To All A Goodnight (1980)

Episode 198, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd: welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw  I’m Todd

Craig: and I’m Craig.

Todd: Well, Craig Christmas is creeping up on us with a knife in his hand.

Oh, right. That’s not the end of the corny jokes. I’m sure. Especially when we start talking about this movie, we found another Christmas movie that we hadn’t heard of. Well, I hadn’t heard of it before. Had, you 

Craig: know, 

Todd: this is, um, another, I believe, Canadian movie, although I’m not 100% sure on that. Called to all a good night, and it came out in 1980 it came out right on the heels of, actually, I think the same year as Friday the 13th and if Friday the 13th hadn’t come out first, you would think that Friday the 13th borrowed a lot from this movie, but I think it’s quite the other way around.

But it’s interesting because the director of this film is David Hess, and I’m David Hess is a rock star. Almost literally David Hass was a as multitalented mostly as a musician. But also did some dabbling and film. Some of our listeners might remember him as one of the bad guys in the last house on the left.

Yeah. You remember that? I mean, he’s got 

Craig: like, I didn’t know that was him, but I, uh, yeah, I mean, I, I looked him up, but I was just looking for his deck. Directorial stuff. And this is the only movie, or at least feature film that he directed. 

Todd: Yeah. He’s only been in like, I think he only has like 39 acting credits to his name, which is more than I do.

Yeah. But, you know, it’s like a random movies here and there. Nothing really big. He does a few things on TV, but, uh, as a musician, he has written a number of hit songs for people. He wrote all shook up for Elvis Presley wound, uh, some countries, things like, um. For Conway Twitty and Andy Williams and Pat Boone, and a number of people.

I mean, he’s just had a, I think that’s where he’s made most of his money and gotten most of his fame. And according to him, it’s where he’s most comfortable. But he’s done some dabbling in film too, as an actor and then behind the scenes as a producer sometimes, and then directing this, and you’re right, he hasn’t really directed much besides this.

So I guess maybe after this movie, he wasn’t in huge demand as a director. And then the movie was written by a guy, 

Craig: Alex rebar. 

Todd: Alex rebar. Yeah. What did you find out about Alex rebar? Craig.

He’s also an actor. He’s dabbled in, in television a little bit. He has about eight writing credits to his name. Um, this a movie called demented, which I think we need to throw on our, on our list. Another movie called nowhere to hide. And, and that’s kind of about it. So really this is about the only thing he’s done as well.

And for both of them. More or less their very first gig out there. And so clearly they’re going for the horror genre as we sort of talk before. It’s sort of the way to, to make your Mark in a safe way. It doesn’t require a lot of money. I think this movie had a budget of about $75,000 almost completely takes place in a, in a mansion, uh, and the ground surrounding the mansion.

So it was probably pretty cheap to shoot. And then I saw an interview with a, one of the actresses who mentioned that they had actually just stayed in this mansion and filmed this movie over the course of 10 days. So cheap, quickly shot a slasher movie in the vein of Friday the 13th very, very much so.

And borrows from a couple other movies as well as we’ll probably get to talking about. And aside from those two people, and one of the stars in this movie, who ends up being the final girl, her name is Jennifer Runyon. There’s not many people of note in here with a couple. Well, there are a couple others.

Craig: Harry Reems. 

Todd: Yeah, Harry reins. Right. So 

Craig: I’m familiar with this word. 

Todd: I guess we can both admit that, huh? It wasn’t until the last scene with him in it. I don’t know if it was just too dark or we didn’t see much of him at the beginning of the movie, but at the end of the movie, when he comes in, I did a double take.

I was like, no. No, that is God. Oh my God. That is funny. 

Craig: I couldn’t remember having seen him at all. I’m like, I don’t know who that is, but, okay. 

Todd: Right. Yeah. That was kind of crazy. But he’s, he’s accredited here as Dan Stryker. Harry Reems is a. Pretty famous porn star, and he did not do much outside of porn just because of the stigma attached.

This, uh, this movie, um, he started another film that didn’t get major distribution because of his, actually the other film that was written by Alex rumbar demented. He was a star in that and a 20th century Fox would not pick that up because of his notoriety as an adult film star. And so like I am. Yeah.

It was a different time. 

Craig: And that’s funny cause I don’t remember exactly, I remember reading about it at some point that he, uh, he’s notorious for having starred in deep throat. And, um. You know, when deep throat came out, like it was like wildly popular. Like it was kind of like the first mainstream porn movie.

And you know, people who typically didn’t go to, you know, like CD porn theaters were actually going and seeing this movie. And if I remember correctly, he just kind of happened into it. Like, I think he was on the crew or something. Yeah, I may be making this up. 

Todd: It’s true. 

Craig: But I think he was like on the crew and they recruited him to be in it, and he had never really done anything like that before, but he did.

And that kind of launched his career. And it’s funny because you look at him and he’s just this very kind of charming. You know, like fatherly looking guy, you would never guess that he made a name for himself in the adult films, but he did 

Todd: big name of variable.

Yeah. And then he went ahead and, and I’m retired in the early eighties married a super religious woman and moved to Utah. I assume. Became Mormon, converted to Christianity or something and never said anything negative about his previous career. He never denounced it. In fact, he, he said quite openly, he wasn’t ashamed of it, but he completely left it behind and became like a real estate broker died, like of like heart failure or something like that.

Uh, Oh, I think it was pancreatic cancer or something like that in 2013 so. I know way too much about Harry Reems,

Craig: but 

Todd: he’s got, he’s got such a tiny role in this movie that it’s kind of a blink if you don’t know who he is. It’s a blink if you miss it kind of thing. The other woman in here before we get going is Jennifer Runyon. Now. It’s interesting. Jennifer Runyon, she was one of these people who once I was watching the movie, I thought, okay, now she looks very, very familiar to me, but I could not place her.

