you know it shouldn’t be. Like Yeah. It was it was very skillfully filmed. But she sits in front of him, and, we don’t see any any real detail, but, she pulls up a chair and sits down in front of him and has her legs open, and he’s, like, trying to avoid, looking at her extremely short skirt, and we get the idea that, you know, she doesn’t have any underwear on. And, he’s like, aren’t you cold that way? Which I thought was great. Yeah. And she turns the chair around and gets up, pulls him up, and throws him in the chair. And he sits down, and she mounts him, basically. And he’s super uncomfortable about it. Molly, are you sure?

Clip:  This is what you want, isn’t it?

Todd:  He she goes to town on him, and that’s the best way to put it. You know, she’s going to town on him until they’re finished, and she zips him back up, and stands up, and it’s just Yeah. You’re right. The scene makes you extremely uncomfortable because it’s a bit rapey.

Craig:  Yeah. Well, it’s because, you know, she stands up and oh, gosh. It’s it’s really even kind of uncomfortable to talk about, but she she stands up and she sees blood on her blouse. And she she says, what did you do to me? And and it’s kind of like she’s come out of this fog all of a sudden, this mental fog. And, he looks at her and he’s like, what did I do to you? And, like, you feel bad for both of them. Like, he didn’t do anything, you know. He was actually very, you know, making sure that this was consensual, you know, is this really what you want to do? But apparently it’s because she had been temporarily possessed by this ghost. But anyway, so he stands up and he wants to know what’s happened to Dylan and so he starts to go into the other room. And it’s almost as though even though she was in possessed or in some kind of trance or something, it’s like she knows what he’s gonna find in there. So, he goes in and, Dylan is dead. He’s been stabbed through the eye, I believe, with the crucifix, and he’s dead on the bed. And it’s like all of a sudden it just dawns on Todd, and she says, you know, this girl, she she wanted me to carry her baby, and the 2 kids who were murdered last year wouldn’t help her, but you and I did. She’s saying this to Ben. And then all of a sudden this the ghost appears and she’s holding this bloody baby And first, she, paranormally, throws Ben up onto the wall, like, in a crucified position, which is the same as yeah. Like the previous guy and, kills him, breaks his neck or something. And then she walks up to Molly and just touches her abdomen, and the ghost just kinda watches her go. And I guess, you know, what we’re led to believe is that now that now Molly is pregnant with this ghost lady’s baby.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  And that’s it. I mean, and that’s it. That’s the end of that story.

Todd:  Yeah. It’s a little Twilight Zone or Tales from the Crypti, but the the thing about it is that they were all victims in this, you know. Yeah. There’s no real twist at the end. It’s just this ghost gets her way, kills the people that she needs to, and now Molly’s got the ghost baby’s child. So and and and its only real connection is is this this tenuous one of a play on words more than anything else. I thought this I honestly thought this segment was gonna have a virgin birth in there somewhere, so, I, I guess it didn’t it didn’t go that far.

Craig:  No. Not quite. Not quite. The little connections. We at some point when we cut back to, dangerous Dan Shatner, he is holding a a Christmas card and he says something about Christmas is the time to remember the people that we love, even the ones that we’ve lost. And it turns out that one of those teenage kids who was killed the previous year was one of his grandkids. I don’t know if it was the the the boy or the girl, but one of them was one of his grandkids. So there’s that connection there. Another connection, which will lead us well into the next segment, before they went down there they were watching the police footage And in the police footage, there’s this black cop who is on camera and he’s looking around and all of a sudden he’s like, wait, did you hear something? And then he starts to sing some Christmas carol. I don’t remember what it was. I don’t remember if it was a way in a manger or or something else. But then on that police footage, something really scary happens, like a body falls down from the ceiling or something. And they say and then the the footage cuts out and one of the boys says, well, what happened to that cop? What did he say after this? And, Molly says, well, nobody really knows because he went on stress leave after that. Well, that cop is a prominent figure in one of our other segments. That’s right. The segment this next segment is about this young very good looking African American family and it’s that cop and his just beautiful wife and, their little boy, and they’re going out looking for Christmas trees and, gosh, the more okay. So the first time that I saw this movie, this one didn’t particularly stand out to me. I liked it. I thought it was okay. But the more times that I’ve seen it, I’ve really come to appreciate this one more. What did you think about this, segment?

