Critters 4 (1992)

Episode 430, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: All right, it’s time for our first theme month of 2025 and I just went right out the gate and said to Craig, Craig, can we please do the theme? Theme month that I have been dying to do since we started this podcast, which is in space franchises that just decided to go to space.

There actually aren’t that many that I could identify, which I thought made it perfect for a theme month. , I mean, there are lots of horror movies that take place in space. That’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about franchises that normally were not in space that just decided to do space.

Right? Episode, the impetus for this was. I caught Leprechaun 4 in space once, and I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever seen. And then that got me down the rabbit hole of who else has gone to space, and there are three others we can identify. 

Craig: You’ve been talking about this literally for years.

You have wanted to do an in space month. For years and like, I’ve never, I’ve never been against it or anything. It’s just, we always ended up doing something else. It just hasn’t happened. I just think it’s so funny. Like, I’m sure that we communicated about it in some way, but the way that things are really go down here is last week or a couple of weeks ago, when we’re recording the show, you’re like, and we’re going to do a theme month and it’s going to be in space.

And I’m on the other end. Like, I, I had no idea. Like, it was as much a surprise to me as it was to the audience. And I, I just sit here and nod. That 

Todd: would be a funny story if it were true. 

Craig: I’m sure we communicated at some point. I don’t think that we had solidified anything, but it’s fine. Why not? What, you didn’t object.

No, I don’t object. I, in fact, I’m excited about it. And I thought that this was a good place to start. We’re doing Critters 4. It seems like four is where space happens. At least three of the movies that we’re planning on doing. It’s part four, like part four is when you go to space. Now Critters is a little bit different, I guess, because.

They’re from space, but we’ve only ever seen them, up until now, on Earth. Right. I mean, we’ve kind of seen some space things, like there’s like the space bounty hunters and stuff, but the critters are on, they are aliens, they’re from outer space, but they’re on Earth. And this is the first time we see them in space.

This movie’s wild. Yeah, it is something 

Todd: else. The whole Critters franchise, I remember we did the first Critters, and I realized that I wasn’t as familiar with the Critters franchise as I thought I was. I knew the Ghoulies, I knew the Munchies a little bit, like, they did one or two of those movies, and of course, Gremlins and Gremlins 2, and I remember when we talked about Critters, there were two things that surprised me.

Number one was, I had always assumed that Critters was just a quick knockoff of Gremlins, But we learned that actually, no, like, the Critter’s script had been floating around for years before Gremlins was ever even announced. Although I think it, you know, finally got rushed into production pretty quickly afterwards.

The whole concept had nothing to do with the Gremlins, so that was cool. And then, uh, number two, I was surprised that they were from space. You know, the first one is a lot of This space bounty hunters going after these little guys, which I think makes it a little unique in the canon of Little tiny furry things running around causing mischief horror comedies.

Yeah, so 

Craig: it’s fun my cousins Nick and Steve if you’re listening We would rent these Critters movies because we knew they were gonna be funny Like we didn’t rent them because we thought they were gonna be scary. You know, we knew they were gonna be Silly and fun and they are like, they’re stupid. They’re dumb, stupid movies with low budget, corny effects.

And that’s what you are in it for. If you’re looking for something else, you’re looking in the wrong place. I mean, that’s what these movies are. 

Todd: Well, the critters design is, and this is another thing I was reminded of as I was watching the credits for this movie, the Chiodo brothers. The Chiodo brothers did the designs for the clowns from Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

Yep. And you can really see, in many ways, their sensibility, their artistic sensibility, I guess you could say. Yeah. And I remember that they had designed the original Critters after the Tasmanian Devil. From Looney Tunes. That’s funny. I didn’t know that. Yeah, they’ve got that spirit about them. They have that look.

They’re funny. They’re really funny. They’re mischievous. They’re 

Craig: funny. Yeah, 

Todd: they’re cute little horror guys. 

Craig: And they talk! They talk in some little weird language, and they’re subtitled, and they only say a couple of lines in this movie, in other movies, because they’re barely in it. That’s my biggest complaint about this movie is it’s barely a Critters movie.

There’s hardly any Critters in it. Yeah! It’s only an hour and a half long. And I felt like I looked at my watch at an hour in and we had maybe seen them like one time. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: They’re hardly ever around. In fact, that really bothers me because as I remember, maybe I’m mistaken. I haven’t seen them in a long time, but as I remember in the previous entries, there were critters galore.

Yes. Like you said, they were in ginormous balls rolling down the street. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: So that was a little disappointing, frankly. 

Todd: It really is, and we’re in their home territory too, you know, space. So you would think, of course, ironically, they’re actually transported to space from Earth in this movie. So it’s all a little convoluted.

Craig: It’s meant to be a direct follow up from Critters 3, which I didn’t watch, so I don’t remember, but it’s supposed to pick up right after that, where you’ve got Charlie. He has been in all of them. He’s in all the original. four. And he started out as kind of a simpleton mechanic in this small town where the critters attacked or whatever.