And this was her first acting gig, and she went on to do a lot of stuff in TV. Uh, but probably most famously as the female student in Ghostbusters, in the very opening. 

Craig: Isn’t that funny? Like she, she’s in that movie for maybe like three minutes, but. You totally recognize her. She’s the girl that bill Murray’s like doing these psych cake experiments or whatever, and she’s getting every answer wrong, but he’s telling her that she’s getting them right cause he’s just flirting with her and the poor guy that she’s testing with, he’s actually getting stuff right.

And bill Murray’s telling him he’s getting it wrong and like giving him shocks or whatever. It’s so funny, I. Yeah. She’s so recognizable from that bit part in that movie. I also remember, um, back, you know, after the Brady bunch got canceled, it was so popular enough that they were doing specials all the time.

Like they had a variety show and there was a cartoon, and eventually, uh, sometime in, I think the late eighties, they did a Christmas special. And the girl who played Cindy opted out. She didn’t want to do it anymore. And, uh, Jennifer Runyon took her place and played Cindy in a very Brady Christmas. And I remember that.

I remember when it aired, like it was. An exciting thing

Todd: for some people. No, you’re right. It 

Craig: was like she’s the only other recognizable person. I didn’t recognize anybody else. In fact, I clicked on them to look at their. Resumes or whatever, and a lot of them, in fact, we’re only in this movie. 

Todd: Yeah. This was that big surprise. Well, I’m kind of a little surprised.

I mean, some of them are, they’re not halfway bad. I mean, it’s sometimes it’s not terrible. It’s hard to tell with a movie like this, you know, what is it really? Is it the acting? Is it, the director wasn’t good enough at giving them direction? Was it just the is so bad? You know, how can you possibly deliver these lines in an effective way?

But, uh, yeah, I’m a little surprised at some of these people given their looks, you know, and general screen presence didn’t go on to do more stuff, but it might just be because this movie was severely panned when it came out. Like nobody really had anything good to say about it. 

Craig: Neither is UI.

Todd: Well, should we dive in and start not saying good things about it? 

Why 

Todd: not? This movie opens up and it’s, it’s cool because it’s such an homage, and actually this is one thing I really enjoyed about it, is it’s in many ways it’s such an homage to the films that came right before it, like say six months before it, or.

One or two years before it. It’s clearly trying to get a serious black Christmas vibe. It takes place at Christmas and there’s tons of Christmas in it. Then the, in the setting, even some of the more stylistic shots, you know, are shot like through the Christmas tree lights and things like that, but it start, it opens up just almost as black Christmas does on a large, I guess it’s supposed to be Calvin’s finishing school for girls.

Or say a sorority house. It is, yeah, kind of take your pick. That’s basically what it is. And once again, just like black Christmas, all the girls have gone home for the winter and there’s just a handful of them left with a house mother 

Craig: willing. What was that movie that we watched with uh, Jamie Lee Curtis?

Todd: Where? Prom night. 

Craig: Was it? Prom night where there was like some prank gone wrong beginning prom 

Todd: night. Okay. So same 

Craig: deal. Very much like that too. 

Todd: Well, no. We saw two with Jamie Lee Curtis where there was a prank gone wrong prom night, had them very similar to this. It was a bunch of kids though, right? They were chasing the kids through the, the abandoned place up to a high place, and then they, 

Craig: Oh yeah, that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about where like, they tricked some 

Todd: guy. Oh yes. Was that Tara train? I think those terror train. 

Craig: Yeah. I think it was. I think it was territory, yes. But it’s very much like that. Like it’s like this sorority, I guess kind of hazing thing going on. I don’t know. But these uh, sorority girls are chasing this other girl through the sorority house and the writing is so bad.

Like they’re like yelling things like sorority sorority. What? Like, what are you even talking about? And like, I think one of them has an ax, and I don’t even, I don’t even know what game this is that they’re playing, but they chase her out onto a balcony and she jumps or falls off and it’s a terrible effects.

Like they clearly just throw a dummy over the. Balcony. 

Todd: Well, it looks like she fell about two feet. I mean, yeah, 

Craig: like the, it’s not high at all. 

Todd: A shot from the balcony, which is not far away. And then a shot close up of this dummy hitting the ground and then another shot of the balcony and they go, Oh my God, she’s dead.

And then immediately credits. Yeah, the whole seed lasts like 30 seconds. It’s like the best I can say about as at least it got to the point. Yeah. So, yeah. So there we are. It’s this terrible effect. And then we’re, we’re, we come in two years later. We’re, like I said, everybody’s going home for the ER for Christmas holiday, except for about five or six girls, and then we get to meet them one by one.

And I, you know, you don’t even learn these girls names until halfway through the movie really, because. They don’t start 

Craig: usually until like right before they die. Like I had the hardest time. Yeah. And ult ultimately it doesn’t matter because it’s Nancy who’s like, you know, the good sweet girl, obviously she’s going to be the final girl, and then the rest of them are just a bunch of whores.

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: exactly. Here he is like, 

Todd: seriously, seriously, 

Craig: this movie, like they. Eventually some boys show up and they all immediately hook up with one boy, but then like after they’ve hooked up with that one boy, it’s like, ah, that was fun. Who’s next?

Todd: It’s so true. It doesn’t even matter who it is. And then if it’s not the boys, it’s the cops who come to investigate. Like, yeah, it’s, it doesn’t paint a very good picture of these ladies. And, and some people say that this film is credited with setting this genre. Some of these rules, right? That if you have sex, you die.

Or you know, if you’re slutty, you die. And if you’re the good girl or the good boy, you’re going to win out at the end. Um, I don’t know if that’s really true. Maybe it is to a certain extent, but Friday the 13th was, was doing that too, and it came out. Just before this, but this movie’s just over the top with it.

