Zombeavers (2014)

Episode 165, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode  of 2 Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: Well, Craig, we are continuing with requests. This request This week was 1 that you had seen I had not even heard of but we want to thank Ryan for suggesting Zombeavers. I think that the reason we chose this 1 is after last week’s really really heavy movie I specifically asked Craig can we please just watch something goofy that I don’t have to think about, I’m not gonna care about? This pretty well fit the bill for me. So yeah, it’s pretty nice. So yeah, I hadn’t heard   of it before, but you’d seen this before. This is totally the kind of movie that I could see you’re like on Netflix or Amazon Prime flipping through 1 night and going, ooh, zombievers, let’s check this 1 out.

Craig: Definitely, and that’s exactly what happened. I don’t remember if I had heard of it or what, but yeah, I think it came out on Netflix eventually at some point, and I just thought it sounded hilarious. I mean, come on! Like, how can you go wrong with a title like Zombieverse? So I watched it and I made my partner watch it with me and it’s stupid. It’s a stupid movie. Yeah. But it’s, I kinda thought it was kinda hilarious and my partner didn’t hate it either.

Todd: No, which is good. That’s a pretty high bar actually.

Craig: Actually watching it for this podcast is actually the third time I’ve seen it. I liked it enough that I watched it again after. It was 1 of those things where I was grading papers or something and I just needed something stupid in the background to put on. Yeah, so this is my third time watching it, and again, I’m just gonna put it out there. It’s dumb. It’s a dumb movie, but it’s 1 of those movies that it knows what it’s doing. It’s not trying to be something it’s not. It’s trying to be a goofy, stupid, funny   movie. And it is.

Todd: And that doesn’t always work. We’ve talked about that before, how we’ve seen these goofy movies that are maybe trying too hard. Or something just doesn’t, It’s just a chore to watch. It’s not really as funny or as interesting or as compelling as it thinks it is. And you’re kind of watching your watch. I have to admit, I don’t think that this movie really moved like I wanted it.

Craig: Yeah, it’s a little slow.

Todd: It’s a little slow and The action isn’t that intense. I don’t know. But part of it’s just, you know, they’re beavers. Right? So what all can you do with beavers? But I still enjoyed it. I mean, it’s only like an hour and 20 minutes long, so it’s not long at all. You know, it’s goofy, it’s funny, you know what you’re getting into. You just have to sit through a lot of beaver jokes like a lot   Yeah

Craig: They even comments on it in the movie like alright enough of the beaver jokes

Todd: But they kept coming

Craig: I’ll say the same thing, you know, watching it this time around and really, you know, sitting and watching and paying attention and taking notes and stuff, I really thought, you know, the first, like you said, it’s like an hour, 15 hour, 20 minutes. The first 30, 40 minutes, feel free to get up and go to the bathroom or get a beer or whatever. Like you’re not gonna miss much. But when it gets to

Todd: the beavers,

Craig: the stuff with the zombie beavers.

Todd: Oh, By the way, I have   to knock this off of my list of things too. We had marker boner a couple weeks ago, zombie beavers, another thing to tick off. I don’t know how many more subjects we could possibly cover in this podcast, But I feel like we’re going through the whole encyclopedia and beyond   yeah, yeah You

Craig: go it but when you when you get to that stuff. I thought it was really fun and like there’s a lot of really fun stuff, you know cuz these zombie verse their puppets and Yeah, but but that was what was great

Todd: about them actually. Like, I was really worried when we went into this it was mostly gonna be CGI because that stuff just ends up looking so cheap and it just makes   the   movie like horrible. And these were honest to goodness zombie beaver puppets straight out of the Jim Henson, well maybe Jim Henson’s younger brother’s factory.   But you know. Yeah right.

Craig: But it’s funny because like you know like these beavers are attacking and you can tell that it’s just somebody’s arm up in a beaver puppet just shaking the beaver puppet at the you know like

Todd: it’s has just moving sideways back and forth back and forth the mouth barely opens there’s not a lot to it there even some interesting effects later where they do some things like that we see a lot in the zombie genre. They try to pull it off with a beaver with somewhat limited success. Like I’m thinking about the scene in the kitchen where the girl is up on the counter and when her beaver is getting attacked by the beaver. And of course I’m very focused on that aspect of the scene that I almost missed the fact that   as the zombie that she has like, I guess she kind of swiped at it, somehow cut it in half. As it’s crawling across the counter, it’s body is separating, you know? And yeah, the effect, they were going for it, and I was happy that they were trying something like that, but The effect just looked, yeah, not that great.

Craig: I don’t know, I thought it was funny. I just think it’s corny and it works for me. It’s not a great movie. I’m not gonna push this movie as some sort of masterpiece because It’s certainly not. It certainly has lots of flaws. Are you sure? But just something to sit back and mindlessly watch and have some laughs. And I would highly recommend alcohol. I think that’s going to enhance your experience significantly.

Todd: That’s also a whole other subcategory of movies that we’ve kind of established on this podcast as well. Ones you need some kind of controlled substance with and the other ones that you can just watch on their own. This is definitely a party movie for sure.

Craig: Well, the plot is so simple. I mean, if we wanted to, we could summarize the plot in 30 seconds, a bunch of kids go out to a cabin and get attacked by zombie-vers. I mean, that’s it. If we want to be a little bit more specific.

