Kristy

As usual, we searched high and low for a Thanksgiving-themed horror movie this year and, as usual, we came up with something only tangentially-related to turkey day. A woman finds herself alone on a college campus during Thanksgiving break and has to deal with a bunch of crazies chasing her around. Man oh man, did we have fun laughing at the utter absurdity of Kristy. Won’t you join us?

Happy Thanksgiving, loyal listeners!

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Kristy (2014)

Episode 322, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: Well, happy Thanksgiving to all of our American listeners out there, this is another one of those months we try to scrap together some horror film just to stay interesting and as a podcast that relates to Thanksgiving.

And there aren’t many to choose from, to be completely honest with you. For some reason, Thanksgiving just isn’t a holiday. People wanna center horror movies. I don’t know why. Anyway I got online and as usual, I just looked at some lists to see if there was anything new that came out. We’re we’re going through the dwindling number of Thanksgiving movies, movies that could even tangentially be called Thanksgiving Horror Movies.

And this is one of them really. Yeah, the movie that we’re doing today is 2014’s Kristy, and the only reason we’d call it a Thanksgiving horror movie is because it does technically take place during Thanksgiving. Yeah, , there isn’t much mention of it. But it’s about a girl on a college campus who gets stalked by some crazy killers during Thanksgiving break, of which she is one of the appears to actually be her and two security guards on this entire college campus for this entire break.

So yeah. So that, that makes this a Thanksgiving movie, and I’m glad you know, it’s, it’s a horror movie that actually was suggested to us by one of our patron Gary. Yeah, thank you very much for suggesting it when we called out on our Patreon page for anything we might have missed because that’s helped in the past.

We found some interesting holiday movies just by reaching out and, and, oh, oh yeah, this is, this is one we hadn’t noticed before and our patrons have helped us out, so thank you, Gary. For suggesting Christie from 2014 directed by Oliver Blackburn and written by Anthony Jess Whisky. Mm-hmm. Ali Blackburn has done the ovie Donkey Punch.

Have you? Yeah. Have you seen that? Yeah. Have you, you have, huh? Uhhuh . I heard that’s pretty terrifying. Kinda. No, it’s kind. No. 

Craig: Oh, it’s not, no, it’s really more of a psychological thriller. I mean, the whole movie is built around the joke of Donkey Punch, you know, like this sex thing that nobody really does.

At least I don’t, I hope not , but in the movie, a bunch of douchey like frat guys convince their kind of nerdier new frat brother to do this to a girl and it kills her and. Hi, JX and Sue, like, I mean, it’s, it’s a stupid movie. Is it really? Yeah. I, it wasn’t bad. I, I watched the whole, I watched the whole thing.

Todd: Okay, fair enough. So you wouldn’t call that a horror movie? That’s not anything we’re gonna 

Craig: really do, huh? No, I don’t think so. I, I don’t know what it’s labeled on IMDB or anything, but I would say it’s more of a psychological thriller. I mean, it’s, there, there is lots of violence, but other than that, no.

Other major horror elements. Okay. Anyway, and then the writer Jazwinski, he wrote the shallows, which I’ve also seen and wasn’t bad as far as shark movies go. It was okay. It wasn’t great. It was just one woman, Blake Lively in some fairly shallow water with a shark stalking her. Like that was the whole movie.

But wow. It kept my interest. She’s very beautiful to look at, so that didn’t hurt anything either. . 

Todd: Well, he, he wrote a movie called, Mary again, it seems like a horror mystery thriller kind of movie out in the out in the ocean. And to starred Gary Oldman. So I mean, that’s something in a movie called Satanic, which I kind of looked up after I was looking up more about him and I’ve got a little bit interested in it.

Maybe we’ll do something like that in the future. That’s supposed to be four, I’ll read it. Four friends on their way to Coachella, stop off in LA to tour true crime, A cult sites only to encounter a mysterious young runaway who puts them on a terrifying path to ultimate. So that doesn’t sound like it was written by some random person, does it?

Craig: I don’t know. Could be interesting. Could be terrible. It’s interesting though you said that movie’s called Satanic. Yeah. That that was the original title for this movie. 

Todd: Nature. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, it’s, I wonder why I, I guess you know this movie. All right, so I hadn’t seen it before. Hadn’t even heard of it before.

Honestly. I thought it was really well made, like really well made filming wise, cinematography wise, there’s some really interesting situations. And so other than that, it’s pretty standard. Stalking, killing movie, and I was waiting for a twist, really, to be honest, that that never came. So it was very straightforward.

This girl, like I just said, trapped in an empty campus over Thanksgiving break and a bunch of guys and one woman, but she’s not 

Craig: really trapped. That’s what’s frustrating. Like, yeah, she’s alone, but she, this, this whole movie mostly takes place you know, on this college campus just. Run and keep running.

Todd: Just leave. Yeah. or, or 

Craig: hide. Like it’s an enor. It’s a, it’s a college campus. You should 

Todd: be able to hide somewhere. That’s somewhere that’s unbreakable, right? Like just behind a big steel door somewhere. Lock that, you know, in a janitor’s closet. Something. Yeah. Right. I mean, these people are coming after her.

Just have knives, . Well, right. I 

Craig: mean, and it, you would think that she was wearing a homing device because Oh yeah. Wherever she goes, they’re right behind her. I, I just don’t understand that. I went to college, I live in a college. You make it around the corner and get out of their line of sight for a second and you can find somewhere to hide.

