Match (2025)

Episode 477, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd. 

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd: Today we’re going for a modern film. This is a 2025 movie that Craig has chosen a Tubi original, which I didn’t even realize there were Tubi originals, but- 

Craig: Yeah. … 

Todd: I’m not, I’m not the huge Tubi fan you are. So, I mean, I love Tubi, but, uh, I don’t watch it as much as you do.

So you probably know better than me because you’re the one who picked it. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: This is Match. 

Craig: Yeah. And, and I do. I, I really like Tubi. Tubi reminds me of, you know, back in the day when we just had TV where you could just turn something on. It’s free. It’s ad supported. So you have to watch commercials, which is kind of annoying, but- 

Todd: Mm.

Craig: it’s, it’s not as, you know, back in the day we always had to watch commercials, so it’s not- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: that big a deal. And yeah, 2B does some pretty good original movies, in fact. I- 

Todd: Okay. 

Craig: I’m surprised that we haven’t talked about this before because I, I think they did a terror train- 

Todd: Okay. … 

Craig: remake. Was that, that was that Jamie Lee Curtis movie with- 

Todd: Yeah.

David Copperfield. 

Craig: Yeah. Yeah. David Copperfield. Yeah. I think they did a remake of that and then I think they did a sequel to their remake and they’ve done other original movies too. The only ones that I’ve watched have been their horror movies. I think they do originals and other genres too. But yeah, I’m a fan of Tubi.

I like free stuff. Yeah. 

Todd: We’re fans of free. We always have been. 

Craig: Yeah. Big, big fan. Yeah. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: But yeah, I, I, I picked this … So this is a movie that I put on … I think it was because Alan wasn’t home in the evening. He was rehearsing a play or whatever, and I needed something to watch. And I try to find things to watch that he wouldn’t be particularly interested in.

And I found this … I had never heard of it. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything about it. I was, I w- when I found it, I was surprised. I was like, “Why have I never heard of this? ” And, and, and then I watched it and it was surprising to me and-

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it in a weird kind of way. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. I can see what you’re talking about. Uh-huh. 

Craig: And then you, we were like, “What are we gonna do? ” And sometimes when I pick movies, it’s kind of an exercise in testing them on you. Like- Aha. … I wanna know, like, what would, what is Todd gonna think of this movie?

And, and I’m genuinely … Because I feel like I watch movies all the time and I talk about them to you and you’re like, “Yeah, I’ve never heard of it. I’ve never seen it. ” I, I, I think that you’re just a, y- you’re busier than I am, so you don’t have the time to watch as many movies as I do, but every once in a while, I’ll see a movie like this and I’ll think, “I wonder what Todd would think of this movie.”

Todd: I can kinda see why. Yeah. I mean, I’d obviously never heard of it before. I didn’t even know Tubi made originals, but here we are. And I was kind of impressed when I saw that the writers of this movie was the same duo that wrote Zom Beavers. 

Craig: Oh, yeah? I didn’t know that. 

Todd: Yeah, they wrote Zom Beavers, the direct Al Kaplan and John Kaplan, I think they’re brothers.

And they were also, they’re musicians as much as they are writers, actually. They’ve, they probably have more right credits as composers, but mostly like composers for these, these silly movies. I, they must work for one of these companies that does the mock busters or whatever. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: Like movies like Pirana Konda and Dino Crocker versus Supergater.

They have one called The Hills Have Thighs, which I would like us to see maybe that would be, that sounds very much up my alley. 

Craig: You’re gross. 

Todd: Oh, I am honest.

And then the director is Danica Esther Haase and, uh, she directed quite a few movies before this too, you know? She’s directed like 28 movies and I looked through them and they’re, you know, most, many of them, if not most of them are things you’ve never heard of. And I think that a lot of them are TV movies are straight to video, but she did the remake for the Slumber Party Massacre in 2021.

Craig: Oh. 

Todd: Have you seen that? 

Craig: I’ve either seen it or seen parts of it. 

Todd: Okay. 

Craig: It’s interesting. It’s, it’s, it’s something that we should take a look at. 

Todd: I think it is because, you know, we did, we did Slumber Party Massacre. Mm-hmm. We did the first two or three, so yeah, that would be interesting. 

Craig: 100 years 

ago. 

Todd: Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. But anyway, yeah, so after the Hills have thighs, we’ll, uh, we’ll tackle that one. 

Craig: Good. 

Todd: You, you can’t wait. So like, uh, I thought that overall the movie was pretty competently done, you know? I mean, it had a little bit of that low budget feel, but not necessarily in a bad way and not distractingly so, I would say.

I thought the acting was pretty good and yeah, I mean, there’s nobody you know in it. There are no stars. 

Craig: Mm-mm. 

Todd: But it, it opens cold with this woman being pushed down a hallway in a wheelchair and it’s a creepy hallway and she’s kind of coming out of it. 

Craig: Well, and she’s like tied, like she’s chained to it or tied to it, right?

Todd: Yep. And there’s somebody pushing her, but you can’t really see who it is. And then she gets to a door and opens it and like starts screaming. And then we’re with her and where are we here? Just a 

Craig: minute. That, that, that, it’s fine. That was a weird cold open because it doesn’t really have anything to do with like- 

Todd: Well- 

Craig: You find out, you find out event- I, I mean, was that girl in particular the one that we saw?

She doesn’t have anything to do with the rest of the plot, does she? 

Todd: Maybe not. Oh, I thought it was her. Maybe it wasn’t her. I thought this was like a flash forward kind of situation. Maybe not. I didn’t go back to double check, to be honest 

with 

Craig: you. I thought, I think it was a different girl. Maybe I’m mistaken.