Todd: We want to analyze a script for Oscar consideration.

Craig: It opens up with this hilarious scene where you see this truck and it’s a medical research facility truck and these 2 hillbilly isn’t quite the right word, you know, like they look like somebody, they look like gas station attendants from the Midwest or something like that, you know, the drivers of this truck. And they just have this dialogue that I am 100% confident was made up on the spot. Like I can, I just imagine that They filmed probably an hour of these guys just, you know, shooting the ball, you know, making up these goofy stories, trying   to make each other laugh? And it’s so funny. And like I said, this is the third time I’ve seen this movie and it was the first time that I realized that 1 of these guys is John Mayer. Did you rec- did you notice that?

Todd: Yeah. Well,   I actually recognize the other guy, Bill Burr, because I’ve watched several of his comedy specials, like he does stand-up, and I don’t know, he might have a TV show or something, but no. I mean, John Mayer, I guess he’s got a mustache on and glasses and a hat I’m not that familiar with John Mayer But I thought they kind of disguised him a little bit to the point where I had to look it up to know that was him Yeah, for sure. I didn’t know he was that funny.

Craig: No, he is funny and They’re just talking and it’s just so random.

Todd: It creeps you out. You know, we just agreed on everything. Want to get some beers? Want to watch the game? Absolutely. You get beers, and we watch the game? I hear a lot of myself in this story. Like… Laughter Oh my God.

Craig: I can only imagine that these guys just had a blast just cracking each other up with these ridiculous stories. In fact at the end of the movie there are bloopers and you see some of the outtakes and it just looks like they were just having a great time. But anyway, at 1 point the guy who’s driving is on his phone and John Mayer says, hey, you see that deer? And he’s like, oh yeah, I see it when he’s totally not looking at the road at all. And then he hits the deer and it just explodes. And   it’s gory, it’s great, you know, like the blood and guts are dripping off the front of the truck and stuff. But a big drum of something flies out of the back of their truck into the river, which we’ve seen a million times. It’s how all these zombie movies start.

Todd: Yeah, Return of the Living Dead 2.   Ha ha.

Craig: Right. That’s how it all starts out. And then there’s what I thought was a really great credits, opening credits sequence that was partially animated. You know, like as this drum is floating down the river, you know, superimposed over that, there’s this animated sketch, I guess. And it’s very Scooby-Doo-esque, you know, with like the animated zombie-vers chasing around, you know, those rascally kids. And I just thought it was cute. I just thought it was a really good way to kind of set the tone of the movie

Todd: Yeah, it set the tone and it’s really that kind of humor this almost stand-up, I don’t want to say stand-up, but almost Saturday Night Live level humor sometimes is coming through. The dialogue’s pretty witty. Sometimes it’s a little silly. There’s like 3 writers on it, but Jordan Rubin is the director, and he’s 1 of the main writers, and I guess he and Al Kaplan, John Kaplan, sat around probably over a few beers In a Denny’s or something and came up with the idea for this movie, but he’s been he wrote for the man show You know   Adam Carolla show those on TV cranky anchors a lot of comedy He’s done big-time writing for comedy like for movie awards and and Comedy Central and stuff like that. And this is actually his very first film, so feature film. And so it was really, I think it showed like the quality of the writing and the quality of the jokes, it was a couple notches above what we sometimes see in this kind of movie. You know, it’s a little, it’s modern, it’s a little hip, it’s a little ironic, it’s a little millennial, and it works. It worked   for me, actually. Even though The delivery was sometimes a little uneven, the acting was sometimes a little uneven. The jokes were funny. Like I probably would have read the script and laughed out loud at so much of it that I probably didn’t laugh out loud at on the screen, right?

Craig: Yeah, yeah, I agree, and you’re right. The acting is, I don’t know, it’s okay.

Todd: It’s not terrible, but you know.

Craig: No, it’s not terrible. We follow primarily these 3 girls. There’s Mary, who’s played by Rachel Melvin, who is from days of our lives. Don’t ask me how I know that because I won’t tell you. And she’s kind of like, I don’t know, she’s the 1, the pretty 1 who wears glasses. Okay. And then there’s Zoe, who’s like the smart mouth slutty 1. And then there’s Jen, who’s the sensitive blonde 1. And Zoe’s played by Courtney Palm. Jen is played by Lexi Atkins. I didn’t recognize them from anything I looked at their pages didn’t recognize anything they’ve   been from but you know 3 pretty girls great yeah doing some kind of weird southern accent that comes and goes.

Todd: Yeah, I was trying to figure that out, right? Like at times, Zoe would sound a little southern, but then it would stop. And were they like in the middle of filming and she decided she needed to add a little bit of this to some of her earlier scenes or something? I don’t know.

Craig: I don’t know. And they’re supposed to be from Indiana, right? Like do people in Indiana have a southern accent?

Todd: I don’t know. It’s not really, no. I don’t know if they were trying, you know Maybe though the cabin of the woods environment was inspiring them to get all southern

Craig: I guess

Todd: then you’ve got a couple other guys in here who are really like Stereotypical redneck guys walking around who really lay it on thick. Yeah, but again, it’s it’s Indiana I guess well, it’s just it’s the woods.