Really. It’s basically shortly after each person has sex that they get knocked off, I think. Yeah. So anyway, it’s all these girls and they’re meeting and, uh, their, their names are like Leah and I don’t know . Yeah. 

Craig: It doesn’t matter. Just 

Todd: a bunch of fours. Who cares? They’re sitting around and there’s a, 

Craig: and I’m sorry, like feminists out there.

I don’t, I don’t mean to categorize women in general in that way, but really they’re written very poorly. And I dunno, I mean, this is after the 70s. So maybe they’re kind of like clinging onto that whole free love thing, which great, you know, does your body do what you want? But 

Todd: they don’t 

Craig: come across very well, 

Todd: don’t they?

Don’t. Yeah. No, that’s good. Thank you for, for saying that, Craig. Now we’re covered. Yeah, so all these horrors they meet up. Living room. There’s a house mother, Mrs. Jensen, and the immediately mrs G, you know, they, they discuss the fact or it becomes clear that Mrs. Jensen isn’t their typical house mother.

She’s a substitute house mother. Their real house mother will be coming later. Binging, ding, ding, ding. So ms a Jetson is played by a woman who I thought I recognize as well, but I guess it hasn’t been in a whole lot. Did you look her up? 

Craig: Nope. 

Todd: Kiva Lawrence. She’s a, I think she, she did a lot more before this movie.

She also didn’t have much of a career, but she had a bit of a resemblance to, I thought, honestly, I thought she had a strong resemblance to Jason’s mother. The Friday the 13th. Same 

Craig: hairstyle. I mean, she’s a, she’s, she’s an attractive middle aged woman and she seems, you know, real nice. Um, yeah, she makes them some stew,

a cherry pie, but only for dessert. 

Todd: Hey, ms Jesse, why don’t you fix stew 

Craig: and for dessert? 

Todd: Cherry pie.

Anything you can get your hands on is your favorite.

Craig: Meanwhile, we also see, um, just somebody putting on gloves and a knife. And so obviously we know that there’s a killer running around and, uh, this person, whoever it is, has like flashbacks of the girl who died. So. I mean, it’s just really typical and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s fine. Tons of the movies that we watch are formulaic, either in Omaj to other movies or.

Just because, and that’s fine. I don’t have a problem with that in general. It’s just very in your face like, 

Todd: okay, here’s this. It’s not subtle. 

Craig: Yeah. Okay. I get it. Somebody pissed that this girl died and they’re going to take it out on these sorority girls. 

Todd: It’s nothing if not economical. Like this shot is, uh, the guy puts on gloves, opens a drawer, pulls out a knife.

Picks up a picture of the girl and then it flashes back and forth between this picture and the shot that we had earlier of her falling. Just in case you’re not sure who she is. And then this hand angerly picks up a pen and crosses off a list of names and tosses the pen down. Gee, I wonder what they’re going to go do.

It’s, it’s funny in that way. I think this movie, I’m sorry, Craig. I enjoyed watching this movie just because of this. It was so bad. It was good. I’m putting this movie firmly in that camp from the get go. 

Craig: I was bored out of my mind. Oh no. 

Todd: Well, it wasn’t, it wasn’t exciting. Let’s put it that 

Craig: boring. It was late.

You knew what was going to happen, the beginning, you going to happen. Now there is, there is some mystery as to who the killer was. And like I had some suspicions from time to time, but I didn’t feel like it was blatantly obvious. And so I, I wondered, it could have been any number of people. It could have been the, you know, the dead girl’s friend or one of the other sorority sisters who was there.

Cause this is only two years earlier or later. Yeah. Maybe it’s her parents or another relative or somebody and. They set up like red herrings too. Like it’s so difficult to believe that either this movie wasn’t influenced by Friday the 13th or Friday the 13th wasn’t influenced by this movie because there are so many parallels down to crazy Ralph.

Like they both have a crazy Ralph. Literally that’s his name, both movies and he’s just this crazy guy. You know, I didn’t think it would be him cause I thought that that would be too obvious. But at the same time, I don’t know, it could be in these crazy, so 

Todd: knows he walks in to on, um, somebody standing in Nancy’s room and he walks in and starts talking about plants and God, uh, he, he’s, I guess he’s written to be a little religious, but he just has this dumb effect to him that he just, uh, he’s, 

Craig: you scared the hell out of me.

Ms 

Todd: Samantha asked me, looking on the plants . We’ve got sort of duty to take care of the 

Craig: plants. Yeah. 

Todd: God put them here to give us pleasure. 

Craig: What are you talking about? And this is, this is even after the first kill, like one of the girls, Cynthia, I don’t even remember who that is. Just one of these girls pretended to be sick so she could miss dinner or something.

And we find out that really there’s this guy Paul who is waiting for her outside and he like calls up to her and she’s standing there looking down and then she just takes off her clothes and stands there naked for a second. Just so we can like. Oh boy, her, there’s no reason, like, okay, hold on. I just need to get naked for a second.

The doesn’t even see it just for 

Todd: us, just for us. 

Craig: And then she, you know, she puts on some clothes, I feel like before she even gets down there, he gets attacked. By the way, the killer dresses in a Santa Claus suit. So he gets attacked and killed, and then she just walks outside and she just gets . 

Todd: Killed right away, basically walks into a knife.

I think it’s not 

Craig: even interesting 

Todd: though, 

Craig: you know? I mean, it’s just, just picking people off. 

Todd: It’s too abrupt to, I mean, there’s no real suspense in a lot of this. I mean, you kind of know what’s going to happen. So there isn’t that kind of suspense. But the girls are talking about how some guys are going to fly in and they need to keep it from the, the, from Mrs.

Jenkins, and then there’s, Oh gosh, there’s another scene where Mrs. Jenkins and Ralph and this woman who comes in and. If I’m not mistaken, never. Shows up again in the movie. 

Craig: She doesn’t, her name’s Tina, and she brought a canola and that’s it.