It’s not, 

Todd: yeah, I, I think you’re right about that. I mean, you’re definitely right about that. And, and it, it’s almost comical at times how quickly they find her. Like it’s got at least twice, maybe three times. That horror movie convention of she has run so far from them and you think she is absolutely, you know, at least has some time to breathe and then she turns around and there’s somebody standing right behind her , which is a little maddening, but it it, I mean, it makes for an intense movie if you can look past that

But can 

Craig: you, No that’ss 

Todd: the question. Well, yeah, I guess you’re, I mean, you’re right, right. Sorry, I’m trying to say nice things about this movie. I’m really trying because it’s not bad. It just, no, it’s not nothing remarkable. And in that way, you’re right, it’s, it’s a bit disappointing. The, the actress, the main actress is Haley Bennett.

She’s been in a number of things. The, there’s a remake of The Magnificent Seven. In 2016, she was in the movie version of a book the Girl on the Train, which I, I really liked that book. And she’s very busy. She’s acting once or twice a year in some increasingly bigger things. It seems like she was in the movie Borderland.

Which is in post production right now based on a very popular video game franchise. And I think that’s probably going to be very big when it comes out. And she’s 

Craig: good. I mean, yeah, she’s great. She’s very sympathetic. You’re rooting for her. Emma Watson was the first choice. For the lead. That probably would’ve made the movie more successful.

Just, yeah, because of the name recognition. I think they also considered Shalene Woodley, who is very successful right now too. But the actress who does the main role is, is fine. That’s the thing. Like I have seen this movie before. I saw it probably. Sometime soon after it came out, because it’s been a long time when Gary recommended this and we were talking about it.

I told you. Yeah, I’ve seen it. I don’t really remember much about it. It’s just a girl getting chased around a college campus by a guy and a mask and that 

Todd: is what it is. Yeah. Like . Exactly. Yeah. It’s exactly what it is. And I had 

Craig: forgotten that it’s actually more than one guy in a mask. I, you know, there, there’s like, A whole cult deal, which you could explain in a second.

But yeah, I mean that’s, that’s it. Like you meet a girl, she seems nice. Everybody leaves for break. She bumps into the wrong person at a gas station, and then she gets chased around. Yeah. For the next hour and 10 minutes. 

Todd: Well, they’re even wearing the same mask, so you know, I can’t, can’t fault you for

Yeah. And 

Craig: they’re just, they’re just guys in hoodies, different color hoodies. That’s how they’re billed on imdb, like gray hoodie, blue hoodie, . It doesn’t make any difference because they’re all wearing masks that looked like they just took aluminum foil and like pressed it against their. 

Todd: Yeah, exactly.

And, and it, it’s weird again, I just, I kept waiting for something significant or revealing to happen because there are moments where they zoom in on their eyes, like there’s something behind them or there’s some sign, something significant, I don’t know, emotionally or whatever about these guys. And then there’s a moment where she unmasks one of them and that.

Which happens I think in like a bathroom or something. She finally kills this dude with a bat that she has wrapped up with nails. And wax him in the back of the head with it and he falls back. And so he kind of undergoes a slow silent death and she un unveils his face and just looks at it. And I’m, I’m going, is he supposed to be familiar?

Is is he a That’s what I thought too. . Is this a twist? Well, what’s going on? Like, I was just a. Full of anxiety, like, why can I not recall this guy’s face? And I, 

Craig: she even kind of looked like her boyfriend. I’m like, wait, what? ? 

Todd: Yeah. Or one of the security guards or something. I’m thinking, was it the guy in the, I mean, there aren’t many people to choose from, right?

No. and, and that was another thing I was thinking of as we were watching this movie. I was like taking careful stock of the five other people that she comes in, random encounters. Wondering which one of them might end up being the one, but it’s exactly the person that turns out to be, you know, well, there’s no sur I mean, there there’s no surprise.

No. 

Craig: You know who they are. The, the beginning of the movie, like, what is it? You, you, in the very beginning you see what seems like found footage. Film, yeah. Of these people in hoodies killing a girl in a field and in the background, very ominously. You keep hearing Christy

and then there’s, there’s like news reports about missing college students and you see this whole thing like on the dark web and this voiceover is, Kill Kristy, follower of Christ. If you kill Kristy, you kill God. Kristy is pretty pure blessed. Find them, hunt them, know their fear. Show your work.

Like, 

Todd: wow, you wrote all that down? I did. I wrote it all down. Wow. So 

Craig: it’s a whole cult thing. Like there’s this cult of people who wear hoodies and aluminum foil on their face and kill pretty 

Todd: privileged girls. Yeah, I guess not because they’re privileged, but for religious reasons, I guess. Yeah. 

Craig: But I feel like that’s one, that’s one of the things, like they have to be pretty and good or innocent or whatever, but they do also target girls with privilege, which is ironic because.

Our girl who is not named Kristy her name is Justine. She’s not privileged. No. It just happens that her privileged in, in fact, it’s suggested that she, you know, I don’t remember. She has to do well so she can keep her scholarship or something because her family doesn’t have money, but her roommate.

It does come from a family with money. And at the last, she was gonna stay with her, but at the last minute her family called and was like, oh, dad’s coming home, so we’re all gonna meet at Aspen. So the roommate goes off, but she’s like, you can borrow my BMW for the weekend. Yeah. And it, it’s only because Justine drives that BMW to the gas station to get snacks.

That she ends up getting targeted. 