Craig: So right well and they try to you know, they set it up like it’s like this backwoods kind of area. There’s a very brief scene. You know, they’re all driving there and they’re just talking and you kinda get the idea that Jen is sad because she’s crying in the bathroom because her boyfriend cheated on her or something. And so they’re going on this girls trip to get past all that I guess. And as they’re driving we cut to this other scene where it says, welcome to Ashwood, which apparently is where they’re going, and there’s this kid   fishing. He looks like he’s about 15 years old, and he’s wearing a number 1 dad hat, which I thought was hilarious.

Todd: Yeah, what was that all about?   Real non sequitur there.

Craig: Yeah, he gets attacked by something and like it’s POV for the first half of the movie with these attacks and like you just hear kind of these grumbles like, you know, you know, beaver attacks and they get there and there it’s Mary’s cousin’s cabin is just this, you know, nice ish, you know, like not posh, but a decent cabin on the lake. And that 1 of the They meet the neighbor lady who comes over and talks to them and there’s a funny exchange because Zoe, the bad 1, is kind of messing with the neighbor.

Clip: Well, we were supposed to have toward getaway sex, but Jen’s dad cheated on her,   so… Oh, I see. She is kidding, Mrs. Cuckerson.   I am kidding. None of us have had sex. Ever.

Todd: Yeah.

Clip: Oh, it’s okay, Mary. My daughter’s a total bitch too. A real whore. Sometimes she brings people home, I don’t even know what sex they are. And I’m not saying anything negative about them. I’m a very, very liberal woman. But my daughter is a real piece of work and not that attractive. Well, if you girls need anything, you know where to find us.

Todd: Just some

Craig: funny stuff going on.

Todd: Yeah, there was a lot of this little sort of subvert your expectations going on in the movie, especially with some of these older characters. And this scene was 1 of the scenes where I just kind of rolled my eyes at. I thought it was cute. And once again, the writing was funny, but the delivery was just a little off. And maybe the editing too, it just, It didn’t work for me in that way, but it was at least some funny dialogue. They were going back and forth. And you know, this neighbor you think is gonna have   a big role to play in the movie. You know they’re gonna get attacked in this cabin and the girls turn and look and wave at her husband and they’re literally like 50 feet away. Their cabin in this, at least in this shot, looks so close to this other house. But then when things start going down in the movie and these bad things are happening to the girl and they’re running outside and they’re running inside and things are breaking and whatnot. It now suddenly it’s like their neighbor’s house must be off in the distance somewhere because they   can’t even hear what’s going on or they’re looking through the window and barely seeing what what’s happening over there. You know, I just I want to say this was kind of a big failing of the movie for me was that the stakes just Never seemed to be that high The situations didn’t seem to be that dire I mean, yeah, they’re getting attacked by zombie beavers But I think the movie wanted us to think it was a bigger threat than it ended up kind of looking on screen. And so, like, leaving the neighbors out of it and   not having them… Like, they don’t even run to the neighbor’s house when they need help, when they first, you know, run out of the house. And so all of that just felt a little off to me. They’d set all this up in the beginning. They made a real point of bringing this woman out, showing you the house over on the other side. And then it just kind of got forgotten until about the last third of the movie or quarter of the movie when 1 of them ends up at that house.

Craig: Yeah, fair enough. I mean, it’s not, you know, it’s not fine literature or anything, you know, it’s not like the writing and the planning that went into the writing is that impressive. So I get what you’re saying. It didn’t bother me. I mean, they do end up over there eventually at some point and that lady shows up again in a fun way.

Todd: Yeah I

Craig: mean I get it if you’re analyzing zombie-vers and the motivation of the characters then yeah yeah maybe they should have run over there earlier.

Todd: Craig, if we’re gonna make this last an hour like we usually do,   we gotta talk about something. I know,

Craig: and it’s funny, because I’m just trying to get through stuff.

Todd: Yeah, let’s just whiz through the plot, right?

Craig: Okay, so they go swimming, and Zoe goes topless, because she’s the bad girl, so you get boobies.

Todd: That was nice, actually,   I really

Craig: liked that. Yeah, she’s got nice boobies. They swim out to this you know kind of floating dock or whatever and they’re hanging out there and then they notice this beaver dam and Jen, the cutesy blonde one’s like, Oh, I love beavers. And so first of all, they swim right up to it, which I don’t think that I would do. That seems kind of risky. Yeah, they swim right up to it and they get out and like they notice all this like green like gobbledygook all over it because obviously that’s the Waste or whatever it was from   the medical facility, but they just think it’s beaver pee

Todd: And so

Craig: they were standing there talking about it and they see an enormous grizzly bear. They’re all scared of it or whatever, but then this like mountain man, Smith, shows up and shoots his rifle and the gun, or excuse me, the bear runs away and he’s kind of menacing and tells them that they should cover up and like criticizes their tattoos or whatever. All of this is leading up to them hanging out and being very girly in the cabin and then they start hearing these scary noises outside and oh what’s happening and so they go outside and it   turns out that just their boyfriends have shown up. Zoe has been in cahoots with the boyfriends to get them to show up. They were all supposed to go together in the first place, but then Jen’s boyfriend cheated on her and so they canceled the boys, but now the boys are

