Swallowed (2022)

Episode 429, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: Well Craig, this week’s movie you picked out. It wasn’t until I finished watching the movie and then I started digging into IMDB. Just how many, uh, things this movie intersects with what we’ve already done. From the actors, to the director. And I was surprised, because the movie seemed so unique and different from anything that we have done.

Oh, we’ve done some similar stuff, but in any case, this is 2022’s Swallowed. Written and directed by Carter Smith. He did The Ruins in 2008 and it was a short film that he did that won the grand jury prize in the Sundance Film Festival called Bug Crush, which you and I both watched as well and we’re going to save for a mini sode for our patrons because it’s really that interesting.

Interesting enough for us to talk about it. Also interesting enough that it won the grand jury prize at the Sundance Film Festival, which is what got him the gig. in the first place on The Ruins, but I was reading an interview with the director and he said that even after doing this big movie, The Ruins, which is based on a novel and Stephen King loved the movie and I think Steven Spielberg had a hand in producing it.

We did it here on the podcast, you can go back and Listen to that episode. He said he wanted to go back and do something a little more personal, very low budget, where he didn’t have to answer to anybody. He could kind of make the film he wanted to make. And so we have this movie, Swallowed. I hadn’t seen it before, but you chose it.

Uh, had you seen it before?

Craig: Yep. I had wanted to see this for a long time. Because I first read about it, I think either when they were making it or just, it hadn’t been released yet. And that was years and years ago. And I don’t remember the timeline exactly, but I feel like it somewhat coincided with that documentary.

Green Queen about Mark, what’s his last name, the guy in this movie? Mark Patton. Yeah, and so there had been kind of a renewed interest in Mark Patton, and then I think the news that I saw was that he had been cast in this movie, and that it was a queer themed movie, and it was kind of, you know, celebrating how He was kind of getting back into acting and back into horror after a long absence.

And so I was interested in that because I had watched his documentary. It was, it was fascinating. It was sad. It was sad what he went through. And so I was happy that he was getting another opportunity and it just kind of looked interesting. And there aren’t a ton of queer horror movies. So I was kind of excited about that too.

Yeah. Forgot 

Todd: about it forever. For the last, uh, three years at least. Of course, we talked about Nightmare on Elm Street 2. For those people who don’t know what you’re talking about with Mark Patton, he was the star of Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2, which has, I mean, you can’t really say subtext. It’s almost overtly text.

Has a strong queer themes, gay themes. You know, Freddy is possessing him. He’s trying to come out. And Mark Patton, supposedly, well. For sure, Mark Patton didn’t realize how he was playing it in the movie and eventually the writer admitted, of Nightmare on Elm Street 2, admitted that he had indeed written these themes into the movie, and duh, but then blamed it on him, said, oh people were saying this movie is so gay and stuff, you know, I didn’t write that in there, it was all the casting, it was all Mark, and at a time in which being out In Hollywood was kind of bad for your career.

Mm hmm. And at the same time, the AIDS crisis is coming into full swing. And so, all around, it’s a time of fear for homosexuals in the United States. It really just kind of destroyed him. And he was really up and coming in Hollywood. Yeah. Crazy so, and you watch Scream Queen and you’re like, holy shit, this guy was on the love boat, he was on TV, he was rooming with a, another rising, a guy who was even more famous than he was at the time.

And then his whole world just came crashing down around him at what should have been just the peak of his career. Right. You know, getting this huge Big movie. So anyway, like we talked about that Nightmare on Elm Street part two episode, but really you ought to go see that, um, Scream Queen to really get a full appreciation of, of Mark Patton.

I didn’t know anything about this. I just turned it on because that’s what we were doing this week. And, uh, when I saw his name flash up on the screen, I was like, that Mark Patton, he’s going to be in this. I kid you not last week. Liz and I watched Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2 and followed it up with Scream Queen.

So he was fresh in my mind. Oh, wow. Going into this. So it was a real special treat, yeah, to see him in this and to watch this movie. God, I don’t know where to start. This movie is something else. 

Craig: It is. The other thing, real quick, you know, so I forgot about it for years and then it popped up on Tubi and I was like, oh shit, yeah, I wanted to see this movie forever.

So I turned it on, and it opens with a young man dancing in a club, and then his name comes up on screen, and it’s Cooper Cooke. I had just gotten done, not, I mean, not just gotten done, but within the last year, just watched Ryan Murphy’s season of Monster on The Menendez brothers and Cooper Cook plays Eric Menendez and he is brilliant.

I have no idea how he went unrecognized in award season because his performance and I don’t know. I’m not like an Eric Menendez stand, so I don’t know how accurate it was, but it was just such a compelling performance. There was one episode. It aired uninterrupted, no commercials. It was, I think, 34 minutes.

It was one continuous shot just on him sitting in an interrogation room and the camera started pulled back pretty far from behind. The person that he’s talking to, he’s talking to his attorney and telling his story. It starts out behind her and over the course of that 35 minutes, it zooms in on him so slowly that it’s almost imperceptible.

Like, your mind is asking you, wait, has something changed? And, and finally you realize it’s slowly, slowly coming in. But he gives this Uninterrupted 34 minute, incredibly emotional monologue. And from that moment on, I have been a huge fan of his to be really completely honest, I have a big crush on him.

Todd: He’s a specimen of a man. This guy he’s, he’s got the looks, man. He is 

Craig: a beautiful, beautiful person. But in addition to that, I think that he’s a really, really talented actor and. I think that that shows in this movie too. I found him to be so compelling as an actor. I wanted to protect him. Like he just comes across as innocent and vulnerable, not necessarily naive.

Like he understands. The way of the world and that the world can be a cruel place But he’s kind of like this little innocent creature in this ugly place But it also comes across really genuine and really sincere. Yeah across the board I thought that the well, I don’t know we can talk about all the performances but there aren’t a lot of people in this movie and There are some really really strong performances.

I thought 

Todd: I thought 

Craig: so. Okay got that off my chest 

Todd: He was also in they them too wasn’t he yeah, and I don’t remember him from that at all Yeah, I don’t remember either but but he was Stu. I mean there were so many people in that movie. It’s hard to To remember who was who. I think we had mixed feelings about that movie, but, uh, 

Craig: I liked it.

Yeah. I don’t remember. 

