Cemetery of Terror

We put it to our Patrons to choose the last two movies of the month. We’re happy to announce that the first of those films is this Mexican flick from the 80’s that is almost like two movies in one: It begins life as a standard slasher, and wraps up as a Thriller-inspired kid’s flick.

It’s not perfect, and it’s certainly derivative, but Cementerio del Terror hits the mark when it comes to pure Halloween-style joy. Thanks once again to the collective wisdom of our loyal Patrons!

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Cemetery of Terror (1985)

Episode 365, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: Well, we are, what, are we four, I think, into Halloween right now? I don’t know. It’s going 

Craig: too quickly. There’s only one more to 

Todd: go. It is, man. I’m That’s a bummer. Let’s make Halloween last all Kind of does last all year for us, doesn’t it?

We do. Let’s be honest. You know, this month of being very special for us, uh, we actually had a more difficult time than usual trying to pick Halloween things. I think because nothing in particular really jumps out at us anymore, right, when it comes to ha We’ve, we’ve done the, the classic Halloween type horror movies, the ones that we really want to do.

Right. And now, uh, I don’t know if you want to say we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel. There’s always new stuff coming out. But, uh, yeah, we’re a little more likely to give that choice over to our patrons. And that’s exactly what we did for these last two weeks. We, uh, put about five or so movies to our patrons that we were thinking about doing, some that they have suggested, some that have long been suggested on our On our show, and uh, asked what they wanted.

And the first to come out of that is 1985’s Cemetery of Terror. Definitely not something I would have picked, uh, right off the bat. So, kudos to them for giving us a very interesting movie. This is a film, uh, directed by a guy named Ruben Galindo Jr. His first movie, I think he was fresh out of film school at USC when he put this together.

He was still 

Craig: in school. Oh, is that right? His dad, he was, yeah, he was still in school. His dad called him, um, I think from Mexico and said he had to come home and start making his first picture. What? Like . Well, maybe his dad is like a producer or something. Yeah, 

Todd: his dad was in the business. Definitely. Yeah, 

Craig: so, well, I noticed his name, the name Galindo, I think there, I think it’s produced by a Galindo too.

So maybe that was his dad. I’m not sure. Yeah, I just read that anecdote that he got like called away from college to come make this make this damn 

Todd: make him a movie already 

Craig: Well, if he was 23 and he was still in school, okay, it’s 

Todd: about time come on, yeah, what are you doing it don’t waste your life Well, his dad, um, I believe, uh, was a director and writer known for quite a few Mexican movies.

I mean, I, he’s directed like almost 50 movies going all the way back to like the 70s, early 70s, including one called Santo versus the killer from another world, which I feel like I have seen. It’s one of those, um. Luchadores kind of movies that are really really popular in Mexico that I have only barely dipped my toes into and I’m always kind of bookmarked that like this is something I need to come back to and check out but um, yeah, uh, yeah, you’re right.

He got called back and he shot this on location in Brownsville, Texas. Have you ever been to Brownsville, Texas? 

Craig: I’ve never been to Texas. I don’t have any interest in going to Texas. Sorry, Texans! 

Todd: I lived in Texas for years as a kid, um, and I had relatives who lived in Texas as well, a couple of them still there, and my grandparents even, who were…

Born and raised in Illinois and barely ever left the DeKalb, Illinois area. Nonetheless, found themselves in Brownsville, Texas, when I was, I don’t know, ten? Maybe nine or ten years old. And I believe at that time we were living in Del Rio. Del Rio’s a border town. In fact, it’s been in the news the last couple years because of, you know, a lot of stuff’s been happening around, along the border.

And Del Rio got a little notorious for taking some fairly extreme measures with, um… Some of the people crossing over and I think I think it was when we were living in Del Rio that We went down and took a trip to visit my grandparents in Brownsville, Texas It is about as south in the US as you can get I’m not sure maybe the tip of Florida is a little further south, but this is the very very tip It’s not actually known as a very safe place.

In fact, but I had a wonderful time there as a kid We went to the beach right there on the Gulf and picked up seashells and stuff Sand dollars and things I still have anyway. Uh, yeah. So Brownsville, Texas, this was shot down there and, uh, it’s all in Spanish. Was there even, I know you’re a big, bigger fan of, of watching the dubbed version, did you manage to find these days?

Dubbed version? 

Craig: No, I, uh, I checked shutter and they didn’t have one available, which is fine. But it’s like, another thing is it’s hard to watch these movies. Because, I’m constantly looking away from the screen to take notes. And you can’t really do that because you miss stuff. So, I found myself pausing and rewinding and pausing and rewinding.

Which was fine. Uh… But, you know, that’s what I’m saying. It’s not, I’m not illiterate. It’s not that I don’t like to read. It’s just, I’m trying to do several things at the same time. Anyway. It is inconvenient. Yeah, so it was in Spanish. And it was fun. You know, I used to speak Spanish. I was relatively fluent in Spanish in, like, college.

Mm hmm. Because… I was, you know, studying it all the time, went to Mexico just, you know, for like a spring break, but being immersed in the language, like I totally got by fine. It’s gone. It’s totally gone. Mine too. I don’t know anything. And I want it back. I get really, I get really excited when I like recognize a word.

I know what that means! Oh 

Todd: boy. This whole movie I was convincing myself I really understood the Spanish and I probably could have listened to it without, but I’m not fooling anyone. I understood 

Craig: parts of it and I feel like I could have watched it without the subtitles and that it would have been fine.

