Mausoleum (1983)

Episode 490, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Poscast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw I’m Todd. 

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd: For this week’s, uh, episode, I went to ChatGPT, and I was going between two movies. I- gosh, I don’t remember what the other one was off the top of my head, but it was a slasher from the ’80s, ’cause I’m just in this mood for these early ’80s slashers.

We’ve done quite a few of them in a row here. And this one, which I knew was more supernatural, and I thought, “Well, we could shake it up,” but I, I would really kinda like to see the better one. And ChatGPT recommended we go with Mausoleum from 1983 instead of the slasher that I had because it said, “Honestly, I think this one’s gonna be way, way more fun for you to talk about in your podcast because it’s it’s pretty nuts.”

Craig: Fair. 

Todd: And, uh, I have to say, sometimes ChatGPT is right on the money. 

Craig: Sometimes. 

Todd: Yeah. This is gonna be a blast to chat about. This is, uh, Mausoleum from 1983. It’s just been on my list for a very long time. Glad to finally tick it off, and I can’t wait to talk about it. 

Craig: I’m glad you’re excited. 

Todd: How about you, uh, Craig?

Do you have any history with this at all? 

Craig: Absolutely not. Had never heard of it. Can’t imagine. I, I mean, I guess. I mean, it was really early ’80s, so I would’ve been, like, four, uh- Yeah, of course … when it came out. So when it was on video, it probably seemed old to me. I don’t know. And, and it’s not super easy to find.

No. I found it on the Roku Channel. Hmm. So you can find it. I didn’t even check YouTube. It’s pr- it may be on YouTube as well. It wouldn’t surprise me. But it’s interesting. 

Todd: Interesting it is. It has some interesting history behind it too. Apparently, this was, um, partially, at least partially mob funded. One of the most famous, uh, mobsters actually.

He’s out there. He, he was in prison for a while. He found Jesus, like, in the early ’90s, and then when he got out of prison, he started, basically, he wrote a book about how bad it is to be a mobster and how awful the mafia is. He went out on, on speaking engagements and talking and the faith circuit and all this stuff.

And now he actually has a pretty cool, actually, YouTube channel that’s very active right now and talking about the, the underworld, the mob, the mafia, that kind of thing. And, uh, this guy’s name is Michael Franzese. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him. Former mobster who was a capo regime in the Colombo crime family in New York City, and this was one of his earlier efforts to legitimize some of his businesses, but a lot of it was la- money laundering as well.

Interestingly, then there turned out to be, I think, after that, probably because of this, a number of legal disputes over who originally owned the rights to the story, who owns the rights to the film production. I don’t know how those were all settled, but there, quite a few people involved went in to try to take, take a piece of this.

And yeah, it made, like, $1.3 million. Really? Yeah, it wasn’t huge, but it had a very limited theatrical release and then of course it went to laser disc and VHS and DVD eventually. It got a Vinegar Syndrome cleanup and re-release that apparently sold out in 24 hours. 

Craig: Oh my gosh. 

Todd: Yeah. So this movie’s got its fans, and I can see why.

This movie is one of those so bad it’s funny movies. Honestly, I think it’s right there smack dab in the middle of that spectrum. If you watch this with your friends, you will just laugh at the absurdity of most of it. 

Craig: Yeah, it’s silly and I, you know, uh, there are certainly parts of it that could never air on TV, but it, it felt very much kind of like a movie of the week.

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: You know? Like a scary movie of the week. There was something about it, I was kind of surprised to see that it came out in 1983 because it has a really late ’70s feel to me. Mm. At one point they even go to, like, what I would only describe as a disco. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And the, the fashion kind of looks ’70s and I don’t know, it just had kind of a TV q- the, the effects had kind of a TV quality or maybe even, like, those early Disney movies like- 

Clip: Mm-hmm

Craig: Watcher In The Woods or Lady In White or whatever. Like, those types of effects that at the time I’m sure looked great but, you know, these days look very dated. But I agree with you that I can kind of see why this movie would have its fans, because I think if I had seen it when I was a kid, I would have a lot of nostalgia for it.

‘Cause it is weird and goofy, and there’s boobs in it, and like crazy stuff going on. So I get it. But I, I, I bet a large part of that audience is people who grew up with it, would be my bet. 

Todd: Yeah. I almost liken it to some of the Richard Tenney movies, like, um, in the ’90s. So this is early ’80s, but in the early ’90s he was doing like Night of the Demons and Witchboard.

Witchboard in particular- 

Craig: Okay. Yeah … 

Todd: with just like really bad acting and really silly supernatural nonsense. 

Craig: I can see that. 

Todd: Corny, you know, in many ways and, and very basic and simple, but they have a charm that we kinda like, you know? I think we’re big fans of Witchboard, even though we would not say it’s a- 

Craig: Yeah

Todd: it’s a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. 

Craig: No, it’s a bad movie, but I grew up with it and I, yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. This, this seems like just an earlier one of those along those lines, and you can tell they probably had a lot of fun making it. And, uh- I can see 

Craig: that … 

Todd: and so for that I really enjoyed watching it.

I think I would’ve enjoyed watching it a lot more if you’d been there with me and- Yeah. You know, there’s even some, some stars in here, a couple. The, this one woman, Lawanda Page, was on Sanford and Sons. 

Clip: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: You know, she was the aunt in Sanford and Sons for the whole run of that, and, uh, in quite a few movies and all over television, so you know, I recognized her.

It was weird seeing her in this because it doesn’t do her much credit. You know? She, the directing is lousy and so her performance doesn’t come off as great, but that’s not her fault. 

Craig: I thought she was hilarious. She was one of my favorite parts of the movie. 

Todd: Oh, she was. 

Craig: She just, she just came in to drop stupid one-liners.

Ugh. We’ll, we’ll get there. We will. She, she was funny though. 

Todd: And then Bobby Bressi Who unfortunately, this was just one of the few… She seems to have had promise to be an early s- to, to be a scream queen. 

Craig: Uh-huh. 

Todd: And she r- apparently really wanted to. She was embracing her role in these horror movies and said, “I, you know, I could be doing this forever.

I wouldn’t mind. If I get old, then I’ll, I’ll be a witch or a villain or something in these. I, I don’t care. I like that about it.” Unfortunately, she r- didn’t end up being in too many. This was one of her first, and aside from, uh, let’s see, what else was she in? She was in Surf Nazis Must Die, that Troma movie.

A movie called Evil Spawn, both in 1987, and that was pretty much it, so she didn’t get very… Oh, and she was in Ghoulies. She was the temptress in Ghoulies a c- a year after this. Oh, 

Craig: okay. 

Todd: So she had four- 

Craig: Yeah … 

Todd: four movies and s- they were, they were… Ghoulies is famous and Surf Nazis Must Die has its followers and is, is pretty well known, so, uh, she, she gave it her all.