Todd: Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t a bad, it just, we were just kind of thought maybe it was a little uneven or at times. I can’t remember exactly. This movie, it had me on edge to a point. I thought it was very intense for a very long time and darn it. We just came off of another movie that was just intense pretty much the whole time, but this one, yeah, up to a point.

And then I felt it was getting a little long. And then there was some tonal shift in there. It just allowed me to relax, I would almost say it allowed me to relax too much, and I wondered if we were veering into something else. 

Craig: That’s a common criticism that I’ve read in a lot of places, and it doesn’t, I think ultimately it hinges on Mark Patton’s entrance.

It seems like whenever I read that, it’s at that point in the movie that people start to feel like it’s lost something, or that it’s veered in a wrong direction, and I, I don’t get it. 

Todd: It wasn’t at that moment for me. It was later in the movie, and I don’t want to give anything away, but it was definitely later in the movie that I felt that, but 

Craig: Right, right, 

Todd: right.

Yeah, I can see why people would feel that way about his entrance, though, because he’s not what you expect. He comes in, and you’re expecting one kind of character, and then it turns out to be a very different kind of character, but I would argue no less But I 

Craig: feel like that’s kind of the point. 

Todd: It is the point.

And I, and again, I would argue no less threatening than the big hulking brute that I thought might be in. And in some ways, a lot, for me anyway, a lot less predictable. I found him super sleazy. 

Craig: Yeah. Okay. So we better get, there’s not a lot of plot, but I feel like there may be things we want to talk about.

Oh yeah. The guy dancing in this, in this, it seems like a small. Club, it’s not like, they’re not in LA, these are small town people. But Ben is dancing, and he’s there with his best friend Dom, played by Jose Colon, who I don’t know anything about, except that I think he’s worked with this director before, but I’m not sure.

Todd: The director’s a photographer, primarily, and uh, I think he was a model for him. And he actually, I read an interview with the director, and he said that it was after shooting this guy, that he went home and started writing this movie right away. Huh. Yeah, he, this guy was kind of I like him too. Yeah, he was good, and so he was a first time actor, and he did fantastic, I 

Craig: thought, 

Todd: for his performance.

Craig: Yeah. You know, sometimes, I don’t know, sometimes non actors can give really good performances because they don’t Because they’re not performative? Does that make sense? Yeah, they’re not trying too hard. They 

Todd: haven’t had their time on the stage. Yeah. 

Craig: He doesn’t have as much opportunity. Anyway, whatever, they’re together and they’re talking about how Ben is going to go off and be a porn star in Los Angeles.

I’m 

Clip: really 

Craig: going to 

Clip: miss this place. Yeah, it um, it’s got like uh, so much. It’s definitely got a charm of its own. Yeah. That’s for sure.

I’m gonna miss you too. I’m not the one leaving. Yeah, you are. Right. Okay, but you would be doing the exact same thing if it was you. You know that, right? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Tell me one good reason why I should stay here.

Seriously, just one. 

Craig: How about I just take that? Yeah, exactly. I am already sensing that there’s tension between these guys and like, not negative tension. Like there’s sexual tension, even though it seems very apparent that they are platonic friends at this point. But there’s, there’s just a chemistry between them.

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Dom says that Ben’s going to need money and he’s got some things set up with his. He doesn’t say what it is, but he wants to send his friend off with money to make sure that he’s okay or whatever. Mm hmm. 

Todd: It’s a sweet gesture in a kind of shitty way. 

Craig: It’s not a situation that I can relate to. No.

Directly, you know, I’ve never sent any of my friends off to be porn stars, but You know what I mean? Like Sadly. That doesn’t seem to be the important part of it. Like, that just happens to be what he’s going to do. Yeah. I think maybe it’s important later that he is a person who understands that he is capable of exploiting his good looks.

Todd: Mm hmm. 

Craig: I think that’s important later, but the fact that he’s going to be a porn star is just casual, like it’s He may as well be going out there to be like a real estate broker. It, uh, whatever, it doesn’t matter. 

Todd: It’s more or less downplayed, yeah. I thought that was going to come into play later in the movie, and I was kind of happy it didn’t.

Ha ha! But for me, I just assumed that Dom was gay as well, even though I could tell their relationship was pretty platonic. And so it wasn’t until a little later, and again, I don’t think a big deal was made out of it, but I think a little later He says something about him being a straight guy, and he I think he’s being teased or something about their relationship a little bit But yeah So they leave that club and then they go to this cousin and he says something about where I got to make a drop or I got to do a pickup or a or something like that that instantly made me think oh shit.

This is a drug thing You know, cause I didn’t know what direction this movie was going in. I didn’t even know what the title meant. I thought the title was a little bit of a trick because on the poster and the art of the movie, there’s like this image of this guy with tears in his eyes and his neck way back and it’s.

His throat is bulging and they call it a body horror movie. And I thought, Oh God, like I, I was just expecting the worst with this. Well, what ends up happening is pretty horrifying, but it didn’t, it didn’t get, I was thinking, Oh, is this going to be like an alien thing or something like that? And it kind of turns out not to be.

Craig: That you’re right. Exactly. Well, I mean, it’s, it’s obviously also no coincidence that. Cooper Cooke’s head is back and his mouth is open and the title, Swallowed, is very phallic, you know, like pointed right towards his mouth. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: it is. And I, but I think that the movie is too, but in a way that, I don’t know.

It’s 

Todd: disarming. 

Craig: Yeah, well, it just kind of embraces sexuality. Like, it’s an inherent thread of the movie, but it’s not, it’s not really salacious. I don’t know. Maybe people will agree or disagree because, frankly, aside from, Full frontal male nudity, of which there is a lot. This movie is not graphic. No. It’s very suggestive.

Todd: There’s no sex in it, per se, is there? But, Mmm, no. But, the possibility of bad sexual things happening is almost ever present after a point. But, but when I said salacious, I just meant like, The title, the cover art, you know, all that stuff. Yes. 

Craig: Oh, right, right, right. And 

Todd: so, I say it’s disarming because you come into this movie expecting that it’s going to be salacious.