Like, it’s not like the dialogue 

Todd: is important. No, it’s not. It’s pretty obvious what’s going on. It might even be fun to give this the, uh, What was that old show? Was it called Mad Movies or something? Where they used to redub movies in a funny way? I feel like this movie is ripe for that Because the dialogue itself is pretty hilarious at times It’s, you know, I’d say my overall impressions of this movie is And I think I texted you this The first 40 minutes, it’s an hour and a half The first half of this movie is kind of a slog And I probably would have turned it off.

This is the kind of movie I might have had going in the background and given it a bit of a chance, but generally speaking, it’s college kids coming together in an old house and it just takes forever to kind of get to the point. But boy, when it gets to the point, it gets interesting. And then I would say the last 30 minutes are just batshit crazy.

It’s at least 

Craig: Two movies. 

Todd: Yes! I feel like it, right? 

Craig: There are two movies happening here. They just both have the same villain and are set in the same place, but they are completely separate stories and completely separate movies. Different characters. It’s weird. Like, it obviously draws. inspiration from lots of places.

Like there’s totally a Halloween thing going on where it’s basically a psycho escapes and there’s a doctor who knows how evil he is and knows that even though everybody thinks he’s dead, the body must be destroyed because he’s not really a man, he’s just evil. There’s that. And then. Teenagers for that guy to slaughter.

That’s one movie. That’s Halloween. But then, the second half of the movie is a children’s movie. Like I’m trying to wrap my head around it. Because literally, it becomes a children’s movie. It’s funny to me that you say it’s a slog to get through. Because, I mean, it kind of is. It introduces, it introduces, a thousand characters.

There are so many characters in this movie. It introduces a thousand people. There are, the main ones are these six 

Todd: med students? I guess? I’m not sure, really. They’re just college kids. I think they’re 

Craig: med students. College kids, something. Okay, so, they’re coupled off. They’re characters. There’s nothing unique or individual about any one of them.

They’re just a bunch. Uh, I don’t want to say assholes because, you know, they’re just normal kids trying to have a good time or whatever, but there’s Jorge and Olivia, Oscar and Mariana, Pedro and Lina. I don’t have anything to say about them except that they’re just kind of like horny kids, or the guys are horny, and they…

Lie to these girls that they’re interested in and tell them that they’re going to take them to this like, exclusive party. What was the word that they, a jet set party? A jet set 

Todd: party, yeah, I was like, They 

Craig: are so, these girls, like, one girl walks into the other girls and is like, Hey ladies, I’m going to a jet set party tonight.

Like, ah, like, hilarious. That was Olivia, she was my favorite, she had curly red hair, she was funny. 

Todd: I did appreciate we had, like, a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette. That kept them together. Thank God, 

Craig: because there would have been no other way to tell them apart. Exactly. The boys are, one of them has a beard.

The other two are identical twins. I don’t know. Right. Oh, God. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Because, so they trick these girls into coming to this, like, they think it’s going to be fun. It’s Halloween. Yay. And they think it’s going to be fun to just, like, hang out. At this old, abandoned house. And like, obviously, the boys…

Are trying to get it in, but the girls are pissed that they got lied to about the jet set party. Yeah. So they’re all mad, and so one of them has a genius idea. They’re mad at us, and they’re scared, because something… What happened that scared them? Well… Oh, they found that weird book! Yeah, 

Todd: the, um, I think it’s, uh…

The Necronomicon. Oh, Jorge, I don’t remember. One of those guys. The neck scarf guy is Jorge, that’s how I have him down. Yeah, 

Craig: I had that down too! I don’t remember. Yeah, Jorge is neckerchief. I have that in my notes too. It’s 

Todd: this big house. It, you know, it actually got me, gave me Spooky’s vibes. You know, when they all 

Craig: pulled up.

Yeah, very much. 

Todd: Right? Very much. The house is just filled with cobwebs and it’s huge. And he goes up to the attic and he finds a… A book that’s sitting there on a stand, very pres Presentational, in the attic. And he starts flipping through it, he brings it down, he starts reading from it and it’s It’s sort of incantations or something, I don’t know, you know, it’s just scary.

Oh my god, it’s like, 

Craig: it’s so 80s, right, it’s so scary movie like, Ooh, look at this old book with something written on the cover in blood. Yeah. Let’s read it aloud. 

Todd: Let’s read it aloud. Perform a ceremony for fun because that’ll be interesting. Like you said, the girls are not having fun so their idea is to scare them more.

Uh, so they’ll fall into their 

Craig: arms. So they tell the girls that they’re going to steal a body from the morgue. I think they must be medical students. They’re going to steal a body from the morgue and they’re going to call on Satan to bring this body back to life. Good idea. That’s, that’s a great, that sounds like a great idea.

So they do. They go to the morgue, they steal a body, they bring it back, they chant Latin and Satan y verses over it. In the cemetery. In the cemetery. Of terror. And it moves, it moves its fingers and one of them sees it and they’re like, Ah, you’re crazy. And then it starts raining. So they’re like, never mind.

And they just go inside and just leave the body out there. And my, my favorite part of the movie, I think, is that they go back in the house and I have in my notes. Holy shit. It worked! Because these girls are down to f k now. Like, they are so f king horny. 

Todd: Maybe it

was the fire, and then this other couple’s in another room, and this other couple’s upstairs, and they’re all just like, there’s no nudity though, in this, um, in this movie. It doesn’t really get quite as… Lots of awkward kissing. What 

Craig: was it? Did you notice the… That one couple… Kissed with no tongue for like a minute, and it was really weird.