Todd: Yeah, exactly. So she, she has the appearance of a privileged girl, even though she’s not so, right. Oh, I guess it’s, that’s part of the tragedy of the story, right? Right. Wrong, wrongly targeted , 

Craig: wrongly targeted, but it, I mean, she wins 

Todd: So

It’s true. Could you imagine this movie, if she hadn’t won? Would it have been a better movie? I’m not sure. I don’t know. Maybe 

Craig: because basically this movie is the strangers. A college campus, but the strangers is a much better. Movie. I, I, I think part of what makes the strangers so compelling is that the heroes, the good people don’t win.

And when, you know, it’s the famous scene when Live, Tyler says, why, why us? Why are you doing this to us? And the girl in the Mass just says, because you were home. Oh. Like, that’s so chilling. It’s just, yeah. There is no reason. It’s just you were home that that’s, This movie’s kind of like two. Yeah. In fact, the second title of the movie was Random.

Hmm. I, I, I don’t, I don’t know how they eventually came up with Kristy. I don’t know if that cult, Satan 

Todd: was, was the title of the movie too, right? Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. Satanic first, then Random, and then Kristy, apparently. Yeah. I don’t know. It makes me wonder if maybe the whole cult thing was written in at the last.

Todd: Oh, yeah, you’re probably right 

Craig: to get some, but I don’t know. I, I don’t know if 

Todd: that’s the case. It could be, because it seems like in a way they’re setting it up to be a franchise or a sequel because we learn that this isn’t just some little local cult. This is something that’s organizing online at the end you know, there’s a, a.

A map of the USA and you see these, these little Ks, you know, pop up all over. So I guess, I guess it’s a religious cult that somehow thinks that when they’re killing white, privileged. Pretty girls. They’re doing something against God. Yeah. Which they hate. And they just need to do this and then post their stuff online, their videos in their little group, like their own little Reddit forum in the dark web or whatever.

Craig: But it just seems mean like, yeah, why? Why these? Girls, especially since kind of the leader of the little faction of this cult that we follow is a, a woman you know, a, a girl probably approximately the same age as Justine. I, I don’t recall. If you actually see or hear her name in the movie, but she’s, bill is Violet.

She’s played by Ashley Green, who is also a very successful young actress. Justine is at the gas station just getting snacks for her and the very friendly security guard in her dorm. Yeah. And This random girl in a hoodie and sunglasses is just being weird. First of all, she’s like throwing, she’s like picking up magazines and just tossing them on the floor.

I guess Justine drops something and Violet picks it up for her, and Justine says, thanks. And she’s like, I like your 

Todd: car. . Okay, , thank you. And then, You’re pretty. And then, yeah, Justine’s like, all right, you’re weird. You know right. Works faster. 

Craig: And then, but she ends up, so she’s checking out at the register and this girl walks up behind her and the guy’s like, 

Todd: you’re rockstar.

If you’re not gonna bar anything, you need to boogie.

How much do these sunglasses, what does a price tag say? I want a discount. What’s your id?

I want a discount. Look, I’ll pay. I’ll pay.

I don’t want anything from you.

You know, you try to do something nice for someone, and this is the shit you get.

You 

Craig: dunno what shit is, you don’t know what shit is

And then as she’s walking out, I think she’s like, bye Kristy, or something like that. So my point is, why, why are they doing this to these. ESP if it were all men, I mean, based on the last three or four movies we’ve watched, I’d be like, oh, that tracks men are trash. So that makes sense. But why? Why is this young girl a part of it?

And she looks like she’s been through some stuff 

Todd: like Yeah, her teeth are not great. 

Craig: Yeah. And, and, and she’s pierced. Not that I have anything against piercings, but she, she looks rough. She looks pale. I don’t even know how, I mean, she’s, she’s the actress herself is a beautiful woman. But I feel like her lip, I feel like her lips are almost like gray or, 

Todd: I don’t know.

It’s almost like there’s some drugs or some heavy maybe. Something going on there. Yeah. Right. I, I, I think it’s more about class perhaps. I, I just think perhaps this movie is a little more timely now in, in that regard than it would’ve been before. Or it’s just some disaffected, disenfranchised people who are just pissed at the world.

Yeah. And then they wanna unleash themselves. The world and get their revenge somehow. And so they found a scapegoat. And their scapegoat is God ultimately, right? So that religious makes it feel slightly noble, and so you kind of have an excuse, you know? And so I, I, I don’t know, it was kind of like Hans and Shades of Qan on and things like that of just people who just get weird, crazy ideas in their head because they legitimately are for whatever.

Down on their luck, just a franchise. Mad at the world, mad at the man. And rightly so. That makes sense. They’ve just tapped into somehow some darkness and bad influence. I think that’s kind of what it’s getting at here. And so there you go. There’s your motivation. , you know, it’s not satisfying, but it’s, that’s what it is.

Craig: Yeah, I think you’re right. And it, it does make sense. It, I just feel like. I don’t know. There’s just not enough to it because then they just, she gets back to campus and they just chase her around like, yeah. Another thing that bothered me about the movie is that like apparently on Thanksgiving break, the entire electrical network is shut off on campus.

bullshit. It is not, no, I’ve. 500 yards from a college campus my whole life. . Yeah. Like life goes on. That’s the other thing too, like there’s no point in time when there aren’t people on 

Todd: campus. Yeah. There’s somebody there, there’s some professors doing work over the weekend. There are students who cannot leave.