Todd:  This is one of my favorites. I thought also thought it was one of the scariest. It is scary. There’s so many things about it. They’re scary. First of all, they’re just driving down the road, and they’re going to get a Christmas tree and they pull over by the side of the road. Do people actually do this?

Craig:  I don’t know. Like people, when

Todd:  you get a Christmas tree, go to a Christmas tree farm. Right.

Craig:  Just drive out somewhere

Todd:  and cut down a tree. Maybe, you know, back in the 1800 that was acceptable in certain parts of the world, but don’t do

Craig:  it now. Yeah. You’re gonna get shot.

Todd:  Stuff will happen. It’s just it’s not even cool. But anyway, this otherwise very cool family Yeah. Yeah. Which is why it’s kinda weird actually that they do this. But anyway, this otherwise very cool family pulls over by the side of the road, and they get out, and they walk to us to a fence that says no trespassing.

Clip:  Not here. What do you mean not here? Baby, look at those. Now tell me you will find the perfect Christmas tree. You’re right through here. Great. Nice example for a cop, Scott. In the middle of nowhere. No one’s gonna even know we’re here. Go on.

Todd:  They’re walking through the woods, and it’s snowy and and whatnot. They find their tree and as the father, and I think his name is Scott, and his wife are dragging the tree back, They turn around and notice that Dylan, their son, is not there. So they go running after him trying to find him Dylan Dylan Dylan. And they happen upon a big tree with a it’s it’s like a hollowed out middle. Yeah. Like, it just it’s like it has an entrance basically. It’s like a Smurf tree. Yeah. Absolutely. And they find Dylan curled up inside there. And so, Dylan, come out of there. You really scared us. And so, they take him home. And immediately, Dylan starts acting very strange. He’s not talking, to them. He is he’s sitting and eating spaghetti and he’s just wolfing it down like Craig. And, this starts to really frustrate the dad because he’s like Dylan, you gotta you gotta Todd. And and he doesn’t stop. He’s like Dylan, seriously Todd. And he doesn’t. And so he gets angry at him, and really what’s happening through this whole seek this whole story is that Dylan’s really pushing dad’s buttons, And it’s only as the movie goes on that we realize that dad himself has these issues. Right? These stress Yeah. Issues, and so it’s it becomes more clear why dad’s buttons are are getting pushed so easily, and, again, why this otherwise seemingly perfectly nice, perfectly together, perfectly happy family is just coming unhinged by this kid’s behavior. But there are just a lot of little moments in here that are really creepy. There there’s a section where the mother goes in and and the kid is sleeping. As she closes the window, we see the reflection in the mirror as of Dylan in the bed, and he is he does not look like him.

Craig:  No. It’s not him at all. It’s clearly some kind of demon. Glowing eyes kind of demon thing.

Todd:  Right? So we know that either he’s possessed, we we don’t really know what’s going on. But the thing about this just touches on so many things. I mean first of all, the the the scariness of losing your child. Right? Of just Yeah. Flat out losing them in the woods. Then you find them again but you bring them home and they’re absolutely not the same this movie it just kept reminding me of that segment from the other movie we watched recently it was called the box What was that anthology?

Craig:  Yeah. Yeah. Double x.

Todd:  Double x. Yeah. Where they and then you bring the kids home and suddenly the kid is just off.

Craig:  Well, and I would imagine I can only imagine because I’m not a parent, but I would imagine as a parent that you kind of have those scary moments when your your kid is so young. I hope you haven’t had these moments yet,

Todd:  but where

Craig:  your kid is just where your kid is just acting off and you don’t know what the deal is and, you know, that in itself is scary. You know, like, I feel like that plays into fears for so many people who are parents, you know, whether it be illness or trauma or whatever it is. When your kid’s just not being themselves, that in itself is scary. You know, the fact that this kid, is apparently somehow now demonic, you know, obviously that’s scary, but it it it plays into a realistic fear too which and and the mom, I didn’t write down any of the actor and actresses names, for this, but, this this woman, she plays it really well. Like, clearly there has been tension in their family already, you know, whether it be because of this cop’s trauma from this murder case that he’s been working on or whether it’s beyond that and we just don’t know the whole story. There’s clearly been tension already and, obviously, her primary concern is protecting her kid. And you really get that in in this segment. You know, she’s her first priority is the kid and making sure that the kid’s okay. If that comes at the expense of her marriage, well, then so be it. But she’s gonna protect this kid. And she, at one point, you know, he’s already been acting weird, like he stabbed the the dad with his fork when the dad tried to take it away from him because he was eating so much and, you know, he’s just and he’s not talking, he’s not smiling. The kid’s got asthma, he’s not using his inhaler, like, all this weird stuff. And she gets this phone call from this guy she doesn’t know.