I don’t know, watch it for yourself. But the- 

Todd: Yeah, the girl’s name is, the girl that we’ve end up following, her name is Paola and, and she’s gorgeous by the way. Oh my gosh. 

Craig: She’s stunning. Yeah. 

Todd: I could just watch her all day long and her sister, they’re both really beautiful. 

Craig: Yeah. Jess. 

Todd: Yeah. And she’s like matching with people on some Tinder type app.

Craig: Can we, can we pause to talk for a second? 

Todd: Oh yeah, yah, yeah. 

Craig: You have been single in the modern age. 

Todd: Oh, God. Yeah. 

Craig: Are, are you on dating apps? 

Todd: So I swore that I wouldn’t go on the dating apps. I said that I just like … ‘Cause before I was sing- … Well, when I was a, when I was immediately single, before I met Liz was a brief period of time and I had a coworker who was like, “Todd, you need to get on the dating apps.

You need to get on Tinder. It’s, it’s, it, whatever, and just have fun.” And I was like, “I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem like fun to me. ” And I, I went on Tinder and I did some swiping or whatever and I just, I didn’t enjoy it, you know? It felt like, I don’t know, it’s like a buffet of people and it’s just kind of weird.

And then when you match with them or whatever, they might message you or you might message them and it feels really exciting at first because it’s like, “Oh, I’ve made this actual connection.” Mm-hmm. But then 90% of the time it doesn’t really go anywhere. Like one person just stops talking or it just takes too long to respond and it just feels like you’re pulling teeth.

You know what I’m saying? So- 

Craig: I guess. … 

Todd: that was the experience initially. This time around, now that I’m single again and I, and I’ve been single for months and I’ve been doing a lot of traveling, I’ve just been getting on it to try to meet people in the cities I’m in and I’ve had success. And I’ve actually found it kind of nice because who has the energy?

Craig: I get it. 

Todd: When you’re in a new city, you know, especially or whatever to like find a bar or wherever, you know, you might meet people and go through the motions and the whatever to just try to meet someone so much nicer to just have a buffet of people that are around who also wanna meet people and you can match with them and you can see what they look like immediately and it, you know, it kinda cuts through a lot of the initial, you know, you know, oh, I find this person attractive, I don’t and, and whatever.

So I’ve actually, um, I’ve actually met some really cool people through the dating apps and I’ve done it while I’ve been traveling. I would not do it here in Beijing where I live because I just don’t want the, because I know the people I know are also on the dating apps. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And I don’t know what it is.

I just kinda have a thing I don’t want them seeing my profile. You know, I don’t 

Craig: want that- I, I, like I, I honestly don’t even know how they work. Like I’ve, like I’ve read about Grindr and I think- Oh, Grindr’s different. And I’ve read that Grindr works on like proximity, so- 

Todd: Oh, dude. Dude, Grindr, I went to Singapore with some friends.

We went on a guy’s trip and one of us is gay and the other three of us are straight. And the gay guy insisted he needed his own apartment. We, we went into a really expensive hotel, like the priceiest hotel in Singapore, like the one that everybody knows, the marina based sands with the beautiful roof. We could only afford to stay there like two days, but we just wanted the experience.

He insisted on having his own room because he’s like, “I’m gonna be on Grindr and I’m gonna be busy.” 

Craig: Oh my God. 

Todd: And I kid you not, Craig, we are standing in line to check in at this super fancy place, right? I mean, it’s busy. It’s busy. And as we’re standing there, and it’s a little bit of a process for all four of us to get checked in, my friend, he turns to me, to us and goes, “Oh, that guy over there just made an eye, eyes at me, like as he walked by.”

Like some dude just walked by and then he picks up his phone, he looks at it and he goes, “Oh, yep, he just messaged me. ” And we were like, “What? In the last 30 seconds, this guy walked by you, made eyes at you, and now he’s on Grindr and found you? ” mm-hmm. Like he’s literally standing at the other end of the counter at this moment.

And that’s when I learned that Grindr is 100% different from Tinder. Grindr, I mean, this is when I kind of wish I was gay, to be honest with you. I wish there was a gay bone in my body. I really do because I think gay guys end up having a lot of fun. 

Craig: Give it a try. You never know.

Todd: You never know. Oh 

Craig: man. Oh. Yeah. No, that’s, it’s, it’s wild to me. And like, I consider myself like a liberal-minded sex positive person, but- Yeah. … that does not appeal to me. Right. I don’t know. It’s just so awkward and strange. Like, I can’t just imagine just meeting someone for sex and, and- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: and, and, and people do it and, and- 

Todd: It’s not me.

Craig: They’re having … It’s, it’s fine. I, like- 

Todd: Yeah, it’s okay. 

Craig: It’s- Do whatever you wanna do. I don’t care. It doesn’t have any effect or impact on me. It’s just, I don’t know. I mean, 

Todd: I just tain, I wish there was a grinder for straight men, because Tinder is awkward. I mean, it’s not … It is what it is. You know, you’re swiping left, you’re swiping right, and if you both swipe right on each other, then it says you’re a match and now you can message each other.

And then it kinda just goes from there. Like, are you gonna … Is, is one person gonna respond? Does one person even check the app that often? You know, that’s what you get a lot of times, is like, you match with somebody, you’re all excited, you send them a message, and you get a message back, like, five days later, you know, that kind of thing is an issue as well.

Grindr is just, you open it up and it’s like, “Here are all the people within 30 meters of you. ” You, 

Craig: you seem to know a lot about Grindr talk. 

Todd: I do because you told me all about it and this guy can open it up- … And just the pr- anybody who’s in that whole hotel who’s also on Grindr is immediately available and, and they can message each other and there are photos up there and Tinder has photo, has policies against nudity and stuff in the photos on there.