It was just like a million smooches

Super weird, but yeah, okay, so one couple’s out on the porch and The girl makes the guy go in to get her a drink and we see POV shot Lumbering towards her and then it cuts back to the boyfriend and he comes back outside and she’s gone And he walks five steps into the yard and finds her body with its throat torn out and he turns around this part was so weird to me because it’s like The killer is standing right in front of him, but it’s like he can’t see us And the killer just keeps reaching out and swiping I also don’t understand this like every time he like claws at somebody it leaves huge Claw marks.

Yeah, wherever he touched. I don’t know what this guy is supposed to be, but he scratches both sides of this guy’s face and every time it happens, the guy’s face moves like he got slapped, but then he looks back right in front of him like he’s confused, like Like What’s happening to me? It’s really 

Todd: weird.

Almost a, more of a curious look than a look of terror on his face. But where is this guy? He doesn’t look scared at all. He doesn’t look scared. And then again, like you said, this killer has got to be right in front of him, but he’s staring right in front of him and like looking left and right, like what?

Oh no, not again. He touches his face like he doesn’t even know and sees blood on his fingers. Then he’s mildly alarmed. But by this point. The killer guts him. Yeah. I thought the makeup effects were surprisingly 

Craig: good. I don’t know about in this part. Like, those scratches on their face looked good if it was on stage.

But on camera, like, they clearly, they obviously weren’t cut. Like, it was just, it didn’t even look, it didn’t even look like they had used, you know, like wax or anything. To make it look like a cut they just put makeup on top. Yeah But but 

Todd: the like one they’re gutted like the aftermath of uh, like the girl’s throat being ripped, you know ripped out and right Yeah, oh that was all that stuff.

Yeah hanging. It’s just pretty cool So like it gives you the impression of brutality, but it’s not a savini these are like Savini style effects where you actually see the monster like tearing into their flesh or, you know, see the cuts happening or whatnot. It’s, it’s always right after it happened. You just kind of see the aftermath, but, but yeah, I mean, his guts are hanging out and bloody and I don’t know, I thought it was kind of impressive.

Craig: I mean, it was fine. I fairly standard before I watched the movie. I read just like a A viewer review or whatever, and it said, um, The, the, the kills aren’t unique enough, they’re all the same. And I kind of agree. Now we can go through them all if you want to, I don’t mind doing that at all. But what was interesting to me was it took 40 minutes.

Yeah, maybe even more like 42, 43 minutes to get to the kills and then they all happen in 45 seconds. Yes, one 

Todd: right after the other. It’s just, it’s the same like, oh, I wonder where Oscar is and they’ll like go outside. And then it 

Craig: turns into another movie and nobody else dies. Yeah, the whole rest of the movie.

It’s crazy, like, he picks off these kids one by one, and like, it was fun following, you know, his POV, and knowing that he was right behind these kids, and they had no idea what was going on, like, it was fun, but it felt like they tried to pack that The whole third act of that movie into less than five minutes.

Yeah. 

Todd: It’s jarring in that way. And it leaves you wondering, like, what the hell’s gonna happen now? And then, we get the kids. Ha ha! Who we had been introduced to early. They were, all of this has been interspersed with some scenes. Yeah. Um, one of the scenes is between the doctor, as you mentioned. Uh, Dr.

Cardon, I think. Um, who actually, I, I, is a very well known Mexican actor. He’s got almost 200 credits. He had actually done some, uh, I think we’ve seen him before. I think we saw him in the, the Fulci movie, City of the Living Dead. He did some horror films in Italy, some horror movies in Mexico, quite a few. I think he’s still working.

And so, uh, he might be the most famous in Mexico, you know, of the people in this movie. And yeah, it’s him in this. There’s this captain who are, you know, it’s your typical, he’s, like you said, he’s trying to convince the captain that this body needs to be cremated. And he’s the captain’s like, what are you crazy?

He’s going to get a normal burial. No, no, it needs to be cremated. And there’s just all of this kind of awkward and stilted tension there. I don’t remember what, what instigates them to go out and actually look. Oh, it’s the MORE gets broken into. 

Craig: No, no. Well, I think that Dr. Cardin, like, the judge wouldn’t grant the rights to have him cremated or something.

So I think Dr. Cardin Falsified. I don’t know. He was I think he was falsifying documents. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what he was doing. But I think that he was falsifying documents, and he took them to the captain and was like, See here, now we can cremate him. And it just so happens that they arrive at the morgue while Those boys are in the process of Taking out that very body.

Stealing that body. That’s the body they steal, the body of that satanic killer that this guy’s all worried about. But they just miss him. Like, they just miss 

Todd: him. It’s quite a coincidence. And he spends most of the rest of the movie sitting in a car, looking wildly left and right. Driving around looking for it.

Driving. I don’t know how he thinks he’s gonna find, he’s gonna find this guy just by driving around in a car. But that’s his strategy. 

Craig: I don’t know. And the cop, at first, the cop’s like, Don’t worry about it, it’ll turn up. 

Todd: This is the most laid back police captain I’ve ever seen in my life. 

Craig: He doesn’t even, like, get upset.

Like, Cardin steals his car. Like, the cop gets out of the car to call the precinct or something. Or call his wife. Yeah, he calls his wife because he got on the police radio, Uh, sir, your wife called, she wants you to call her right away. Because their kids are in this little group of kids that, This movie is going to focus on from now on, but while he’s on the phone, the other guy Carden steals his car and he’s like, Oh, he puts another quarter in the pay phone and he’s like, send somebody to pick me up.

Hurry up.