I brought a canola. Alright, thanks Tina. Bye. 

Todd: She’s got a lot of mean things to say about everybody, and then she leaves and I thought, okay, well I wonder what we’re going to see her again? Nope, not a bit. So, uh, so yeah, they have the seed and then the girls are all talking about how they need to, they, they ask Nancy to slip something into the tea that she’s going to bring upstairs from mrs Jenkin who’s sitting there sewing.

It’s going to put her to sleep so that they can. Bring these guys in 

Craig: and stupid and stupid. Nancy’s like, why do I always have to do all the dirty work? The other girls are like, cause nobody would ever suspect you excuse. There’s a fricking giddy, giddy or whatever. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: So she does, it’s not even tea. It’s like warm milk, like warm milk.

Never. I’ve never in my life. Known anybody to actually drink warm milk. I think this is only a movie thing. 

Todd: I think so too, 

Craig: but in the movies, people drink warm milk 

Todd: all the time. Oh my God. I’ve never seen so many people drink milk as in this movie. If they’re, if they’re not going to the fridge for a beer, they’re going for milk.

There’s no other drink that is. Like, really, I kind of stopped drinking milk. Well, at least by high school.

So anyway, these guys, there’s a bunch of terrible day for night that just looks like it was shot outdoors during the night. It was 

Craig: awful. Yeah, it’s like broad daylight. 

Todd: They’re running around with flashlights that aren’t even on and they’re like, thank God there’s this throw off line. Thank God for that airstrip.

And apparently there is, there is literally an airstrip. Just within a short walking distance of this house and they film it really close. So they’re trying to hide the fact that this airstrip is out in the middle of a freaking desert. They’re like mountains. Far away is this open field, but we’re supposed to believe that this house that is surrounded by woods is basically right on the other side of this.

So all these guys land, and guess what? They’re all getting off the plane in Santa’s suits. So now it could be anybody, right? 

Craig: Who’s the County? I didn’t even notice that. 

Todd: Yeah. And, and it’s funny because apparently only one of the people in here, one girl knows one guy, but as all the guys get off the plane, the rest of the girls just grab one and go, Oh, you’re cute.

And walk off. Yeah. Just like you said, and they run into weird Ralph on the way out, and he’s like, you girl shouldn’t be out here. I’ll go away. Weird Ralph. Okay. And then they tell the pilot, the guys turned around and tell the pilot to stay with the plane. Okay. Now, by the way, the pilot is Harry Reems and he literally said.

Stays with the play and like 

Craig: the whole movie for days, 

Todd: he is in a sleeping bag underneath the plane waiting instead of being invited to this house, which is just about a five minute walk away. I 

Craig: also thought that was hilarious. Like why wouldn’t you put your sleeping bag in the plane? Like why is he sleeping on the, and I don’t know.

Maybe it’s nice there 

Todd: around 

Craig: Christmas. I would think it would be cold. 

Todd: That one would think, well, they’re supposed to be like, there’s never snow, I guess outside is there? Sure. No, I don’t think so. Even still, it looks like the Plains in the desert, so that would be hard to believe anyway. So they all end up singing by the fire and they have their moments.

Again, it’s just so black Christmas it’s trying to conjure up is warm fee friendly feeling. And for the most part it does. I think, uh, it feels cozy, cozy in this house. This guy’s a terrible singer. At least somebody calls him out on it. He calls himself out. 

Craig: He’s like, I’m a terrible singer. Yes sir, you are.

Todd: And uh, and then another shot of Santa’s in the basement sharpening the next murder weapon, which is going to be some garden shears, big, big garden sheers. And at this point, a, I dunno, a girl leaves and gets her next lit. I don’t remember 

Craig: how that happened. Tricia. Tricia, I don’t know. She had like an Australian accent.

Todd: She goes to get some milk. Probably I’m going to go get a beer. That’s what it was. At first, I thought she was French and then Australian, and then it sounded really British, uh, toward the end. So 

Craig: yeah, I couldn’t tell whatever. She goes off to get some beers. She gets killed. And then whatever guy she had hooked up with, he goes looking for, he get, he has a.

Fight with Santa Ana last, I don’t know, maybe five seconds, and then he gets killed. 

Todd: Go. Yeah. That’s Tom Tom, who I wish we had seen more of. Tom, who’s set up to be the jokester, tells about two jokes before he leaves and they’re really dumb. 

Craig: Hell’s Trisha with the bear. Maybe she left you

with my HR.

I’m sure is funny. He was one of the more interesting guys though, at least. But he gets killed really early on, and then we see that Santa is burying these bodies. Like why? Like why? Why are you taking the time to like set up a graveyard in the backyard? Like just go dump them in the. Garbage.

Todd: Well, w during that tussle that they have, the music that comes on, I thought actually the music, it was really interesting. It was weird. A little different from the mute. I mean, it’s, it’s along the same vein of the music that we typically get for these films, but there was something very dissonant about it that really made it, I don’t know, that was just my feeling.

It just comes in here and there a few times I thought for a moment, David Hess would have scored it, but it’s just a guy named Richard Tufo who hasn’t done anything of note. 

Craig: And then I just have in my notes a couple makes out, I think that it’s Leah and, uh, TJ make it out. And then. She does a dance in a leotard with a tray of 

Todd: food.

I know what is 

Craig: happening. It’s so bizarre. And then Nancy is like walking around outside and she hears like. Sex noises. 

Todd: So 

Craig: she goes over to the window and watches TJ and Leah have sex for a while. I’m like, what is wrong with you? Haven’t you ever heard of porn? Like you shouldn’t be standing outside the window watching your friend get 

Todd: a phone.

Craig: That is weird. 

Todd: Craig. Remember, this is the early eighties we, I don’t even think we had VHS tapes at this point yet. If you wanted porn, you had to go get some eight millimeter. You had to find it from some CD guy, probably on New York street and then set up a, 

Craig: I don’t know. There were magazines. Come on, come on Nancy.