That is not a thing on Grindr. So it’s just basically like- Who’s down? 

Craig: Give somebody a picture of your butt hole. 

Todd: Yeah. I was very jealous. I cannot gonna lie. 

Craig: So we’re watching this movie. We have to talk about the movie. I mean, I, I kinda like it, but I was mad that … Okay, so this girl is on Tinder or whatever and she matches with some guy and then he’s like, “Come to my house for a date.”

First of all, no. Like- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: you, you don’t go to somebody’s house for a first date. 

Todd: No. 

Craig: You don’t … No, you go somewhere public. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: I guess, I mean, if you know them already, that’s a different story. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: But she goes to this guy’s house and, uh- 

Todd: Against her sister’s wishes. 

Craig: Right. 

Todd: Her sister is the voice of reason through all this, but I can see where this girl

I know people like this, you know? You just get excited and you just kind of like ignore the warning signs because you’ve been talking with them for a while and she even tries to video chat with him and he shows up on the screen for like 10 seconds and then it kind of freezes and it goes away and, you know, you can see what’s happening, right?

I mean, imit- immediately we’re all suspicious and- 

Craig: I guess, but like he’s handsome and nice. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. So- He’s a nice looking 

Craig: guy. I get it. But- 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: But you go some … I just, like, I, again, I’ve never done it. I’ve never been on Tinder or Grindr, any of those sites, but I just feel like the first rule is first date always somewhere public, right?

Isn’t that the first rule? 

Todd: Oh yeah, 100%. And usually something like that you can get duck out of early if you need to. Something that, you know- 

Craig: Yeah, coffee. 

Todd: Great. Coffee, yeah. Afternoon, coffee, you can have an excuse. I can only be there for an hour, whatever. 

Craig: But she goes to his house, and I apologize. I, I

Listeners, I told Todd this before, but I didn’t take any notes at all on this movie. I usually take extensive notes so that I can kind of- Yeah, 

Todd: you’re a plot king. You’re the one who I rely on to recount the plot in detail because I forget that shit. 

Craig: Extensive, extensive notes, but I didn’t because I rewatched it and I made Alan watch it.

And as we were watching the movie, I kept saying to him, “You don’t hate it. I can tell you don’t hate it. ” You would just be like, “Well, I don’t like it. ” And then I would check in with them and, you know, a half an hour later, “You don’t hate it. Well, I don’t like it. ” Uh, I don’t think he hated it. I, I, I think that this is not a bad movie.

Todd: Uh-huh. 

Craig: It’s a good movie, but I also said to you when we were choosing movies, I said, “Do you want something smart and arty or do you want something dumb?” And I don’t remember what the other word I … And, and you chose dumb. That’s why I chose this because- 

Todd: Yeah, yeah. I noticed. Yeah. 

Craig: Because then she goes to the house and- 

Todd: Ignores every warning sign.

Craig: I know, exactly. You should lay out the warning. I mean, first of all, his mom answers and, uh, he’ll be down in a minute. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: I was frustrated with her. Like- 

Todd: Yeah. A- 

Craig: a- a- and I like her. I don’t even remember what her name is. 

Todd: Paula. 

Craig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she’s very likable, but- 

Todd: Dumb. … 

Craig: just leave. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. Just leave.

Todd: Leave and come back when he’s home. It … She, she comes in, the mom is like really kind of weird and she’s coughing a lot and she really pushes this wine on her, so she drinks the wine. Of course, you’re thinking big mistake. And one thing I noticed was one thing that her sister was saying is this guy’s a little strange because he talks really too eloquently, right?

Like he’s got kind of just a weird way of, of saying like fancy words or whatever. His sentence structure is just very old timey in a way. And then when you’re watching this, you realize it’s because it’s the mom. That’s the way she talks. I don’t remember exactly what happens, but, uh, she drinks the wine and she starts to feel woozy and she passes out and when she wakes up, she’s strapped to that wheelchair.

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: And she’s being pushed down that same hallway and there’s like a foot and a mouse trap and all kinds of gross stuff down this hallway. It doesn’t even look like the same house because it’s the basement. This house, I, this house is massive. I know. I don’t even understand how this house exists in a neighborhood.

Craig: This was, it was frustrating to me too. I don’t think it’s the basement. I think it’s supposed to be the second floor. 

Todd: Oh, you’re right. 

Craig: It’s like the second floor of a huge building. Yes. Like- Yes. How does, how does this second floor exist in this suburban home? Now, mind you- Like 

Todd: they can get lost in it. 

Craig: Yes.

It’s a nice home. It’s a big home, but there’s no way that these massive long hallways with multiple doors to multiple rooms in every hallway, it makes no sense. It’s true. It makes absolutely no sense. 

Todd: Especially toward the end of the movie when they’re trying to escape, they’re turning down hallway after hallway and like, what?

This place is not a hotel. This is supposed to be their house. 

Craig: Yes, ridiculous. Yeah, and most of the second act takes place in that hallway. And the girl, the main girl … Okay, we haven’t set it up. So the mother is trying to acquire a grandchild by setting up these women on Tinder with her grossly deformed hills have eyes son.

Todd: Yeah. Henry, she pushes her into this room and leaves her there and this hulking beast comes out of the shadows towards her with a rose, breathing heavily. She screams. He’s cartoonishly freaker. He’s like quasimoto type, but- 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Quasimoto mixed with mask mixed with, I don’t know, like half of his, his face is just, it looks like one giant tumor.

Honestly, I really like the monster design. I thought it was good. 

Craig: Me too. Me too. And I, I, I’m looking at the guy who played him, Jack Adrian’s apparently is his name. Mm-hmm. And he’s a very handsome guy. Honestly, like, this horribly disfigured guy chases these people around for the next 45 minutes. 