But over the course of the movies, he becomes the hero. He joins the bounty hunters and their plight to get rid of the critters or whatever. Yeah. But it opens up there in 1992 where critters three just ended. He finds some. Gosh, but then Terrence Mann shows up, who’s his friend. Gosh, I, I should have done more research or I should have rewatched the previous movies because I remember, you know, Terrence, Terrence Mann’s in all these movies, but I know that he and Charlie.

Were like friends and partners. Yes, I believe he wasn’t he 

Todd: one of the bounty hunters. 

Craig: Yeah He was it was him and I think some big busty blonde lady or I think that big busty blonde lady was actually like a robot Or something that could look like whatever it wanted to write. 

Todd: Yeah, it could transform 

Craig: but okay So Charlie finds these eggs, but all of a sudden ug played by Terrence man shows up Does he show up in person, or?

Todd: No, it’s a hologram. There’s like a belt hanging off of a tree or something, and he trips it and hits it, and there’s a hologram that comes out. 

Clip: Charlie? Ugg? That you in there? Charlie, my friend. Wow! Wow, it’s great to see ya! And you as well. You are in violation of Zoological Mandate E 102, Clause 14, Paragraph 5, Item 6 and 7.

Huh? Specifically, you are prohibited from terminating any transgalactic life form if it means total extinction of the species. 

Craig: So, 

Clip: like, like your whole, 

Craig: it seems like the whole goal up until this point has been to do that, and now all of a sudden, no, can’t do it. So, Charlie has to like, put them in a pod, and he somehow gets stuck in the pod too, and it gets shot out into space, and then we jump.

50 some years later, it’s like 2045, somewhere in the Saturn quadrant. 

Todd: Then 

Craig: it basically kind of becomes Alien. Like, that’s what they’re going for. And I’m down for 

Todd: it. They’re going for Alien too hard. 

Craig: Yeah, but what is remarkable about this movie, and the reason that you should watch it if you haven’t seen it, is because it has The most brilliant cast for a terrible movie I’ve ever seen.

It’s so weird. It’s crazy. 

Todd: You would not imagine that a direct to video movie, which this is, that is clearly just cheap and low on budget in almost every respect, has this cast. Brad Dourif, our favorite guy. Voice of Chucky. 

Craig: And he is so good! He’s great. This, this isn’t even, it’s not even a good movie. But like, he’s really good in it.

Like, he’s great. His character is fantastic. Yep. And then. Angela Bassett. Yes! Oh my gosh! Who doesn’t look any different? talking about? 

Todd: No. She’s so young in this, but you wouldn’t even know. She looks just the same. 

Craig: No, and this is 1992. So, Brad Dourif has already been working for a long time. Oh yeah. In critically acclaimed movies.

And Angela Bassett, I feel like this must be Among her first. Just before she became a HUGE star. Yeah. 

Todd: Yes. 

Craig: And, and still is. It’s wild. And she’s great in it too. 

Todd: She is. She did a lot of TV, I think, before this. And then this, um Oh, you know, she had very small roles in things like Kindergarten Cop, Boys in the Hood, and stuff.

But then, I think this movie, I’m not gonna say this movie was her breakout role, it certainly wasn’t. But around the time of this movie, 1991 1992, seemed to be the point where her career just took off. And she just started showing up in a lot of stuff. And I think how Stella got her groove back was probably one of the biggies.

Well, 

Craig: I think for me, her breakout role was what’s love got to do with it, where she played Tina Turner and that movie was so good. Oh, I 

Todd: haven’t seen that 

Craig: performance was amazing. Oh, if you haven’t seen it, you need to see it. It’s amazing. It’s devastating. That story, Tina Turner’s. This story is heartbreaking, 

Clip: but 

Craig: Angela Bassett, and Tina Turner endorsed the performance, endorsed the movie, appeared at the end of the movie as herself.

I think that she was either nominated or at least talked about for awards because her performance was so great. And again, guys, this is a bad movie. It’s a critters movie. It’s not a good movie. But Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif take this stupid dialogue and just elevate it like they’re going to go for it.

They’re gonna Play real people who you’re like, oh shit, like I believe that these are real people. That’s wild I didn’t expect that in this movie and I doubt we’ll probably see it again. 

Todd: Yeah 

Craig: in these space movies. It’s crazy I I was I was blown away and they’re not the only ones there are others too.

Todd: They’re not Anders Anders Hove is in this And, you know, that’s not a name that’s right on the tip of your tongue when you see him, but when you see him, you’ll be like, well, that guy’s pretty familiar. He pops in and out of things. He’s from Greenland, I believe. And he’s done stuff on both sides of the water, but he was on general hospital for decades.

Just before this movie, he kicked off that and he’s been on there up until just, I think a few years ago. And, and, you know, he, I feel like lends this kind of gravitas type acting to this role, but they’re all just. I mean, they’re all just really playing characters from Alien. I feel like you could almost map.

Craig: They are. Map one person 

Todd: to another, you know, it’s, it’s an, I would say an homage really. Because again, like you said, it’s not supposed to be a serious movie. Yeah. So, uh, it’s an Alien homage very, very deeply. It had a 

Craig: lot of potential. It had a lot of potential. It could have been really fun. It could have been Alien.