Todd: It’s so funny. 

Craig: It’s really not like it’s not as fun as I’m making it sound. I mean, there are things that I like about it. It’s charming. I actually, this children’s movie that we’re now watching is cute. I like these kids a lot. Like, usually in movies, well, just in life in general, kids are like fucking annoying.

But, um, especially in horror movies, I don’t deal with little children. That’s a whole different story. Trust me, teenagers have their moments too, but… Anyway, usually kids… And these movies can be really, really annoying. Like, frickin Bob from that horrible other, was that a cemetery movie too? 

Todd: Yeah, House by 

Craig: the Cemetery.

So, Bob. These are like, you don’t get to know them as well, but they’re like monster squad kids. Like, they seem like nice, fun, cool kids that I would have loved to have been friends with when I was that age. Especially Tony, who’s like the older one and he’s handsome and he’s cool. Like, oh man, I would have wanted to be Tony’s friend so bad.

And so it’s, it’s fun. It’s fun to follow them around. It is, 

Todd: and we were introduced to them fairly early on in the movie. Like you said, it introduces all these characters kind of all at once before we focus on the slashings at the house. But these kids are just getting ready for Halloween, and they’re, they’re carrying actual jack o lanterns, which I thought was awesome.

Craig: Right, and like, I also thought it was cool. I read that at the time, Halloween in Mexico… Was mostly for kids. I mean, I guess that’s kind of true of the States too. Yeah. Um, but just like in the States now in Mexico, it’s kind of celebrated by all ages. But at the time, it was really kind of like for little kids.

And so I like seeing this little kid stuff. Like they put on masks and they talk about going out trick or treating and they talk about like pranking their neighbors and yes, they are like carrying around jack o lanterns like, um, Lanterns, which is really cool, but they’re not just like they’re not the huge Pumpkins that we see they’re like smaller 

Todd: gourds and something you could actually carry basically Yeah, 

Craig: like like and and maybe not a pumpkin maybe like a squash or something Yeah, but they look really cool and just to see those kids And they don’t, they’re not really in costumes, I think one kid has a mask that he wears for a while, but just to see them kind of parading around at night, holding those lanterns, that was really nostalgic for me, which is one of the selling points, because I’m not going to rave, at the end of this episode, I’m not going to rave about this movie, but there were things about it.

That I appreciated. 

Todd: Yeah, it just gave the feel of like, my Halloween night. You think you’re gonna go off on a little adventure, you know, and that’s kind of what these kids are doing. Tony’s idea as the leader is to start out at the cemetery, cause it’s gonna be really, really spooky. And so they go into the cemetery, uh, to the gate.

Uh, they 

Craig: hitchhike. To the cemetery. That’s right. They get in some rando’s 

Todd: van. Oh, you wouldn’t want to hitchhike in Brownsville now. I don’t even think in 85 you would have wanted to hitchhike in Brownsville, but 

Craig: yeah. Uh, the director was driving the van, just in 

Todd: case you were curious. Oh, I didn’t know that.

Yeah, so he, uh, they go to the cemetery and there’s this kind of iron gates there, and they walk in, and as they walk in, the gates close behind them. And then we don’t see them for a while. Like you said, like the kids, the older kids are at this house and getting murdered. Until, uh, the young kids, finally we catch back up with them.

And, at this point, when I realized, Wait a second, the next half of this movie is gonna be about these kids? I know! I was… And then they show up at that house and I’m like, Oh, this could be 

Craig: interesting. It just, it aligns that all of the 20 somethings die and then the kids show up at the cemetery and it’s a great cemetery.

Out of nowhere, a crypt, like, explodes? 

Todd: Yeah! A grave opens, and flames shoot out of it. Which scares them, which it should. And they run for a while. So 

Craig: they, right, so they run for help, and the house that they come to… is the murder house. 

Todd: It’s the house by the cemetery. How 

Craig: can I really? I really liked this part too.

I liked the way that this part was shot when they came in the house. It was shot with the camera pulled way far back, like in a different room, like it was shooting through the window. Like a big doorway, and in the foreground for us, we see one of those twenty something guys dead and hung up on the wall.

We saw that happen to him. 

Todd: Mm hmm. Very Michael Myers style. 

Craig: Right. We see it in the foreground, and in the background, we see the kids come in, and they’re looking around, but they can’t see it because, like, the doorway’s in the way. And then I think, oh, they’re gonna come into the door and they’re gonna see it.

But nope, they just look around the other way, because that’s where the stairs are, and they start creeping up the stairs. I just really liked the way that that was shot. And, and the kids are all huddled together like they’re the Goonies. Like, that was great. 

Todd: Yeah, this was not a, hey, let’s split up and explore the house situation.

They were smart, and they all went up together like the 

Craig: Goonies. They remain smart. That’s what’s fun about the movie, like, because eventually they get upstairs and they find bodies, like, they didn’t see that first one immediately, they, they see it later, but they find bodies up there, and then, that psycho, what’s his name, Devlin, Devlin the psycho, he 

Todd: comes in, comes up the stairs, and he 

Craig: starts, which one is it, it’s Jason, that just like, you can run,

That’s kind of this guy. Like he’s not really chasing them. He’s more following 

Todd: them, right? Yet he’s always there right 

Craig: behind, like he’s, he’s trying to get to them, but he’s pretty slow and, uh, not cause he’s like Frankenstein’s monster or anything. He just doesn’t seem to be any particular hurry. Like I can get, I’ll get them when I get them.

I mean, we find out that he has. telekinesis. At one point he pulls, much later, he pulls a girl towards him using his mind. 