Todd: Mm-hmm.

Craig: That’s kind of what the movie is about. But even before the movie told us we should feel bad for him, I felt bad for him. 

Todd: Yeah. I mean, this is the classic, uh, overbearing mother- 

Craig: Right. … 

Todd: and the poor kid has no control, and he’s now an adult, and he’s still being mothered by this woman and is just under her thumb the whole time, and, and he really needs help, and he needs care, and she’s just manipulating him.

Craig: Right. 

Todd: For this purpose, this grandfather, it gets really, really gross, because after the Paula escapes, she kind of goes down a hall, she gets her foot in a mouse trap, later she lights a match to find her way down this hallway that has plenty of light in it. She cowers in a doorway for no reason at all. I thought, I felt like they were just really stretching this out.

Like, every time Paula escapes- 

Craig: mm-hmm. … 

Todd: and ducks into a room, time suddenly stands still. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: And now she’s interested in exploring or seeing things or whatever. Like, just get the f- out of there, you know? 

Craig: I know. 

Todd: Just, like, run. 

Craig: There’s one point where she falls asleep and sleeps until the next day. 

Todd: Yes.

That was crazy. I couldn’t believe it. She was asleep in this place. I, I, I just wanted to, like, move faster, Paula, pick it up- Yeah. … pick it up. No one’s gonna help you, and this is not a place you wanna linger. Meanwhile, her s- her sister notices that she’s not home, and her, they’re, they have a father who is blind, conveniently blind.

Craig: Yes, and he’s having surgery- 

Todd: mm-hmm. … 

Craig: the next day, and they’ve both promised that they would be there. So the sister knows that something must be wrong, because- mm-hmm. … even though the mom, the, the crazy mom is texting the sister, Maria, from Paula’s phone, Maria knows something must be wrong because she said she would be here.

There, there’s no re- there’s no … She wouldn’t miss this. 

Todd: Yeah. So she’s, they’ve got this parallel thing going where she’s trying to hunt down her sister, and, uh, she knows she’s maybe gone out on a date with this guy, and- mm-hmm. … hasn’t turned home. Mm-hmm. ‘

Craig: Cause Paula told her. Yeah. Yeah. She told her. And, and, and, you know, I, I met this guy on Tinder or whatever.

She was gonna go on a date with him, and she has … Alan pointed this out to me, Maria has Paula on Life360. 

Todd: Which is what? Oh, oh, is that where you can track people, where they are? 

Craig: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. 

Todd: Oh, oh, I didn’t catch that bit. 

Craig: Yeah. And, and so she knows where her phone is. Mm, 

Todd: that’s how she 

Craig: knew. And, and that’s how, and that’s how she gets there.

I mean, a lot of the movie … I, I, I think that the intent is for Henry to rape her immediately, but she escapes and she knocks him out, and then she runs around in the house forever. Mm-hmm. Like, it just seems like forever. Y- y- y- you already talked about, like, the mousetrap that she steps in. And at one point, she goes into a room that is apparently full of a bunch of dead girls.

Like- Yeah. … I guess, I guess these other dead girls are girls that Henry has killed before, like, they were previous tries or whatever. Yes. I don’t really understand why none of them are decomposed. It’s not like this is a freezer. 

Todd: No. 

Craig: You know, like- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: it’s just a, it’s just a room full of fresh dead girls.

Todd: Like- It’s like, yeah, it’s like they all came over. Like one was the, his, his 80 AM, one was his, you know, 10 o’clock. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. They are very, very fresh. 

Craig: Oh, God. That’s, that’s weird. And then I think my favorite part of the movie is that w- the mom, like, okay, so Paula manages to escape the wheelchair and she knocks, uh, Henry out and then she’s running around.

At some point, the mom is like, “Oh, it’s too bad that she’s missing. Find her, I guess, if you can, but I’m gonna go back on Tinder and try to lure other people here.” And the, the new girl that she lures over, I, I just loved her. She was delightful. She’s my favorite character in the whole movie. And- 

Todd: Natalie- 

Craig: Yeah.

And, and, and apparently her, apparently the picture that she put on Tinder was either not her or not recent her. 

Todd: Yeah. I think it was not recent her. 

Craig: When she comes over, the mom’s like, “You’re fat.” And I was like, “This girl is so cute.” Like- 

Todd: Yeah. She was, she was really pretty. 

Craig: Oh my God, she was so cute. 

Todd: That girl was interesting because she just kind of, like, barged her way in, in a way.

The mom was acting way shadier with her than she was even acting with Paula. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And she’s just very patient and she just comes in and sits down and a- almost like she’s done this before, you know? Like she’s had resistance- mm-hmm. … and it needed to overcome it. But she’s super cute. She’s dressed real cute.

It’s kind of a bit comical at this point because the mom’s trying our horror tricks, you know, “Would you like some wine?” And she’s like, “I don’t drink.” 

Craig: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Todd: And she’s just gonna sit and stay there. But when she messages … Oh, no, that’s, that was earlier with Paolo when she messaged Henry, the mom’s phone was ringing.

Craig: No, I think it is this girl. 

Todd: Are you sure? 

Craig: Yeah, I, I think so. This girl is texting who she thinks is Henry- 

Todd: Mm. … 

Craig: and every time she’s like, uh, “Your mom’s super weird. Like, where are you? ” Yeah. But every time she sends a text, it beeps in the mom’s house coat or whatever it is that she’s wearing. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: And, and, and eventually she says

I, I, I feel like maybe you’re right, maybe it happened earlier, I don’t remember, because whenever it happened, she’s like, “Isn’t that ringing in your phone?” And she says, “Yeah, Natalie’s, is this new girl.” 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Is it just because, is she only interrupted by the sister and the ex- boyfriend? 