But man- 

Craig: She looks a lot to me like, uh, Barbara Crampton, and- 

Todd: Yes … 

Craig: you know, it’s too bad that she, uh, didn’t get more stuff. ‘Cause I, I mean, she was fine in this movie. I liked her. She’s very beautiful. 

Todd: Oh, yeah. She’s got a great body, and you see a lot of it- 

Craig: Yeah … 

Todd: over 

Craig: and over again. She was a Playmate, wasn’t she?

Todd: Yeah, she was. I’m 

Craig: pretty sure she… Yeah. 

Todd: She didn’t mind. One time Playmate bunny. Was a music teacher before that. Oh, the places our lives take us in our careers. 

Craig: Right? Well, I read that the guy that played her husband was, like, a child evangelist. 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: Did you read that? It 

Todd: is so nuts. Isn’t that 

Craig: weird?

Todd: Traveling around the country. Did you recognize him from anything else? 

Craig: No. 

Todd: Oh, God. I looked at him and I was like, “Oh my God, this is the guy from Starcrash.” Have you ever seen Starcrash? 

Craig: No. Uh- 

Todd: 1978. Is it a Roger Corman movie, or is it one of his protege? Nope. It’s an Italian film by Luigi Cozzi, but it is a Star Wars knockoff that you must be seen to be believed.

It is so out there that it is a blast, and he stars in that as Akton, a star god. David Hasselhoff and Christopher Plummer are in that movie. I mean- Oh 

Craig: my gosh … 

Todd: you really, you need to go out and see Starcrash sometime when you’re bored at home. You will have a blast. And he’s just… He’s in that movie, he’s just like he is in this movie.

The guy can’t help but crack a smile most of the time- … no matter what’s going on, right? He smiles. Like, the most serious stuff is happening to him, and he seems like, eh, half the time he’s kinda pretty willing to go along with it. Never too concerned. Yeah. Which isn’t good for this role that he’s in, honestly.

He needed to display a little more range, I’m afraid. But yeah, Marjoe Gortner. What a name. Wow. And our other famous person in here, uh, probably the most famous, is Norman Burton. He was the, uh, psychiatrist in here, and this guy’s been in Planet of the Apes, the James Bond movies, The Towering Inferno, he was in Bloodsport, the, all over television in the ’80s.

I mean, this guy’s got a ton of credits to his name, and he’s very, I think very recognizable, so… Yeah, so this, uh, oddly enough, this movie has some star power, and that’s what we see in a lot of these early horror movies, isn’t it? Like, these people come over from television and do these movies that are…

You, you wonder what they’re doing there. I guess the answer is the mob calls in its favors. Yeah. Yes. Working, yeah, making money in between bigger projects. So anyway, Mausoleum. By the way, did you find it interesting that the credits were so zoomy in the very beginning? 

Craig: Uh- 

Todd: Did that bother you? 

Craig: No, I don’t remember.

I just remember that it was, like, over a cemetery and that it looked like TV, like- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: that era TV credits. 

Todd: It… Yeah, just, like, red text on a, right in- Uh-huh … the middle of the screen. But then after it had displayed, it would, like, zoom towards the camera like it’s- 

Craig: Oh, no. I didn’t notice … 

Todd: like this is a sci-fi movie or something like that.

Every time, zoom towards the camera. I was like, “Well, that was a choice.” But anyway, Susan, this little, this young, young girl is crying at the grave of her mother, and there’s this woman beside her who we later learn is her aunt, uh, this, her mother’s sister named Cora. 

Craig: Right. 

Todd: I didn’t rec- really recognize her.

I don’t think she’s been in too much. 

Craig: No, I didn’t either. I just, I read that she, uh… We quickly jump in time, and the woman who plays Cora is actually younger than the woman who plays adult Susan. Yeah. 

Todd: It’s kind of funny. That’s funny. Yeah. The woman, Bobbi Bresee, they say that she’s, like, 30 in the movie.

This woman, I’m sorry, like, she’s beautiful and she’s very young, but she looks older than 30. 

Craig: Yeah, she does. 

Todd: Yeah. Anyway, but this girl’s young. What, uh, what would you say? She’s, like, 12 or something maybe? 

Craig: I don’t know. 

Todd: 13? Yeah, 

Craig: m- 

Todd: right. Maybe. 

Craig: Probably. 

Todd: And they’re in broad daylight. She’s crying. You know, the funeral’s just ended.

Clip: Let’s go home. I’m not going home. I’m going to your house. That’s right. My house is gonna be your home until you’re old enough to inherit your mother’s estate. Now

Todd: let’s get in the car And she doesn’t like that idea at all, and she starts crying, and she runs across the cemetery away from her. And m- the way that Cora reacts, you would think this little girl just jumped off a cliff. 

Craig: I know. She goes, “Not Susan!” And I was like, “What are you talking about?” 

Todd: Well, she just ran away from you a little ways.

She’s still there. 

Craig: Right. 

Todd: But, but we don’t see her again. She clearly doesn’t pursue her or anything, ’cause now- Yeah … Susan’s alone in the graveyard, and she’s stopping and staring at a lot of things for a while. And then there’s this giant building. Now, I had a really hard time sorting out what was going on with this giant building.

Craig: Yeah, I don’t know what’s happening here. At first I thought it was supposed to be on fire, and it was just really bad effects. 

Todd: Uh-huh. 

Craig: There’s a lot of… God, every time I talk about this I have to ask you, ’cause I can never remember what it is, but like I, I, I wanna call them like overlay effects, like where you’re laying one film over the other.

Like, that’s what this looks like. 

Todd: Yeah, optical effects is what they’re called. 

Craig: Yeah, it looks like there’s a f- you know, it looks like there’s a frame of the building, and then they’ve laid another, you know, frame of this weird fire thing over it or whatever. But it’s not burning, so I, I don’t know if she just envisions that it’s burning or who knows.

Todd: Who knows? It’s so weird. I thought maybe it had materialized mysteriously or something, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

Craig: No, because it’s a mausoleum that apparently has been there for- God knows how long, and it’s- 

Todd: It belongs to their family. 

Craig: It, I guess it belongs to their family, and they… And it’s like every time you see it pretty much, it’s lit in purple and green.

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: Like, pretty much all the time. 

Todd: Always it’s glowing green from the inside. I mean, if you, if you were anywhere near this graveyard, this would be a suspect building you’d wanna take care of at 

Craig: some- You would think. It looks like there’s a rave going on in there. Um. And 

Todd: there’s smoke. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Just suddenly smoke just pouring out of this building and the, the bushes around it and across the thing behind her.