And the fact that it’s not is almost worse because it’s more uncomfortable. You know, it’s the difference between when we’re, we’re so, especially in the horror realm. And again, I think this is part of the point. Who is an avowed horror fanatic, you know, grew up watching horror movies, but has said, you know, I never could see They’re filled with nudity, just not the kind of nudity I wanted to see, you know, right and Most of these horror movies the nudity is thrown in and it’s usually very gratuitous But it’s silly the girl taking a shower It’s just boobs and oh now we got to go skinny dipping and stuff like that And then it’s over the more uncomfortable horror movies are The I spit on your graves, you know, the rape revenge, in which that nudity is very much, like, not titillating at all, and it’s actually really disturbing, and that’s, that’s where the horror comes from.

This movie’s kind of in between, in a way that it, it’s riding that line, you know, it’s always threatening the very uncomfortable stuff. 

Craig: Yeah, I would say it, in terms of the tension, I would say it gets there by the end. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: It’s not as graphically violent, but in terms of the tension Oh man, the tension gets crazy at the end, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

There are so many things that I want to talk about, but I feel like we’ve got to get to it. Okay. So it is a drug thing. They go to Dom’s cousin’s house who we don’t really see her. She’s like sick. They deal with this other woman, Alice played by Jenna Malone, who also has worked with this director before she was the star of the ruins.

Apparently they. And I think she’s excellent in this movie 

Todd: too! She’s insanely good in this movie. I was really, really impressed with her character and how she played it. She was in, um, wasn’t she in The Hunger Games as well, I think? 

Craig: Yep, yep. She was a badass in that too, and she’s a badass in this, and this, you know, this is a relatively petite woman.

But she just has an, a presence about her. She’s a badass. And at first, you know, they were volunteering. Ben didn’t know anything about this and is very uncomfortable about it, but Dom was volunteering, but when they find out that they have to swallow what I assumed were like condoms, I’ve seen this, you know, in movies, not in real life, but like, you know, people put.

Heroin or coke or whatever and little balls and condoms and tie them up and then people swallow them and poop them out And that’s right about it. Yeah border. So yeah, I’ve seen it in movies or whatever Okay, when they find out that’s what they have to do. They’re like, no, no, no, we’re not gonna do it But she keeps getting calls from her boss And eventually she pulls a gun on them and says, you are doing it and forces Dom to swallow several of them that gets interrupted because he sees that his cousin is sick.

So while he’s gone checking on her, she forces Ben to swallow one too, and then Dom comes back and swallows the last one or something. So I think Dom’s got like four inside and Ben’s got one inside and they’re supposed to drive to this rest stop. Jenna Malone is constantly making digs at Ben gay digs.

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: I thought was kind of weird. Like, like she’s like, there’s this little rest up and he’s like, I know it. She’s like, of course you know, it . Right. I, I couldn’t tell if that, I couldn’t tell if that was comedy or if, I don’t know. It was a little weird time. It, it happens several more times. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: I think she’s just kind of being a bitch, but whatever they get across border.

You know, security or whatever, and they get to the truck stop. Is this where they have their little heart to heart? Not, uh Is it before he goes in? 

Todd: They’re having little heart to hearts kind of throughout up to this point. I mean, they’re always having these little snippets of conversation. What I mostly remember is that Dom seems pretty uncomfortable almost from the get go.

Maybe just because he swallowed all these, but he’s feeling a little ill. So Maybe it was a little before this 

Craig: First of all I have in my notes, you know when when they’re being held at gunpoint and stuff ben is crying Yeah, and I just think that his performance is so genuine like he’s so scared again, though.

I’ve never been in this Intense of a situation. I found it very relatable, getting yourself into a bad situation. That’s scary. And that you don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, you know, I think that’s really relatable and I, I really empathized with the both of them and now they’re in it and what can they do?

There’s great communication back and forth between Dom and Ben without words. They just share looks between one another and so much is communicated. But when they do, they get to this rest area before he goes in. Ben tells Dom that he could come with him to LA. I think Dom says something like, nah, man, you’re going to go out there and you’re going to be a huge success.

You don’t need me hanging around or something. And Ben says something like, Oh, yeah, cause I’m so good at getting bleeped and letting guys, you know, come on my face or whatever. And Dom says, No, but it’s just you’re so sexy when you do it. You know, people are gonna wanna watch you. People, you know, you’re gonna make people happy watching you.

And Ben’s like, Wait, you think I’m sexy? He’s like, Yeah, I think you’re sexy. Ben says, But you’re straight. And he’s like, Don’t be stupid. The only reason you and I haven’t Slut together is because I love you too much. He says I didn’t love those girls the way I love you And then they kind of just drop it.

Yeah They do but Because because his stomach gets upset and he he’s like I need to go inside. I don’t want to shit myself This is a major revelation. I honestly Considered asking you if we could do this episode or do this movie for our Valentine’s Day episode Oh, because I ultimately think that this movie is a tragic Love story.

Todd: It kind of is, isn’t it? These two 

Craig: men are in love. 

Todd: Yeah. They’re in love. They are, uh huh. 

Craig: And they get themselves in this terrible, terrible situation. And it’s only now that it comes out that it’s not one sided, they, they’re in love with each other. 

Todd: It’s very last house on the left in a way, you know, of these two just seemingly nice people who are just trying to have a good time.

Just end up in this situation that they should have been smart enough to avoid, but they didn’t, but they don’t deserve anything that’s coming to them, you know? You know, that’s kind of ultimately how it turns out, to be a little spoilery. 

Craig: It, yeah. It also reminded me of X. You know, I think that ultimately Ben is very much like Maxine.

True. Um, but, that may be, that may be getting a little spoilery too. In, in the rest stop, you know, he’s on the toilet, he’s trying to get this stuff out, but this huge, he’s billed as the redneck, this huge redneck. He’s billed as Randy 

Todd: Redneck. 

Craig: Hahaha! He comes in, and you can tell he’s gonna be trouble from the beginning.

Eventually he confronts them because he thinks that they’re gay. And it’s, I don’t know, it’s that weird, it’s either toxic masculinity or latent homosexuality, I never know, maybe it’s some combination of the both, but these men who feel the need to harass gay men in public spaces, I don’t know what it’s all about.

Yeah. But, Dom stands up for Ben, and ends up getting punched really hard in the stomach. 

Todd: I knew that was gonna happen, I was like, Me too. This dude’s gonna get punched in the stomach. Ha ha ha ha ha! The movie is calling for it, and of course, that’s what happened. And so you’re immediately in panic mode.