Don’t watch your friends have sex. That’s creepy. I mean, unless they asked you to and then that’s different story 

Todd: right. Nobody’s asking Nancy. In fact, they’re doing the opposite. They’re all being like, don’t worry, Nancy, you’ll have your day soon, and then run off with this other guy. It’s like there’s there one guy short, aren’t they?

Nobody ever thought of Nancy really. Uh, from the very beginning when they brought these guys in 

Craig: and until they’d already boned somebody else and then she was fair game. 

Todd: Yeah, for sure. Well, I love this. The super slutty girl. Um, the one, 

Craig: all of them, they, Oh, melody, melody, melody, this sexy brunette. 

Todd: Besides that, I th she keeps calling them Einstein.

Uh, but his name is Tom. 

Craig: Ralph. No, not Ralph Ralph, some creepy guy. Alex. Alex is the eLearning 

Todd: boy. Alex is the nerdy, inexperienced, he’s supposed to be the male equivalent to Nancy. 

Craig: Hold up just real quick. Nancy gets walks away from those people having sex just in time for somebody who is apparently hiding in a suit of armor to shoot the guy through the head with an arrow and then cut off the head of.

The girl that’s all carry on. 

Todd: All right. That’s about as quick as it happens yet. Yeah. It’s a little shocking, but the effects in this movie are terrible. Like. Aside from the arrow through the head gag, which we get an air through the head, we get an air through the body at some point. Um, the throat slit, we get a little bit of the aftermath of that.

The chopping off of the head is a dummy head rolling away. Uh, you don’t really get much Gore. That’s, that’s up close and personal in this movie. 

Craig: Well, there’s one, there’s one kill coming up layer that doesn’t even make any sense, but I’ll save that for when we get there. Go ahead. 

Todd: I like how, um, melody seduces Alex upstairs, because Alex is sitting there, she’s basically dressed in a bikini and she looks hot and she’s standing right in front of him and she’s like, don’t you like it?

And he’s looking down at some paper or something, doing math equations or something, and he’s like, kind of glances up. Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, that, that’s really great.

Well, I, I think a better show me to my room exactly what I had in mind. I think I had too much to drink. Half a beer. You might be checking out on me. What’d you

come over? And Einstein, it’s time for your advanced course in relativity. God. 

Craig: And then, and then she’s like. You’ve never even done it before, have you? He’s like, done it. What do you mean? She’s like, you know it

Todd: and 

Craig: this stupid guy. I mean, come on. I can understand like if he had a objection to premarital sex or something, that’s one thing. But like he’s just distracted by like math, like come on. This gorgeous girl is literally throwing herself at him. I mean, she says it, she’s like, Ooh, I’m going to do it with the newbie.

And he’s like. Oh, I don’t know. Either. You don’t want to, or you do like stop pussyfooting around? Like 

Todd: who buys your short? I do, yeah. Oh, I’m sorry.

Oh 

Craig: God 

Todd: are be changing that melody. 

Craig: Oh, melody. Oh, Oh, nothing. Oh my God.

Oh, it’s so silly. And then, you know, we don’t see anything, but it’s definitely implied that they did it. But then what’s hilarious to me is that then the next day, like now that he’s had sex one time, he’s like, this little . Sorry. Oh, like making all these innuendo jokes and like coming on to Nancy and all it took for him was to get laid once and like, now he’s like this Mac daddy.

Like, Hey baby. Like, Oh, come 

Todd: on. 

Craig: I mean, I get it. Yeah. Melody was hot. I get it. But 

Todd: no, you, you failed to mention. Because this is significant in its stupidity about the kill scene between those two, uh, that it was actually a suit of armor coming to life that killed them both. Here’s 

Craig: your, now you’re going back.

You’re talking 

Todd: about. Yeah, I’m going back. 

Craig: I don’t know. I can’t keep track of these people. I didn’t care who they were and I 

Todd: the two that Nancy was looking in on, the guy that with the crossbow and got the head chopped off, it was not as a guy in a Santa suit. It was a suit of armor that had been standing patiently in the corner of the room that 

Craig: whole time.

So he took a while to watch them as well. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah, whatever. 

Todd: So we’re 35 minutes into the movie by now and Nancy, by the way, Nancy is just wandering around aimlessly drinking milk through this whole thing, not running into any of this 

Craig: and everybody else, like it’s, it’s the morning and everybody else is sitting at a table together, like five people being partners and they’re like, they’re swapping partners.

And Nancy is sitting off at a different table by herself looking pathetic, just like looking at them like, what the hell. Like, why did they eat, why is this girl even there? Like why is she even in their sorority, 

Todd: she doesn’t fit in. But then also like nobody wa, once again, nobody seems to care where everybody else is 

Craig: paying any attention.

Oh, Oh yeah. They’re like, where’s everybody else? Cause a bunch of them are already dead. And they’re like, Oh, I’m sure they’re just off doing something. And then even when they find out that like. People are dead. Then there’s still like, Oh, I’m sure they’re fine.

Todd: People are dead. 

Craig: Yeah. So the cops 

show 

Todd: up, double Ralph dies, Ralph dies. That’s what brings disease up. Yeah. 

Craig: Oh, that’s right. Cause no, I did. I did. I didn’t really understand how he died. He had like a big gash in his head. Like he got axed in the head, I guess. 

Todd: Yeah. I mean, nobody knows for sure. They just

Showed like they’re running around in the woods and suddenly he 

Craig: appears 

Todd: he’s still standing and then he slumps over kind of thing. 

Craig: Yeah, weird. Whatever. Okay, so then the cops show up in this guy named Polanski. I don’t even know why I wrote that down. Doesn’t make any difference, but they show up and they’re like, uh, we don’t know what’s going on, but, uh, just hang out here and I’m going to leave a couple of guys to look out for you.