Yeah. Just with. Critters. Yeah, but they’re just not around enough. The only other actor that I wanted to mention is Anne Ramsey who plays a very very small role as a doctor on a Recording and this must it had to be have been a very very early role for her, but she’s still around I think that she’s the daughter of someone famous.

I want to say like Peggy Marshall or It doesn’t matter, but we’ve seen her and stuff. She was in that movie about Alzheimer’s. 

Todd: Oh, the taking of Debra Logan. 

Craig: That one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was the daughter in that movie. She’s been around and she’s good and she’s young and good in the two minutes that she’s in this.

Thank goodness. The fact that these interesting and good actors put in good performances, because for me, that’s kind of. It, the only thing it’s good for, it just, I didn’t beyond that. I didn’t like it. And like, right before we got on and started talking about it, I watched, I just pulled up the IMDb page and the trailer started playing.

And so I clicked the unmute button and I watched the trailer. Every good part of the movie is in the trailer. You don’t need to watch the movie. You can just watch the trailer because every good part is in the trailer. 

Todd: It’s not even funny. It seems like they intentionally decided that they were gonna ditch most of the comedy and go for something more serious here.

That threw me off guard as well. I really don’t get it. You know, I know that they filmed this simultaneously with the other Critters, so they were going straight from Critters 3 into Critters 4 production, so they certainly had the same cast and crew and all that. Well, not cast, but they certainly had the same crew and production.

I was 

Craig: gonna say, 

Todd: yeah. It’s just, why? Why did they go so I guess maybe they were thinking, Hey, maybe we need to shake it up a little bit, you know? We’ll go to space, we’ll change the tone, we’ll make it like Alien, we’ll make it, we’ll try to make it more dark. But it’s, it’s neither funny nor scary. So it’s just kinda, What is it, you know?

Boring. I think it’s kinda boring for most of 

Craig: it. Yeah, 

Todd: it’s 

Craig: boring. Yeah, and the other thing that bothered me, and I know that this is already jumping to the end, but I already mentioned his character, Ug, up until now Has been A hero and then they throw a curveball at the end of this movie that he’s the villain 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: I looked it up because this is supposed to be like 55 years later, you know after part three or whatever And so I thought, maybe this is an alien situation where Bishop, you know, there’s lots of different Bishops because they’re androids or whatever.

So I thought maybe, maybe he’s not playing the same character. Maybe he’s playing a different version of the character. But I looked it up and it, I found that no, he is the same character, he’s just turned bad. 

Todd: 50 years later. 

Craig: That just seems weird. It’s, I don’t get it. Well, he certainly doesn’t look 50 years older.

Yeah, 

Todd: that’s 

Craig: the thing. Terrence Mann, I don’t know a lot about Terrence Mann. I know that he is a prolific Broadway Actor and dancer. He played the choreographer in the film version of A Chorus Line, which is a show that I was in once. 

Clip: So I 

Craig: was interested in the movie, so I know him from that. I mostly know him from these movies, though he’s acted and he still is acting.

And he’s very recognizable, but it’s always a little unsettling to me because he just looks exactly like the Pennywise from It. Why can’t I think of his name? Oh, 

Todd: Tim Curry. 

Craig: Tim Curry. He looks exactly like Tim Curry. Like, he looks like he should play Tim Curry in the Tim Curry biopic. 

Todd: Oh, yeah, right. I see what you’re saying.

Craig: Have you never noticed that? Like, it’s so, it’s so striking to me. He looks, and he, he looks like him. He talks like him. Man, 

Todd: now that you mention it, you’re right. It didn’t even occur to me, but now I’m surprised I never noticed it before. Oh, wow. Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, he’s barely in this, right? He comes in at the beginning in a hologram, and he comes in at the very end to surprise us by being a bad guy and to break poor Charlie’s heart.

Craig: I know. I think we’re struggling with how to talk about it because I don’t really know what there is to talk about. Like, I took notes on the plot, but there just aren’t very many because 

Todd: That’s the problem. I feel like 

Craig: nothing happens. 

Todd: I feel like it’s a lot of setup with no real payoff, or with a really quick payoff.

Because, it’s really just, seriously, it’s like an alien knockoff, where it’s this, I think it’s supposed to be a garbage scow, or some ship that, you know, just gets debris. That, or at least they get money for it, that scavenges this pod that’s been floating around in space for 50 years. It gets on the ship, but then They also have to dock in some bigger space station?

Am I wrong about this? I don’t know. I guess they get a communication that offers him three times the going rate if they bring it to the space station. So they go to the space station to deliver the pod, but when they get there, it seems rather empty. So they walk around and they try to figure out what’s going on.

It’s very, very similar to Aliens or something like that. And it’s really just sitting at computers. Walking around long corridors. 

Craig: And well, and this, the, the station, this TerraCore station, and it was Ug, Terrence Mann, who told them to go there and he’s going to pay them extra money or whatever. The station has a voice, a woman’s voice, it’s named Angela, but I mean, that’s like ripped straight out of Alien 2, it’s mother.