Todd: That’s the way one of the guys in this room gets, gets killed. Cause he picks an axe up off the, like, a decoration on the wall. And he’s 

Craig: running after him. One of the twenty 

something 

Todd: guys, right?

Yeah, one of the twenty somethings. And, uh, cabinets behind him start banging, and the wind is blowing, and suddenly the axe gets a mind of its own, and, uh, spins around, and he’s fighting it, and eventually, kind of, basically axes himself, I guess, but the axe is possessed. I 

Craig: liked that. That was cool. I liked the way that it was shot.

Because usually… I don’t know if it was the angles or what we couldn’t see, but usually when you see somebody trying to pretend like they’re struggling with something, like an invisible force, it doesn’t look convincing. And this was really, really brief, and I don’t even know if you really saw like, his hands on the thing, like, struggling with it, I can’t remember, but I thought he did a good job.

I thought, whether it was the acting or the way it was shot. I don’t know. I liked it. I thought that it was a clever kill where it was kind of the only clever one. I mean, yeah, lots of them were satisfying. I also liked the one where two of the 20 somethings are getting it on and one of the boy has to go pee.

And so he goes downstairs and goes outside to pee because apparently the Bathroom is full of bats. And she’s up in the window like teasing him. And he turns around and he sees the killer behind her and screams, you know, look out or something. And she turns around and just gets mauled and killed. Like, I liked that.

And I liked seeing the initial part of the attack basically from the boyfriend’s Perspective from a distance and you know framed in light. It was cool. There’s some cool stuff going on 

Todd: here Yeah, it’s actually pretty well shot that for this movie. I I would say Almost entirely well shot as far as the cinematography goes and like I said, the makeup effects are pretty serviceable Like you said the it’s a little surprising at times with the axe in particular that scene also jumped out at me When the guy gets uh impaled on the wall, that was a little baffling Because he kind of gets lifted up by the neck and then just sort of placed on the wall where 

Craig: apparently yeah You I have no idea what he was impaled.

Todd: Yeah, but it happens super fast because he just lifted up and it looks like he’s lifted Up placed on a wall and now he’s dead Immediately dead 

Craig: Maybe he broke his neck. He did pick him up by the neck. So maybe his neck was broken I don’t know but anyway, so the kids Like, this guy is, like, menacing them, and they have to, like, Tony is, you know, the hero, and he, like, pulls the axe out of that dead guy, out of his head.

Yeah. What I like about this is, they, they hide for a little bit, um, but, These kids help each other and don’t leave one another behind. Like, they’re all in it together. Like, nobody’s getting left behind. If one of them’s going down, they’re all going down fighting. Because, and that’s, I don’t know, that’s kind of rare.

I feel like you don’t see that very often. So I like that, it was cool. And they’re innovative and they get away and they run outside. And they’re in the cemetery. 

Todd: And it becomes… Thriller..

Destiny Yes!! It’s so, so true! 

Craig: Literally Thriller, now… I read, on a pretty reputable source, I think that this movie was literally inspired by Thriller. Oh yeah. One of the kids is wearing a Michael Jackson jacket. Yes! Like, with Michael Jackson’s face airbrushed on the back. Uh huh. And, one of the makeup artists who worked on Thriller is a makeup artist on this.

Todd: Oh, no way! That 

Craig: makes sense. Thriller literally happens. Yes. Without the song and dance. But. The rest of it. You still get 

Todd: Michael Jackson in there, too. 

Craig: Michael Jackson is in there. It is Looney Tunes. No, Michael Jackson’s not in there. I mean, his face 

Todd: is. Yeah, it’s close. 

Craig: But it’s great. I mean, who doesn’t love Thriller, right?

It’s the Thriller set. Like, it’s that old, decrepit, uh, cemetery with the, with the mist coming out of the graves and the really old, crooked, rickety tombstones and crosses and stuff. I love it. It’s the set of Thriller. I love Thriller. It’s great. You said before that this reminded you of Spooky’s, another movie that was giving, it was giving me…

And it makes perfect sense because this movie, too, seemed to be inspired by Thriller, was the Midnight Hour. Oh, yeah. This gave me some Midnight Hour vibes. 

Todd: That’s true. Especially with a movie within a movie kind of situation where we got multiple stories going on here. I mean, all that was happening around the same time, 84, 85, when this movie came out.

Yeah, right. 

Craig: Right. And so, okay, so it’s Thriller. Like, and again, like, these kids, they, what, they run around with these zombies for… 

Todd: For a while. Five minutes? Yeah, it’s a long time. Then, the impression that you’re supposed to get is the cemetery’s so huge and confusing that they can’t even find their way out.

Craig: Well, and, like, one of them will fall, and then one of them will fall in a hole, 

Todd: and then… Zombies are coming out of the wall of the muddy walls of the open grave, and, you know, reaching out. 

Craig: Yeah, and one of them will get grabbed, and the rest of them will stop and run back and fight the zombie and get their friend and run again, and, like, these things just…

Keep happening. But again, I was just so impressed that they were in it together. I want to believe that that would be true, especially with kids. Cause kids are so much more pure and 

Todd: empathetic. You just said they were all assholes. And now you’re saying they’re pure. 

Craig: I didn’t say they were assholes. I said they were annoying.

Annoying. I don’t know. Maybe I, maybe I said they’re assholes. No, you didn’t. It sounds like, 

Todd: it sounds like something I would 

Craig: say. I like the kids that I’m related to. I like your kid. 