And then the guy who leaves Polanski’s like. I don’t want either. You guys judging any of these girls cause their parents are powerful. No. Oh my God, 

Todd: I love this though. Polanski doesn’t look a lot like a detective. He looks more like a swinger. He’s got this plaid jacket and suit on. And when he goes over and he has this conversation with Nancy that’s so weird.

She’s all concerned about, Oh, are we going to be okay or whatever? And he walks over and he puts his hand under her chin and he looks 

Craig: weird. He likes strokes, your face for like 30 seconds. I’m like, EOS. 

Todd: Yeah. I stopped 

Craig: watching 

Todd: me and then he lingers there for a little bit staring at her and I’m like, are they going to make out?

Like, yeah. 

Craig: That was bizarre. I’d forgotten about that. 

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: and then I just have in my notes in fighting like, I don’t even remember what they were fighting about. The young people argue 

Todd: about stuff. It’s the typical, 

Craig: typical, I guess. I don’t know, like everything’s going to be fine. No, I’m really scared.

Like. Okay. And so then Alex is making the moves big time on Nancy. Cause now he’s like this, you know, Romeo or whatever. And then I just have in my notes, Mrs. Jensen has shady. Why do I have that. What did, because it was shady, 

Todd: she just  cause she’s just as unconcerned as the rest of them to be fair. But yeah, I mean, she’s responsible for these kids, but she doesn’t seem to care.

She wanders down the stairs and she just says a few things. Oh, I’m sure they’ll turn up just like everybody else. And why don’t we just go in and get eat some cake? It’s just, yeah. And, and, and the, the thing about Mrs. Jensen being shady, I think at this point is we realize that this other house mother’s supposed to come and replace her.

She hasn’t shown up yet. And you’re sort of reminded of that fact. That Mrs. Jensen really doesn’t even belong in this group. She’s an outsider. That’s the point where I was like, okay, well, clearly Mrs. Johnson did it. 

Craig: Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t necessarily thinking that yet, but you keep saying like she’s not even supposed to be there.

I thought that she was just like an assistant mother or whatever at Lilly because they all seem familiar with her. It’s not like she seems like she’s a stranger. I didn’t get that vibe. I just thought that. The woman who was in charge wasn’t there and was coming back. I don’t know. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, but she was acting shady and then Leah, who’s probably the hoariest of the mall.

Flirts with the gross old cop like blah. And she’s like, if you need anything, just holler. And he’s like, holler. And she giggles is like maybe later and then 10 minutes she’s in bed with them. 

Todd: Like Rose, 

Craig: what is a wrong with you? You have self esteem problem. 

Todd: TJ, who she was making out with earlier, doesn’t he end up wandering upstairs?

He looks in and sees that they’re making out, kind of gives a smirk and goes back downstairs. 

Craig: Yes. And then he hooks up with melody. What was so funny to me was before that, I don’t even remember who Leah was talking to, maybe Nancy, but she was like, I’m pretty sure this is the boy I’m going to marry. Yeah.

And, and Nancy’s like, what? And she’s like. Well, he’s really ranch boning, the gross old cop 

Todd: upstairs 

Craig: doing it. I don’t understand your character motivation.

Todd: Well, the house is being patrolled not very well, clearly by the cops who were boning the chicks. Melody’s making eyes at TJ now, so he goes downstairs and making out with her. At some point I wrote down here, the cop, the pilot is still out by the plane 

Craig: and and Santa kills one of the detectives, and I thought this was an interesting scene because it seems like the detective knows who it is, like he’s like.

What are you doing out here in this silly get up or whatever. I’ll get right back in the head, which again, very Friday the 13th the same exact thing happens. The male director of the camp is out looking around and it’s a killer POV shot and he’s like, Oh, it’s you. What are you doing out here? And then it gets killed.

I mean, just, there are so many beats in this movie that are so similar. It’s just really hard to believe that they, that there was no influence one way or the other. I don’t know. 

Todd: No, I don’t believe, I don’t believe at one bit. Well, TJ and melody go outside and they’re making out under a tree, and this is a long make-out scene.

And then inside Alex is, is Macedon Nancy, and they’re having their moment by the fire and it looks like they’re going to hook up. And I love, I love the lines here. They stand up and Alex takes her bar or whatever out of her hair to let her hair down.

Craig: You are beautiful. I know. I just rolled my eyes like, this is so 

Todd: stupid. Well, he’s new. He’s new to this makin thing, you know? 

Craig: I guess, but like even, except for melody, who is like. Blatantly sexy, you know, she’s got the big boobs and very stereotypically, physically attractive. Aside from her, Nancy’s the cutest of all of them.

The others are, 

Todd: it’s true. 

Craig: Nothing to write home about. It’s not that they’re not attractive, they just look like real people. They don’t look like movie star people, 

Todd: you know? 

Craig: Melody does. And Nancy has kind of the sweet girl next door kind of look going on. I don’t know, movies do this stuff all the time.

Like, Oh, if only, I didn’t have this ponytail in 

Todd: glasses. 

Craig: Okay, yeah, you’re a dog. You’re a real dog. After a Leah bangs, the old cop, she finds. Somebody to capitate it, head in the shower, and then Santa kills the cop. And then it seems like he kills Leah, but he doesn’t cause she shows up later. And this is the time you were talking about TJ.

And melody, and they go outside and they have this make-out scene. Now this is the kill that I say doesn’t make any sense at all, because first of all, they had to set it up in a totally unrealistic way, like they’re making out, and then all of a sudden it cuts away from them and it cuts back and they’re standing a good.

Foot away from one another, or at least their heads are a foot away from one another and she’s like fingering his gums. I don’t even know what was happening. And like, he almost looks like he’s unconscious, like he’s not even reacting at all. But it was also that they could dangle this wire news down in between them and get it up under his neck.