Yeah. And it’s fun and it’s funny. And like, I appreciate it. It was funny that. Gosh, what was his, uh, character name? Albert, Albert. That was weird. Like what, 

Todd: why is it too? Ah, I don’t know. Cause they didn’t call him out. They just called him Albert the whole time. So I don’t know why. I don’t either. But 

Craig: anyway, Brad Dorff, like commit, tries to communicate with the computer, the mothership or whatever.

And it, it says like, I cannot take your orders because you are not authorized. But then. He just tricks it and starts saying whatever you do, don’t do this. And it does then. 

Clip: Angelo, give me a deck by deck scan and read off all individuals not currently in main control. I do not recognize your voice pattern as well with security clearance.

Great being a shitty TL54, don’t! 

Craig: Cooperate. Which is stupid, but funny, and it was funny to watch Brad Dourif. Again, he seemed like a real person, like I believe this is an actual person in this situation who’s being clever and trying to trick this computer. Again, thank goodness for these performances, because there is Just no substance to the story at all.

Todd: No, there’s like a bit of byplay with the main guy. What was his name, uh? Rick? Rick, yeah. Ethan’s the kid, Rick is like 

Craig: the Captain, I think? 

Todd: Yeah, he’s like the captain. And he’s like really like lecherous, you know, he he’s eyeing Angela Bassett in the very beginning. He’s like looking over at her. And then when they get to the space station, the space station has a workout room with a shower.

And I thought this scene was really kind of funny. It just smacked of low budget. You know, they spent all this time making the space station look so much like something from Alien. The corridors with the light coming down through. I mean, the probably put most of their money in the sets, to be honest with you.

Yeah, it looks really pretty good. 

Clip: Yeah. 

Todd: But then when I was going to say it doesn’t look bad, the workout room looks like they’ve got like grass on the walls and a shower that’s a door that’s just kind of like, like white paper almost, or clouded glass. Right. And a couple little machines in there and that’s it.

And they do end up spending quite a bit of time in that room. It seems to be the room that they, that they meet in or regroup in when they want to chat about stuff. But the first time we see it, she decides to go in there and take a shower. The only one of the crew who decides to go in and take a shower, obviously the woman, and it’s just almost comical how there’s just this perfect silhouette of her inside the shower, and then Rick comes in and sits down and just starts leering at her.

And I think. Tries to go in there and then she punches him out and yeah, knocks him around a bit and he gets upset and storms off 

Craig: This scene surprised me because I was surprised to see an Angela Bassett nude scene And it’s it’s modest. You see her butt and you see side boob and and she looks Amazing.

She looks Fantastic. What I liked about it was that they played it very much the same way it’s played in the alien franchise, that nudity is just not a big deal. Like, I don’t think that she was being modest. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think that she was alarmed when he was, when he arrived, like, that he was seeing her naked didn’t seem to bother her.

It was only when he got gross and lecherous that she then punched him in the face, which was great. And he deserved it. 

Todd: It’s only at this point after there’s been so much going on, and I think it’s been almost 30 minutes now. Has there? And he just ends up deciding to go check out this pod that’s been sitting there.

Craig: He thinks there must be something very valuable inside because Terrence’s man keeps popping up and being like, Yeah, he wants it real bad. And so Rick wants to demand more money, but the rest of the crew’s like, Listen, we should just, what we’ve already been offered is good. We should just take it and cut ties and get out of here.

But eventually, because he believes that there must be something very valuable in there, He goes down, you know, and they’ve been told, whatever you do, don’t open it. Um, so of course he goes down to open it. Spends a lot of time 

Todd: trying to cut into it. And then this time it’s sort of like the kid of the crew, Ethan, comes down and starts arguing with him.

Rick knocks him unconscious. 

Craig: Only after he’s opened it. He has opened it. Yeah, he has. So it’s open now. 

Todd: Charlie just comes right out of cryosleep, or whatever he was in, because he springs out of the pod like he wasn’t even in there but a minute. And then the couple of the critters, who have hatched from the eggs, I guess, leap out.

of their and uh, take Rick out and you know, it’s really a disappointingly quick scene 

Craig: Our 

Todd: first 

Craig: critter attack it is and it’s just it’s just disappointing overall Like I mean, this is kind of what the franchise Is you understand that it’s going to be cheap, you know that but like this just looks so bad Like I guess they’re supposed to be small because they’ve just hatched I guess they get bigger later Yeah, but it just looks like a beanie baby with teeth Sewn on to his hand.

Yeah. One on his hand and one on his throat. And he just rides around for a while. The only movement and articulation comes from his movement. You know, they’re moving because he’s moving. Mm hmm. But it doesn’t look real and it just looks stupid. And I say it doesn’t look real, I don’t expect it to look real, but it just It looked bad.

It’s worse 

Todd: than 

Craig: It didn’t. 

Todd: I thought it looked terrible. I mean, again, I haven’t seen the other two, at least, I mean I’ve seen the second one, but it’s been a very long time and I know I never really sat down and watched it all the way through. I just caught it as it would come on cable every now and then.

I just remember it being a little better. I mean, I always knew it was cheap, but I, I remembered it being a little better than this. It feels like they’re phoning it in here. 

Craig: You definitely get that in the other movies. You definitely get, like, just prop critters, like, attached to people. Yeah. And you definitely have, like, prop critters that people are just, like, throwing in.