And what was it? Did it s- was it supposed to have started raining at that point? Because- 

Craig: Maybe … 

Todd: as she walks toward the front door, we get a view from like the top of the steps or out the window of the building or something. And honestly, as she’s walking towards, it looks like there’s some guy off camera like with a hose that…

This thumb over the end of it, just sorta spraying some water. And I wasn’t sure if that was just some weird shit coming from the building, or if that was supposed to pass for it is now suddenly raining. 

Craig: I have no idea. Oh, it was nuts. But she, she walks in there and, like, I guess, I don’t know, like the locks or bolts on the crypt or something explode, and there’s a big iron name arch, with the name Nomed-

which it takes about a half a second to realize is demon spelled backwards. It’s like in Troll 2 when they go to the town and it’s Nilbog. 

Todd: Yeah. I know. 

Craig: Oh my God. So dumb. And, and she’s, she’s like in there and just standing there looking at something and a caretaker or something walks in. 

Todd: Oh, she goes inside.

I mean, when she walks inside this building, she has to go down like a passageway- 

Craig: I don’t know … 

Todd: that gets smaller and smaller and smaller. It’s like bricks and stuff around her. It totally doesn’t at all match the outside. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah, she’s like 

Craig: in the inner- ‘Cause it just looks like a… I mean, it’s a big mausoleum, but it’s not like a, a big building.

Todd: No. Yeah. It doesn’t, and it doesn’t look that old either. Like this, this makes it looks ancient and- 

Craig: Yeah, right, like some kind of like, uh, altar or, or something. 

Todd: Yeah. She’s like in this inner sanctum facing a… Well, s- filled with rats by the way. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: That’s another problem they’d have to take care of at that graveyard.

Craig: But like it, but she’s just standing there and she’s all kind of lit in green, whatever, and the caretaker comes in and is like, “You can’t be in here little girl.” But then he looks like over her shoulder and we see a shadow. There’s somebody else in there, and the shadow like raises its arms or something and the caretaker freaks out and runs out- Hic

because his head starts hurting, and he runs out- Into the graveyard outdoors and his head explodes 

Todd: Yeah. Like the top, just the top part. Just like a little bit off his scalp. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: But it’s enough, and falls down. 

Craig: Then her eyes glow green. Yeah. And this is a recurring motif. This is when you know that she’s demoning out or whatever.

I started putting in my notes, “And then she green-eyed him,” like- “… 

Todd: then 

Craig: Susan green-eyed him and his head exploded.” Yeah. But her eyes glow green and she pricks her fingers on the tomb and it bleeds, and that, I guess, opens the tomb and, like, the top cover slides away a little bit and a clawed hand rises out.

And then it cuts to 10 years later and she’s with her therapist or whatever. 

Todd: Well, Cora’s talking with the therapist. She’s still worried about Susan. 

Craig: Oh, right, right, right. 

Clip: I’ve been treating Ernie since she was a child. Her behavior’s been normal for over 10 years now, Cora. Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with Susan.

Look, Simon, what happened to my sister and to the Nomed family is not my imagination. Here’s my father’s diary. I have hesitated to show it to anyone over the years, even to you It’s my family history. Read it, Simon. I am aware of the superstition and mythology that surrounds your family, Cora. You have a very active imagination.

I deal in reality. Are you afraid to read it? 

Todd: You say this every year at the anniversary of your sister’s death, and Susan’s gonna be fine. I’ve been seeing her this whole time. And she hands him a printed book. 

Craig: Here, read this. It’s our family history. 

Todd: The Nihmad family or whatever, but I guess it’s- … it’s a diary?

I don’t know. Like, who 

Craig: knows? 

Todd: And he says she’s grown now, she’s married, she has no issues, just let her lead her own life. But at the same time, adult Susan, Bobby Bressi, is visiting the grave. And then, and again, looks up and feels called to the mausoleum. Which makes me wonder, does this happen every year when she goes to the visit the grave?

Craig: I don’t know. 

Todd: Like- ‘

Craig: Cause that’s what he says. Like sh- the, the aunt’s like, “She’s acting just like her mother did right before she died.” And the doctor’s like, “Yeah, yeah, you say that every year.” So I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe this happens every year. I don’t know why this year is different. But yeah, I mean, she goes there and she has, like, mausoleum flashbacks to things that we had just seen.

Todd: Mm-hmm. And- 

Craig: And then, I don’t know, we get a little bit of exposition or something. 

Todd: Yeah, there’s like… Almost like the, the doctor is reading something out of that book or whatever, and it says something about no Nihmad woman may entertain the idea of entering the mausoleum of the Nihmad family tomb, and if the demon is released, it can only be returned to rest by the firstborn putting a crown of thorns on the demon’s head, and I don’t know, all this stuff.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Meanwhile, Susan’s going back in. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And then it cuts to her back at home 

Craig: Yeah, just… So she walks in there and nothing happens, then it immediately just cuts to her husband, Oliver, waking her up on the couch. I’m like- 

Todd: Yeah. It’s 

Craig: just- It, it’s, it’s choppy … 

Todd: it’s very choppy. There’s a lot of these quick cuts from something to something completely different when you would think there’d be more of a transition or something in, in between.

I’d have to say, this family mausoleum needs better locks on the doors. 

Craig: Right? 

Todd: Uh, I’m surprised that only she has been the one to go in and out of it s- so easily. Yeah, so anyway, she’s in the house, and there’s this guy, Ben, who is their gardener, who’s creeping in the windows. Her- she’s there with her husband, he’s chatting with her.

Again, her husband played by Marjoe Gortner. His name is Oliver. And there’s this gardener of theirs who’s peeking in the window at them, and he starts acting kinda weird. Like, “Would you have this gardener around?” 

Craig: No. I mean, he’s… It, it’s played for comedy in other movies like The Money Pit. Do you remember that movie?

Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Um, with Shelley Long and Tom Hanks. And Tom Hanks, yeah. And, like, you know, Shelley Long’s, like, getting ready in the morning and all of the construction workers are, like- Watching her through the window … leering in at her, right? But this is just creepy. Like, he’s, he’s super creepy and, uh, I don’t remember if it’s…

It, it’s not this part. He c- he comes back later. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: But he’s, he’s just too kind of familiar with her, and, like, it’s obvious that he’s ogling her. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s, it’s hilariously obvious. 

Craig: She wants to go to a club and dance, so they do. They go to a club and they dance, and some weird, big guy is ogling her there.

Todd: I say young Kenny Rogers, right? He’s- 

Craig: Middle-aged Kenny Rogers, maybe. 

Todd: Middle-aged Kenny Rogers is looking at Susan and, and, uh, his girlfriend who’s there is like, “You’re looking at that girl. I’m gonna leave.” So she runs off, and he doesn’t give a shit. 

Craig: Uh-uh. 

Todd: And then, uh, Susan, like, and her husband start dancing, and immediately somebody runs over to him and says, “Hey, sir, you have a phone call,” right there on the dance floor.

You 

Craig: have a phone call at the club. 