Todd: Oh, sometimes I don’t like my kid, you know? It depends on the day. 

Craig: I haven’t, I haven’t seen him since he could talk. 

Todd: So, I don’t think I have anyway.

That’s when it all starts to go south. That’s when, that’s when all the problems start. 

Craig: Yeah, yeah, 

Todd: for sure. Oh, jeez. No, for the record, I love my kid. He’s so much fun to be with. Obviously. 

Craig: Yeah, your, your kid’s awesome. That’s why dogs are the best, like, they just love you and they never learn to talk. It’s 

Todd: amazing.

You know, people are trying to get the, you know, especially with AI now, there’s this potential that maybe we could use AI to learn the language of animals. And I’m like, boy, that is going to open a can of worms. I am not sure we want to be able to talk to these animals. 

Craig: On the one hand, I’m like, no, I don’t want to know what they’re thinking.

But on the other hand, Like, I think they just love me so much. 

Todd: I just want to hear it. 

Craig: That would, I know, it would be really amazing to hear just somebody all the time being like, Oh, I love you, you’re my favorite person. Oh, you’re home, I’m so excited. Ah. Anyway, so these kids, they get chased around a bunch, and then they finally get to the gate.

I didn’t see this coming. Me neither. The gate had slammed supernaturally behind them when they came in the cemetery, which was ominous, I enjoyed it. Um, but then they get to the gate, and it’s locked, and they start rattling it, and the gate grows out of the ground like 12 feet at least. It shoots up 

Todd: really high.

It is awesome. And I’m not exactly sure how they did it. I’m not either. But it looks great. It’s super impressive. It’s almost like out of a Tim Burton movie or something. This gate just like, it’s extended real fast. And I really dug that bit. And again, I also had no idea how they did that. This part with 

Craig: the kids running around in the cemetery is a lot of fun.

Like this part, I would recommend, I would almost recommend just skipping the first half. Just watch, just watch the kid movie. The kid movie is fun. The other one’s okay. Like, and if you like these kind of old movies and you know, it is set at Halloween and that’s fun. But if you’ve seen, um, Hell Knight or any 

Todd: number of 

Craig: them, there are so many movies that are just 

Todd: like this.

It’s very derivative. It 

Craig: really is. Even kind of like. Slumber Party Massacre is basically what’s going on in the first half of the movie, and that’s fine if you like those types of movies, great. I’ve kind of seen enough of them, so I was like, eh, okay, that’s fine. But this was good. I really could get into this, and I honestly think that if I had seen this movie when I was a kid…

Oh, yeah. You would probably have been a favorite, but I might have fast forwarded through the first part, but I think I would have really, really dug this second. 

Todd: It’s not even gory at this point, I think. No, 

Craig: there’s really no violence. The, uh, like the makeup effects are great, but they look like the Thriller zombies and maybe even a little dustier than the Thriller, maybe not even as juicy as the Thriller zombies, so less scary potentially than the Thriller zombies.

Um, but no, there is like the scariest stuff, and it is scary because it’s kids, is like the zombies will catch them sometimes, or, or they’re right next to them. The doctor shows up, his drive around paid off, cause… He ends up 

Todd: gate crashing, right? Yeah. He rams his car through, thank god, you know, random driving around happens to drive by right when he sees the kids at the gate rattling it.

You know, what they should have done once he crashed the gate was just… Fricking leave. Leave the cemetery. Go out through the gate . Yeah. Come, go out the way you came in. Instead, the doctor shows up and he’s like a martial artist. I love it. He just starts punching zombies in the face, and kicking them. They try to actually, they do try to leave, right?

’cause they get in the car and the car can’t start. I don’t know why he turned off the car, but in any case, the car, I. 

Craig: died. I think it died like from the impact or whatever, because he hit the gate and then he plowed down a bunch of zombies too. So I think we’re supposed to believe that the car died.

Maybe we’re supposed to think that it’s supernatural. I don’t know, 

Todd: but it won’t start. Yeah, they’re like the car is half surrounded, close to being fully surrounded, but then they kind of make it out before it does. And he punches a zombie right in the face as they’re, as the kids are escaping. And so then they’re all running around through the cemetery, punching and kicking zombies and trying to get back.

And they eventually end up back at that house. I love that interspersed with this, we get the parents who were so worried with the captain about the kids. And once again, this captain is so useless. He’s got them all gathered in like his office, uh, the parents of these kids. And I think somebody’s sister and whatnot.

Yeah, and he’s like don’t worry. They’ll show up everything’s fine. Then he gets a phone call and it’s like what? Oh, okay, send them in and he says they found some kids. Let’s see if they’re yours This cop escorts two kids and they’re just looking at the ground they’re like Nope, not ours. Okay, send them back.

Craig: That was really hilarious. It was also funny. Yeah, like, they were all just, I mean, I, what else would they be doing? I don’t know. But they were all just like sitting in his office like crying. Like, oh, I’m so worried. He’s never been away from me for a whole night before. It was funny. But you skipped, you skipped one of my funny moments.

Not one of my favorite parts, but a part that I definitely wanted to mention at one point when they’re in the cemetery before they get to the house, the kids in the doctor, a tree falls on the dock and he’s like, just leave me a tiny little tree and it’s, you’re right. And they’re trying to lift it off and they can’t, you’re like, just go.

They’re like, no, we won’t. And one of the girls turns around and is like, the dead people are getting close and the doctor pulls. One of the biggest crucifixes I’ve ever seen 

Todd: out of his jacket. Which we didn’t know he had. No! And I’m still not sure why he has it. This, it would 

Craig: be a decorative crucifix that you hate, like, big.