Yeah, yeah, you are. You’re immediately in panic mode, because you don’t know what the hell’s in here, except what’s her name, I mean, obviously you don’t want any drugs bursting in your stomach, but the woman made a clear point, like, you don’t want these to burst, or whatever she says, I don’t know. Yeah, be careful, they have 

Craig: to be, you know, they’re delicate, they have to be handled carefully, they have to be kept at a certain temperature.

Todd: You 

Craig: gotta spit the stuff. 

Todd: Once they’re out, put them right in this cooler and stick two hand warmers in there. Promise me you’re gonna do it, you know? So yeah, they they’re they’re more than just drugs. There’s something mysterious about this. There’s something very particular about this, from the get go.

Craig: They do have a tender moment after that guy leaves, where Dom says to Ben, what are you gonna do when I’m not here to protect you? And Ben says, guys like that don’t live in L. A. And Dom says, guys like that live everywhere. And I, 

Todd: yeah, 

Craig: their relationship just feels so, so real. Like, it feels like a human, complex, honest relationship.

Todd: There, 

Craig: there’s, there’s dynamics to it. They do love one another, but Dom feels like he has to be there to protect Ben. And he, oh God, I, I just. Yeah, I thought it was so good, but then the the trouble immediately starts he immediately gets terrible cramps Starts trying to pull his pants down. They get his pants off for some yeah 

Todd: And he has pooped out one of these things.

Craig: It doesn’t bother me because the alternative I think would bother me more but Right. It’s not 

Todd: covered. There’s 

Craig: a lot of Poop things happening from this point on, except there’s really very little poop. 

Todd: Yeah, surprisingly little actual poop involved. These things come out just kind of slick and almost slimy.

I’m not kind of sure why, but yeah. 

Craig: Again, it’s not necessarily realistic, but considering the alternative, I’m okay with it. I don’t 

Todd: think I need lots of poop. I didn’t need it. You know, it’s bad enough. You got to deal with all this stuff coming out of their asses the whole time. It gets worse. But also like, just a moment.

Is this. True. I mean, I know people swallow this stuff and eventually shit it out. I assumed half of it probably just got puked out an hour or two later. I couldn’t imagine that these five, four or so balloons full of stuff would have passed through a system in a matter of hours. Am I wrong about that? I have no idea, but I don’t know.

The intestines are very long. I, they are. 

Craig: And 

Todd: I would think these things would get stuck, 

Craig: you know, somewhere, maybe along the 

Todd: way. 

Craig: I don’t 

Todd: know. 

Craig: I don’t want to 

Todd: talk too much about pooping. I don’t know, sometimes, you know, immediately after 

Craig: I eat, I have to go to the bathroom. I don’t know. That’s true. I don’t 

Todd: know.

I always figure it’s from the meal before that meal, but, you know, whatever. No, I don’t know. Google it. 

Craig: But they We’ll do a mini sode about 

Todd: it. 

Craig: Now, so he’s got him, he gets him out to the truck, but they can’t leave because the truck, the redneck slashed their tires and Dom is saying he can’t feel his legs.

But I also noticed before I saw anything that Ben kept looking down. Yes. Like at his lap. It’s 

Todd: almost a little too much, yeah. 

Craig: And eventually, eventually it’s revealed that he has. A throbbing erection. 

Todd: Yeah, there’s a lot. His boner is front and center for quite a bit of this section of the movie. 

Craig: And it’s 

Todd: big.

Craig: Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say, I mean, I assume it’s a prosthetic. It has to be. I mean, what Right. I mean, I know there are men who are fortunate enough to be that well endowed, but I don’t know of any of them that could You know, maintain. I guess pharmaceutically it’s possible. I don’t know. But that’s kind of the 

Todd: point.

I actually wondered, did they give this guy Viagra before he went on? You’d have to. 

Craig: Ultimately, that’s kind of the point. Alice shows up and they get in her jeep and she says she’s taking him to the hospital, but she’s not. She keeps getting calls from her boss. Dom is pretty much out of it. Like, he’s conscious, but he’s, he’s, he’s trippin 

Todd: Cause he says, even in the bathroom, he says, I can’t feel my legs.

He’s just numb. He’s unable to walk. They have to carry him into and out of the cars and drag him around and stuff like that. But he’s also saying that it feels good. 

Craig: Yeah, he does. Ben asks what was in the pills or whatever they were. And, and she says, you know, have you ever heard of people licking like rainforest frogs to get high?

It’s kind of like that, except it’s bugs and they bite you and you get this. Hi, and I mean, that’s that’s it. It’s horrifying and she takes him to this remote cabin It is but you know if this were a real thing people would totally do it 

Todd: Yeah, but I mean what’s horrifying is somebody punching the stomach and now he’s getting high like clearly there’s a bug in his stomach now That is biting him from the inside.

It’s gross Yeah, you know, you don’t know how many of these have burst and if he’s going to OD and what they’re going to do about it, right? He keeps saying we’re going to take him to the hospital. We’re going to take him to the hospital. And she’s like, we are not first. We’re taking a detour. And that was what, you know, I just thought her character was so like you said, she’s a she kind of a badass, but she’s very just workman like in this in this way.

She’s like, no, we’re going to do this and we’re going to do this. And I will do it at gunpoint. You know, so shut up, you big baby. She has a high stakes job. She does, yeah. And she does not let herself get distracted until later. 

Craig: Yeah, because, you know, this is She works for a dangerous man. Like, I just assume that if you are a middleman to a big drug dealer, like, there’s danger involved.

You don’t mess with those people. And I’m sure she knows that. And so the stakes are very high for her. She’s got to get these bugs out. It is at this point when she goes into the cabin, she brings out a wheelbarrow eventually and they wheelbarrow him in, but it is at this point that Dom says, it feels good.

By the way, 

Todd: did it bother you that he was wheelbarrowing him in the most awkward backwards way that you’re supposed to use a wheelbarrow? Yeah, he was kind of dragging it. Push it, dude. Push it. It’s a lot easier. You’re making it so hard. 

Craig: That’s true. Before he throws him in the wheelbarrow, though, they’re kind of like Ben is basically holding Dom like up to his chest and Dom’s like, it feels good to my dick’s been hard for the last hour and Ben goes, yeah, I notice.