Todd: At the club, yeah. So, uh, somebody there knows you and is gonna grab you at the dance floor. So he runs away, and she’s still there, and that l- allows Kenny Rogers to edge in, which doesn’t go well because he’s stupid, and he starts manhandling her. Yes. Just, like, overtly manhandling her, and she runs away and he just stands there.

In the meantime, Oliver’s on the phone going, “Oh, so the contracts are ready? That’s great. All right, we’ll be right there.” He comes back in, and she’s sat down by then, says, uh, “Sorry, babe, we gotta go. The contracts are ready.” This is such an odd club. It looks more like an old-fashioned steakhouse to me, but, uh-

I don’t 

Craig: know. It does kinda look like a dinner club, yeah. 

Todd: Just it’s so typical in movies, right? So somebody’ll just… They’ll get right to the restaurant, they get right to the bar, they’re there for, like, three minutes, and then they have to go. So they go, and, uh, stand outside. There’s another couple that’s just awkwardly hanging around.

The camera frames them way too much. Uh, they’re supposed to be extras. They don’t say anything or whatever. Yeah. But they’re too prominently in the frame. Ugh. 

Craig: Right. 

Todd: Kenny Rogers ru- comes stumbling out like he’s drunk, and runs over and bumps into each one of them. I mean, he, he can’t even act drunk. He just looks- No

like he’s, he’s heading straight for each of their shoulders. 

Craig: It looked like he was intentionally trying to tackle her. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s awful. And he goes off to his car, and the, the two of them, like, kinda creep along up the road. They’re waiting for their car to get pulled over or something like that. And the other couple just kinda walks along next to them.

I thought- Oh, 

Craig: I didn’t notice that … 

Todd: were they just friends of the filmmakers? Did they get… Was there a little bit of pay to get, get a credit in this movie or something like that? It’s just so awkward having that other couple there. But anyway, suddenly they look over at this man, and they’re very, very alarmed.

And when we go back to, to see what’s going on in the parking lot, this guy’s car is not starting. We then turn back to her, and we see a freeze frame of her That zooms in on her, and her eyes are glowing green, and we get the woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo kind of sound effect. And when we look back at the car, this guy’s car has caught fire.

The backseat has caught fire. And her husband runs over to help, and this guy either doesn’t wanna be helped or can’t be helped or- 

Craig: No, he’s trying to get out, but he can’t get out 

Todd: Oh, you think that the- Um … doors are locked or s- 

Craig: Yeah, well, he can’t get out, so I assume so, ’cause she green-eyed him, and then it explodes.

So he’s dead. 

Todd: It’s pretty awful effects. 

Craig: Eh, it’s okay. But hey, fun fact real quick. I saw Kenny Rogers in concert. He was really good. 

Todd: Oh, did 

Craig: you? 

Todd: I’ll bet he was. Love that 

Craig: guy. He was. Uh, it was a good time . 

Todd: Is he still alive? He, he died not, not 

Craig: that long ago, did he? No, he died a, he died a while back. 

Todd: I like that one he did with Dolly Parton.

What was that one, the real famous 

Craig: one? Islands in the Stream. Oh my God. Classic. So good. It’s one of my favorite songs. 

Todd: Oh, man. 

Craig: Yeah, okay, so then we meet Elsie the housekeeper briefly, and then she leaves. I, I think Oliver’s gone at work, and I don’t re- remember where Elsie goes. Um- Shopping … anyway, but she’s gone.

And so then creepy Ben, the gardener, comes back and he comes in the house, and she’s by herself, and she’s always in the house just lounging around in sexy lingerie. Mm. Like, like some sort, like some sort of very, very low-cut negligee with, like, something over it, like, like a loose thing over it. 

Todd: Just like Tawny Kitaen in, uh, Witchboard.

Craig: Right. Exactly. 

Todd: Exactly. 

Craig: You know, just, just regular loungewear . 

Todd: Yeah, you know, as, as you do. I was married for a while. I know exactly how… I wish. 

Craig: And he comes in and he’s creepy, and like he’s st- standing too close to her, and she gives him coffee or whatever, and she’s clearly uncomfortable and is like, “Okay, go away now.”

And then he goes back out and he’s chomp- chopping with an ax at this stump for an inordinate amount of time And she green-eyes him, but the only thing that happens is the doors rattle, and he runs back up to the house and is like, “Are you okay?” And she’s like, “Yeah, I’m fine.” And then he goes about his day, and we get to see all of it.

Todd: We get to see all of 

Craig: his day. So, 

Todd: yeah. There should have been music behind this. It could have been a little montage, but it wasn’t. 

Craig: He, he sharpens his ax, and he takes a nap on the dock. Yeah. And he, like- Reads a book about gardening … you know, just goes about, reads, 

Todd: reads a book about gardening- 

Craig: Awkwardly

while he eats his lunch. Yeah. 

Todd: Oh. Yeah. Sitting on a swing and… 

Craig: I mean, it’s just kind of a day in the life kind of moment. 

Todd: Exactly. 

Craig: And then he goes back to chomp, chopping his stump. 

Todd: Chop, chopping his stump. He’s gonna be chopping a stump in a little bit, isn’t he? 

Craig: And, uh, and, and we see her in her upstairs bedroom standing fully nude in front of her mirror.

Todd: That was shocking. Just, like, cut to boom, totally naked woman- Mm-hmm … in front of the mirror. Usually there’s some build-up to that. 

Craig: You know, if, if I looked… If I were a woman and I looked like her, I would just walk around naked all the time. I mean, she looks- I 

Todd: know … 

Craig: fantastic. 

Todd: She does. 

Craig: And then she very skillfully wraps herself in a very small towel.

Todd: It’s a requirement when you have a body like this. You got- you have to learn how to do stuff like that. 

Craig: God, that took some practice, and, like, it was even… Like, she, she made it so, like, the, the hemline looked good and chic. I was impressed. 

Todd: Yeah. It’s a fashion towel. Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. And then he’s out there chopping his stump, and she walks out on the, uh, she walks out on the balcony and just stares at him, and he’s looking up staring at her, and then she just kinda…

Well, first of all, she, like, seductively, like, runs her fingers over her body and stuff, and then She drops the towel down to her waist What happens after that? I don’t remember. Oh, he- does he come up or does she go down? I don’t remember. 

Todd: I’m not sure because it shows the glass, that she’s left a wine glass on the edge.

We get a very close-up look on the wine glass. We hear that high-pitched hum again, like when she green-eyes people. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And then the wine glass breaks, and it fades to black. So my feeling about this was, oh, he went inside up with her. She did some green-eye thing to him, and that’s the implication is- 

Craig: Well, I don’t know ’cause she takes him to the garage and bangs him.