Todd: here. By the way, this would super annoy me. If I were, I felt so bad for those girls you got this like girls day out or this guy’s day out or you know Retreat you’re gonna do it then suddenly all the boyfriends show up or all the girlfriends show up Nothing is gonna kill what you guys set out to do there quick more quickly than just bringing over the mates, you know

Craig: Yeah, yeah, I know but it’s something that you that would totally happen at that age, right? Yeah, you’re right. It would. Somebody would think, yeah, right, exactly. But anyway, okay, so the boys show up. Now, they’re all coupled up. Now, Mary’s boy is Tommy, and I don’t know, he’s just handsome and jockey. That’s all that he’s got going for him. And then Zoe’s boyfriend is Buck and he’s the goofy funny 1. And Jen’s boyfriend is Sam and he’s the cheater and he is played by Hutch Dano. Did you read this? That he’s the grandson of Royal   Dano?

Todd: Are you kidding me?

Craig: No! No! I didn’t see that! Yes, it’s Royal Dano’s grandson.

Todd: Oh my goodness. We love Royal Dano. Interestingly enough, Hutch Dano didn’t even try a southern accent, did he?   No, I don’t think so.

Craig: And really, honestly, I don’t know a whole lot about Royal Dano except for that He was this old-school kind of movie star and we loved him in house, too But I was just totally tickled by the fact that it was Royal Dano’s grandson even though he’s a douchebag in the movie.

Todd: It’s fine   Yeah, everybody’s a douchebag in this movie

Craig: pretty much

Todd: Yeah,

Craig: and then they show up and it’s exactly what you would think it would be, you know Buck and Zoe have loud sex and you know, it’s it’s just all goofy and and Jen whose boyfriend Sam has cheated on her, she’s got this picture on her phone that somebody had tagged her, a friend of a friend had tagged her in and it’s a picture of her boyfriend making out with somebody else, a brunette, but you can only see the back of the brunette’s head. You can’t see who it is. It’s that for a second, like silly college

Todd: cabin movie. Yeah, the zombie beaver’s part couldn’t have come along quick enough for me.

Craig: Oh no, absolutely.

Todd: This is all just like, you’re kind of watching, okay we get it, there’s gonna be some tension here, there’s gonna be some tension here. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. It’s slightly shades of the descent, right? Where they’re trying   to sort

Craig: of set

Todd: up this thing. And I’m thinking, okay, so later in this movie, there’s gonna be a scene where these 2 girls are gonna have to confront each other and 1 might do something bad to the other, you know? And then it’s not that intense because it’s a comedy, but you know, there’s a little bit of that and, oh, yeah, okay, maybe I’ve just seen so much of this stuff that I was ready to move past this and get to the zombie beavers. And then the zombie beaver shows up in the bathtub. And I’m just kind of wondering,   did it come up through the drain? How did the beaver get in the house?

Craig: Don’t ask questions.

Todd: Just go with it.   You know I like   to ask these questions.

Craig: Okay so Jen is in the bathroom, the pretty 1. Of course she takes off all of her clothes except for her innocent white cotton bra and panty set. Yeah. Then she opens up the shower and there’s a zombie over in there. Now I have to say, I loved these creature effects. I just thought they were so much fun. You know, they look ratty and rabid and diseased and gross.

Todd: White eyes and yeah.

Craig: And they don’t look particularly real, but there’s a whole lot of motion. Like they move a lot. And it really just looks like somebody’s shaking them. Like somebody’s shaking a toy from underneath. And you only kind of see them in glimpses, but I just thought it looked so fun. I don’t know, they were just really fun effects. And when they would jump out at people or you know poke their heads through windows or up through the floor

Todd: or Leap through the air at people and like get shot in midair This is like weird stuff like that beavers probably can’t do but maybe zombie beavers can do

Craig: And it was funny and like then it’s nighttime okay, so I the first, there’s just the 1 zombie at first and, you know, Jen freaks out and at first nobody believes her or at least thinks she’s overreacting. But then when they get in there and they see that it’s messed up, like they all kind of freak out and Tommy takes a baseball bat and air quotes kills this first zombiever and puts it in a trash bag and sets it out on the porch. Well, okay, that’s it for that night. They get up in the morning and   they go outside and it’s gone. And the boys are like, well, you know, another wild animal came and took it.

Todd: Yeah, makes sense.

Craig: And they’re going to go swimming. So they go down to the pond and they go swimming and, you know, they’re having a good time or whatever and this is where we find out Mary and Sam end up on the floating Dock by themselves and we find out of course Shocker that Mary is the brunette in the picture that Sam is kissing. I mean, I guess they needed something along the lines of plot, but like it just seemed dumb, and I didn’t really care. It just seemed to be like, well, we need to add some tension between   these characters. But then ultimately when it came down to it, nobody cared.

Todd: Yeah, even she didn’t care. The minute was brought up, she looked pissed for about a minute or 2 and then she comes over and says oh I’m really sorry and her response is basically that’s okay we have bigger fish to fry now like oh okay well I guess we don’t have to worry about this anymore all this drama around this love triangle thing and then she just drops it which you know fair enough the Zombie version.