Todd:  You’re on my land, took one of my trees, and I saw your license plate. What do you want? Your boy, how is he? Something happened to him in the grove? Look, I don’t know dead. Did something happen to your boy?

Clip:  He got lost, but we found him later.

Todd:  No. You didn’t. He’s still lost.

Craig:  And the first time she hangs up on him. But then weird things continue to happen. And this movie, one of the things that I appreciate about it is that it is not afraid to go to some weird and dark places.

Todd:  Yes.

Craig:  Like, the they put the kid to bed and then the dad kind of tries to seduce the mom a little bit. Like, he’s not pushy about it, but she’s clearly not into it and so he goes off to to lay down on the couch. Well, then she’s laying in bed and all of a sudden something comes up under the blankets, and we know that it’s the kid, but it’s gross. Oh, especially when

Todd:  you see this little hand come up between her breasts. Oh, my gosh, dude.

Craig:  And and, like, he’s pleasuring her somehow, Like, this is obvious in her facial expressions and in her body language, and she wakes up and it whatever it is under there retreats so quickly that she just sees a flash of it going out the door, and she jumps up and she, looks in and you know he’s in bed, you know, just like she left him before.

Todd:  Dad’s been drinking. Oh, and we see dad flipping through, clippings, and this is where we realize, oh, yeah. He was the cop from the video.

Craig:  I don’t remember exactly when in the story this happens, but at some point the dad is snoozing on the couch and he wakes up and he sees all the presents have been opened. And so he goes in and he’s, the mom is trying to intervene, but he’s gonna spank the kid. He takes off his belt and he actually does. He he whips the kid with the belt a couple times. And and, you know, I don’t remember exactly the sequence. Maybe the bed thing happened after that. I don’t remember. But eventually, the dad is on the couch again and he hears some movement and so he goes, to check up on the kid, and he’s apologetic. He’s like, I’m really sorry. You know? This has been a rough year. I’ve been really stressed out, but I’m really trying. Meanwhile, we see the kid crawling up on the ceiling. Sealing.

Todd:  And, then we cut back to the mom and she hears something going on

Craig:  in the other room. So she gets up to go check it out and she gets a little surprised.

Todd:  Yeah. Dad is, has the belt around his neck, and his arm is his hand has been cut off. And He’s dead under the Christmas tree. Definitely dead. He’s a wrapped present. He’s got lights wrapped around him Todd. Yeah. Under the tree. So she freaks out. So she goes into the bathroom, and she grabs a bat and all this stuff, and has another gets another phone call from this guy. And he’s like, now do you believe me? And he says to her, you need to bring the changeling to the forest. But he can sense things, so you can’t let him feel like he’s threatened. And then she proceeds to do a terrible job of not letting this guy feel like he’s being threatened. She goes, I don’t know. I thought she was pretty composed for considering the circumstances. Baby is composed as you could expect her to be. She goes she’s got a giant duffel bag that she’s messing with in the hallway. She’s got her bat around the back, and, she sneaks up back on Will, and Will’s back is to her. He’s sitting down playing with something, in front of the tree. He lifts it up just a little higher, and it turns out he’s playing with that severed hand of his dad, which is not helping the mom maintain her composure. Right. Anyway, she’s like, Will, would you like to go for a ride? Let’s go for a ride, honey. But he absolutely senses something is wrong. So he gets up and slowly backs away from her, and finally lunges at her, and she whacks him with a bat across the head. And we get just this whole cat and mouse scene where she’s going after him and he’s running away. She ends up hitting him a couple more times with the bat and gets him in the bag. Right? Yeah. And, takes him to the forest, and gets to the forest, and and, you know, cuts away to another thing. And when it cuts back, she’s there at the forest and she’s meeting up with this guy. And they meet and he Basically, it turns out that this guy, he says something about how the trolls have been on my land for generations. I’m kind of their protector. I’m like their guardian. Don’t worry, they’re afraid of me. But Yeah.