Todd: She does that later, yeah. Now it’s night, and they’re out on the patio, and she’s like, “You didn’t bring back your cup. Maybe we should go look for it. Where could it be?” And he’s like, “Is it upstairs?” And she’s like, “Mm-mm.” He’s like, “Is it out in the woods?” “Mm-mm. I think it might be in the garage.” And he’s like, “Oh yeah, good idea.”

So she leads him to the garage, and she goes nuts on this guy. There’s some gross bed in the garage. Like, what garage is this? 

Clip: I don’t 

Todd: know. What are they doing there? But it’s like, there’s just this nasty bed covered in moving blankets and things and that’s where they do it. And when they’re done, she’s laying on her side facing away from him, but we get a close-up on her and we can see her eyes are glowing.

Mm-hmm. And he’s ready to go at it again, and he’s like, “God, you, you really scratched me hard.” He lifts up his arm and he has three of the deepest gashes you could possibly have- Mm-hmm … on his arm. And, uh, he’s like, “Are you asleep?” And she says, “I never sleep.” And she turns over, and now she has demon hands. We see her demon hands.

We see her demon face. She picks up a gardening tool. She scratches over his face with her f- long-ass fingernails now, and then stabs him repeatedly with the tool. And actually, I don’t… I’m not sure we see her demon face just yet. We definitely see a shadow of her transformed- 

Craig: Yeah … 

Todd: right after she’s done tearing this guy up.

So now we can see that she can full on take the form of a demon. 

Craig: Yeah, and then Oliver comes home, and she bangs him, too. 

Todd: Yeah. How about Oliver’s car, by the way? I didn’t even notice. I’m not a car 

Craig: guy. 

Todd: Oh, my, I’m not either, but I just thought his car was amazing, and I learned it was, like, an all-electric car that was pretty rare at the time.

Craig: Wow. Ahead of his time. 

Todd: Really, very much. Uh, their house is amazing. Like, I don’t know what he does, but- 

Craig: I don’t either. Uh, yeah, it’s a beautiful country home, and it’s beau- that- It’s mansion … that gardener h- has done a wonderful… He, as smarmy as he is, he’s done a wonderful job. It’s beautifully landscaped.

Todd: Yeah, it really is. 

Craig: They also have flowers all over the house. Yes. There’s, there’s a part la- there’s a part later in the movie where she’s in the bath or something, and there are, like, potted flowers all around. All around. 

Todd: I know. I laughed at that, too. Oh. I don’t know who’s, who’s- Mm … been busy doing that, but yeah.

Craig: I don’t know. 

Todd: Well, they have a love scene. She’s topless again. 

Craig: Yeah, they have that love scene. Uh-huh. And then, oh, did you read that, like, the producers or, I don’t know, somebody set up bleachers- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: for the crew to come and watch that love scene to be filmed? 

Todd: Yes. How gross. 

Craig: Different time. Ugh. All right. So- Yeah

so the next morning, Oliver gets up, and she’s not there or something, and he hears her fighting with herself. And we can kind of hear it, too, and I don’t remember. It’s like “

Clip: You can’t do that.” She’s like, “I’ll do whatever I want.” 

Craig: I don’t know. Something like that. 

Todd: That’s right.

Craig: But he goes to work and Aunt Cora comes to visit, and she walks upstairs and immediately finds Demon Susan. 

Todd: Oh my gosh. 

Craig: Demon Susan is funny. 

Todd: I love Demon Susan. 

Craig: I do, too, and there are different levels of Demon Susan- Mm-hmm … and, and they’re all just kind of different latex masks that are well applied. You know, it doesn’t look like somebody just threw a mask over their head.

It looks like, you know, it’s pieces, you know, latexed onto this woman’s face or whatever, and it doesn’t look good or real, but I love it anyway. Like, as a practical effect, an early ’80s practical effect, it’s fun. It’s very much like Ghoulies or- 

Todd: Well- 

Craig: Oh, God … 

Todd: I mean, John Buechler was responsible for it. He’s the guy who did the Ghoulies and- 

Craig: Is he?

That doesn’t surprise me … 

Todd: From Beyond and Re-Animator and Garbage Pail Kids. 

Craig: Okay, that makes sense. 

Todd: Troll, your favorite. Troll, remember? 

Craig: Yeah. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: I love 

Todd: it. He did a lot. It’s got that same look. Demon Warp was the big one that he directed that we… He did, no, I’m sorry. He did the monsters for Demon Warp.

He directed Friday the 13th: The New Blood. 

Craig: Oh, right, right. 

Todd: That was years after this, uh, five years after this. Yeah, he was a busy man. 

Craig: Yeah, well, Aunt Cora walks up there and sees her and-

Clip: You know 

Craig: And levitates her out of her shoes- Mm-hmm … over the banister and then just, like, splits her ribcage. Like, not with her hands or anything, like, uh- Psychically … psychically, like, rips her ribcage open. Yeah. And that’s it. 

Todd: It’s like it explodes from the inside, just like that guy’s head exploded. 

Craig: Yeah.

The… Demon Susan talks in a demony voice, and I, you know, I don’t know how much they did as far as vocal distortion and stuff, but I did read that she had worked with the woman who did the voice for The Exorcist, P- Pazuzu’s voice for The Exorcist. Oh, yeah. I know her name starts with an M, but I can’t think of what it is.

She had worked with her on some Charlie’s Angels project, and so she contacted her and consulted with her about how to do this voice. 

Todd: Isn’t that cute when you hear those stories? 

Craig: It is cute, yeah. 

Todd: Of these just, like, B-movie actors who will, like, have some famous person coach them for this, what ends up being kind of a lame performance in some forgettable movie.

Craig: Right. Right. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: But I, I also think that that’s really cool, like- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: if you are able to make those connections, like, “Oh yeah, I worked with her. I’ll give her a call and see if she can give me some tips.” That’s, if nothing else, fun for the actress, but- 

Todd: Exactly, yeah. 

Craig: Anyway, then we cut back to the mausoleum, and then Susan is reading by a fire.

Todd: Oliver comes home with roses. “What’s for dinner?” “Poached salmon and me.” 

Craig: Oh my God. And, and then, he wakes up in the middle of the night again, and he looks over and she’s rocking in the rocking chair, but it’s her demon self. 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: And this- … reminded me so much of that scene from Troll where the brother wakes up and he looks over and it’s just the troll sitting there reading a book, and then he, like, rubs his eyes and he looks back and it’s still the troll, and he rubs his eyes again and it’s the sister.

And she, like, is like, “Shh, don’t tell.” Uh-huh. This reminded me so much of that because, like, the demon lady is just sitting there, like, undisturbed by the fact that he’s awake and looking at her. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: I don’t know. It was… It’s weird 

Todd: And he, instead of flipping out, does the smart thing and, like, slowly just slips out of the room.

And I thought- Uh … “Yeah, that’s good. I like this.” 