Like, I’m talking like a good 16 inches top to bottom and bulky. Yeah. Where did that come from? This is just like a thin… Cross with a little skinny Jesus on it. No, this is a big, bulky, Decorative crucifix that he apparently has been carrying under his jacket the whole time, this whole time. And so she runs, and it’s, it’s magic.

Like, that, I mean they could have stayed there all night. Right? That crucifix. I don’t know why they didn’t. I don’t either, but uh, eventually he, the doctor says something like, Oh, if I only had that book, I could put an end to all of this. Yeah, well the girl says, You’re 

Todd: free. I think she’s kind of free.

You’re free. And he’s like, Nobody will be free until I get that book and put Devlin in his place. And Tony’s 

Craig: like, Wait. Book. Did you say book? I saw a book. . 

Todd: Uh, it’s a little clunky. Yeah, . 

Craig: So he tells them, I don’t even understand, like, I thought he was free, but then he’s like, run, run. Go get it. Burn it. And he kind of 

Todd: hangs back.

Well, he, he’s, I guess he’s supposed to be injured because he picked, he’s got the crucifix now and he’s trying to ward up the zombies. In the meantime, he’s leaned against a giant cross, like a, you know, a grave marker type cross that’s made outta wood. And I guess he’s sort. Man sized. Yeah. And he sort of snaps it as he’s leaning on it, and so now he’s using that to, like, stab through the zombies.

I don’t know why that cross didn’t really work to fend them away, because now he’s got a giant cross. Like, why didn’t he just They weren’t getting that 

Craig: close to him. That’s true. He was just kind of hobbling along. But it’s just so you can get the kids in the house first. And so, you know, they’re still being menaced by zombies.

There are zombies everywhere, but this is so frickin cute, like, they play like hot Like there’s zombies everywhere. So they’re like playing hot potato with the book. Like they’re tossing it back and forth between each other. Adorable, but they’re trying to get it into the fire. But Looney Tunes guy is in there too.

Whatever his name is Dev Devlin, 

Todd: he comes in very menacingly. He’s 

Craig: in there too. And just as one of these cute girls. I loved this girl. They all have names, but I can’t remember what they were. This was Oosy. Oosy, yeah. She was adorable. She reminded me of Max from Stranger Things, but younger. Anyway, she uh, takes the book and she goes to throw it in the fire, but she like, physically can’t because Looney Tunes is controlling her with his mind.

And this is when he… Like, Jedi mind tricks her, like, like, levitate, not levitate, but just like drags her with his mind. He just like, slides 

Todd: across the room towards him, 

Craig: yeah. Yeah. But at the last second, the doctor comes in… With his giant cross. But like, he’s not as injured now as he was before. 

Todd: Because he can fight.

He and Devlin just have a straight out face off, yeah. 

Craig: He’s fighting Devlin, the other kids are fighting zombies. This girl with the book is just standing there like she’s still frozen. In tears. Right. Does something happen? Like, does Carden get the better of the psycho for a second or something? Cause eventually the spell 

Todd: gets broken.

Yeah, I think he just kind of like eventually gets the better of him and he keeps screaming at her, Throw the book in the fire! Throw the book in the fire! And so eventually the spell’s broken, and she runs to the fire, throws the book in, and everything starts bursting into flames. All the bad guys. And the house is bursting into flames, and…

Devlin is bursting into flames. I was just like, this movie is nuts. It was 

Craig: pretty nuts. And then… That’s kinda it? Yeah, the cops Does it cut to the next 

Todd: morning? Yeah, it’s like these movies are, it’s the next morning, but it also seems to have just be the very next thing that happens, because the cops are pulling the kids out of the house, and they got bodies going into a, what do you call it, an ambulance, and there’s a big crowd outside, 

Craig: and The only thing that we missed, I looked at my notes, the only thing that we missed was that once the book is Devlin and Cardin are still fighting and Devlin is using his claws, I guess, to rip Cardin up.

So it looks like Cardin is in kind of bad shape, but we don’t see him die or anything. No, we don’t. I also liked, before it’s the next morning, The captain and the cop that he are with get a call and they’re like, they think they found our kids. Go to the old abandoned house. So they drive up to the old abandoned house.

They drive up to it in the cop car. They both get out. It’s dark. They’re the only ones there. There’s no, you can’t hear or see anything else happening, which I don’t understand because the house is on fire. 

Todd: There’s insanity going on inside. Right. 

Craig: But they run, they both run into the house and the other cop immediately runs back out and runs to the radio.

It’s like, Tell him we found the kids. That was comical to me, like he immediately ran back out. Yeah. And then it’s the next morning, right? That’s right, okay. Yeah, and I mean, that’s it. Like, there’s a closing scene. Crowds have but crowds have gathered, like, and they’re bringing out the bodies and stuff, but you see a POV from upstairs, and I didn’t know what was going 

Todd: on.

It looked like Devlin 

Craig: was back It was his POV, like, we’ve only seen POV shots from him. Correct. Yeah. From his perspective. Although it’s Up to this point. 

Todd: At this point, it’s not exactly POV, it’s a little more over his shoulder, because we can see See he’s carrying a book, and we can see his arms, and the book is still half intact, it’s a bit charred, but uh, he sets it on the stand and starts to flip it open to those, those original pages, and the camera swoops around and up, and it’s not Devlin, it’s the Doctor.