And once they do get it under his neck, then he gets pulled up. And not only is he being hung, but it’s like wire. So his throat is getting cut too. But then they show us what he’s hanging from and it’s just the killer Santa’s holding like a kite spool thing him up. 

Todd: It 

Craig: doesn’t make any sense. This is a big guy, 

not 

Craig: a fat guy, but a big muscular guy, and I’m supposed to believe this.

Santa can just lift him up in the air on a kite spool and he’s gonna. Hang there and die. It was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen in my life. 

Todd: Yeah, it was pretty dumb. And then also the fact that, Oh, the Santa also happened to make it up into this random tree that they’ve decided to make out on.

All right, so they’re dead. Then this point, you know, the Alex and melody go run around and basically start and Nancy 

Craig: and Nancy, I mean, it’s the classic. Again, it happens in a Friday, the 13th to now and Friday the 13th is just the one girl, I think her name was Alice, but it’s that run around and find all the dead people seeing.

Todd: Yep. 

Craig: Um, so that you know that something’s going on. 

Todd: And run into Leo who is now on out dancing around. She’s got her 

Craig: clothes. She’s like a dead eye. 

Todd: Yeah, she’s got her clothes back on. She’s got her head’s in the here, your hands in the air and she’s seeing like, she’s gone totally loopy. And I was like, what is going on?

Craig: Well, and she’s got crazy makeup on. I feel like, like she looks like that giggling girl from evil dead. They, yeah. It’s, it’s crazy. 

Todd: And they don’t react too much to this. I mean, they’re like, Oh, there’s Leo. Okay, well let’s keep going and grab Leah. Come on, Leah, follow us. What are you doing? And I thought, Oh, is she in on this?

Like what happened? Cause she was approached by Santa, by the neck, with a knife in the shower, just like a scene. Two scenes before this. Uh, so we thought she was dead and now she or she is fully clothed and just skipping around. So I think the implication by the, at the end of the day is that she’s going crazy.

Craig: Like she’s been driven mad by fear or something, I guess. 

Todd: And why did Santa spare her? 

Craig: Who knows? 

Todd: Well, anyway, 

Craig: I don’t know. But this is where the big reveal comes. I mean, I don’t even know. 

Todd: Well, melody runs out because TJ has gotten garroted by the, by the wire. So melody runs out because she’s outside. So she runs to the plane and this is where we see the plane guy.

Um, Harry Rhames is a sleeping underneath the plane in his. In his sleeping bag bag. So she says, come on, we’ve got to get the plane. Got, got to get the plane started. Everybody’s dead. And he’s like, okay, okay. So he gets up and he, but the plane’s like not working or something, and he’s like, Oh, I’ve got to fix the generator or something.

So he’s by the wing. It’s a prop plane, I guess, and he’s by the wing. He’s got his screwdriver out and he’s trying to fix something and we see that Santa is now inside the plane. This guy, this Santa can really teleport pretty much anywhere. It needs to be.  in this movie, whether it’s, you know, in a tree in this plane, inside of a suit of armor or whatever.

And uh, as soon as he gets this going, apparently Sante knows enough to start the plane up. And, uh, the idea is that those propellers start spinning and hack the two of them to bits. We don’t really see it. We just see blood go. 

Craig: Well, you’re absolutely right. I have to think that this was an added scene because Santa’s.

Is stalking Nancy and Alex in the house, and then there’s this whole melody scene where Santa is, and then it immediately comes back to the house and meanwhile, Nancy has just been hiding under a bed for like a half an hour play. Who else? Santo was off doing the plane thing. 

Todd: Uh, 

Craig: it’s, it’s really stupid, whatever.

Anyway, but 

Todd: we’ll, Alex is gone. We don’t really know where Alex is at this point. I 

Craig: don’t know what happened. 

Todd: Nancy’s running around and we’re following her. Uh, the other girl is just, Leah is just skipping around and, uh, so it becomes this Santa stalking Nancy. Throughout the house and ends up, just like in most of these movies, she’s running upstairs when she should be running downstairs.

So she gets higher and higher in the house and she runs into a room and out onto that same balcony that the girl had fallen from and Sante follows her. But with the knife. And at this point, we know 

Craig: it’s been revealed. I don’t remember exactly when it was, but it has been revealed in very Friday, the 13 fashion that Mrs.

Jensen is the killer. And you know, I mean, it’s almost, you could run the two monologues. Of mrs Vorhees and Mrs. Jensen, you know, side by side, they’re almost exactly the same. You killed my daughter, it was your fault, blah, blah, blah. And Nancy’s like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t even here.

But apparently she just blames anybody who is in this sorority or whatever. So she’s chasing her around and they end up out on the balcony. And this happens so quickly that I don’t even remember exactly how it happens, but somehow. Mrs. Jensen ends up going over the balcony and she’s presumably dead. 

Todd: It doesn’t happen.

I mean, it happens, but there’s no shot of it. It’s like Mrs. Jensen is chasing her. Nancy’s out on the balcony, and then suddenly there’s a shot of Mrs. Jensen hitting the ground or on the ground, and then it looks up at me and I was like, okay. So she fell. 

Craig: Nancy just goes inside and starts crying, and here’s where the twist is.

She’s sitting there crying, like covering her face, and all of a sudden we just see from the back us Santa’s carrying another Santa and he’s sets her down and apparently Nancy is oblivious to all of this. He takes off his mask, and again, I didn’t even recognize him. I didn’t know who he was. 

Todd: Yeah. Cause you didn’t see them much in the movie at all.

Craig: Right. But he identifies himself. Well, he says you killed my wife and you killed my daughter. So I just wrote down. Okay. The other Sante is Jensen’s husband. I didn’t even make the connection that he was the 

Todd: pilot. He’s not the pilot guy. No, he was Polanski. Polanski. He 

Craig: is, 

Todd: yeah. 