Craig: Then he goes- Smart. And like you said, like, he’s just… Y- y- you talked about how he c- kind of can’t help but smiling. He’s just not panicked enough. Like, he goes down and calls Dr. Simon. He’s like, “Uh, Dr. Simon- … I think there might be something going on.”

Todd: And they have a very calm conversation about it. It’s like, “Oh, it’s probably nothing.” She’s like, “No, really, I think there’s something happening.” “Oh, well, have her call me in the morning.” “Okay, if you think so. All right.” And he hangs up the phone. I’m like, “What is he gonna do now?” And she comes downstairs, and she’s all normal again.

She’s like, “Hey, you gonna come back up to bed?” 

Craig: And he does, I guess. 

Todd: And he does. What a… Ugh, so silly. We don’t know. I mean, I assume he does. I would’ve slept on the sofa. I would’ve left the house, honestly. 

Craig: Right? 

Todd: But, uh, yeah. All we know is that it cuts to the morning. 

Craig: Then it cuts to a series… Well, it cuts to a series of weird flashbacks and visions.

Like, some of them are flashbacks, some of them are visions of her as the demon that we’ve never seen before. Then it’s, like, demon Susan laughing, and then she’s, like, attacking Oliver. Mm-hmm. I assume this is some kind of dream because he’s fine the next morning. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And the next morning, again, as Oliver…

It’s, you know, the morning exchange or whatever. Oliver’s leaving for work, I think, and Elsie’s coming in, and she tells him that she may need to leave. And he’s like, “Why?” And she’s like, “For spiritual matters.”

Todd: I love 

Craig: this sequence. Oh, and this, this, this is her whole moment. It’s so funny ’cause he goes to leave, and she walks upstairs to look in on Susan, and she walks around the corner and looks down the hallway. And the green light is glowing out from under the door, and the fog is coming out, and she says- “

Clip: There’s some strange shit going on in this house, and I know damn well it is”

Todd: It’s so great 

Craig: And she turns around and runs out. Now, I thought she was just gonna turn around and book it out of there- Yeah … which would’ve been hilarious, but she’s actually trying to catch Oliver, but she doesn’t. So instead, she goes back upstairs- 

Todd: No, no, she goes downstairs to, uh, to drink, remember? She grabs- Oh, 

Craig: that’s right.

That’s right 

Todd: She, she grabs, like, a liquor bottle off the thing and is like- “

Craig: I need the strong stuff” “

Todd: Yeah, I gotta get the strong stuff. Now, I, I gave up drinking before, but now here we go.” And she drinks that and, oh, there’s comical music playing as she runs down. It, it is so tonally off that it’s hilarious.

Craig: It’s very funny. 

Todd: The shots from below of her walking across that loft show no smoke or anything. But when she’s up on the loft, it’s just, there’s just smoke billowing all the way down and off the loft and everything like that, so- 

Craig: Yeah … 

Todd: it’s so poorly done, but it’s funny. 

Craig: After she gets her liquid courage, she does go back up there, and she walks all the way down the hall and she peeks in the door.

And we don’t see what she sees, but her eyes go big and she goes- 

Clip: No more grieving. I’m it

Todd: Great googly moogly. And she runs- … out of the house to comical effect and music. 

Craig: So funny. 

Todd: I don’t like 

Craig: her. We never see her again. 

Todd: It’s so tonally weird to have that in there. 

Craig: It was, but I was really glad that she didn’t get killed ’cause she was hilarious. 

Todd: Yeah. Well, then Oliver comes home and he convinces her to go to the doctor finally.

And in the meantime he’s gets a phone call and that’s, uh, from one of Cora’s friends, that Cora didn’t show up for dinner. And then he mentions, “You know that gardener, have you seen him around?” “He’s not around, but hasn’t been around.” She’s like, “Oh, well, maybe you need to call him too.” “Okay, I will.” Anyway, she goes to Simon, and Simon suggests hypnosis.

It was at this point when he’s got her on that sofa and he’s sitting there dangling this crystal over her, and just the way the acting was and the way everything was, I was like, “This is like the community theater of horror movies.” 

Craig: Yet 

Todd: up to this point, that’s exactly what it’s fe- I, I feel like I’m watching my friends up on stage putting together this cute, silly little play.

Craig: And when he pulled out the crystal and it was a crystal knob pull for, like, a chandelier. 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: Oh my God, I thought that was… Not a chandelier, but, like, a light fixture. Like- Yeah. Like you pull- Oh my gosh … it, yeah, for a light Yeah. Or a ceiling fan or something. Oh my gosh. It was really, really funny. Um, yeah, but he hypnotizes her, and at first she reverts to 10 years old.

She’s like, “I don’t want mommy to go away.” I don’t know, a bunch of boring stuff. But then she green-eyes and her teeth get all yellow, and she monster voices, “Oliver told you about me, didn’t he?” But Simon just brings her out of the hypnosis, and she doesn’t remember anything or claims she doesn’t. I assume she doesn’t.

I don’t know. 

Todd: Yeah, he seems fairly nonplussed. I mean, he looks mildly alarmed here, but he’s remarkably able to keep her cool when she’s all, you know, Reagan in his face on this one. I, I wouldn’t have been… I was expecting her to spit some pea soup out or something at this point. She wakes up and he goes, “You’ll remember nothing of what happened.”

And she’s back to normal when she wakes up and is like, “Oh, hey, how did it go?” 

Craig: Yeah, right. And he doesn’t seem particularly concerned, but concerned enough to consult with a doctor, another doctor who we’ve never met before- Mm … uh, Dr. Ronnie. And then, I don’t know, they talk for a minute, and then a horny plant delivery guy comes to Susan’s house.

She invites him in, and he manhandles her. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Men just can’t keep their grubby mitts off this lady. 

Todd: Now, keep in mind, this woman is absolutely coming on to this guy. 

Craig: Oh, sure, sure. 

Todd: But yeah. 

Craig: But, like, he grabs her very aggressively. 

Todd: Yeah, it was really gross. The- walks in the kitchen then spins around suddenly and, and she’s like, “No, you take your phone call first.”

He’s like, “Ugh, okay.” God, what an asshole. 

Craig: Right. It’s okay though, ’cause she green-eyes him and melts his face off. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. Eyeball falls out and everything. And she’s demon head again. 

Craig: Uh-huh. And then Oliver, Oliver comes home and he finds the bloody phone. He’s like Well, that’s weird. And then so he’s calling for her, and she’s kneeling down in front of some chest that is partially open or all the way open, and it’s glowing green from the inside.

Mm-hmm. I’m s- You might have to explain to me what’s going on there, ’cause I’m really not sure. 

Todd: She’s in some room up in their house, like on the third floor- I think it’s the attic … like an attic or something, but it is completely full of cobwebs. I have a hard time believing that this room even exists in this house.