Todd: I believe so, yeah.

They compiling in and then kind of all, all the shit hits the fan, because they’re looking for the sister, and Natalie’s like, “Well, I’m looking for Henry,” and, and then the mom flips out and, and, uh, they end up having a bit of a fight, and I think they knock her out and decide that they need to go now link up to go find Henry and, and her sister.

It’s kind of funny at this point. 

Craig: Yeah, and I liked that. It felt like, it felt like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something like- Yeah. … the, the stakes are high, but it’s still funny and goofy. And I, I, I felt like this new girl, Natalie and the ex- boyfriend, boyfriend, whatever he is, I don’t know, they were both very silly.

And I actually wish that this had gone on longer. For the brief moment that Natalie and the ex- boyfriend and Maria were looking for Paula, it was fun and funny. And then they get upstairs and they round a corner and Paula knocks Maria out- 

Todd: With a tray. 

Craig: She smacks her right in the face with a tray. 

Todd: I love that part.

Craig: Uh, which, I just, I mean, it’s funny, but then Maria is unconscious for the next 10 minutes and they just have to drag her around while the two fun, funny people get picked off by Henry. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. Uh, that was a bummer. 

Todd: It is a bummer, but that was funny. And, and at this point, I’m thinking this group of people should almost have no problem handling the situation.

Craig: They should just leave. Call the police. 

Todd: By this point, there is a lot of them. And I know Henry’s a bill hulking monster and he does have a bat with nails in it, but mom, mom is just a woman. She doesn’t even seem to be armed at this point. Like, it’s just, like, she’s easy to knock out and they end up knocking her out and they grab her keys to get upstairs.

So I mean, you know, it’s just, it should be so easy for these people to get out of there, especially because by this time, Paola has found a friend. 

Craig: Oh, right. 

Todd: She ended up in a room with a guy who is the guy that she had been video chatting with. 

Craig: Yes. Alan called this right away. Did you call it? 

Todd: I did not.

No, I didn’t. 

Craig: I believed him. He, he says, “I got catfished over here too, to meet a girl, and then they cut off my legs and made me make these videos or whatever.” 

Todd: Uh-huh. A- 

Craig: Alan called it, a- and I’m just gonna say it. I, I- Yeah, go ahead. I’m not trying to … He is also a brother. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Like, the mom is his mom too.

Now, I don’t really understand this whole dynamic. 

Todd: Like- No, me neither. 

Craig: We, we also find out later, like, she spits at him, like, “And he’s impotent.” Like- 

Todd: Yeah. … what? What? So are we supposed to believe that the mother cut off this kid’s legs to just sort of make him useless and lock him in this room- 

Craig: Because he’s impotent and can’t give her late.

Todd: So, but Henry is the viral one. He’s gonna be the, he’s gonna be the harder sell. That’s the problem. Figure out a way to cure this guy’s inmate. Give him the blue pill. That should fix it. 

Craig: Right. Yes. 

Todd: That would be so much easier than trying to hook these women up with this giant hulking beast. Seems like they’re going through it the wrong way.

Which child do you watch grandkid do you want? Henry’s grandkid or the other guy’s grandkid? I mean, come on. Oh, gosh. Give him a blue pill. It’ll be fine. They have that now. Maybe she just doesn’t realize it. I think she’s got more than that for Henry because she, she, there is a scene early on- 

Craig: Oh my God.

Todd: when she sits down with him and is like, “So, were you able to perform for her? Were you able to do it? ” And he’s just like, “Uh, uh,” she’s like, “Oh, you know how to do it right? You know, you, like, just like you practiced, right? Here.” And then she reaches her hand down his pants and jerks this guy off and not only does she do that, but we get to see her wipe it off her hands, like- 

Craig: It’s disgusting.

Todd: It was, this is definitely, you know, sometimes people just put shit like this in movies to- I know. … shock you, you know? And I mean, I know that’s the point of a horror movie, right? It’s meant, it’s meant to shock us. But this, even this went a little too far for me. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: I don’t know. I just felt like it wasn’t interesting enough.

The dynamic was too simple. You know, we’ve seen movies, we’ve seen a lot Uh, particularly older movies, like, you know, grindhousey type movies where there’s like a weird whacked out family. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And some of them are just dumb, but some of them are kind of fun in that the dynamic between the family members is kind of hard to sort out.

And then it’s like really weird. It’s kind of quirky and it’s, and, and then maybe there’s some weird, strange sexual thing in there, but it, you know, they don’t necessarily come right out and, and say it, but then maybe there’s a scene where you’re like, oh God, you know? I, I, I just, I just feel like it’s done a little bit better when it isn’t just thrown in your face in a scene like this, in this movie where it’s, it’s pretty simple.

Okay, crazy mom, hulking boy, there really isn’t much more to it, you know? I don’t know. Yeah. Or maybe you think differently. I don’t know. Maybe you think that the- No, no. … the characters between them, you know, the, the vibe … Because she does talk a lot with him. She has a therapist that she talks to. An 

Craig: online therapist, right?

Todd: Online. And, and the online therapist obviously has no idea that Henry looks like this. Right. But obviously she’s been going to her for advice and all that. And, and that part was kind of cute, actually. I kind of found that funny because it, it normalizes her, this situation just a little bit, you know, in a comical way.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: But yeah, I didn’t need this scene, honestly. And I also didn’t need the scene where Henry is trying to mount, uh, Paola in the hallway. 

Craig: Oh my God. 

Todd: And he pulls out his giant dick, which we get to see. 

Craig: His giant monster penis. 