Right. There’s not 

Craig: only one student who stays behind and that they give. Master keys too. like, oh 

Todd: yes, she can get into anything. 

Craig: You’re the only one gonna be here. Here’s the key to everything on campus . 

Todd: That’ll go well, right , and at least they gave her one security guard in the one building that she’s staying in.

And then there’s one other security guard at a, apparently the only. 

Craig: Yeah, that the only gate like, like it’s a prison. Like what? 

Todd: Not much as prison . Now that tracks sometimes, but you know, , yes. It’s really, the premise is silly. We gotta all admit that and the motivations are kind of okay, whatever. Let’s get behind that if we can at least, you know, have an interesting movie.

And that’s why I was thinking there’s gotta be some twist, you know, there’s gotta be something that makes this a little more than what it seems like to be on the surface. It’s really 

Craig: predictable once they start menacing her there she’s kind of freaked out and so she calls her boyfriend and he’s like, I’m gonna come back and.

She’s like, no, no, I’m sure it’s fine. 

Todd: Don’t come back. I’ve got my security guards with me here too, 

Craig: so, right. And he’s like, okay, I won’t. And I’m like, okay. 25 minutes until he shows up, like, yeah, . It was 

Todd: just so predictable. 25 minutes until he shows up and gets killed. Right? Yeah. Right. But 

Craig: it was also, it was also frustrating because all of these people around they just keep getting picked off in the most stupid ways.

Like the security guard who’s so nice, like they obviously have a relationship, like they’re friends. Yeah. And he, you know, he’s a big dude and, 

Todd: and competent. I mean, he’s on top of it. Totally. Not stupid. He’s not dismissing stuff or anything. 

Craig: No. But. He doesn’t even get to fight, like I guess. No. Doesn’t he just, he just opens the door and walks out and they stab him in the 

Todd: neck or something.

It’s kind of weird, right? Like he’s outside. Apparently he’s seen something that disturbs him. Yeah. We don’t really know why. Maybe it was one of those people with a knife, but he tries to run and come back into there while she’s trying to get out and somehow the door’s locked. And I don’t really understand why.

Cuz she just came in through that door. Maybe she locked it and I forgot about it. But anyway, he can’t get in. She can’t get out. And he, with his back to whatever, freaked him out. This whole time he gets whacked over the head. It’s like suddenly all of the competence that we’ve seen from him before just completely goes out the window.

And the other thing too, I kept checking like, is this a period piece? Why is everybody on landline phones all the time and running for landline phones? Where’s her cell phone? Yeah. Where’s this guy’s cell phone? He’s actually calling people. He’s getting on his walkie talkie. Like, why can’t anybody successfully make a call out?

The bad guys? Oh yeah, the bad guys have no problems with it, so it’s like, oh, okay. Yeah, there are cell phones here. So what’s going on here? Like why, what ? Well, and 

Craig: there, there is one time when Justine gets her hands on a cell phone, but it comes after a time that like she, she 

Todd: runs to this house? Yeah, she runs to this 

Craig: house and she’s like, Scott, Scott.

Todd: Who the fuck is Scott? Oh God, I can’t, I could not figure this out for the life of me. I thought we were going to a flashback or something. I thought the movie was getting weird. It’s literally like a house, I guess, on the campus. I mean, it looks like a, the ranch house, one level ranch house. She goes inside and I guess this is the maintenance guy.

Craig: I have no idea. But the movie treated it like, we should know who that is. Like, oh yeah, Scott. Thank God Scott’s. 

Todd: Right, right. Yeah. Scott haven’t seen before and have no idea who he is or why. He’s in a house on the camera and he has a shotgun 

Craig: and a dog, and there’s a swing set in his front yard. What ? 

Todd: And he’s high.

And that’s the excuse that we have for why Scott Acts. Super weird When she’s there, he believes her immediately. They kinda lock the door, but she’s like, go get your cell phone. Go get your cell phone. And he disappears. And she’s sitting there and waiting for the light to come on outside because there’s a, a motion sensor light.

And he comes back with a shotgun and she’s like, where’s your cell phone? Where’s your cell phone? And he just says, oh, the police would never get here in time. What, number one, no, that doesn’t make sense. And number two, why does she just let that go? Right? Why doesn’t she just grab Stone Scott and be like, before you do anything , call the police.

Lead me to your cell phone. I’m gonna call the police. And then you can do whatever you want with the shotgun. Like it’s just, honestly, the movie is a series of really bad decisions, which well, right, as you said earlier, makes it distracting. And instead of just, you 

Craig: know, call the police. Even then just wait.

Like, yeah, it’s, instead, don’t go out there 

Todd: like, which is exactly what he does. Everything’s misty, super misty, and, and foggy. And so you can’t, it’s like Silent Hill. All of a sudden you can’t see two feet in front of your face and he just walks out into it with his shotgun further and further away from the door, and 

Craig: then his dog gets out and they kill his dog.

So mean. How they ate these 

Todd: people. Yeah. What did the dog come up to? Two. I mean, that was a big mean dog. What is it? A Rottweiler or something? Yeah. Yeah. Looked like it. It, I mean, that dog. Nobody can just, if that dog comes at you, you’re not gonna just like snap its neck, you know? No, there’s no way. But in the fog, apparently this dog runs at this guy, you don’t hear a struggle.