It looks like it hasn’t been updated since the 1800s, and it’s got such a thick layer of cobwebs over everything you can hardly see what’s in the room. It’s just, again, it’s like this cartoonish, comical attic/old room. Was this her childhood room or her mom’s childhood room or something like that? 

Craig: I think it’s the, I think it’s the attic where things are put away, because I think that she’s pulling, like, dolls and toys and things out of that chest, but I don’t understand why it’s glowing in there.

Todd: No. I don’t know. I don’t- She’s playing with the doll. She’s got a music box. 

Craig: And right, and, and she’s got a music box, and later on when we return to this set piece, it’s like she’s reverted to her 10-year-old self. But we don’t necessarily get any indication of that here, and my notes get so disjointed here that I don’t know where any of this happens.

But I have that Simon, the doctor Simon- Mm-hmm … tells Oliver, the husband, “Susan is not your wife. She’s a demon.” 

Todd: Yeah, that- 

Craig: It’s… I don’t remember if that’s a phone call 

Todd: or- No, that’s, that’s, um, so Simon and this other doctor, Roni, are sitting at a table, and she’s… They’re going over research that I guess they’ve been doing, and Roni basically tells him, “Use what you’ve out- what’s already outlined in the diary.

You’ve got to use the crown of thorns. It’ll neutralize the possession.” And that’s when Oliver walks in and says, “Can anything be done about my wife?” And that’s when they say, “She’s possessed by this demon, and we have a plan, and we have to do this thing.” And he’s like, “Okay.” Ugh. So they’re over at, I think, the doctor’s house for that.

Meanwhile, Susan is walking around an ’80s shopping mall 

Craig: Yes, the art gallery of a 80s shopping mall 

Todd: And I was so happy for this. The hilarious thing about this is we get lots of nice long shots of her walking through the shopping mall. We get to see the shopping mall. It’s the Promenade Shopping Mall in LA, which was built in the ’70s and was demolished just this January.

One of those, uh, old malls that went long dead, like 10 years ago. But everyone in the background is watching her. Did you notice that? 

Craig: No. 

Todd: As she’s walking around, all the extras in the background are watching. Like, I- you just know that they were filming this and 

Craig: they 

Todd: didn’t tell the- Oh, probably … yeah, the extras are just watching the filming happening.

They’re not- That’s funny … going about their business. They’re… Oh, it’s so hilarious. But it has this effect of making it seem like she’s walking through this mall where everybody is suddenly interested in her, even from like far away. 

Craig: Well, I wondered if that was m- uh, if that was meant to be suggested because in that early scene in the dance club where the big guy totally blows off his own girlfriend, I wondered if she was exuding some sort of thrall or- Mm

or something. Uh, so I don’t know. Maybe that was supposed to be something. 

Todd: That would be the kind way of interpreting it. I think it was just that everybody wanted to watch the film happening. 

Craig: Yeah, that’s probably the case. Yeah. Yeah. And h- I, you know, I, I said she’s in the art gallery in the mall. I don’t know if we have any young listeners, but young listeners, they really did used to have art galleries in malls.

Yeah. And you could, you could buy art. I always u- I loved going and walking through the galleries. 

Todd: It really was nice. Malls were so fun. 

Craig: They were super fun. But there’s a painting that she likes that seems to be somehow significant, but I don’t understand how and they never explain it. No. But she’s, she’s adamant that she wants this painting, and the salesman’s like, “You can’t, it’s already sold.

It’s not mine.” So when he looks away, she steals it, and then he looks back and notices and starts chasing her. So right here in the middle of the mall, she levitates him over the atrium of the mall and then drops him onto like I don’t know, some sort of art- 

Todd: Table with 

Craig: art on it … thing. I, I, I don’t know what it, but it’s an enormous spike, and he’s completely impaled all the way through his abdomen.

Mm-hmm. And then I guess she just goes home. Like- 

Todd: Yeah. No consequence. 

Craig: Nope. 

Todd: There’s nothing ever said of this again, just like the guy in the explosion. 

Craig: The, everybody who was staring at her in the mall apparently was just cool with the fact that a guy floated out to the middle of the atrium and… Okay, whatever.

So she’s home again, and Oliver confronts her and is like, “There’s something wrong with you.” Oh my gosh, Todd, I don’t know if something happened and I blinked and I missed it, but he confronts her, and he’s like, “There’s something wrong with you,” and she walks out of the room. They’re in their bedroom- 

Todd: Yes, she does.

Yes. Uh-huh. 

Craig: And then she’s in bed again. 

Todd: Yes. He walks out of the bedroom, and suddenly she sits up in bed. I was like, “What? W- w- how did she end up in bed again?” 

Craig: I have no idea what was going- I don’t know if that was- Poor editing … an editing error. I don’t know. Yeah, I 

Todd: think it was an editing 

Craig: error. But her, she green eyes, and the eyes on the painting cry blood, and the blood runs down maybe to, like, some kind of demon or something.

I don’t know. Like, Oliver 

Todd: is Satan. Yeah, 

Craig: who knows? Again, we never see it again. I don’t know. 

Todd: And who knows why this is significant. And then she goes downstairs, and Oliver is very, very calm. He’s like, “Susie, I’m sorry about this afternoon. You can keep the painting if you like.” My God. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Oliver is the most patient guy in the world with the shortest memory ever.

Craig: Yes. 

Todd: There’s no build in this movie. There’s nothing about, like… Like, time just stands still in every single scene, and they’re not connected to each other. She’s been demon-ing out. They’ve been talking about how she’s possessed, all this stuff, but every scene is just like, “Oh, hi, Susie. Hope you’re doing okay.”

Craig: Yeah. A- and at this point, isn’t she in the tub, and he, like, apologized to her, and she gets up and he’s fully dressed, and then they, like, start making out and- 

Todd: At this point- … 

Craig: he’s all wet … 

Todd: yeah, they, she’s in the bubble bath, and I laughed out loud at that bit. I was so… The minute he walks in and just is like, “She’s in the fucking bubble bath,” I’m like They just had to get, they just had to get her naked one more time.

Yeah, 

Craig: yeah. 

Todd: Uh-huh. All right. And you’re right, they’re making out, standing 

Craig: up. Simon goes to the mausoleum for some reason. I think he’s getting the crown of thorns. He is. I think, like, they, they have to put a crown of thorns on her to get the demon out or something, and it’s gotta be tonight. Mm-hmm. That’s what the other doctor said.

And then I don’t remember why or how. Are they back in the tub? Are they back at home? But- They’re back 

Todd: in the tub, uh, standing up, uh, making out while his clothes are fully on. 

Craig: Well, and, and is this when she green-eyes him and demons out- Mm-hmm … and, like, psychically rips his heart out, I think? And- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: and this is when we also see that she’s transformed even further, and her boobs now have chomping faces on them.