Craig: Right I mean exactly zombie verse right

Todd: What more needs to be said?

Craig: Later in the movie they like they kept Trying to play it for drama like maybe Mary really has feelings for Sam And maybe there’s really something between them who cares nobody cares.

Todd: Yeah,

Craig: he’s a douchebag It’s it’s just stupid well.

Todd: He tries to bang her later, and then he gets

Craig: well they

Todd: they get attacked

Craig: Yeah, so we’ll get I mean they basically get there.

Todd: We’re not getting there fast enough Craig You you’re the 1 who watches 3 times come on I’m putting this in your in your lap

Craig: I know it’s cool I’m trying that’s me too boring about it Jen won’t get in the water because she’s still scared of the beaver from last night. But they eventually convince her and she walks down in there. But right away, she’s only ankle deep in the water. She feels something brush her foot and she freaks out. And of course, everybody’s making fun of her. And then all of a sudden Buck goes down underwater. And everybody thinks that he’s goofing, like that he’s making fun of her. But then he, well, if you’re paying attention, you see that   the water turns CGI red around him.

Todd: CGI red. Is that a color you can pick out at Home Depot for your walls?

Craig: Yeah, CGI red. He comes up and he’s holding his foot. His foot has been bitten off. And all of this sounds really silly and it is and it feels really silly to recap But it’s kind of fun to watch, you know, they all swim to the raft and they tie off Buck’s leg Zoe has a dog a little dog and and they take off its life vest and use that to tie off his leg, because you know, that would work. Meanwhile, Jen runs back to the house to try to call for help, but the beavers have   cut the phone lines, because of course they have.

Todd: Because of course. And they show the phone box outside of these 2 lines coming down from it, these 2 red beaver scratches across the wood behind the cut lines. It’s so goofy.

Craig: And the beavers start to attack the people on the raft from underneath and Jen is getting attacked in the kitchen.

Todd: It’s like Creepshow 2, right?

Craig: Yeah, oh that’s totally what it reminded me of too.

Todd: But her kitchen bit is the is the beaver attack the beaver on beaver action

Craig: Yeah

Todd: in the kitchen and it’s not as exciting as it as it sounds But she’s just you know backing away from him on the counter and he gets up on the counter and is approaching her and Hardy har har we see what’s going on here. It’s the visual sight gag And then I think 1 of the other they end up off the raft by this point, don’t they?

Craig: Well, yes, because Sam takes Zoe’s dog and throws it in the water as

Todd: as a diversion. And I’m sure you and Alan had to shut the movie off at this point I’d like take a breather

Craig: before you know because Because it looks so fake and because it’s so silly But you know the funny thing is I in these movies when this happens usually another 30 40 minutes into the movie the dog shows back up like yeah it didn’t really get the dog no the beavers get the dog but there is in the bloopers at the end And I have a soft spot for bloopers, especially in a goofy cornball movie like this in the bloopers at the end They showed the dog swimming around with these floating Zombieverse and the dog is just   having a great time and you hear somebody off camera say it’s supposed to be afraid of them.

Todd: Stupid dog. Yeah, I was really disappointed we didn’t get the zombie dog coming at the end. I thought for sure this was setting up for the dog’s revenge and he was gonna go and get this guy, but no

Craig: That’s too bad missed opportunity They all get back home then it’s nighttime and the Beavers are surrounding the house and I just it there’s It’s charming in a way to me, because the way that they show that the beavers are surrounding the house is just to show these illuminated eyes against a black screen. It looks in no way, in any way, convincingly real at all. It doesn’t even seem like that’s what they were going for. No. Like it almost looks like they just cut holes out of a black piece of construction paper and shone a light   through it.

Todd: Well it just, it looks old school, you know? It’s kind of old school black and white horror movie. And that’s what I thought was a little charming about it You know, this would be like, you know, you look out the window and the eyes are glowing in the woods And that’s what you’d see in some 1930s Universal horror movie or something with a lot less caliber. You know, it just, and I liked that. Like why try to convince us with some dumbass CGI that doesn’t look convincing anyway, or try to put a whole bunch of crazy   puppets out there that also aren’t gonna look convincing. It was nice, It was a case of where less was more, in my opinion.

Craig: Yeah, I thought it was fun. I thought it was funny. But Zoe’s ticked off that Sam killed her dog and so she spills the big secret. But again, Nobody really cares. The 1 that I felt most sorry for was Tommy. Tommy is Mary’s boyfriend and nobody gives a shit about him.

Todd: No. Like. And he cared for like a second too and then again went on.

Craig: And So then Tommy and Zoe are going to try to take Buck, who’s lost his foot, to the hospital. And again, it’s just so stupid. Like his foot has been entirely severed. They’ve barely tied it off. And meanwhile, he’s still like running around, like running away from, like how are you running? Your foot is cut off at the ankle. And then we see the neighbors again and the wife’s like, I think I heard something over there. And the husband has 1 of my favorite lines.

Clip: Did you hear something?

Craig: Did I hear what?

Clip: Banging, hollering.

Craig: Oh, It’s just those kids scissoring each other and the lady gaga

Todd: Best lied in the movie by far

Craig: Scissoring each other

Todd: Jordan Rubin. Whoever came up with that line. Genius.