Into frame. I mean, you definitely have that. They just looked better. These just, they didn’t look good. They look stupid. Yeah. It made me mad. The regular critters that we know and love appear for approximately three minutes in total later in the movie and I liked them. They, they looked like what I signed on for, but this just irritated me.

I was irritated. 

Todd: Maybe this was a thing. My guess is, so Critters 3 was a theatrical release, but Critters 4 was straight to video. Maybe that was always the plan, is to kind of throw out, as soon as Critters 3 is released in the theater, quickly put together a cheap straight to video sequel to it, and try to make money both ways.

And so maybe that’s why they just didn’t put a lot of time and energy into this one. Even the sets apparently, Were recycled from one of the director’s early movies. By the way, the director’s barely done anything, as far as directing goes. 

Craig: I know! I couldn’t find any other Nah. He’s produced a lot, but I didn’t see any other director credits for him.

Todd: He did a movie called Android back in 1982. And so apparently Oh, right, right. Nine years later, those sets were still around. Which is odd, but I guess they were. And so A lot of these sets, maybe that’s why they look so good. 

Craig: I don’t know if it was the sets, I think it was all of the space shots were reused.

That for sure. Directly from that movie. 

Todd: Yeah, that for sure. 

Craig: But the sets too? Well, 

Todd: I mean, the external space scenes and many sets is what. It says in the trivia. I had a hard time finding too much information about this movie, honestly. Me too. But yeah, you’re right. The footage from the, from the outside stuff is obviously higher budget than this movie could afford.

And it’s lifted straight out of that movie. And then apparently the footage of Ugg’s ship at the end was taken from Critters 2 so oh You take stock footage from those other two films for these fancier like things flying around and landing and space stuff you take Sets from this guy’s movie nine years before called Android and you know I guess this was done on a shoestring.

I guess they didn’t have money to I don’t know To put into a lot of Critter effects either. 

Craig: I don’t, apparently not because they never show up because it’s super boring. Yeah, they just disappear. Yeah, they’re just not around for a while. Charlie gets introduced to everybody on the ship and he’s surprised that it’s 50 some years later, but it’s fine.

He’s cool with it. Not, uh, well, that means everybody I know is. It’s dead. Uh, it’s fine. Like, 

Todd: it’s stupid and boring. They make a very lame attempt to mine some drama out of this idea that Charlie realizes that it’s 50 years later. But it is quick, and it’s done, and we’re over it. And it’s boring. And 

Craig: who cares?

Nobody cares. They eventually find, like, they watch a video or something of this Dr. McCormick. Ann Ramsey who I mentioned before and it talks about how on this space station what they were doing was they were trying to like make hybrid aliens for weaponry purposes 

Clip: However, so far we have not been able to make it self reproducing projections demonstrate that a planetary drop of 1000 cephaloids could efficiently eliminate all other life forms.

Oh. And clear a target property in as little as two months, if we can develop the means to make them replicate. Therefore, as all the other artificials tend to deconstruct after a few days, I recommend the continuation of funding in order to locate a naturally existing, self replicating predator species until, and unless, the syphiloids prove more viable.

Craig: So that obviously tells us that that’s what Terrence Mann wants. He wants the critters because they are a self replicating deadly species. So they want to weaponize them or whatever. Make them 

Todd: bigger or whatever, yeah. 

Craig: Again, who cares? I mean, this is like, this is a, it’s, it’s alien too. 

Todd: Yeah. The corporation.

Craig: It’s Paul Reiser being the bad corporate guy, pretending to be a nice guy, but really they just want the alien to weaponize it. It makes me mad. I, I’m I’m bored talking about it. I know. 

Todd: And then there’s this weird guy, Bernie, who’s barely in it, but he, for some reason, is really into the pharmacy. I guess he’s a druggie.

Craig: Well, I mean, he’s in space. And there’s a huge pharmacy full of drugs. I would, I mean, it wouldn’t be my first priority, but I would definitely do that too. Well, you need them. Just the same way that I would get all the, yeah, I would get all the food. I would get anything that I could get. I, I don’t blame him.

But the 

Todd: way he gets the drugs as he opens up a duffel bag, starts pulling drawers of random pills out and just dumping them all together into this duffel bag. Like, what? Don’t you want to make a note as to what is what? I know. It’s ridiculous. And I think that’s the other kill we get, and that is Far into it, far into 

Craig: it.

I know, but then again, this is just a direct copy of alien one when they can see on some little Atari screen that. There are life forms moving towards him, and they warn him via intercom. Yeah. It’s the exact same scene from Alien 1, when they’re saying, They’re getting close, they’re right next to you, they’re right there!

It’s the exact same thing, but he is so Concerned with collecting thousands of random spilled pills on the floor into a duffel bag that he doesn’t 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: he doesn’t do anything. He just sits there until they eventually pop out of the vents and attack him and kill him 

Todd: Yeah, and 

Craig: then to be fair the critters are now approximately the size of basketballs I guess.

And they look more like the traditional critters that we know with the red eyes and the rows of teeth. And 

Todd: yeah, 

Craig: I like that. I do. I really like the design. I like the design of the critters. I like the idea of them. I want to like this franchise and I want to like this movie, but so much of it was disappointing.