Todd: And she grabs a mouse trap and snaps it right on there. That was so 

Craig: funny. 

Todd: Oh my God, that was funny.

Craig: I actually, that part I actually kind of enjoyed. Now, I, you know, I don’t enjoy depictions of sexual violence. I, I, I don’t like that. It makes me very uncomfortable. Yeah. But this was cartoonish and I, you know, no sexual assault actually happened because she was able to grab a giant rat trap and put it on his monstrous giant penis.

Todd: Yes. And then we get to see him struggle with it, get it off. I mean- I keep 

Craig: pulling it off. 

Todd: Oh my God.

Craig: Oh, come on. And like, I do not have a giant monstrous penis, but like- Can you even ima- like- 

Todd: No, I was trying to think 

Craig: of like- That’s gonna take weeks. Yeah. That’s gonna take weeks and weeks to heal. Your penis is gonna hurt so bad for weeks and weeks. 

Todd: He’s really, she need to put that Tinder on pause because he’s gonna be out for the count for a while.

I don’t even know how he can manage with that giant monster dick to impregnate anyone, to be honest. That’s, that’s a tough sell. 

Craig: Silly. It’s silly and ridiculous. I, I, I agree with you. The mom jerking the kid off scene, I, it’s unnecessary, but I, I, I think it’s exactly what you said. I, I, I think it’s meant to be shocking and, and outrageous.

Uh, and I think it was very intentional. And whatever. I don’t care. Like, I’m not shocked by that. Like- 

Todd: No. … 

Craig: it, it almost seems somewhat predictable in a movie like this. 

Todd: That’s, I think what I’m saying, that’s kind of what bothered me. Like I thought, “Oh, they’re doing this again,” except they’re just doing it to do it.

Like it just, to be shocking because, oh, it’s, you know, there’s some, we’re gonna throw some sort of incest in here or whatever because it’s a k- kooky family with the mutation and the crazy mom. And I mean, I’ve seen this before. 

Craig: Plus, it doesn’t even make any logical sense. Like- Yeah. … if you, if you want your monstrous son to go rape someone and impregnate them, don’t jerk them off.

Oh. 

Todd: That is counterproductive. 

Craig: Yeah. That doesn’t even make any sense. 

Todd: Exactly. Yep. 

Craig: Anyway. Anyway, I don’t know. So yeah, so the, the, the, the three Scooby Gang are in there and like Powell and knocks out Maria, so Maria’s unconscious. And then the two fun people just get killed kind of unceremoniously, like really quickly.

Yeah. I don’t even remember how Natalie gets killed. I remember that the guy, the ex- boyfriend or whatever, has some kind of, I don’t know, weapon, whatever, some kind of stick or whatever. 

Todd: Yeah, it’s a, it’s like a bat with nails in it. 

Craig: Well, the, the bat guy, but the, the good guy, the, the boyfriend- 

Todd: Oh. Yeah, he’s like a collapsible baton, you know, 

Craig: like- Yeah, a baton.

That’s what I was looking for. He has like a baton, but the, the bad guy’s like, “Yeah, I have a bat with nails in it. ” He just hits him in the head, like … 

Todd: Yeah. Well, I didn’t understand the scene either because they’re, the five of them are standing there at one end of the hallway, big hulking monster way down at the other end of the hallway.

Craig: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 

Todd: And the dude in the wheelchair is like, “Um, I, I know another way.” And they’re like, “Okay, we’re gonna go. ” So just fucking go. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: All four of them go. And then Ryan, the boyfriend of the sister is like, “No, I’m gonna, I’m gonna take care of this. ” They’re like, “No, come with us.” He’s like, “No, don’t worry.

I got this. ” So he walks down the hallway towards the monster who’s still standing there. He’s not chasing them. Mm-hmm. Like, why didn’t you do that? So he’s got his baton, you know, like you said, it’s like he whips out his baton like I’m gonna beat you up. And then he pulls out the bat and that’s much worse.

And so it’s like, and then he gets whacked in the face. It takes quite a bit of effort for him to pull this out of this guy’s face. 

Craig: It’s pretty gross. I, I did like those effects. I will say that overall, that’s one of the reasons that I picked this movie because I think it’s silly and stupid. Like I don’t love this movie, but the effects are pretty good.

Like- They are. E- even Henry’s design, the design of this- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: creature is pretty good. There is one point in the movie where you can see his prosthetic hanging out of his clothes. But beyond that, he looks pretty good. And, and like this, the guy, Henry pulling that bat out of that guy’s face, that looks great.

Todd: It was fantastic. 

Craig: Yeah, it was really good. I was impressed. 

Todd: And honestly, a Tubi original, you know, usually a lot of these kind of original movies that are sh- usually shot on a budget don’t … There’s often quite a bit of, uh, CGI blood and effects in them. And I don’t think there was a bit of that in here. I really appreciated that everything seemed to be practical.

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: That was good. Then he swings that bat into a plaster wall and ends up leaving it there because he can’t pull it out. I was like, “Really? This guy could pull this, this … ” I just didn’t understand something- Out of somebody’s 

Craig: head. 

Todd: So not out of 

Craig: the plaster wall. 

Todd: It was dumb. So anyway, they run and Ryan’s dead and, uh, Natalie gets it because she goes through a door and he happens to be on the other side and he puts his thumbs into her eyes.

Craig: Oh, that’s right. That was gross too. 

Todd: Super gross. Yeah. And sad because I really liked Natalie. I thought she was- I did too. Cute and spunky and she seemed to be the one who was gonna- 

Craig: There was, yeah, there was no reason for her to be there, but it was hilarious. Like, she was smarter- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: than Paola had been in avoiding this predatory mom.