All you hear is 

Craig: for a long time, like it sounds like they’re torturing the poor 

Todd: animal. Yeah. hate, they’re way too competent, you know, to be, they are , it’s dumb, and 

Craig: they’re just, they’re. College age guys, like, there’s nothing special about them. 

Todd: And I think, I feel like that is what that whole reveal scene was supposed to be like, oh my God, these guys aren’t special.

You know, they’re just, this is just a random, once I figured out, I, I couldn’t recognize the guy’s face. She just sits there, I think. And kind of remarks in her head at how random this really is. And he’s not even much older than she is, if at all, and just looks like a normal dude you’d see down the street, you know, clean cut.

But with that being the message, like, God, they really are. They really seem supernatural , you know, in their ability to find her wherever she is. Wherever she goes. Doesn show up, doesn’t matter. Show up silently. You know where 

Craig: that is, you. Right. Even though the fog is so dense that you can’t see more than five feet in front of you, yet they can track her wherever she goes.

Yeah. 

Todd: I mean like the movie in these huge places, 

Craig: the Right, the movie got bad reviews based on the writing, but they did say that, you know, she did get a lot of praise from the lead. Actress got a lot of praise for her performance, and I agree with that. It’s not, it’s. Incompetently made movie. Oh God, no.

It’s just stupid. Every, it’s just a series of stupid events. Like, then she runs to the library. Okay, why not? Cause she’s got a key, but that’s what I was gonna say. She, she does get, what’s his butt’s Scott’s cell phone and she calls nine one one. But apparently, 

Todd: The cult has hacked his cell phone. Oh, or did she what?

She, one of the bad guy’s, cell phones. I think she tried to call 9 1 1 and either got interrupted or it didn’t work, or something like that. And then she received a call on the cell phone? That’s, yeah. And then the person said, did you just call 9 1 1? And she’s like, yeah. And then the person’s, you know, basically tricks her into revealing her location, which you, you would hardly think they would need it.

I mean, they seem to be able to find her no matter what, but she’s like, oh, I’m running to the library and I’m gonna lock myself in the library. And the woman on the line is like, okay, well stay there. Yeah. And then a couple minutes later, or seconds later, the woman on the line says, haha, Christie, don’t you know that the maintenance man’s phone number is posted all over 

Craig: campus?

Christie? That’s right. That’s 

Todd: right. Yeah. So instead leaving the library, she stays in there. She stays right? 

Craig: She stays in there until they show up and like spook around. Like that’s the other thing. Like it, it’s just the same thing over and over again. She gets to a new location and kind of hides and then they slowly creep around looking for, it just happens over and over again and again.

Here at the library, instead of running out the back door, she runs to the. Where they find her. So she jumps off and then gets up and runs away . That is not how real life works. No, it’s not. You do not jump off the roof of an, at least it’s, it was at least two 

Todd: stories. Oh, it was three. It was three at the least.

Yeah. Oh God. 

Craig: But, but, but she went through a tree, so. Somehow its 

Todd: worse. , she’s fine. , she limps for like three seconds as she’s running away. And then that’s it. Yeah. Now I will say, as you said earlier, like the plot is stupid. It is so full of holes, it is so unbelievable, and it’s baffling to the point of distraction.

That being said, As you keep saying, and I keep saying the movie is well made, I would go so far as to say that it is pretty top notch for any movie, let alone a horror movie that you know, when we do have our sequences of. The guys there inexplicably and looking for her. I think there’s genuine tension there, and I think the cinematography is really inventive.

One of the, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll call out two things that I thought were kind of fun. Number one is we do get that typical montage, so she’s by herself, right? So we get kind of a, a quick montage of all the things she’s doing to entertain herself while we’re there. I, I really thought for a moment where we were gonna get a Tom Cruise risky business you know, dancing in her underwear moment.

Yeah. It almost happened, but, but you know, it’s these quick cuts of her swimming, her jogging, she’s found a lot to do actually. Right. And I thought that that was stylish. Yeah. I liked it and it kept bringing up the swimming bit and I, I, it was so much so that I thought, okay, like, The purpose this is serving is, it’s, it’s establishing that she’s fit, she can run, she’s good at swimming.

All of these things are gonna come to play, right? But she’s probably gonna have some swimming bit in this or use that to her advantage. And that’s the other scene that I did like. She runs to the pool, which is a place she’s intimately familiar with and has spent a lot of time not before her 

Craig: boyfriend gets killed, which is another frustrating part because he just, he literal.

Drives in mistakes, just, or excuse me, mistakes. Violet for Justine. So goes chasing after Violet, and then Justine’s chasing after her. And she’s like, no, wait. And then a guy just pops up and kills him. Like . 

Todd: Yeah. It’s really unsatisfying that they could have left 

Craig: that out. Like it’s just an extra kill.

There’s nothing compelling about it at all. There’s no tension. It’s just, Hey, I’m here. Stab 

Todd: me. Yeah. I mean it’s, it’s like the whole shining thing, right? It’s supposed to establish that, oh, here, her night in shining armor’s never coming. Right. But it’s so unsatisfying. Yeah. Mm-hmm. and you wanna feel bad for her, but just the movie seems so silly at this point.

Mm-hmm. , well, she ends up in, in the pool, and I don’t think this makes a lot of sense because there are a thousand places you could hide. It seems like a swimming pool is maybe the worst. Mm. 