Too much of it was disappointing. There were good things and I’m glad that I watched it, especially for the cast, but overall. 

Todd: I mean, there’s also a direct Star Wars ripoff. I mean, it is so shameless, right? They come to find his body, and then I think Angela starts sealing things off. So Charlie and Ethan, I think, end up locked in the pharmacy.

So, their solution is to crawl out through an air vent that’s in there. But as they crawl in, they end up falling down a chute into a big trash compactor. A 

Craig: trash compactor! It’s the 

Todd: same, it’s Star Wars, it is so shameless! Yep. Ah! It’s 

Craig: a direct ripoff, yeah. 

Todd: If you’re gonna do that, like, make it funny, or, I don’t know.

I dunno how you do it. Mm-hmm . You know, only Mel Brooks can really do this. You know, like, you make it goofy and Right. This movie’s is too, is trying to take itself too seriously, so it just comes off as lame. 

Craig: Right. 

Todd: And they’re way out of, it’s lame too, you know. Right. If you 

Craig: if, if you’re going to do it, it kind of has to be a wink at the audience.

Yeah. And this doesn’t feel like that. It just, it all, it almost feels like they don’t even know, you know, like, oh, we’re just doing this scene. We don’t even realize that it’s a reference. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: you have to give a little wink and a nod to the audience in a place like this 

Todd: They just tell Angela not to jettison the stuff or no They tell Angela to jettison the stuff so she decides not to and then they just climb on each other’s shoulders.

Yeah Yeah, 

Craig: I liked I didn’t I didn’t write it down I don’t think but I I liked the she said something like I am NOT programmed to take orders from waste or something

She was the funniest character. 

Todd: I guess 

Craig: that voice, she was the funniest. 

Todd: He wasn’t even at it that often either. So anyway, they find some more eggs, so they know they’re laying eggs. 

Craig: And somebody says, I think it’s Charlie’s like, they’ve been busy. What is this? I don’t understand this. Like, is it, are these critters?

There’s only two of them initially. Are they a couple? Are they mating and laying eggs? I don’t understand because they’re just laying eggs. It’s apparently they’re all over and at one point, the only point in the movie where we see the two of them, the critters, and they talk to each other and it’s subtitled.

One of them says to the other, I’ll pack the ship. You get the kids. Yes. And they separate. Like, one of them’s gonna get the spaceship ready for them, and the other one’s gonna go get the eggs, I guess? Yeah, 

Todd: I guess so. Or the 

Craig: new critters that have hatched, because eventually there are a whole bunch of them, semi inexplicably, because somebody says at some point that the eggs take six months.

To incubate, but a bunch of critters hatch. 

Todd: I think the implication is they speed that up using that machine in the lab. Okay. The crew does end up stumbling into the lab or somebody, I can’t remember who, and they, they see the critters in there and they’re at the machine. This is the most, honestly, this is probably the most critter action we get.

Is, uh, they’re in there, they’re, they’re ha 

Clip: ha ha ha 

Todd: cackling and using the machine and someone’s in the machine and they’re growing to a giant size. You know, it’s funny, that critter in the machine grows to this giant size and I thought that would be like a thing, but then I don’t think we ever see him again.

And somebody maybe gets attacked or maybe they get chased out of there or something or maybe that’s just, we see it and nobody actually sees all that happening. I don’t remember. Anyway, at some point, Charlie’s got a gun and they’re on this hatch. They’ve set a, they’ve set a course for Earth, which is I guess the nearest planet.

And I, I think they’re in like an escape pod, or at least they’re in the driver’s seat of this, maybe their original ship, yeah? 

Craig: Something, I don’t know, but the two critters come out and Charlie shoots one of them with his gun, but it also, like, disables the whole ship. 

Todd: Yeah, cause he shot everything. He just shoots indiscriminately around the ship, and they’re like, No, no, no, no, no!

And he’s just shooting at this critter, but he’s missing, and he’s just breaking everything in the in the place. 

Craig: So at this point, they just have to wait. I I guess, Ugg, Terran’s man, is coming, I guess? Um, and so, they just have to wait for him. But Ethan 

Todd: Gets this sudden boldness like I’ve got to go and beat them.

I’ve got to go finish the job or something 

Craig: They’re like Ethan no and and what it’s happening. What’s his name Albert? Brad Dourif is like no don’t go. We should just wait and he screams at him. You’re not my father What? What is happening? 

Todd: An implication, cause they had a scene in, early in the movie. Was there some implication that he was like a stepfather, or like he was a father figure for him, in some way?

Craig: I have no idea what was going on with this. Like now later, Albert gets killed and it seems like, it seems like Ethan is really choked up about it. So it seems like, it seems like they were kind of going for something, but. You’re not my father. And then being sad when he dies, doesn’t get there for me. It’s a little half assed.

Todd: You kind of wonder if there was a deleted scene or two. It 

Craig: could have been something. I’m sure Brad Dourif could have done it. And maybe you’re right. Maybe there were deleted scenes where there was more explained about their relationship dynamic just seemed to come out of nowhere where. Like you said, he’s suddenly emboldened.