And then when she found out that they were predatory and horrible, she’s like, “We’re fucking doing this. ” 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: We’re gonna find your sister. Like me, I have no emotional investment in you and all, but we’re fucking doing this. Yeah. Uh, I thought it was hilarious that I did, I loved her too, and I was sad that she died.

Todd: It sucked that she died. There’s a through line in this. And again, this is something that made me roll my eyes because it’s so cliche. After she had finished jerking Henry off, she had soothed him by opening up a locket that she has, and she had a tiny little music box on the locket, and it, you know, it’s this whole music soothes the Savage Beast thing.

Craig: Sure. 

Todd: And as soon as her mom’s, his mom sings to him, he quiets down and he calms down. And throughout the whole movie, there are moments where some music come, comes on or something, and he stops what he’s doing and he turns and he seems to be calmed. So ultimately, it turns out this is kind of how they can take care of him, you know, at the, at, toward the end.

The sister’s on the floor, she’s been hit a couple times and she’s been knocked out and, you know, Ryan is dead. Natalie’s- 

Craig: Dragged around, right? 

Todd: Ryan’s been dr- yeah, Natalie’s got her eyes poked out and she’s dead. Eventually it really just comes down to the guy in the wheelchair and, and Paola and the monster and it looks like he’s got them cornered and then Natalie’s sister’s phone kicks on with the ringtone and, and her dad, they, they answer and it’s her dad.

And the ringtone soothes him and makes him stop. And they were singing a song to hit their dad earlier, and so they kick on and start singing that song to him. And of course, that soothes him too. Oh, and of coveally the dad can’t see, right, because he’s blind. Right, right. So he has no idea that he’s talking to a monster or the monster’s holding the phone or whatever.

So it’s all, it’s all pretty stagy and kind of, I don’t know. I thought it was all kind of cliche, but is, you know, whatever. This is how they’re gonna get out of it. 

Craig: Yeah. Uh, right. Like Maria wakes up just in time to sing- 

Todd: A duet. In harmony with her sister.

Craig: Oh, it’s, it’s silly. Oh, man. And I don’t remember … They neutralize him- 

Todd: mm-hmm. … 

Craig: in some way in that moment. 

So 

Todd: she gets behind him with the bat and she goes, “Sorry, Hunter, we were not a match and she waxed-That’s right. Shoulder with a bat.” We’re 

Craig: not a match. Oh, Jesus. I was, I was 

Todd: rolling 

Craig: my 

Todd: eyes 

Craig: at that 

Todd: too.

Craig: She hits him in the, she hits him in his big humpback and then- Yes. … somehow, somehow they, they, they get downstairs and then there’s a show off with the mom. 

Todd: Yes, that was shocking. For 

some 

Craig: reason. 

Todd: Mom’s awake and mom’s up there and mom has a gun now and, uh, she’s aiming it at them. And again, come on, you’re like three people.

Like, you could do something here. I know. Maybe because she has a gun. Just 

Craig: leave. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: There’s gotta be at least two doors. 

Todd: Go the other way 

Craig: out of there. 

Todd: Duck down behind the furniture and crawl out, you know, whatever. Oh my 

Craig: God. 

Todd: But anyway, mom shoots her sister in the shoulder. 

Craig: Yeah. She’s- And then for some reason, I don’t- Oh God.

You may have to remind me. She shoots her own, like, she reveals that he’s the g- the guy in the wheelchair who we like. He’s handsome and we like him and he’s got this romantic connection with Paula. Like, they honestly are ready to get married. Like- They are. Like, it’s ridic- Within 

Todd: five minutes. 

Craig: It’s so stupid.

It’s the 

Todd: dumbest little love connection. 

Craig: It’s so dumb. It’s so stupid. But the mom ends up shooting him somehow. 

Todd: Yeah. Well, she, it starts, she aims towards him and then, like, Paulo goes, “No,” and she dives, like, she’s gonna take the bullet or something? It’s a really bizarre scene. But yeah, he ends up getting shot.

Craig: He, right, so he’s dead. And then somehow, uh, I think Maria, the sister, attacks the mom- 

Todd: Yep, gets on top of her. 

Craig: But somehow, the mom grabs something, like a piece of pot. A broken bottle. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: Yes, and slits her throat. Like, this movie is bleak. 

Todd: Yeah. Like- I did not see this coming. 

Craig: No, there was no reason for Maria to be killed.

Todd: Yeah. It 

Craig: was 

Todd: bad. 

Craig: How is the sole survivor of this whole horrible incident? 

Todd: She is. 

Craig: It’s terrible. It’s terrible. Her and I guess Henry, the, the monster, because- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: he, he comes downstairs, I guess. I mean, like, he’s not dead. He’s still, you know, I don’t know if he’s pulled the- He’s 

Todd: wounded or something, 

Craig: yeah.

He’s wounded, right, because, you know, the, the nail bat got him in the back or whatever, but he’s not dead. And he grabs his mom and, like, gives Paula a look like, “Get out of here.”

Todd: And then- 

Craig: And then he kills, he kills the mom, right? He 

Todd: goes to town on the mom. It is the coolest, most batshit crazy thing I’ve ever seen. 

Craig: Oh, that’s 

Todd: right. Grabs her by both wrists, pins her against the wall, snaps her, her wrists down. 

Craig: Both of them. 

Todd: L- j- sh- lifts her up high and her head goes through the ceiling, takes her down in the ground.

Craig: Yes. 

Todd: This woman should not even be talking anymore. 

Craig: She should not even be talking, but she says to him, “Catch her. Fuck her.” Like, she is so crazy. 

Todd: So obsessed with this, yeah. And then he comes over and just starts stomping on her face. 

Craig: Yep. 

Todd: Oh, God. And the sound effects were … I mean, everything was pretty brutal.