Or 

Craig: is it? 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: No, he laughs in Devlin’s voice, like. In his head, I think that I think that Devlin, the suggestion is that Devlin has possessed the doctor, which fine, fine, suitable ending. I like those kind of grim twists in, uh, endings. That’s that’s great. Um, I couldn’t believe for a second I That they would have killed any of those kids.

Um, but I almost feel like that’s why it’s two movies. Like they wanted to have the gore and violence, but they couldn’t do it with the kids, right? So they got it. They had that whole other storyline. They, they did it. They got it out of the way and then they moved on. And let it go. And so it’s, it’s weird.

Like it’s, it’s tonally and structurally really weird. Yeah. And, and as I was sitting watching it, you know, I had, I had worked all day. I had come home. I am going on a trip tomorrow and I’m not packed. Like I was trying to get stuff done. I’m running around. I’m folding laundry while I’m watching this movie.

While I’m watching it, I’m thinking, ugh. It’s fine. Whatever. Like, you know, like I didn’t hate it. It wasn’t doing anything for me necessarily. But okay, I get it. Whatever. That’s fine. Um, but sitting here and talking to you about it and kind of reliving it in my head, there were things that I did like about it.

And I think that had I not been so hurried and had my mind on other things, I think I would have enjoyed it more. But I do stand by what I said that the first part is It’s you’ve seen it before yeah, you’ve seen that movie dozens of times, and that’s okay. I mean we keep watching them 

Todd: This whole podcast is about really how 

Craig: many of those exact movies have we done a million?

So that’s fine if you’re you know if you like that kind of thing fine if you’ve never seen this movie before and you’re curious It’s not awful at all. It’s it’s perfectly fine, but I think where I, I don’t know. This movie apparently, it has kind of a cult following, um, I’m constantly seeing it on lists of, uh, you know, underrated things that you should see.

So I think that this movie has an audience and a fandom, and I would just almost be willing to bet that most of that is because… Of the second half Yeah, and 

Todd: it’s Halloween through and through. It’s thriller. There’s nothing more Halloween than thriller. I mean, you know, there’s zombies bursting out of graves.

Mayhem. The crazy effects. It’s just charming. I found it really charming. There’s a point where the kids are running through there, and they, they hide in a crypt. Crypt, you know, zombies have been bursting out of these crypts, but they swing by one, and they’re like, this would be a good idea to go in here.

And they open the door, and you can tell it’s kind of flimsy. Like, this door looks like it’s made out of plywood, painted to look like stone. It’s a set! You know? Like, 

Craig: it’s obviously 

Todd: a set. It is, but it’s fun. Yeah, 100%. It’s like running through your Halloween decorations and, you know. 

Craig: Or going to a really great, like, haunted graveyard or haunted 

Todd: house, right?

Yeah, it was fun. I enjoyed that part of it. I thought, like I said earlier, I just thought a lot of people would not even necessarily give this movie a chance. Even to the point where they get the book and they’re doing the ceremony and the… In the, it’s, it’s like 40 minutes in, I think before that all ends up going down.

Yeah, it’s, and up until there, it’s, it’s not that compelling. There’s like a water skiing scene, you know, it’s trying to kind of, oh my God, I forgot about the water skiing scene. just. For no good reason, on their way to the party, they decide to meet up with one of their friends who waterskis, and he splashes them, and Yeah.

It’s kind of supposed to be silly, but yeah, it’s just, it’s just not very compelling up to that point, and it’s, it’s very derivative, and it’s kind of silly, but uh, after that. point, you know, once the killings start and then the kids come in, it’s, uh, it’s fun. Yeah. I would totally recommend it. By the way, um, we were talking about those kids and you were mentioning Tony.

Eduardo Capetillo, uh, is the name of him and he is acting like crazy right now. 

Craig: Well, and I, I think I saw that he, he produces two maybe, I don’t remember. Yeah, I looked him up because he looked, he looked familiar to me, but I looked at his filmography and I didn’t see anything that I recognized. Yeah, it’s all 

Todd: Spanish TV series, yeah.

Craig: think he just had that cute. Nice kid. Look of the 80s. Like a mix, like a mix of Rudy and Sean from the Monsters. Haha, there you go. Not, not as tough and badass as, uh, as Rudy, but, but still older, but nice. Uh huh. He was like the nice kid who was really really good at baseball in the sandlot. Oh yeah.

Remember that kid? Uh huh. He was like that kid, just nice and handsome. Like, I would have so wanted to be his friend.

Ha Anyway, you know, like as it’s Halloweeny, it’s set at Halloween. There’s Halloween everywhere. Like you said, uh, jack o lanterns, trick or treating, pranks, zombies. So yeah, I, I, I don’t think that I would recommend it to my friends who are not like hardcore horror. Right. But you guys, I would totally recommend it if, if you haven’t seen it, I think you’ll dig it.

Yeah. So, and it would be a fun thing to put on at this time of year. And it’s available 

Todd: on Shudder right now, so you can check it out there. Well thank you again for listening. We have one more Halloween episode. Coming up for you the big one I don’t even know what it’s gonna be because the patrons were waiting for the final votes to come in If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend.

This is the perfect time to do it because it’s Halloween We do some of our best work this time of year Please find us online just by googling two guys in a chainsaw Drop us a note and let us know what you thought and have a conversation with us And if you’re a patron, please get on over there and vote to find which of the last movies we’re going to do this season before we jump into all those Thanksgiving movies, uh, next month.

Ha ha ha. If you’d like to be a part of that, please check out patreon. com slash chainsaw podcast and you too can shape the direction of this show. Until next time, I’m Todd. And I’m Craig. With two guys and a chainsaw.


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