Todd: I know. Oh my God. As if this movie couldn’t get any better. 

Craig: Oh, gosh. I, I’m pretty sure… Yeah Her boobs 

Todd: are chattering demon heads. Oh. 

Craig: I love it. I, I feel like we’ve seen similar things before. 

Todd: Drooling green goo. 

Craig: Yeah. But they’re… It’s great. I love it. It’s wonderful. It looks so good. Uh, and Dr. Simon comes to the house, and he finds Oliver’s body, and Susan, normal Susan, is kneeling at her trunk again.

Todd: By the way, I look at the clock, and I’m like, “There are still 20 minutes left in this movie?” 

Craig: I know. 

Todd: We’re supposed to be- Same … at the very end here. Like, this is the showdown. 20 minutes? No way. 

Craig: I did the same thing. Oh my goodness. And she screams for some reason, and the mausoleum lights up all green and purple for some reason.

Todd: Uh-huh. 

Craig: And then Simon finds her in the attic with, like, the body of the gardener and the pervy tree deliverer or whatever. 

Todd: Don’t you love that he goes to what is just, like, the third floor, and the door that he opens that leads from the nice pristine clean hallway into this room is itself covered in cobwebs on the outside?

Craig: Oh my gosh. You were paying far closer attention than I was. 

Todd: Oh my 

Craig: God. And he finds her kneeling there in front of the thing, and she’s reverted to 10 again. And I don’t know, they talk, and she talks about her mom or something. And but then, uh… And, and she demons out again, but he puts the crown on her- Oh, I feel like all this happens very quickly.

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And, a- and you, we, you, we get again some of those, like, layover graphic effects where it seems like her face is kind of morphing in and out, and the tit faces are drooling- Oh my gosh … this glowing ooze. 

Todd: This transform alone takes, like, five minutes. It’s kind of insane. And it’s a little lazy, too. It’s, like, fading in and out between shots very slowly, everything’s slow motion.

It lasts far too long. 

Craig: It lasts far too long, and eventually S- Susan collapses, and she looks like herself again, and I didn’t know if she was dead or not. And then we see the demon in the mausoleum again seemingly kind of, like, weakened. Yeah. So I’m guessing that putting the crown on her head, like, separated them.

Yeah. So she’s her again, and the demon is confined to the mausoleum again. Mm-hmm. And she’s not dead, so then they go, she and Simon go to the mausoleum, and the demon has put itself in its tomb. Mm-hmm. And Simon tells Susan, “You know what you have to do.” And she approaches the demon, and she’s crying, and, like, it’s cutting back and forth between the young her and the old her.

Mm-hmm. And the demon apparently willingly lays down in the tomb, and she, like, I don’t know, crosses its hands over its heart or whatever, and she puts the crown in there with it. And its eyes go dark, like the green eye- the, the green eyes go dark. And she closes the tomb, and Simon tells her… She, y- she’s like, “What happened?”

He’s like, “I’ll explain it later.” And she’s like, “Where’s Oliver?” And he’s like, “Uh, we’ll talk about it later.”

Todd: Oh, this poor woman. She’s in for a shock, isn’t she? 

Craig: Oh, boy. Oh, boy. 

Todd: Oh. 

Craig: And then, okay, so like he points her towards the car, and she’s walking off towards the car, and he turns and walks towards what looks like… Okay, so obviously the camera is clearly hiding this person’s identity, but it’s somebody who appears to be a groundskeeper or something.

I think he’s like messing with some flowers or something, and he’s… I- it almost looked like he’s monastic or something. Like he- Yeah, he’s got like a- He’s like- … hooded robe on … like a monk’s robe, a hooded robe on or something. Mm. And Simon’s like, “Just remember, no one is to go into the mausoleum.” And then he turns around and walks away, and the camera pans around to reveal that this groundskeeper in a monk’s robe is the creepy gardener, and he looks into the camera and laughs maniacally, and then that’s the end.

What? 

Todd: I have no- … idea. What? What’s more confusing is he said to him, “You’ve lived with this secret like your father before you and his father before him.” 

Craig: Oh, yeah. 

Todd: What? So- My God … was this gardener secretly stationed to keep an eye on her? And if he was, he was doing a really poor job of it. 

Craig: Uh-huh. 

Todd: And he got way off track.

And now he’s alive again. I, I don’t know. I, I don’t think this makes any sense. 

Craig: No, it’s weird. 

Todd: And I looked. I thought maybe Wikipedia article could explain it to me, and it didn’t. 

Craig: Yeah, it’s really weird. Ugh. Ugh. It’s, it’s a weird… It’s a weird, weird movie. 

Todd: Hmm. 

Craig: I know… I, I, I don’t know. I have mixed feelings about it.

Like I do kinda like going back every once in a while and watching these older movies with the older effects and- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: e- even kind of just as contrived as it is, just kind of a simple demon possession story. It, you know, it’s got a lot of the hallmarks of a great, you know, cheesy ’80s movie with some of these cheesy effects and- Yeah

beautiful naked women and So it’s a little nonsensical. Who cares? I, I mean, there, it, it’s, there are still things to enjoy about it 

Todd: Yeah, the writing is bad, the dialogue is silly, but, you know, the core of the story there could have worked if the acting wasn’t so dumb and the directing wasn’t so bad and everything just wasn’t so stupid.

So yeah, you know, I mean, there, it’s… I don’t know. It- With these movies, you’ve got like, I keep saying the Richard Tennies, which are movies like this, where they’re just really overtly dumb and silly, and you feel like they’re trying, but just nobody’s up to the task. And then you have the Jim Wynorskis, who are equally as dumb, but maybe they’re just so self-aware that he’s writing it as a comedy from the beginning, and it just works better.

Like, everyone just leans into it, and it works. Whereas this one, it feels more amateur. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: You know? Like I said, like the community theater of, of horror. But I, I like watching these movies. I think they’re fun. 

Craig: They are fun. 

Todd: And the effects are fun, and it’s just silly. And I’m probably not gonna see it again.

Craig: Nah. 

Todd: But if I had been with a room full of people, we would have had a blast with this, and I would certainly- Sure … I’m gonna steal your line. If it’s Halloween- … you got a party going on, put it in the background. It’s the perfect movie for that. 

Craig: Sure, sure, sure. Agreed. 

Todd: All right, well, thank you guys so much for listening.

I hope you enjoy this. If you’ve seen this movie, drop us a line. ChainsawHorror.com is our website. We have links there. We have a link where you can leave a voice message for us, or you can just Google Two Guys and a Chainsaw podcast and find our Facebook and, uh, Instagram pages. Leave us messages there as well.

Let us know what you thought of this. Recommend us to a friend. Check out our Patreon at Patreon.com/chainsawpodcast. We’d love to have you on board. Until next time, I’m Todd. 

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd: With Two Guys and a Chainsaw.