Craig: Okay, so those 3 are trying to get away, but there’s a tree down in the road and God I’m the movie like so much of it had to have been ad-libbed like there’s So there’s a tree down in the road and Tommy gets out to like see what’s going on So it’s just Zoe and Buck in the car and he’s just like,

Todd: I’m sorry I never ate your pussy. I’m gonna go back and eat all of that 1 day.

Clip: It’s okay, baby. We’re going to get out of here. Okay.

Todd: It just smells so bad down there.

Craig: So dumb. It’s so juvenile, but I don’t care. Like, that stuff gets me. I am like a 12 year old boy, you know, at heart. And those ridiculous, stupid jokes just crack me up. I thought it

Todd: was so funny.   Well that character’s kinda cool. I mean, he’s got maybe some of the best delivery of any of them. I mean, he’s maybe the most-

Craig: He’s a funny guy.

Todd: He has the best comedic timing. Yeah, he really, he reminded me of the, the goofball from Scream, right? The first Scream? Yeah.   Like, he’s kinda   the same character.

Craig: Well and he plays the same role as the goofy guy from oh, what was that Nazi zombie movie?

Todd: Which 1?

Craig: The Nazi zombie movie the We’ve watched them both.

Todd: Oh, yeah, dead snow dead snow

Craig: dead snow. Yeah, the original Dead Snow. There was kind of the chubby, goofy guy in that. This guy reminds me of that too. That’s right. But Tommy gets killed because, of course, the beavers chop down a tree to fall on him. And then Smith, the hunter, shows up and saves Zoe and Buck. Meanwhile, back at the house, oh no, there’s, well, back at the house, Sam and Mary and Jen are boarding up the house, which is boring. And then they’re in the truck and they have this conversation where Smith says to Zoe and Buck.

Todd: Back in the 70s, a beaver fever hit. Stirred up the whole damn county.

Clip: Beaver fever?

Todd: Caused by the Giardia parasite. Beaver’s carrying.   Is this whole monologue about beaver fever? You know, when they were writing this script, somebody just sat down with like, I don’t want to say a thesaurus, they just googled beaver to see what kind of, how many beaver references can we throw in here? And oh, okay, beaver fever, Giardia from the 70s, All right, we’ll make sure we get that in there somehow

Craig: God it’s so funny and they fight they they get back to the house but now the other people have the house all boarded up and so they can’t get in. Smith is like shooting the zombie beavers and he’s just gonna, filthy hairy beavers.

Todd: Oh, it   never ends.   Oh my god.

Craig: It never ends. So they run off to the neighbors and they find the Mr. Gregorson is dead. It’s cutting back and forth at this point and it cuts back to the main house where Sam and Jen and Mary are and I feel like they kind of get into a spat, you know, of course, because they are the love triangle or whatever. And at 1 point they’re spatting and Sam says, we can’t turn against each other now. That’s exactly what the Beavers would want. As you can tell folks, the writing in this movie is amazing and deserves   every award. But seriously, it’s 1 of those things where you know that everybody’s in on it. They know how stupid this dialogue is. And they’re just doing their best to deliver it.

Todd: Without laughing.

Craig: Right, without laughing. Either in the goofiest way possible or in the straightest way possible. So it comes across as really funny and it does most of the time it works the the acting is not amazing But especially now Like before the beavers showed up. It was a little bit rough But once the beavers show up and it’s moving then it’s it’s funny. Oh God, I don’t know Smith and Zoe have a discussion about Buck’s foot and Smith’s like, yeah, they’re not gonna be able to put that baby back on.

Todd: Because they’ve had it in a bag on ice the whole time.

Craig: Yeah, right, like he’s just, Buck’s just been carrying it around in a Ziploc bag, like using it as a pillow, it’s kind of funny. And then it cuts back to the other house, where they’ve just had all this tension, where they’ve turned on each other, whatever. Mary has gone to bed, and then Jen comes in, and I’m like, what is happening?

Todd: Yeah. I thought it was a dream sequence at first.

Craig: I did too. Jen like crawls on top of her in a very seductive way. Like it’s very sultry and Mary’s like, Oh, so you were never upset that Sam cheated on you. You were just upset that it was with me and I really like you, but this is never going to work. And then, and I honest to God didn’t even see this coming. No, me neither.

Todd: Me neither.

Craig: And when it happened, I just, I glowed. Like, this is amazing. Jen turns into a giant zombie. Yes.

Todd: Giant buck teeth, her nails grow claws, her face shape kind of changes a little bit. She’s got a tail, yeah, that she’s banging against the floor at 1 point. Yeah. That kept the movie interesting.

Craig: And the makeup, it looks fun.

Todd: Yeah, it’s not bad. It’s really gross, actually. I mean, it’s hard to look at because it’s pretty disgusting.