Craig:  They won’t hurt you as long as I’m here.

Todd:  Exactly. So, and then all of these other little troll like creatures start to kinda come out from around the trees, and close in on him. Anyway, she freaks out, and she has a gun, Which was it, a gun she brought. Right?

Craig:  Yeah. I assume her husband’s gun, I guess. I don’t know.

Todd:  Yeah. So she has a gun, and she holds it up and is going to shoot one of these creatures. And the guy’s like, no. No. Don’t shoot it. Don’t shoot it. And she shoots, but instead she ends up killing the guy. Mhmm.

Craig:  So now her protector is dead. Yeah. At which point I thought she was totally screwed. I did too. But what what ends up happening is, the the little changeling that she brought, comes up close to her and she’s like, please, I just want my son back. Please, I just want my son back. And they’re they’re right outside this tree that they had found the sun in before and the changeling goes in there and you kind of think maybe that’s it, but then Will comes out and and so and it appears to be him. Like, he’s just in his underwear. Like, the changeling had put on his clothes when he had done his changeling thing or whatever. And they, and they just walk off together, and that’s kind of the end. And so the the sense that I got was that though this guy had been saying, oh, you know, I they’ve been on my land. It’s been my job to, you know, keep them here or whatever. It’s almost like the sense that I got was that this changeling was almost thanking her for releasing them. Does that make sense?

Todd:  It does make sense. That’s a take. I didn’t it didn’t quite occur to me, but that that actually makes more sense. My concern was probably shared by you was that the the change was just going in the tree and changing back into will. It could be. It could be, but that’s just not the way that it felt at the end.

Craig:  No. It it felt like a happy ending for these people. And most of the peep well, I mean, the dad’s dead, and how are they gonna explain that? The dad’s dead, so to speak. Only so happy, but at least the mom got her son back. Yeah. And that was nice.

Todd:  Well and unlike the other one, I mean, in a sense, this one had no this one follows your traditional, like, again, tales in the crypt twisty pattern where the guy, they did something wrong and they got punished for it. You know, they took the tree from the land, they weren’t supposed to go on, and, the dad, you know, got it for it, and they went through this experience.

Craig:  Yeah. And so and so that’s there’s that little segment. There are just 2 left if I remember correctly, and the the next one concerns this family of assholes.

Todd:  We don’t we don’t even realize how how big of asshole these family are until we get further into it.

Craig:  Right. Right. We see okay. So Caprice is the teenage daughter. She was the girlfriend of Dylan who had stolen the keys so they could get into the high school. So there’s that connection. And in the very beginning of the movie, we see them. They’re going somewhere, and they drive right by the family from the last segment that we talked about. So they’re, you know, they’re just these little connections here and there. But anyway, this family, it’s the mother and father and teenage son and probably I would guess like a 12 year old or excuse me, teenage daughter and probably like a 12 year old son. And they are going to visit their aunt who they are estranged from, and the dad claims that it’s all in the spirit of Christmas and, you know, they want to reconcile their family grievances and whatever. But they all just seem like a bunch of rich jerks, basically. They get to the old lady’s house and it’s this big, gorgeous, like, estate mansion, and they go in there and she’s this stern, like, foreign lady who just sits in her stiff back chairs, you know. It’s so stereotypical.

Todd:  You

Craig:  know? The the rich recluse aunt, who’s clearly not happy to see them. Like, the wife at some point’s like, she knows we’re coming. Right? And the dad’s like, well, it’s Christmas.

Todd:  And and his whole motivation, which she accuses him often, he claims it’s not, but it kinda turns out it is, As apparently, he has some invention or something that some business that he’s been trying to get going for the longest time, and he’s always needing more money and always needing more money for it. And he’s hoping that he can make one last pitch to her being it that it’s Christmas and all, and try to get some of her money, or at least have her leave it to him or something. I don’t know.

Craig:  Right.

Todd:  It’s a little loose, but

Craig:  Yeah. Well and and so they’re there and and, you know, she’s clearly not happy that they’re there. So the dad kinda takes her off, I guess, to talk about this investment or whatever, and that leaves the kids. And 1, the son, is playing with these tchotchkes on a shelf or a piano or something and there’s a little statue of Santa and then there’s a little statue of Krampus. And he touches the statue of Krampus, and before the ant leaves, he touches it and she’s like, don’t touch that. And so he puts it back, but then then she leaves. And then the groundskeeper, the random creepy groundskeeper comes in. There’s always a creepy groundskeeper. Right. And sees him playing with it again and, you know, he says, I don’t know what he says, you shouldn’t played with that or something.