Um, and then like, like Dom’s almost kind of, I don’t know, snuggling into him, but anyway, then they get him in the house. So apparently what this drug is, is like Viagra and Ecstasy, but for whatever reason, it causes you to also be paralyzed. 

Todd: Yeah. Or at 

Craig: least partially paralyzed. 

Todd: From the waist down, conveniently.

I 

Craig: don’t know. But apparently it is euphoric and it does feel good too. At one point, Alice says that it’ll wear off in an hour. But then an hour goes by and Ben says something about it and she’s like, Well, give or take. But I think she was just lying. I think that it lasts for A long time 

Todd: seems like it, 

Craig: but anyway, once they get there, Alice and Ben are kind of talking and, and Ben is kind of trying to take care of Dom and Alice just says, does he know how in love with him?

You are. He must. Right? And again, there’s really no more discussion, but the boss is on his way. She says, Oh, so we’ve got to get them out right now. And she goes in the bathroom and grabs that of Vaseline. And she’s like, all right. Which one of us is doing this and Dom says to Ben you I want you to do it and she says well That’s good.

You probably got more experience in this area. Anyway, like I Get the joke. I totally get the joke and I but I can’t tell if she’s being 

Todd: funny like right Also, this can’t be a thing either. I mean to be able to reach in and pull these things out They’ve got to be pretty much almost all the way out Already.

It’s not like you can snake your way through someone’s intestines and pull something out. 

Craig: I don’t know. Please don’t Google that. 

Todd: But maybe the, maybe the argument now that I think about it is that if he’s paralyzed, his muscles don’t push it out, you know, they don’t move. Maybe that’s possible. Maybe it’s already there.

It just needs to be pulled out. So I guess that now that I think about it, I guess that’s probably what’s going on. I wish that had been more explicitly stated at some point, because this was bothering the heck out of me. I’m like, please. Because we get another, we get a good 20 minutes now, off and on, of him, thankfully under a blanket, but reaching underneath this blanket and supposedly fishing up into the sky and pulling out these balloons.

It’s a horror movie. 

Craig: Yeah, and it’s very uncomfortable to watch. But there’s, like I said before, there’s not very much viscera. Like, you know, he pulls them out. Over the course of, like you said, the next half hour or whatever, we don’t see anything. You know, Cooper Cook is shot from like chest up. We know what he’s doing.

And there’s some sounds and Dom is, you know, moaning and uncomfortable. I was going 

Todd: to say, I mean, we don’t need to see anything like Dom was uncomfortable enough that it made me uncomfortable, 

Craig: right? You know, what’s happening, but when he pulls his hand out, when he pulls the bags out, he holds them up and his hands are.

Far, far, far too clean. Thank God. Whatever. Thank God. You know, we get, we get, yeah, we get the point. 

Todd: That was probably a discussion on set. You could imagine, right? You could imagine they were like, wait, no, no, no. At some point the director made a call, he’s like, you know what guys, that’s a bridge too far.

Wipe off some of that makeup. 

Craig: And it was the right call. 

Todd: It was the right 

Craig: call. Alright, so the bad guy arrives. The guy that we’ve never, we don’t know anything about him other than that he’s the boss and he shows up and it’s rich played by. Mark Chapman. Mark Pat Patton. Excuse me. 

Clip: All this bullshit in a real life sex show too.

And such beautiful boys. I thought you would notice. 

Craig: Is he Fit! He’s a short man, an older man, and he’s been through a lot in his life, and that’s what his character looks like, too. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And he’s also a little gay cowboy. Yeah! He all, he reminds me almost comically a little bit of Like Leslie Jordan. 

Todd: Yeah, you’re right.

Craig: He’s, you know, a little bit effeminate. But I loved that because I feel like it’s not Mark Patton playing against Type. It’s just playing the character against Type. It’s not what you would expect. 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: But I liked that it was almost Mark Patton being able to embrace Exactly what it was that he was criticized for and ostracized for early in his career was, you know, his effeminate presentation and, and he goes for it.

And though he is a little silly, more than that. I also believe that he’s very dangerous. Everything has been very serious and on a certain level up until this point. And he brings a different kind of energy. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And I can see how that shift might be abrupt for some people. It wasn’t for me. I liked the energy he brought.

I thought it was manic and scary. I was scared of him. From the time that he walked in and said, All this bullshit in a real life sex show too. And such beautiful boys. The fact that he looked at them in that situation and sexualized it and commented on their looks, I was like, this guy is a disgusting, disgusting sleaze.

And he’s no good, and this is, nothing good is gonna come of this. 

Todd: Yeah, I felt the same way. I 100 percent did not feel like this was suddenly turning into a comedy and he was the comic relief. I thought he was a loose cannon. The minute he came in, and he was gonna make a bad situation much worse. Even if these boys are fine, and he gets his drugs, they are still in danger.

Craig: It immediately gets even worse. He says in a very like sleazy way He says that he might have to get the one out of Ben himself. Yeah, gross Yeah, and then he forces Ben to continue Mining for gold and while he’s doing that he puts the gun in Dom’s mouth in a really Sexual intimidating way. 

Todd: Yeah. One 

Craig: of the things that I appreciated about this movie is that from this point, it feels very much to me, even in look, in style and in cinematography, it starts to feel like one of those sleazy 70s rape revenge movies.

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: I’ve never seen it done before. Where men are put in the vulnerable position. Now, of course, in the rape revenge movies, it, it, the, the tables are always turned. 

Todd: Yeah. There’s, you know, like deliverance or stuff like that there, but, but, but not in your face like this is. For so, for such a sustained period of time.

It’s like, ooh, this act and it sort of happened and, and we, sometimes it’s just even alluded to, right? And then, uh, the rest of the movie is just about the getting away or the revenge bit. This is so in your face and this whole movie is really in your face and I think it’s because, well, and I read an interview with the director and he basically confirmed it.

I was confused when I first pulled this up because it was in 4 3 aspect ratio instead of widescreen. You know, just like, like the old television aspect ratio. And I thought, did I get like a, a copy that was meant for TV? Or like, what’s the deal here? Are we gonna get letterboxes on here? Are they gonna do weird stuff with it?