Craig: Well, she’s on top of Mary, and she’s drooling into her mouth. It’s nasty, But it’s also hilarious. And then from here on out, it just goes kind of crazy. Jen attacks Mary, Sam knocks her out, Then Buck turns into a beaver zombie and attacks Smith and eats his face. And Zoe tries to shoot Buck but accidentally ends up shooting Smith. Buck chases Zoe upstairs where she ends up being confronted by the neighbor lady zombie beaver and she has to jump out a window and it like from the second story and it appears that she’s unconscious and   that’s where we leave her for a while. Meanwhile back at the other house Sam and Mary are running away from Jen the zombie beaver and they end up in the bathroom and all of a sudden Mary is very concerned that he’s been bitten and that he may turn. So she makes him take off all of his clothes, which he does, and he’s fine. And so then he tells her to take off her clothes and she takes off everything but her underwear because apparently this actress was not showing her boobs

Todd: in this movie. Yeah.   That’s clearly the reason.

Craig: And then the zombie-versus are attacking, Jen’s right outside the door, but they decide that this will be the perfect moment to bone.

Todd: This didn’t make any sense.

Craig: So they do. And

Todd: then the beaver shows up.

Craig: And then Jen, the zombie, shows up, right?

Todd: And she

Craig: bites his dick off.

Todd: And they make a big production out of her biting his dick off like he’s standing she’s on her knees She pulls away from his crotch and there’s like long stringy blood and gore coming out And it’s I mean it is it is an up close and personal dick biting scene that we don’t get very often Especially not from a zombie or I think It might be a first for our podcast. Yeah,

Craig: so. It

Todd: might be.   Not our first dick removal scene by far, but definitely in this manner. Yeah, it just went way off the rails. At this point, anything’s gonna happen in this movie. And I think that’s part of the fun of it is just realizing it’s gonna be balls to the wall for a little while here Yet at the same sense like I said earlier I just didn’t feel a sense of urgency like I really cared what was going on Like I could kind of keep track of what was happening even because like you said 1 minute they’re running away   from someone, and as soon as the door is shut, suddenly they’ve got this scene where they’re talking and they’re stripping down and whatever’s gonna go on. It’s like, the fun thing about, for example, what makes a movie like Shaun of the Dead work, is, well, not just that it’s shot of the dead, Mrs. Zombievers, but the fact that it’s a horror movie as well, it’s like a horror action movie as well as a comedy, right? And so they make it funny, but at the end of the day, even if you stripped all the comedy out of   it, it’s just a compelling action horror movie. Sure. It’s scary at moments, there’s a lot of tension to the scenes and the setups are really good. And here, you know, I just didn’t feel like the attack scenes were that, huh, yeah, I don’t know, you know, maybe it’s just cause they looked like puppets, Maybe it’s because they’re kind of small and you know we’ve talked about this when little animals attack you can’t you just kick them away? Or get to a higher ground or you know something like that boarding up the windows and the doors would   seem to do the trick So you know none of this really I wasn’t really on the edge of my seat for any bit of the action in this movie. And I think that could have been fixed and it would have made it a better film, honestly. But, you know, What are you gonna do?

Craig: I get what you’re saying. I mean I was just in it for the ride I mean it I wasn’t I had no expectations. I mean the movies called zombie verse

Todd: Yeah, but you know it could be a different kind of ride right it could be a roller coaster instead of you know It’s a small world right you know I mean like yeah.   Yeah, that’s   what I’m saying. It wasn’t a huge thrill ride. It was a fun ride It was a goofy ride stuff happened. It was referential blah blah blah, but I wasn’t heart-pounding in any way shape or form

Craig: Oh, no. No, no, it’s not scary. No, and you’re right. You’re right There’s very little tension because ultimately at the end of the day You don’t really care what happens to any of these people.

Todd: Yeah,

Craig: you know like

Todd: that’s true   It’s

Craig: not like you’re attached to any of

Todd: them They’re   not even attached to themselves

Craig: no in fact you almost are kind of hoping that they will get killed in some kind of interesting way. Not because they’re entirely unlikable, but just because you don’t have any particular connection to any of them. I don’t know, it’s just.

Todd: It does subvert your expectations in that the woman I picked out to be the final girl absolutely was not the final girl. Right. I thought that would

Craig: be Jen.

Todd: Right. And she totally wasn’t. That was pretty nice. It was in fact, Spoiler alert, it was Zoe, which is the first girl to take her top off, which totally breaks the rules, right?

Craig: Right. The slutty naked girl. See, and I didn’t expect it to be Jen, because I thought that she was a little bit too goody goody and a little too bland. I thought it was going to be Mary. Mary seemed like. A little smarter. Not the tough 1, but the 1 with the strongest head on her shoulders And I totally thought it was gonna be her so then after Sam dies I guess cuz you die when your dick gets cut off

Todd: Well, you want to

Craig: She runs and the zombie the zombie versus have set the house on fire at this point and they’ve boarded themselves in so they can’t get out so she’s running around in her panties in this burning house and then from out of nowhere a truck drives into the cabin and it’s Zoe which I didn’t see. I mean I knew she wasn’t dead, like they didn’t try to make us think she was dead.

Todd: You just lost track of her.

Craig: Yeah, you lost track of her, exactly. And for her to be kind of the hero at the end was unexpected to me. So she comes in and she picks Mary up and they drive off, but then they are surrounded by zombies and now it’s not just beavers now everybody is zombies including Smith the Hunter who can still use his gun and he shoots at them which causes them to wreck into a tree and then everybody else pretty much who’s died in the movie up to this point starts attacking their car and they’re all with their big   beaver teeth and beaver tails and whatnot. And the bear, oh god I loved that. The enormous grizzly bear from the beginning is a giant zombie now. I thought that was so funny. But Anyway, they end up getting away and they drive to the point in the road where the road is blocked off, because the beavers blocked the road

Todd: or whatever.   They built a dam in the road.