He’s going to go hunt the critter and they try to stop him. You’re not my fault. Okay. All right, sir. Do whatever you want, I guess. And then he goes back to that lab and I, you’re going to have to fill me in because I felt like I missed something. He like pulls up like a hood from lab equipment or whatever.

Was that like a weird. Baby critter? 

Todd: I guess. Or was 

Craig: it just something else? Like there’s this little gooey Toothy 

Todd: thing. I think it was supposed to be a baby critter And this is where I think maybe the reason why the eggs were hatching faster was because the critters had put them in those incubators It’s just a little one off, right?

He opens it up. He sees that little toothy thing He’s like, oh that’s messed up and then drops it. I mean, it’s there’s no. It 

Craig: was fun. I like to see it It was one of the few interesting things to see See in the movie but I didn’t have any idea what was happening. 

Todd: No, I know I’m backtracking a little bit but at that point where Angela had like somehow sealed the crew all off in one corridor and then they realized that they could Open up a hatch in the floor and start going down floors Ah, that was so boring.

I think we watched them go down like, do the same thing three times. It was funny because there’s this POV, well there’s this upshot, they lift this hatch and then the camera’s under the hatch and you see the hatch open and then their faces peer down. And when they open that hatch It was the cheapest looking thing I had ever seen.

It’s supposed to be this big metal hatch, but it’s clearly painted wood because you can see the wood grain texture underneath the paint. And for something that is that close up to look so bad, I was just rolling my eyes. And then They go down through the hatch to the next floor, and then they go down through that hatch to the next floor, and then they go down through that hatch, and I’m like, are they, are they just trying to run the clock here?

There were so many slow moments like that in this movie where just nothing interesting was ha something was happening, but it wasn’t interesting. 

Craig: I literally just watched this movie. I, I had planned to watch it last night, but I had a long day that ended with a big dinner and drinks. And so, by the time I got home, I was full and a little tipsy.

and tired, and I just wanted to go to bed. So I just went to bed. So I got up at 6 a. m. this Sunday morning to watch this movie. So I literally just watched it and I remember virtually nothing about it.

Well, I remember the good people who were in it because they were good, but you’re, you’re talking about things that haven’t, I don’t know, I don’t, yeah, they crawled around in the floor for a while. I don’t know. Eventually, eventually that, that. Ship arrives and they think it’s gonna be their rescue ship, but as it just should be like 

Todd: yeah 

Craig: I don’t understand why Ugg who is now some like corporal or something why he has to come in and be an asshole Why do you have to be an asshole?

What you want is there Come in, be nice, get what you want, leave them there or take them, send them home, whatever you want, but he just, he comes in just like, you know, he, he, he stormed troops in like Darth Vader. Oh yeah. Where are they? And he’s just a douchebag. And then he immediately, I don’t remember which comes first, but he bitch slaps the woman.

Todd: Uh. 

Craig: Shoots Brad Dourif dead. Yeah. Like within. Minutes of arrival. Yeah. Made me mad. Right? 

Todd: And What’s his name is crying over him, Ethan, very dramatically, and Charlie is upset and this is supposed to be a moment But it’s just puzzling, right? You don’t know why. There’s no explanation. That’s why I thought, was there a missing scene?

Or maybe I thought Critters 3 would have explained it. He would have explained why this guy turned bad. 

Craig: Well, Charlie, it’s annoying. It’s lazy. Because Charlie’s like, Ugh, I thought we were friends. Like, when they come in, and everybody else, Fran or whatever’s like, Who is this? Charlie’s like, This is my friend.

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And then he slaps her and shoots the other guy. And Charlie’s like, bro, what the f And just says, things changed, Charlie. 

Clip: And that’s it. 

Craig: That’s the only explanation we get? That’s all 

Todd: we get. It’s pretty lame. And then the troops, his stormtroopers, and that’s what they are, they’re just black instead of white, and they go out through the ship to find the eggs.

And this is, and then so Ethan runs back and starts to set up traps for these guys, I guess. 

Craig: Which is dumb, like, he’s basically just telling the ship to close doors, and it goes on for a long time. Yeah. It’s stupid. They, they end up, the soldiers end up in a lab, and there are lots of Critters there. I don’t even really remember what happens with that.

Like do the critters kill them? Yeah, they kill the critters 

Todd: They kill them 

Craig: but but so the the critters kill the soldiers or the soldiers kill the critter I 

Todd: think that the critters kill the soldiers. 

Craig: That’s what I thought too Apparently they’re still just there but then ethan Comes in and confronts Ugg by juggling the critter eggs.

And he’s like, these are the last ones in existence. I don’t know. I don’t know what he’s trying to do. It’s like a hostage situation kind of thing, I guess. But it’s just dumb. It’s just, it’s, it’s just all for drama. And like, he’s juggling them at first, but then he intentionally breaks one of them. And somehow, I think, mysteriously, is still juggling three.

Yeah, that’s right. I don’t know. It’s true. He breaks all but one. And then Fran somehow pistol whips Ugg and knocks him out. 