No, the whole thing is shot in a mostly square four by three aspect ratio. And the director said he wanted to do that, because that allows you to really frame it. Up in people’s faces, he wanted to have lots of closeup. He wanted to have lots of that. And, and he’s absolutely right because with the widescreen, you can get close up in someone’s face, but there’s always going to be space off to the sides of the screen that’s not filled here.

The faces fill the screen and he’s able to put Mark. Patton’s character, Rich is his name, he’s there with his gun in this guy’s mouth, and this guy’s, like, looking up, got tears in his eyes, and he’s in pain, plus he’s got this gun in his mouth, and this image is filling the frame. Mhm. While just in the background is his friend, and the other woman looking on.

It’s, it was actually a really smart move, and I think a real bold choice, but it really worked with this movie, and I think it made it that much more claustrophobic and personal. Mhm. 

Craig: It made me feel the way that I feel watching those movies. I was very nervous. I felt anxious, almost sick. I felt the sexual violence was eminent and I was dreading it and I was so scared.

So it was very effective in getting me to feel that way. Rich, the bad guy, when Alice says something like. They’re just kids rich. He tells her your business is done here, leave. And though Ben just kind of through eye contact and by mouthing please kind of pleads with her to stay and Jenna Malone’s performance makes it clear that she does not want to leave these young boys in this situation, but what choice does she have?

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And she leaves. Alex kind of, you know, grossly talks to Ben and says the bugs will be dead and useless to me in 20 minutes, so Ben keeps trying to get them out, but Dom cries out and writhes in pain, and it turns out that the last condom, or whatever it was, Popped inside of him. Alice hearing him crying out in pain, comes back and begs Alex to let her take him to the hospital.

Alex takes her outside and you can hear them arguing outside. Rich, excuse me. That’s right. Rich takes her outside. Yeah. Well, why am I saying Alex? Is there not sure? I know why I’m saying it. It’s because that’s what I have in my notes. I don’t know why I, I swear I just made up names for people. Apparently it’s fine.

Rich takes Alice. Outside, and they’re arguing. Meanwhile, inside, Ben is weeping over Dom, who he thinks is dead, but Dom wakes up briefly, and they have a sweet, romantic kiss, and again, Todd, like, I just think this, 

Todd: it’s 

Craig: only one element of the movie, but I feel like this tragic love story is so sad. 

Todd: It is.

Craig: And, and Dom dies, and Ben is just pleading with him, please don’t leave me here. And then he hears a gunshot, and Rich comes back. He seems a little bit upset, like he’s almost on the verge of tears, and he says, The bitch pulled a knife on me.

Clip: Look, I know he’s your friend. I get it.

Nobody wanted it to happen like this. Nobody. Least of all me. I think that we should just Wrap all of this up and put it behind us. 

Craig: And he says, I need you to know that I’m a good person. And then he forces Ben to repeat it, which he does. Then once Ben repeats that, it’s almost like that. Puts rich 

Todd: at ease.

Mm hmm and rich becomes like mister Let’s make the best of a bad situation guy and he’s like, you know what you could use a hot bath You know, why don’t we get you a hot bath? I’ll pour you a drink. We’re gonna put all this behind us We’re gonna leave after all this and it’s all is gonna be well, he’s 

Craig: clearly an insane person.

Oh, yeah Yeah, I mean he he is clearly signaling but he’s also an insane person because he’s doing it in A seductive way. Yes. As though he can actually endear himself to this young man. 

Todd: Yeah, it’s kind of pathetic. 

Craig: Yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s disgusting. It’s gross. It’s predatory. Yeah. Ben is in the position that a woman is usually in.

He is at the mercy of a man who has power. It reminded me of those movies because As those women often do, he realizes that he does have agency and he can in fact use his body and his looks to his advantage. 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: He’s in a vulnerable position, he has very few options, but he does have that at his disposal.

That’s why I said earlier that I think that it’s important that he’s going to be a porn star because he’s not somebody who is opposed to exploiting his sexuality. For personal gain true in this case his personal gain is survival, but he has that tool at his disposal And I look I like that. I 

Todd: think it’s great.

Yeah, it’s classic It’s a classic trope. Like you said the woman in trouble who like suddenly Gets the idea and turns around and smiles and is like, Oh yeah, boy, why don’t you pour me a drink after all? And then the man smiles the wolfish grin and then does her bidding. This is the point, for me, where a bit of the wind got let out of the movie sales.

I could see where it was going. I know this, this trope, I guess you could call it. But also, it’s not unrealistic. I’m just, I was just a little disappointed that Dom didn’t see through it. I mean, you can see he’s being cautious, let’s put it that way. He’s not leaping all over him. He’s not like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, let’s do it.

Let’s do it. You know, he’s got his gun and all of his power comes from his gun. Ben could overpower this guy very quickly and very easily. He could at least outrun him. Right. But the, the gun is the power. And so the movie very much becomes about. Where is the gun? How close is the gun? Who has control of the gun?

You see the gun in the foreground, and Ben is eyeing it while he’s in the tub, and it looks like he could maybe reach over and get it, but then Rich comes in with the drinks and sits down and chats with him. And then, you know, Rich’s conversation with him is kind of interesting. I wouldn’t have known this except I just came off of Scream Queen.

He tells him little facts about himself that are straight out of Mark Patton’s biography. Did you notice that? 

Craig: Yeah, doesn’t he say something like Have you ever been to Puerto Vallarta? I’ve got a little place down there. I’ve got a little place down there, yeah. He’s talking 

Todd: about how he roomed with this famous guy and all these things in L.

A. I just, it 

Craig: was He once, he once did a line with Grace Jones. He wasn’t a big movie star or anything, but he once did a line with Grace Jones. I wondered if those were little winks and nods to him. I didn’t know. They 

Todd: 100 percent were, yeah. straight out of the stories he was telling in his biography there.

It was kind of funny. I don’t know. You know, again, I really, there was tension there. Don’t get me wrong. I was curious and interested to see where this was going to go, but his friend was already dead. We kind of almost need to be reminded that that balloon is still inside of him, but he’s not showing any signs of pain or 

Craig: no, but that’s why, that’s why Rich is putting him in a warm bath.

Because that’s true. Water, and especially warm water, will help you to move your bowels. You’re right, yeah, because he says that. Yeah, maybe this will help. But, you know, we kind of glossed over the fact that he makes Ben strip naked right in front of him, and Chris Cook, you know, just standing there in his full, beautiful, nude glory.