Craig: Right. Not only do they get out and start walking, but Zoe, who has been a total bitch through the whole movie at this point is the hero and she’s saying to Mary it’s gonna be okay and she’s very calm and she’s like we just have to walk from this point but it’s it’s morning and it’s gonna be alright. They start walking and out of nowhere, Mary pulls a gun on Zoe. And Zoe, saying what the rest of the audience is thinking, says, where did you get that? Yeah. And Mary says, oh, the glove box. Oh, okay.   I guess it’s the same place that you got the jacket that you’re wearing now too since you were in your bra and panties the last time I saw you. So she pulls a gun on her and she’s like, I know your bit. I know you’re a scratch. You’re going to turn into 1 of them. And Zoe’s like, no I’m not. She’s like, but, she says, at the very least, you have to wait until I turn, otherwise you’re a murderer. At which point, Mary turns into a zombie of her, and Zoe kills her. I only remember how   she killed her.

Todd: I think she had an axe on her. She had an axe on

Craig: her. Yeah, that’s right, she did. She’s been carrying her axe. She kills her with an axe. You know, it’s the triumphant thing. I’ve seen this in a million horror movies. It’s the final girl, she’s beat all to hell, and she’s just walking down the road hoping to find her safety. I can’t tell you how many movies we’ve seen. The Evil Dead remake, 31, which we did recently, it happens all the time. And it’s that exactly. And she’s walking down the road and the triumphant music is playing and then all of a sudden we cut back to   the 2 truck guys.

Todd: And it’s the same joke. It is really funny actually where he’s checking his phone again The dude says John Mayer’s character totally straight laced and totally straight says you see that girl on the road there He’s like, yep. Okay, I trust you

Craig: So funny unfortunate, but such a fitting ending like so irreverent and And then there’s a whole series of bloopers, And there’s no sense in recapping those. You got to watch the movie, but they’re hilarious. You see all these outtakes with the different ad lib lines, and you get to see all of the actors cracking up, just seeming like they’re having a great… And that’s 1 of the reasons that I love bloopers is because you get to see how much fun the actors had making the movie. And it really looked, at least from these bloopers, it really   looked like they were having a good time. And that was a lot of fun. And then the credits roll and there’s a whole zombie verse song.

Todd: Oh my gosh. This basically   recaps the plot of the movie. It’s so hilarious.

Craig: It’s fantastic. It’s fantastic.

Todd: A lot of care went into this, you know, the, And then there’s a post credit scene as well. It’s the carcass of our zombie-ver bear, zombie-ver bear, and there’s a little bee that is, I guess, feasting on its blood and then it leaves and it follows the bee up to a hive where there are a whole bunch of other bees and it just leaves you to put 2 and 2 together. Oh, ha ha ha ha, zombies. Zombies. Oh, I get it. Zombies.   Ha ha ha ha.

Craig: Oh gosh, I don’t know. I mean, it’s a dumb movie. I’m not going to try to sell it in any other way than it should be. It’s dumb. But I just thought it was fun. It’s goofy and funny. When you said last week after we did Hereditary and you were like, man, we got to get out of some of this drama. Let’s go for something just goofy. And you were reading through the list of requests that we had. And I said, you came to this when I said, oh, we have to do Zombieverse. I mean, that’s   it. If you’re looking for something mindless and fun and funny and crass and stupid and just something to have a good laugh at, I recommend this movie. I think it’s funny. I think it’s a funny movie. You know, As far as quality, the writing is funny. The only thing that I would maybe say is a little bit subpar, some of the acting, particularly in the first half of the movie, but that’s to be expected with this type of movie. I would say that the writing is pretty good. And the other stuff, you know, the puppetry, the   effects.

Todd: It’s

Craig: charming. The cinematography.

Todd: The cinematography is great. It really is, yeah. Yeah. The music is good, most of it is, yeah. I agree with you on all that. Actually, I was, even just from the first shots of that barrel going down the stream I was like artistically and technically speaking we’re in for a pretty well-made movie I think as far as you know cinematography goes and that didn’t disappoint at all.

Craig: Yeah.

Todd: Yeah, It’s got its charm. It’s certainly not the best comedy horror movie we’ve seen, but we’ve also seen some terrible comedy horror movies. I’d watch this over Return of the Living Dead, part 2, any day. Yep. Me too. I guess we really need to thank Ryan for requesting this movie. Thank you Ryan so that we could get a little reprieve this week and onto something pretty light. We will tackle maybe 1   or 2 more requests and then we have   a very special episode coming up for you in April so Stay tuned for that 1.   If you   want to see all of our episodes as well as our back episodes, you can catch them at 2guys.redfortinet.com. Obviously on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitch, or anywhere that you can get podcasts, you can find us there too. Also on Facebook by searching 2guys and a chainsaw, and you’ll find us there. Leave us a comment, let us know what you thought of Zombiebers and any other movie that you’d like us to do in the future. Until next time, I’m Todd. And I’m Craig. With 2 Guys and a Chainsaw.