Craig: Because then also you’re gonna be. Which means that if you have to run away again, you’re gonna leave a trail, which she does

Todd: But anyway. Yeah. But, but she gets in the, she’s the guy, she’s in the, the office of the pool and she’s hiding under a desk and somehow she manages to get out of there while the guy’s searching in there and she out, ends up outside the pool and instead of hiding in the bleachers, Or leaving lockers or Right.

If we’re leaving right . She decides to go to the most open space in the entire building into one of the most vulnerable places and lower herself into the swimming pool by the edge of it. And this guy’s at the far end, and he’s swinging his flashlight around and as soon as he swings his flashlight toward her, she ducks down and holds her breath.

This was well shot. Yeah. Yeah. And it was tense because I was waiting for a hand to come down and grab her or for her to pop up. And as soon as she popped up, he’d be right there. Right. Which, kudos to the movie for not being quite that stupid, I guess. But the 

Craig: alternative is that nothing happens, like Yeah.

Which it, it just works. And, and it’s not to say that I don’t. Again, I agree with you. There are so many other places to go besides in the pool, but I do almost feel like it’s believable that he wouldn’t find her there. You know, she’s pressed up against the wall on the same side that he’s on. So even if he were to swing his flashlight, he’s not gonna see her.

No, I 

Todd: don’t think he would see her, and he would also be like, well, why the hell would she be in the pool? So I don’t think you’d do much, but give a quick glance at the pool and just look to see if the water’s disturbed. You know? So so yeah, I mean, that bit’s believable. So if we’re gonna say the filmmaker made this choice and they gotta film this scene it’s filmed really, really well, really tense, great underwater photography.

This actress in one take is holding her breath for quite a while and coming back up, and that guy went by, then it, cuts away and then cuts back. And now she is outside of the pool laying down in the bleachers and, Pulled a a hose from somewhere and turned it on. So there’s now disturbance in the pool, which now this guy comes around and does a double take.

So now she’s trying to lure him there. Uhhuh. Oh, I don’t know. It didn’t, didn’t make sense. And I know, you know, it’s, there’s, it’s obvious they just had to cut back to this because to actually show this happen would’ve defied all logic. She also has goggles on, yeah, I didn’t, I guess she went to her locker and got her goggles.

I dunno what, it’s so 

Craig: weird. Right? I know. And I don’t even remember what happens. She just hit ’em over the head 

Todd: or something. Yeah, she just comes up behind him, whacks him on the head. He falls in the pool and she jumps in after him and, and she wrestl. The bat out of his hand, kind of that’s right.

Pulls it around his neck and sort of snaps his neck underwater. And again, if you overlook, which is impossible to do, if you overlook the logical problems with all of this, it looks great. Yeah, it looks great. It really does. That’s the only thing I can say about this movie is it looks great. And she was a decent enough actress.

Craig: So confession time. So we usually record on Sundays, which means that I have Saturday to watch the movie. Well, this week we’re recording on Saturday. So I started watching this movie at work on my phone, , and I watched the first, probably half of it, the first 45 minutes. My point is, set yourself up for success for this movie because it’s very, Like it, it all takes place in the dark, as I said, like the electricity is out all over campus, apparently.

Yeah, except for like these emergency lights or whatever, trying to watch it on my phone. I was really just staring at a reflection of myself for the first 45 minutes, but then I finished it this morning in a, not like brightly lit setting, and it looked fine. Just don’t watch it on your phone in a brightly lit room, cuz you won’t be able to see anything that’s going on.

But she killed that guy. She killed that guy. And she we forgot she already had killed another one too. She ran one of them down with her boyfriend’s car. That’s right. Which great. Like, or you could’ve driven his car away, instead of smashing it into a wall. I guess that would’ve made for a shorter movie.

I don’t know. So she killed that guy, then she killed the guy in the pool. Then she makes a, a knife, or no, excuse me, a nail bat. Yeah, . She takes the guy’s bat and makes a, and it’s so funny, I, I was like, I bet that has a name. I bet that kind of weapon has a name cuz I’ve seen him used a bunch of times. So I Googled Nail bat , I, I, I googled bat with nails in it, and I, the question that popped up was, what is a bat with nails in it called Nail bat

That’s the name of it. 

Todd: It’s a nail straight to the point. Just like the weapon itself gets to the point. So she 

Craig: makes a nail.

I just am gonna try to casually work that into conversations for the rest of this week. 

Todd: Hey, do you know what the, have you seen my nail bat? Here’s an interesting trivia thing for you. You know that bat with nails in it? That’s a really nasty web. And what do you think that’s called? Nail bat?

Look it up, dude. Google. What is it? Oh, I wonder what it’s, what they call it when it’s wrapped with barbed wire. Barbed wire. Bet

Craig: Oh man. This is a good movie. I’m telling you so much to say. Hurry. Hurry. 

Todd: We’re gonna run outta time. She goes to the ba I, I think it’s in the same bill. I don’t know, she’s in the bathroom or the locker room or something. And some dude again is tracking her. And again, it is a very tense sort of scene where she’s gotten clever.

She’s put he cell phone. I don’t know what she’s done. Has she like recorded herself crying or upset on a cell phone? That looks like a Nokia from, you know, the early nineties. I’m not. But anyway, she’s done this. We haven’t seen her do it, but we just see this guy slowly walking through and banging open all the stalls until he’s sure he’s at the one she’s in.

And it turns out that she has, I guess, recorded herself crying on this phone and hung it from the shower. And as soon as he sees that, she runs up behind him and wax him with the nail bat in the back of the head, which of course would kill anybody. And it does. And that’s when we get this slow scene of him dying and.