Todd:  He’s really old or something.

Craig:  Yeah. Well, he ticks the kid off so the kid just very deliberately drops the little Krampus statue on the floor and it breaks and

Clip:  Duncan.

Todd:  That was very unwise.

Clip:  We will pay for it, of course. Pick it up. Get her.

Todd:  What have you done? I did nothing. The boy had an unfortunate accident. Take your family and leave now. No. Let’s not be here. No. I’m sorry. I feel one of my spells coming on. I I cannot entertain. Yes. Goodbye.

Craig:  So she sends them away and, they’re driving away and something big and white runs in their path and causes them to wreck and they’re stuck in the snow and they can’t get out. So they decide that they’re going to hike through the woods because that’ll be quicker to get back to the ants’ house. Big mistake.

Todd:  So, of course, it’s Krampus is after them. So the dad gets hit with something, stabbed somehow, speared. And then the boy, gets dragged away.

Craig:  With these chains. It’s it’s almost like the hellraiser chains

Todd:  that come out of nowhere. That’s right. So then it’s the mother and the daughter and the father, and they run into a church. And the father gets the idea that they have to confess their sins, that, you know, because Krampus is the anti Christmas, that if they confess their sins, then that will make him go away. And so that’s when the family just lays out how messed up they are. The the daughter’s like, well, I stole this, and I’m a kleptomaniac. And then the mother says, well, what about Dylan? You know, he’s he’s innocent. Innocent. Oh, yeah, mom. What do you think happened to all of our pets? It turns out Dylan’s a sociopath. Right. And then the mother’s, like, yelling at her at at the dad saying, well, that’s because you didn’t spend any time with him because it’s always about your business. And he’s like, business? There is no business. It’s all a sham. And it turns out that the dad has been running some Ponzi scheme all this time, just raising money to Todd pay off his debtors, and hasn’t been doing anything. But he did it all for her. Right?

Craig:  Because he loved her so much and he Yeah. Yeah. And blah blah.

Todd:  This is honestly, like, my least favorite of the stories Todd be completely fair.

Craig:  Well, the characters are also unlikable.

Todd:  Yeah. It’s melodramatic too.

Craig:  It is melodramatic, but it’s scary. And, like, there have been so many Krampus knock offs, and I say knock offs, you know, this is an ancient story. They’re all knock offs, I guess. So, you know, they kind of have this little moment where it’s like, oh, we’ve revealed ourselves Todd one another and then the chains come in and get the dad and rip him out the window. Well, guess that didn’t work. Right. And Krampus is, like, at the door. And so the mom and the daughter run into the most confined space they can find, which is, like, the confessional. So dumb. And and they’re standing in there and, like, they’re standing in there and, like, it shakes the confessional, but then it stops. And they’re standing there and they’re being quiet. And the daughter’s like, I feel something on my leg, and they shine a light down there. It’s this enormous tongue, like, licking up and down her leg. And so the mom stabs it, stabs the tongue, and then Krampus is out there, like, roaring and freaking out and the mom’s like, okay. I love you. When I open the door, you run. So she opens the door and the daughter runs to the front and Krampus faces the mom and kills her. And this is, you know, it’s a pretty it’s a pretty scary Krampus, you know. It’s it’s this big white horned devil like demon, and it looks pretty good. I mean, the I have to say, you made fun of the Industrial Light and Magic, you know No. The castle at the beginning or night Right. Whatever.

Todd:  19 nineties, you know, doom or, quake. Yeah. Castle.

Craig:  Sure. But I would say for the most part, the effects are pretty good and this monster pretty good and he’s pretty scary.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  He kills the mom and then the girl runs back to the aunt’s house and she gets there and the doors are locked and there’s big crosses up on the doors. And she runs all around, but nobody’s letting her in and eventually, Krampus shows up. And Krampus comes running at her and she falls down, but she picks up some sort of, like, post or something and holds it in front of her and Krampus just totally impales himself on the post. And so then while he is disabled, she also finds a gas can, and she douses him in gasoline. Well, then she lights

Todd:  She trips over a chainsaw to get to the gas can. Oh, I

Craig:  didn’t even see that.