But, like you said, it’s, it’s not sexy. Because it’s creepy, you know, he’s being assaulted. Yeah. Yeah, right. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: so for me the viewer to leer at that in a sexy way would make me feel dirty like that’s like that’s gross. He’s there against his will. But at this point, I understand why you say you’re a little bit surprised that Rich wouldn’t catch on to what he was doing because Ben does lay it on pretty thick.

Yeah, 

Todd: really 

Craig: thick. He kind of goes into sultry seductive mode too, and he starts talking. I mean, he’s a very soft spoken I don’t know if the actor really is but his character is very soft spoken anyway. But he gets even a softer more sultry voice and he asks like what the bugs feel like and that’s when Rich explains, it’s a full body experience, it’ll keep your dick hard for a full nine hours.

And Ben’s like, well what good is that if you can’t feel anything? He’s like, oh, well, you can feel everything, you just can’t move. Clue. I took a mental note of that. I’m like, that’s gonna come back. Ben says he has to pee. He manages to get his underwear and shoes on. Rich won’t let him do any more than that, but he manages to get that.

And Rich tells him. I feel bad about what happened. How about this? I’ll give you both Dom and Alice’s share. He’s like, and then we can both go our separate ways and never have to think about this again. And Ben says, yeah, okay, but I want the money right now. And he says, 

Clip: Oh, I’d like the money now. Oh, would you?

Do you think I carry that kind of cash around? Yeah, I do. Look at you. Didn’t you grow up fast? Come on. I 

Craig: thought that was great. So he gets the money and he asks, what’s his name, Rich, if he can try on his jacket. Rich has this leather fringed jacket. I thought that that was really funny because Chris Cook and Mark Patton, there’s no way they could share a jacket.

Yeah, I know, right? Mark Patton is a small man and Chris Cook is A tall, big guy. But anyway, it fits him. So he pockets the money. 

Todd: Yeah, early on, but before he got into the bath, when Rich wasn’t looking, Ben had pocket had secreted some tweezers, which I guess he was more or less keeping in his hand the whole time?

I 

Craig: guess. He must 

Todd: have been. There’s no other place he could have kept it. 

Craig: I guess he maybe could have stuck it in his shoe, but he doesn’t reach down to get it. So, he must have just palmed it. 

Todd: Maybe this is the lighter issue we had with last 

Craig: week’s 

Todd: script. Yeah, you’re right. He reaches, he puts it in his pocket, and he gets, I think he uses the pocket to prep his tweezers, and then right mid sentence where Rich is like, you know, I’ve had this jacket for a long ti AHH!

And he swings around and stabs him in the neck. I thought that would be kind of a fatal blow, but it doesn’t turn out that way. 

Craig: Well, I mean, I guess it all depends. You know, where it 

Todd: Strikes or whatever it’s enough to allow him to run out of the house and again at this point I’m like, well, this guy’s free and clear.

He’s got his keys I guess he got his keys from the jacket or maybe he picked him up and I didn’t notice 

Craig: I’m not sure one or the other in any 

Todd: case they don’t work in either of the vehicles that are out in outside So then he just tears off through the woods And then, Rich comes out, and he has a scarf tied around his neck, which I thought was funny, I guess to stop the bleeding, but of course it makes him look even more, like a, like a middle aged queen, and he says, 

Craig: You done dick teased the wrong queen, bitch!

Todd: But he’s obviously not getting very far. He’s not going to be able to track this boy down. This guy’s all the way through the woods, down to some cliff side where he sits and, and catches his breath. And by this time, Rich has turned around and, but he poops out one of the worms. Yeah. 

Craig: The last one. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And gets an idea.

So he goes back and he sees Rich throwing Alice. In the outhouse. Uh, gross. And then Rich goes back inside and I, I don’t, I don’t feel like there was much to it, right? It really 

Todd: wasn’t. 

Craig: Ben chokes him with a fireplace poker and then gets him on the ground. And I love, I loved the choreography of this. It didn’t feel sexual, but it felt like 

Todd: dominating, 

Craig: right.

And a, a power reversal. Ben still clad only in his underwear, throws himself down, straddling Rich. And again, it’s just the power completely shifts. 

Todd: He’s got the gun now and 

Craig: it’s good. And he, and he spits in his face, I think, 

Todd: and he sticks that, 

Craig: yeah, he, he sticks the bug on it and he says, does that feel good?

Uh, it’s gross. It’s gross, but it’s also, you know, appropriate. Yeah. You’re, you’re glad this. Guys getting what he has coming to him the next thing you see is Ben takes Dom down to the river and washes his body and holds him and it’s a beautiful camera shot of those two men in the water then you see rich being dragged along.

The outside ground he’s saying, please don’t do this. Please don’t do this. I’ve got money. I’ve I can give you anything you want. And then is dragging him to the outhouse and my favorite line I think was when Rich said, Oh, you’re gonna go to hell. You’re gonna go to hell. That was ridiculous. I thought it was funny, and like, I don’t know, I believed that character is a real person, as, as eccentric as he was, I believed him as a real person.

Yeah. And he throws him in the outhouse, and then it just cuts to the title. Yeah. And then interspersed between the Credits is footage of Ben in Los Angeles at the Squirty Awards. 

Todd: Fictional. I had to look that up to make sure it was fictional. 

Craig: He now goes by the name Benji Dom and he’s nominated for Best Newcomer for his role in Backwoods Boy Bang.

And, um, Backwoods Boy Bang is expected to sweep best film, best group shot, best group scene, you know, it’s, it’s expected to sweep and the drag queen interviewing him, asks him if there’s anything he wants to say, and he says, I’m just grateful to all the people who believed in me and helped me get to where I am today, and then that’s it, that’s the end, but again, that’s kind of why it reminded me A lot of X.

Yeah, you’re right. Young, aspiring porn star gets in a bad situation, has to kill everybody, and then hits it big in the big city. 

Todd: Yeah, that trajectory felt a little more like emotionally satisfying simply because, like, she didn’t have this love interest that she had to say goodbye to in the middle of it, you know?

So that’s why it felt, I mean, you might as well let us down with a bit of a joke and some fun at the end, I suppose. For me, I enjoyed the movie, like I said, it was really tense for me up until that moment where it was just the two of them. And then I just, I don’t know, I didn’t feel like the stakes were as high at that point.