Unmasking him and sitting across from him and just staring at him as he dies. Mm-hmm. , huh? And that’s it. I mean, I, and that’s it. God, I, I have to be honest, like I, I thought at first there was just one or two people and then. As more people started getting killed, but then there were more people stalking her anyway, I was like, how many people are there in this group?

I, I don’t know. It’s just 

Craig: the three really Boys. Yeah, it was just the three boys. So at this point they’re all dead, but she grabs the one that she most recently killed. She grabs his phone and it gets a text from the girl from Violet that. Did you kill Christie? And she responds, yes. And then Violet’s like, okay, meet me at the car and post it.

Post it online. And so Christie goes to the website that Violet said to post it on, and she sees, so now she learns that it’s not just her. This is a whole group of people. And they do this and they post pictures and videos on the dark web. So she knows what’s going on now. So she decides to mix a bunch of pool chemicals together, and apparently she knows how to mix pool chemicals together to turn them into some sort of, Like explosive.

Todd: I don’t know. She gets, she starts MacGyvering basically. Yeah. And I was, I was shaking my head at this point. Now, to be fair, it is very briefly established in a literally three second scene. Which is part of a montage in the beginning of the film that her science teacher says something about the Heisenberg Uncertainty principle.

Craig: Heisenberg was all about unforeseen 

Todd: outcome, light bending, sodium nitrate, exploding with 

Craig: water. Boom. That sounds like an unexpected outcome to me. 

Todd: Yes. So I guess she was a really good student, and so she knows her chemistry really well and is able to randomly find all the chemicals that are going to put together the exact same thing that he demoed for them in the class so that she can do this.

I mean, I was just shaking my hand. I’m like, oh, please don’t make her. Oh, she’s gonna MacGyver now. Well, and 

Craig: I mean, Just leave, like call the police. 

Todd: Yeah. Come on there. One person. Now there’s one person like upload the link or something. Somewhere. Like you have a phone now, right? Oh, 

Craig: but no, she has to track Violet down, so she tracks her 

Todd: down.

Well, violet did kill her boyfriend. That’s true. You know, I mean, to be fair, people are gonna listen to this podcast, Craig, and they’re gonna say a couple. They’re gonna say, first of all, I’ve heard you defend these kinds of actions on podcasts before because this is the typical final girl material where not only does she want to get outta the situation, but now she’s so pissed and her boyfriend’s dead and everything like that, that she wants revenge.

So that kind of tracks for a slasher film final girl situation. And the other thing they’re gonna is, Hey, look guys, didn’t you just say that random. Is the most terrifying because the killer who doesn’t have a motive is scarier than the killer who has this deep, dark background and this past and this strong reason for doing what they’re doing.

So, 

Craig: It’s not that serious.

Todd: just anticipating there is a, there is at least a dozen people out there probably think this is the best movie they’ve ever seen and really, really loved it. And they’re gonna come out with those criticisms for our criticism. Well that and that’s fair. That’s 

Craig: fine. I don’t care. Yeah. To each their own, it’s just, yeah, I just didn’t care.

Like again, the perform. Are fine. There, there, there’s no bad acting. You know, it’s, it’s all good. It’s, it’s really the story that I have problems with. I mean, even it, it’s execut. Perfectly fine. Perfectly well. It’s just a stupid story, that’s all. And 

Todd: blame the writer. 

Craig: Right. And a lot of the movies we watch are stupid, and it certainly doesn’t deter me from watching.

I, I’m, I’m not, I’m not trying to hurt anybody’s feelings. If this is your favorite movie, that’s okay. I don’t think less of you . 

Todd: I, I like a lot of other movies. We can’t wait to introduce you to if this is your favorite 

Craig: movie. I like some really bad movies. Some of, some of my favorite movies are bad, so it’s cool.

I get it. Yeah. So so she finds Violet, she throws the chemicals on her. I don’t know, violet says something sassy or I don’t know, , but she likes, throws some water on her and 

Todd: you’d be CAE mother . She 

Craig: throws some water on her and she bursts into flames and she thrashes around for a while and then she lays down and dies.

Yep. 

Todd: The end get that. We get the little montage that shows that, you know, there are these cells all over the country and Yeah. And so it’s the 

Craig: beginning. All the bodies they give us, they give us very beautiful and artfully framed shots of all the bodies. And then we see all the posts on the Christie page.

But then there’s also news footage about it, like apparently Justine. Her testimony, you know, has exposed it and they’re starting to catch some of these folks. And then there’s like Justine’s voiceover. Justine is dead. My name is Christie.

Todd: Like what? . So 

Craig: I think that she’s gonna be like a vigilante now. Yeah. Cuz did you watch the Post? Did you watch the post credit? 

Todd: Was there a post credit scene? No, I didn’t see it. Yeah, I, 

Craig: well, the only scene I thought there might be, but yeah, I, I had read that there was, so I watched it. You see one of the, those guys in the aluminum foil masks like stalking another Christie, but then somebody, you just, it’s just a flash cut.

You see somebody’s coming up behind him. Now, I don’t know if that’s supposed to, Justine, I assume it is supposed to be her. Or probably maybe there are other vigilantes too. I don’t know. But then 

Todd: that’s it. I thought they were setting it up for a sequel or a potential franchise. Yeah, but I don’t think the movie got good enough reviews for.