Todd:  Pick that up too.

Craig:  She lights him on fire and as he’s burning, he turns into the groundskeeper Yeah. Which is weird. So then she goes inside and she’s talking to the ant and the I actually thought that this was really cool. She she’s like, why was the groundskeeper Krampus? And the the great aunt is like, well, it’s just like your dad said. He was talking about the Christmas spirit. Well, Krampus is a Christmas spirit and the Christmas spirit can get into anybody and if you have anger and hatred in your heart then that brings Krampus. And I actually thought that was really a really cool concept

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  And and one that I hadn’t seen before. But the the the daughter is like, well, wait a second. You knew that guy was pissed, so you knew he was gonna turn into Krampus so you sent us out as bait to lure us away or to lure him away from you. And the ant’s like,

Todd:  what? What?

Craig:  And the girl’s like, you did it. You totally did it. And she’s like, you don’t know what you’re talking about. And the girl goes, yes. I do. And then she turns into Krampus. Like, and it’s this kind of cool it’s not the greatest effects, but they did a good job with what they had. And, you know, she kinda turns white and dark eyed and evilly, and then she morphs completely into Krampus and, kills the ants.

Todd:  The idea was good. Again, it also very tails from the crypt, you know.

Craig:  I can tell you didn’t like it. I I liked it.

Todd:  I didn’t hate it. I just, to me, it was the weakest of the stories, but it wasn’t a bad story, you know. I just, you know, at the end of the day, it was just all these people getting hunted down by Krampus until oh, big twist, Krampus can be anybody, right, at the end. Right. But it it’s it’s it’s way more Christmas oriented, obviously, than the first story.

Craig:  So Right. Right.

Todd:  It’s good. It’s good balance.

Craig:  And and then okay. So then that leads us into the last of the stories.

Todd:  Oh, which is so cool.

Craig:  Which is my absolute favorite.

Todd:  We’re back to Santa, and and we’ve been getting obviously snippets of Santa throughout this. And this is, the the story that gets a bit humorous as well. I just love their take on Santa though, because I’ve never quite seen this either. You know, Santa’s at the North Pole, and he’s got his elves, but he’s in this big castle. It’s not a candy cane looking castle. It’s not Right. Bright and colorful. It’s it’s very industrial looking, and the inside is very much like a factory. And it’s not a cute factory, it’s like a factory factory, you know, like something out of the 19 forties or something. Yeah. And it’s decked out that way, and it’s got an art deco look to it, and it’s it’s really cool. And Santa obviously has lots of bureaucracy there where he’s got all his elves and they’re checking things. But one of the elves, what’s his name? Sparkles or something?

Craig:  I don’t know. Something like that. Sure.

Todd:  Is a little twitchy and weird, and he’s like, what’s going on? And missus Claus comes in, and missus Claus is, like, young and strapping, which again was very, very interesting. I don’t know. Is this, like, Santa’s second missus Claus?

Craig:  I don’t know, Todd.

Todd:  I don’t know about Santa’s marital history. I did kinda wonder if he maybe traded up at at some point. Anyway, I don’t even remember how it happens because I think it happens rather suddenly that, Santa comes in, and the whole factory is just empty. And their boxes overturned and things everywhere. And he says to missus Claus that the the elves are infected. It’s that one

Craig:  Yeah. Okay. I I have to go back just a little bit because it’s not No.

Todd:  It’s a

Craig:  sparkling I I I no. I think there is a sparkles, but I think that it’s shiny.

Todd:  That it’s the first one.

Craig:  He’s he’s acting weird. And one of the reasons he’s acting weird is because missus Claus offers him a cookie, and he doesn’t want it.

Todd:  Take a break, everyone. Hey, missus Claus. Even Christmas magic needs a little fuel. Cookie wishes. Have a cookie shiny. No. I

Clip:  I don’t know. No. Thank you.

Todd:  It’ll keep your strength up for the long shift.

Craig:  Come on.

Todd:  Not hungry. I’m not hungry.

Clip:  Not hungry? They’re cookies. You’re being silly, Shiny. You know how much you love my cookies. I said I don’t want a goddamn cookie. You ring that fucking so hard.