Todd: Yeah, because Ethan tosses the last egg. I mean, it’s supposed to be like a distraction. And so when Ugg looks at it, Fran pistol whips him. He’s unconscious. And then, uh 

Craig: Ethan has to linger to be sad about Yes, 

Todd: that’s when he’s sad, I forgot.

Brad Dourif. He’s very, very sad. He’s melodramatically crying over the body. It didn’t read, right? Because, you’re right, there was just no arc there. It was just a sudden jump from, you’re not my father, to, oh my god, my life is ending. 

Craig: Right. And he gets attacked by a critter and he like, freezes one with, I don’t know, some sort of hose or something.

And that was fun, I liked it, it’s in the trailer, if you You don’t have to watch the whole movie. And then Ugg is awake and I think is menacing Ethan or whatever. But Charlie shows up and has his gun pointed at Ugg and he says, Things change, ugh. And then he shoots him in the head. And they all leave. And the station, I guess, explodes behind them.

Which again, I think is stolen directly from Alien 2. Right. Like, Fran tells Charlie not to touch anything, and because he’s a big dumb dumb, he just pushes some button that sends the ship into a tailspin, and that’s just the end. 

Todd: Is it supposed to be funny? 

Craig: I’m fine with that, if that’s the tone of the movie, but it hasn’t been up until now.

Yeah. I wish that it were. Yeah. I wish that it had been screwball comedy throughout, but it wasn’t. And so to just tag that on at the end just had me rolling my eyes. And I was just glad it was over. Well, 

Todd: there are two things that I take away from this. Number one, I guess that’s the end of the critters, right?

Unless we get some prequels or something. They’re all dead now. Like they’re extinct because that was the last of them. 

Craig: There’s another movie and there is there. Oh, there was a, like a web series. I haven’t seen either of them. 

Todd: All right. So anyway, there’s that. Then the second thing was, I just think they misfired this one.

They. Just should have continued to make it funny kept the comedy in it. Yeah, I agree They probably could have salvaged this whole movie. That was 

Craig: my favorite part. 

Todd: Yeah. Well, that was was the part that was the point, right? So it’s just an odd decision and it didn’t work. It just made a boring ass movie with hardly any critters in it And that was a, I know, sad way for me to kick off space month.

Craig: Yeah. I mean, it was fun. I still, I still had fun. It’s stupid. It’s a stupid movie. And if you’re looking to watch a stupid movie, you could, well, that’s true. Here you go. There’s worse. 

Todd: There’s more boring movies out there. 

Craig: And there are worse. There, there are more infuriating movies, but this is a background movie.

A hundred percent. You do not need to sit down and look at it the whole time. Clean your house, work out, do your work on your computer, and just have this on in the background. Because there’s about three minutes of really fun stuff. And again, if you don’t even want to put that much into it, just watch the trailer.

Because every good part of the movie is in the trailer. I almost wonder if the actors being so good Was of detriment to the movie. I, um, maybe if they had been bad actors, Oh, 

Todd: would have been more fun. It would have 

Craig: felt more like, it’s so bad, it’s good. But they’re not, they’re good. They’re good, they’re good actors, weirdly cast in a bad movie.

I, I think that, that, that it changes the tone Yeah. In a way that doesn’t service the movie. Yeah. Unfortunately, unfortunately, and it’s not their fault, they’re doing their job and they’re doing their best and they’re doing a really good job, but it doesn’t service the movie well, I don’t think. 

Todd: Yeah, I think you’re right.

So, I mean, it’s a big miss as far as I’m concerned. Like you said, if you’re curious, you should just watch the trailer, and if you’re really curious, you can have it on in the background while you’re cooking dinner or something like that. It’s not really But, they went to space, and I, this was the last It’s kind of, they went to 

Craig: space.

I’m actually really glad that we did this one first. Yeah. Um, I think it was a good way to kick it off because I’m really excited about the ones coming up. I mean, I mean, people could guess, do, do we want to, do we want to spoil? I don’t know. You know, Jason goes to space. I’m, I was shocked. To learn that we haven’t already talked about that.

I was shocked. 

Todd: Well, we haven’t done too many. Neymar goes 

Craig: to space, 

Todd: pinhead goes to space, and then the Leprechaun goes to space after he’s been in the hood 

Craig: and Leprechaun goes to space. And I’m excited about all of them because I really think that there’s kind of unlike this one with all three of those.

I know that there’s a lot to talk about, and I’m super, super excited to talk about. 

Todd: And I remember, again, as the thing that kicked off this whole idea: Leprechaun goes to space. If my memory serves me is going to be everything that this movie was supposed to be but wasn’t it’s got its goofball It’s a ripoff tongue in cheek for Star Wars and everything like that.

And I think it’s gonna be a blast. I think so, too Well, thank you guys for joining us for this adventure into space. This month, we hope that you’ll stick around for all four in the series. This would be a great time to introduce someone else to the podcast because we’re going to have a blast with these four movies this month.

Send them to our website, ChainsawHorror. com so that they can subscribe on any number of the places where they get their podcasts. You can also talk to us on that website by clicking talk to us. You can subscribe to our newsletter on that website. Until next time, I’m Todd and I’m Craig with Two Guys and a Chainsaw.