Any dreams of that to move forward? No. I just, 

Craig: yeah, God. Like I don’t even wanna, it’s not like I actively dislike it. It’s fine. We have seen so many worse movies. Oh yeah. Just in terms of plotting, it’s predictable. It’s really not very exciting. Yeah. I mean, it defies logic at every turn. 

Todd: That’s where it kind of breaks down, right?

Like, you know, a lot of horror movies are not logical, but we kind of go with it. But I, I guess there’s a line somewhere, and I’m not quite sure where, maybe if it’s just way too much of it, or, or a movie like this, which is really trying hard to portray a realistic situation, right? Right. Like a home invasion movie, a girl on a campus being stalked by normal people, if there’s no like, supernatural element to it or anything like that.

Then we kind of, I guess we just demand a little more realism or else it just takes us out of the movie and we’re just too distracted by how dumb everything is. And I, I think there’s a kind of satisfaction. Gosh. Now, I don’t know. I’m just looking for things to talk about maybe. But I think there’s a kind of satisfaction in watching a home invasion movie.

Part and parcel of it is like, what would I do in that situation? You know, almost like it’s training in a way, you know, , like if I’m faced with this, like, oh, that’s a good way of turning the tables on them. So, you know, we don’t think about that when it’s like a Jason or Freddie chasing after somebody.

We’re just in for the ride, cuz we know they’re gonna get it. And so like, yeah, there’s something maybe a little satisfying about watching a movie that’s more realistic and trying to figure out what we would do in that, put ourselves in their shoes a little bit more, and it’s really hard to do that when.

The character’s just making this the most obviously stupid choices over and over and over again. Well, and that’s other satisfaction is 

Craig: lost. You know, I think that’s getting close to why it bothers me is because she seems like a smart, competent girl. So it doesn’t make sense that she keeps making all these stupid decisions.

I, I’m sitting here trying to figure out why it just doesn’t work for me. And I think that that. Part of it because there are some movies where you know the tension is high, the bad guy is near, and you’re like, no, don’t go in there. Don’t go in there. And then they do go in there and then they get their head chopped off and it’s like super exciting and fun and scary.

I don’t know what the difference is. I don’t know why they’re sometimes when it’s. I and I almost kind of wonder if it’s fun and scary if you’re kind of more rooting for the bad guy. 

Todd: Yeah, and, and you know what, in, in those cases, like bad decisions usually get punished, right? In this case, she never gets punished for her bad decisions, so, It’s usually the final girl that’s a little smarter than everybody else.

Right. Right. And so, you know, it’s, it’s the woman who, the idiot who goes upstairs or goes into the, you know, scary room that gets her head chopped off. Mm-hmm. in this case. Yeah. It’s the final girl who’s really stupid and making all these dumb decisions and still manages to make it out just fine. Yeah.

Yeah. It’s. Maybe that’s the heart of it. Yeah. It’s just not a very satisfying final girl situation. Happy Thanksgiving. . 

Craig: Yes. 

Todd: Aren’t we thankful that we are smarter than this girl? ? 

Craig: Are we though? 

Todd: Really? I don’t know. probably not. I know I’d be the first person off in a horror situation. I know. Yeah. You would be.

I, I’d run out of breath running and I just kind of have to fall down and be like, alright, take me

Craig: I’d be, I’d be soon after you. So, but yeah. Anyway, I mean, I, we do this every year, but sincerely, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, thank you to all of you who listen every week and especially to those of you who reach out and give us some feedback and interact with us a little bit, whether it be on Facebook or Patreon or wherever it’s hearing from.

That I think really keeps us going. Not that I don’t enjoy spending this time with you, Todd . Oh, really? 

Todd: The truth comes out now, . 

Craig: No, no. I, I, I do. I mean, this is fun to do, but a lot of the fun is knowing that we’re bringing. Something to other people. So thank you all for your constant support. We 

Todd: really appreciate it.

Yes, thank you. And thank you very much to Gary who recommended this movie, and I know it’s not his favorite movie because I think his assessment was more or less the same as what we did. So thank you though for pointing out this Thanksgiving movie. It’s so much better than. Some of the other ones we could have chosen from.

And I would like to very specifically thank our patrons cuz they’re the people who are, you know, we love all of our listeners, but these folks have the means and the ability to reach out and support us month after month with some money. And I just want to take this moment. To read off our current patrons right now, Rosalind Shannon, Sean Haley, Anthony, Seth, Tyler, the Destroyer, Haley Le Aquaman, Christ, Jessica, Adrian, Andreas, Gary Neil.

Nova, which is I know Nova Cascade is is short for another person, Ryan and Heather, and, and we’ve had other patrons in the past. I’m sorry, I cannot pull them up right now because I, I don’t have that list. But, you know, a few people who’ve, who’ve just chosen to support us for a little bit, and that’s fine too.

We really appreciate you guys as well. Thank you so much for your support this last year. We really appreciate, it. Really helps us keep this podcast going. All right, well if you enjoyed this one, please share it with a friend. If you can find us online, search two guys in a chainsaw, reach out to us again.

Let us know what you thought of this movie. Let us know what other movies we should be doing. We’re coming up on Christmas time and we do try to pack December with holiday movies, and there’s a ever growing list of Christmas horror movies. It seems to be a more and more popular subject every year, so we do need your help narrowing down to the good ones, the ones that are worth doing.

Please leave us a comment on any one of those places. And let us know what Christmas horror movie we should be doing next. Until next time, I’m Todd. And I’m Craig with Two Guys and a Chainsaw.


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