Craig:  The best part about it is their dialogue. And so much of it is just kind of in the background and, like, you really have to listen to what they’re saying. And eventually, they all all, you know, like you said, he he tells his wife he’s afraid that they’re all gonna get infected and he’s like she’s like, Well, there’s no explanation for that. And Santa’s like, ‘You’re right. There’s not unless he’s behind it.’ And then all the elves turn into zombies and it’s just chaos. But it is it’s one of the funniest things that I’ve ever seen. It’s so funny.

Todd:  It’s an action film at this point, and Santa’s just going to town with as he picks up his staff, which reminded me of the staff in Cent. You remember that?

Craig:  Mhmm. Mhmm.

Todd:  It’s kinda curly q at the end. It’s it’s sharp. He sharpens the staff on the fireplace. It’s like this is this is like it’s almost like Santa’s had to do this before. Is is Santa’s attitude. He’s just a business like guy. He knows what he’s gotta do, and he’s just gonna go do it. And so he makes no qualms about going through and just absolutely massacring these elves as they’re attacking him. He’s like, not you too sparkles and stuff like that. It’s the meantime that the elves are, like, cursing and swearing, like, coming at them like rabid wolves, and he’s taken them out. And they really spare no expense on this. I mean, the budget for this whole sequence had to exceed the budget of the rest of the film. The set design is awesome. The the practical effects are cool. There’s obviously some CGI in there. The lighting, the the shooting, it’s just exciting. It’s really fun.

Craig:  Yeah. And there’s there’s not a whole lot to it. I mean, we keep like we said earlier, the movie keeps cutting back and forth between these different stories. And every time we come back to this story, it’s really just Santa battling It’s more of the same. It’s just it’s more of the same. But you really want it. So fun. Yeah. Like, every time every time it’s so fun.

Todd:  It’s like a little Christmas present. Every time it cuts back to it, you’re like, oh, yeah. More of this. There are

Craig:  all these different scenes of him slaughtering these elves all over the place. There’s a a great scene where he gets into the elevator and, like, he pushes the closed door and it starts to close and then you see all these elves come run around the corner and one of them gets in, before the door is closed in this. So then several of them get in and then the doors close and then you just see the door open on the next floor and it’s just his staff just dripping with blood and him just standing Body parts. And every time he’s, you know, getting these elves, they are just saying the most crass horrible things and it’s so funny to hear it in their little elfie voices. It’s so funny, But it’s also, ultimately, when the reveal is revealed, it’s so clever Yeah. Because I don’t know how I didn’t see it coming. I don’t know how I didn’t see it coming.

Todd:  Really? I couldn’t see it. No. I couldn’t seen this coming from a mile away. No. I didn’t see it coming. Oh my god. I don’t know how you could have seen it coming.

Craig:  Well, because I’ve seen it three times and you can. Okay. So there there’s Todd of there’s all this carnage. And, ultimately, when it seems like he’s got about all the elves killed, then he’s looking for his wife and he finds her, but she’s in shadow. And it turns out that she’s been turned to or like she’s turning and, so he has to kill her. And that’s when we end up back at the beginning of the movie where he’s with the reindeer and something is, rattling the doors and he’s like, I guess it’s about time to settle this. And Krampus,

Todd:  burst through the doors. Yep.

Craig:  And they they have this great great battle like it’s an excellent fight

Todd:  scene. It’s like a Mortal Kombat showdown. Yeah.

Craig:  Yeah. It’s fantastic and and it looks like Krampus is going to win, but then at the very last moment, Santa kind of gets the advantage. He goes and he’s gonna deliver the the final blow and all of a sudden Krampus says, Norman, please don’t do this. Please don’t kill me, in a totally human normal voice. And

Todd:  all of a

Craig:  sudden, we flash out of the North Pole and we’re in the mall and Santa is a mall Santa threatening some little meek mall employee, and we see all of this carnage all around him. And the big reveal is that what has happened is that this whole Santa segment has been a delusion in this guy’s mind. Mhmm. And and, God, I swear to Todd, it took me until the 3rd time watching it. But in the very beginning, when Shatner says we’re gonna send our guy Norman to the mall.

Todd:  Norman. Norman. Oh.