Yes, I felt like this guy was still a threat, but I felt like the threat was his gun. And ultimately, yeah, he had the upper hand, but I thought that Ben still had a hand, you know? He’s a young Smart, muscular guy, yeah, being terrorized by this dude, but he’s not chained up. I felt like at any point he wanted to, they could have, he could have leapt on him, you know, when his back was turned to him, and they could have duked it out, wrestled the gun away, you know, it just didn’t happen.

And so, I think that’s why that last part of the movie was, felt like it really dragged for me. 

Craig: I get what you’re saying, but that’s not, I I feel like that’s not who he is and it’s not who he ever was. I think that. We were the scene that that one line that kind of seems like a throw will throw away line What are you gonna do when I’m not there to protect you?

That is the setup for his character journey because ultimately Dom is not there to protect. He 

Todd: has to protect himself 

Craig: He has to protect himself Dom was the muscle You’re absolutely right that The actor has great physical prowess. I mean, he’s a young man. He’s significantly younger. He’s significantly taller.

He looks like an athlete. He’s muscular and broad. He certainly has that physical advantage, but I don’t think 

Todd: he’s not an aggressive guy is what you’re saying. 

Craig: Yeah, that’s not his character. That’s that’s not how he is going to get out of this. That may have been how Dom would have gotten out of this.

That’s not how he’s gonna get out of this. So, um, I, I, I understand what, I understand what you’re saying, but I think I have a feeling that that was intentional. 

Todd: Yeah. I mean, of course, like his strategy is he’s gonna bide his time, but I never for one minute thought, oh, how’s he gonna get out of this one? I thought, yeah, he’s, he’s gonna get out of this one.

It’s not a high fence to climb here to put one over on this guy and just bide your time until eventually he’s not paying attention. And so. You know, the dynamic between them was interesting, I liked the dialogue, again you’re right, I mean you’re still uncomfortable, he’s really leering and lecherous over this kid, but he’s also not pushing it too far either.

Yes. He also seems to be biding his time. Yet, of course, right? So, I just felt like Ben would win out first. Eventually, you know, it was never a question for me. It just dragged a little bit is what I’m trying to say. It just drag, it made it drag a bit for me. 

Craig: That’s fair. I get what you’re saying. I, I also thought that it was a smart choice to cast someone.

I mean, casting Mark Patton, that’s great, but just someone of his stature. Like you said, it goes against our expectations. It goes against type, but I, I also think that much in the way that men can be victims of sexual assault, it also goes to show that All perpetrators of sexual assault are not necessarily what you would expect.

Todd: Big brawny, aggressive people. Yeah. 

Craig: Right. It can be anybody. And you say, you know, His only power is the gun. Well, that’s gonna have a lot of power over me. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Any time anybody’s pointing a gun at me, Yeah, they’ve got the power and I respect it. So I think that’s enough. You know, that, that, that is his muscle.

I found him to be very scary and menacing. It is his 

Todd: muscle, but I do have to point out, he handled that gun so flamboyantly. At times he was scratching his head with it. He was pointing his, you know, he’s kind of got it. And his hand, like waving it around in, in this way that he didn’t seem to respect the gun.

That’s true. But he’s crazy. He is crazy. But it wasn’t like, oh my God, he’s gonna shoot anybody kind of crazy. The idea that I felt, I felt like his gun handling was so lazy that at some point he was gonna get overpowered or he is gonna set it down. You know, 

Craig: again, that’s another reason that he made me so uncomfortable and that I thought he was so dangerous because I thought he would shoot anybody he shot Alice.

Todd: Mm. 

Craig: I thought if Ben had. Just continued to go along with this little play that they were playing out. He would have been dead. Yeah, the next thing that would happen was he would have been sexually assaulted. 

Todd: Mm 

Craig: hmm. And then he would have been killed. 

Todd: Mm hmm. 

Craig: That’s, that’s what would have happened.

Probably true. That guy’s not giving that kid 15, 000. No way. No. He’s, he’s Having his way with them shooting him in the head and going about his day probably involving the worm in it somehow Anyway overall, I’m really impressed with this movie. I just think for You know such a small cast and a limited location You know limited budget.

I just think that it’s so well done. I think that the the acting is I think that the, the cinematography and the style are very effective. I found it tense and compelling. I really, really, really wanted Alan to watch it with me because I wanted to see what he thought of it. This is one of those movies that’s hard to say that you like it because it’s, Uncomfortable to watch but it’s something that I would a hundred percent recommend because I think it’s a really good movie 

Todd: Yeah, it’s a compelling story.

It’s different too. People categorize it as body horror I think I take issue with that because to me body horror is about like grotesquerie, you know The body’s transforming or it’s something like that. I mean this is Something bad happening to someone’s body. Well, I mean, that’s all horror, really. All horror is about people getting cut up and chopped up and stabbed and things like that.

So I wouldn’t really call it body horror, but it’s definitely something that I thought, why has nobody ever made a movie about that? But maybe somebody has. I just haven’t seen it. Probably, yeah. Drug smugglers swallowing drugs, and then they’ll burst in your stomach, and that’s, yeah, that’s a very real, scary idea.

So, I thought it was creative as well. The movie had a lot going for it. It was different. It was novel. It was creative. And I’m really glad I watched it as well. Good. I’m glad you liked it. Thank you. Thanks for the recommendation. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you enjoyed this podcast, you have thoughts about this movie, please don’t hesitate.

Google two guys and a chainsaw podcast. There are places all over online where you can leave us messages or comments and even. Shoot us an audio greeting, which we would love to hear. We haven’t had one of those in a while. If you go to ChainsawHorror. com, you can click talk to us right there in your browser, record up to 60 seconds.

That’ll go right to us. You don’t need any special software. You don’t need to sign up for anything. And we would love to hear that. And we will play it on air. We have a theme month coming up and I might as well. Spoiler! We are going to do In Space sequels, where franchises took a sharp left turn, or should I say, upward turn, straight into space.

And we have four movies lined up that we think you’re, uh, you’re really going to enjoy. And I’m looking forward to all of the cheese. Until next time, I’m Todd. And I’m Craig. With Two Guys and a Chainsaw.