Craig: Yes. 

Todd: Yeah, really brutal. 

Craig: It was wild. I, I, I’m, like, I don’t know. I, I feel like I’ve kind of gotten your take on it, but genuinely, this was a movie that I saw, and I thought, “I wonder what Todd would think of this. ” Um, so, so I’m curious, like, w- w- what’s your take on it? 

Todd: Overall, I think it’s pretty dumb. Overall, I think it’s pretty cliche.

I don’t think it really treads new ground at all, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I, maybe the whole catfishing thing, uh, even that’s not terribly new. I don’t know, with Tinder- Sure, sure. … maybe, but, but for just being a pretty typical movie like this, it had its moments. Uh, there’s so much of it was so stupid, so much of it was like, why are you doing what you’re doing?

Why aren’t you just wandering away? Why didn’t you come to the house with some police when you figured out that your sister was there, you know? Right. Why aren’t you just walking out the door? Like, there’s a lot of those things in the movie. So you, it requires a big suspension, disbelief. And I had to just constantly remind myself, “Yeah, well, I mean, if they did that, then there wouldn’t be a horror movie, would there?”

You know? Right, 

Craig: right. 

Todd: So, you know, you go with it, but there were these moments that just were shocking and kind of fun, and I love the practical effects. I really liked the Henry Monster, and I could almost conjure up, I think, the sympathy they were trying to go for- 

Craig: mm-hmm. … 

Todd: with this guy. I mean, conceptually, I get it.

Again, we’ve seen this before. I mean, it’s as old as Frankenstein. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: So it’s, it’s, again, it’s nothing new, and I knew they were gonna go that way, and of course I knew I was supposed to feel that way, and then I kinda did for a little while. But the movie was too dumb to really get me emotionally. But yeah, I, I, yeah, it was, it was a fun watch.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: I, I would never have picked this movie out myself. Uh- I know. I definitely wouldn’t have. And this is also a movie I would’ve watched for 10 or 15 minutes and probably flipped off if I wasn’t doing it for the podcast, because I would’ve been like, it’s just kinda dumb and typical. I wouldn’t have expected any twists or turns, and there really weren’t any, except for the whole, “Oh, he’s my brother too,” kind of thing.

Craig: Right, right. 

Todd: But, but yeah, other than that, it was a fun, dumb w- dumb watch with a wild ride at the end. So if that’s what you’re looking for, I’d do it. And practical effects, great. 

Craig: Yeah. I, I, I, that’s, honestly, more often than not, I, I am just looking for an escape from everything that seems so serious. 

Todd: Right.

Craig: And don’t get me wrong, I, I enjoy a good, serious movie, a thoughtful, artful movie. I, I do enjoy that. But something like this, like, yeah, it was, it was dumb. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: But in the way that … It was fun. Like, I- Yeah. 

Todd: Fun and 

Craig: dumb. I, yeah, I felt like it was really fun and I honestly thought that overall it was well done.

It was well made. Like it- Yeah. It, it doesn’t feel, it doesn’t feel cheap. 

Todd: Nope. 

Craig: The acting’s good, the effects are pretty good. 

Todd: Cinematography’s solid, you know? 

Craig: I think so. I, yeah, I think so. And, and I feel like that’s … I don’t wanna say it’s a rare find, but it’s nice and surprising when I find one. And I don’t typically get to share these movies with a lot of people.

There’s you and there’s Heather, and I made Alan watch this, and it was so, uh, it was so funny. I just kept looking at him and smiling like, “You don’t hate it. ” Like, it was, it was, it was fine for something to be on while we were hanging out and playing cards, you know, 

Todd: like- I was just gonna say, yeah, this seems like the kind of movie that you would have on while you’re grading papers or just in the background while you’re doing housework or something.

Yeah. 

Craig: Right, right, right. And, and I enjoyed it for that reason and I’m, I’m glad that I picked it and it was fun to talk about with you. I 

Todd: really was. 

Craig: Uh, so yeah. So, and again, it’s on Tubi, Tubi is free. Yes, you have to watch commercials, but, uh- 

Todd: Not if you have an ad blocker. 

Craig: Well, all right. Look at you fancy.

But yeah, it, uh, I, I would recommend it. I mean, go in knowing what you’re getting into, but, but it’s, it’s fun and goofy and stupid and light and, yeah. I, I, I liked it overall. 

Todd: Yeah, me too. Thank you guys so much for, uh, bearing with us this season as we’ve had a bit of a more irregular schedule than usual.

That’s my fault for just life has been happening lately and I’ve just been a little slower getting those episodes out to the general public. However, if you were a patron, you would have known that we’ve been recording all along- Yep. … and you get those episodes before everybody else. In fact, you basically get them a couple days after we’ve recorded them.

So if that interests you and you want the entire unedited phone calls of, of our episodes well before they’re edited and put out there to the world, go to patreon.com/chainsawpodcast and for only five bucks a month you get access to that, you get access to minisodes that we put up. We have a great book club going on back there where we do video chat discussions of horror books every couple of weeks.

We have just a lot of fun back there with our patrons and, uh, it’s pretty cheap. Five bucks a month, we’ll get you in there. If this sounds interesting to you, go check it out. Patreon.com/chainsawpodcast. It’s also linked to from our website, which is chainsawhorror.com. Go there, leave us a message or just search for two guys on a chainsaw podcast on Google, and you’ll find us on Instagram, you’ll find us on Facebook, and lots of ways to get in contact with us.

Send us your requests, and yeah, just let us know what you thought of this. Put up a review if you’re, if you’re so inclined, as long as it’s positive. Until next time, I’m Todd. 

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd: With Two Guys and a Chainsaw.