Craig:  And and he says we’re gonna send our guy Norman to the mall. How you doing, Norman? And Norman takes this piece of paper and puts it up in on the window that says Christmas, and then he storms out. It’s him. It’s the guy. So this is Norman the weatherman who has had some kind of psychotic break and has and and we see it, you know, like it kind of flashes back and we see him standing in front of the bathroom mirror, and he’s kind of freaking out. But then he puts on his Santa stuff and he goes out into the mall. And then it does all of these

Todd:  charles. Yeah.

Craig:  Yes. Of of things that we’ve seen, like, of him coming out of the elevator. Well, it’s the elevator in the mall and, like, that’s why Santa’s workshop seemed so industrial is because it was all taking place in a mall. Mhmm. And he’s just been slaughtering these mall employees and mall patrons throughout the whole thing. Then ultimately, in the end, the cops come in and gun him down. But, oh, I just thought it was such a good twist. And the first time that I saw it, like, my jaw was on the floor, like Yeah. Holy crap. That is the coolest concept ever. It’s so satisfying. Idea. Yeah.

Todd:  And it’s cool because it incorporated Krampus, you know, which we had seen in an earlier segment. So it keeps itself pretty well hidden through the whole thing, but you’re right. I guess if you I mean, there were times in which William Shatner is was talking about there were there were things going on at the mall. Right. It was later in the movie where you realize, yeah, something’s something’s going on. He says the cops are there. Please just stay inside. Please stay inside. And he’s going through his own little breakdown too. What the hell is it about Christmas, Bailey Downs? Did we cruise Todd something? Why does this season of love and peace and goodwill keep ending in blood and death and horror? You keep the spirit in your heart. You hear me, people. You hug your loved ones, and you keep them close, and you treat them every Christmas like it might be your last. I thought it was just like trick or treat in that way, in that Mhmm. Trick or treat feels like this the Todd, whatever the name of it was, felt like a special Halloween kind of town.

Craig:  Right. Right.

Todd:  It has this history with Halloween, and they set up this Bailey Downs as the same kind of thing that has this history, this dark history with Christmas that these terrible things always happen. And it’s been a while since I’ve seen Ginger Snaps. I don’t know if there are parallels there Todd, but, yeah. Oh, my gosh, dude. I I freaking love this movie, and it was legitimately scary.

Craig:  Yeah. Oh, it’s really good. I I do I wanna take a moment to say that Santa slash Norman was played by George Buza or Buzza or however you pronounce that, who we’ve seen in so many things, but he just, like I I feel like this was the role that he was born

Todd:  to play.

Craig:  To play. He’s been in a million things, but he’s as Santa because that’s how we see him mostly in here, he’s almost unrecognizable and and I’ve loved him in so many things. He usually plays small supporting roles, but in this, he kind of takes center stage and he just does such a good job. Like you said, it it really is scary. It doesn’t feel cheap. You know, it’s it’s really well it’s really well written. The stories, even though ultimately the connections are insignificant, like, they they really don’t matter, I still appreciate the fact that they were all interwoven together. I just this this is going to be a movie that I will watch every year. I I I just think it’s fantastic.

Todd:  It really is. I I don’t know how it’s taken us 2 years to find this. I I I do know how. It’s because I don’t think it got a theatrical release. I’m looking, and I’m trying to find, that it has, and I can’t see any box office numbers or anything on IMDB. And the if it was straight to video, it doesn’t deserve to be straight to video. But it looks like, you know, from the from the art that you see on the cover and from what we saw at Netflix, it looks like some cheap knock off. Right. It’s just poorly presented. Honestly, poorly marketed or something. It’s not rated. So if it’s not rated, it’s clearly hasn’t had a box office release. But it’s it’s it’s won some awards. I hope people discover this film, and really boost it up because it deserves every little bit of it. It’s scary. It’s fun. It’s full of the holiday spirit. It’s directly related to Christmas. And in so many ways, it’s very original.

Craig:  And it takes risks. Yes. It’s risky. I love it. I it’s great. I can’t say enough about it. It’s really good. Well, what a way

Todd:  to end the holiday season, Yeah. Thanks again for listening to another episode. If you enjoyed this one, please share it with a friend. You can find us on Google Play, Stitcher, iTunes. You can also find us on Facebook where you can like our page, share it with friends, tell them more about the movies we do, tell us about what you think of our episodes, and what movies you’d like us to review in the future. Until next time. I’m Todd. And I’m Craig. With 2 Guys and a Chainsaw.