Craig: Oh my God. Yeah. I thought Plansky got killed.

Todd: No, no, no, no, no. It was the, it was the two other guys who got killed. Okay. Polanski left them both. Yeah. Polanski left them both to patrol. Yeah. That’s how kind of sloppy this movie is. It doesn’t really set these things up for you properly to where you’re going to remember them. This character comes in for one scene and leaves and then surprise, he’s the husband of this wife, so I guess this is, 

Craig: hold on.

I’m looking at IMDV right now and it says Harry Reems and he is credited as the pilot. 

Todd: Yeah. That’s not Harry Reems at the end. That’s . 

Craig: Okay. Okay. All right. 

Todd: Gary reams gets it, uh, as the pilot gets it with the, the 

Craig: potpie. See, I see. 

Todd: So it’s. But yeah, but I mean it’s, it’s really hard to tell. It’s, it’s, it’s very confusing.

And this is, I guess, supposed to explain how these, the Santa can teleport so much, like how they can be in so many places at once. But once again, it’s, it’s still too convenient, even for two people. It’s hard to believe that these two people are coordinated and can be in all these places and sneak into these.

Like sneak into the plane while they’re standing right there. Go, go up into a tree where these two people are there, be in a suit of armor waiting in the corner. Just hoping that somebody is going to make out in front of them so that they can come alive. And you know, ACSM not that all slasher movies don’t do this to a certain extent, but they’re trying to create this twist and trying to make this clever and it just doesn’t work.

Craig: I don’t know. I mean, it surprised me because I didn’t expect there to be two killers. But I mean, that’s it. Like, 

Todd: well, and that’s an innovation on the Friday the 13th right? The two killers. But it’s not like, Oh, so that’s why. Oh no, I get it. It’s not so clever to really throw it in your face. Now, wait a minute.

How could one killer do all this stuff? I mean, that’s what I was thinking, but I was just, yeah, it wasn’t that smart. So what happens is he goes after her and then suddenly Alex, who we haven’t seen for like 10 minutes, suddenly Springs up, uh, on. It’s kind of a, an over, over, what do you call it? Overhang whenever in the room, like a balcony balcony, and he’s got the crossbow and he shoots it and gets.

Mr. Jenkins, uh, 

Craig: through the chest, and then we see Liam maniacally singing and dancing on the balcony and that’s it. 

Todd: Yeah. And there she is. Crazy at the house. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know, dude. I thought this, this was for me, this was in a so bad. It’s good camp. I enjoyed watching it just because what was happening on the screen.

Was hilarious. Most of the time the dialogue was laugh out loud. Funny. The characters didn’t make any sense. Like you say, the girls were painted very, very slutty basically. And the nudity in there is too gratuitous. And if the Kilz had been more skillfully done, more suspenseful and more interesting, and maybe even a little more graphic.

It’s the kind of movie that’s begging for that. And it’s disappointing. That doesn’t give you that, you know? Uh, it probably. Would have been, I mean, it’s never would have impressed the critics, but again, it probably would have been a little bit better remembered, I think, than it has been now. I don’t know.

It’s hard to find this movie. It was released on DVD. Apparently there was some fan outcry and some people wanted a DVD release and it ended up getting a DVD release, which apparently fixed a problem with the VHS release in that for the longest time. The only copy of this movie you could get ahold of was so dark that it was almost unwatchable.

And if you go to YouTube, you can find this movie in a couple different versions. The VHS version that I found initially on YouTube was really, really dark, but then later I was able to find a version with Greek subtitles that looked like it was pulled from the DVD transfer, and it was, it was very watchable.

Craig: Yeah, that’s the one I watched it and it didn’t look bad at all. I could see everything that was happening. I don’t know, like I didn’t enjoy it now. Maybe it was again, I wasn’t watching it at night. I. I was actually really kind of trying to squeeze it in like it was kind of a chore and I was bored. 

Todd: I didn’t, you were not in the mood.

Craig: No, I was, and I was bored. Like the characters were unlikable. The kills weren’t that interesting. The story was too familiar. There wasn’t anything that stood out. You know, like if the cinematography had been. Interesting. If the acting had been good, if the writing had been good, if the kills had been more unique, I don’t think that it’s a terrible story.

I think that somebody could potentially, you know, kind of rewrite the script and keep the central elements, but make it a little bit smarter and do more. Creative stuff with it. I don’t think that’s a terrible idea. I just think the execution was bad and you know, it’s low budget. It was shot over 10 days, but I’ve seen other things that were low budget and shot on a very tight schedule that I’ve enjoyed very much, and this just did not do it for me at all.

I would not tell, you know, if people were, I would come up with 20 other. Christmas or movies to recommend before I would recommend this one, not for me. 

Todd: How much worse really is this then any one of say a half a dozen Friday the 13th movies. 

Craig: Ah, gosh. I don’t know. 

Todd: Cause it’s kind of the same thing. Um, 

Craig: it is, it is kind of the same thing, but those movies, one, they had more Gore, which I.

Appreciate in this, John rhe 

Todd: to 

Craig: the kills were a little bit more interesting. Um, three, the antagonist was more interesting, you know, maybe if I, maybe a Friday the 13th never existed, and then I had seen this movie. Maybe I would have felt differently about it, but it just feels like a cheap, not as good copy.

I was surprised, you know. I don’t even think Friday the 13 part one was the first one I had ever seen. And so when I actually did see the first one, I’m sure that I knew, um, the twist, uh, at the end that it was mrs war. He’s all along. But Hammel uh. Whatever her name is. I can’t think of it off the top of my head.

Her performance was in gaging, you know, she really came across as crazy and willing to do whatever she had to do for revenge, and I liked the final girl better. You know, what’s her name in this movie? Janet, or no, excuse me. Jennifer Runyon. She’s cute. But she’s not an amazing actress. Um, not to say that the girl from Friday the 13th was either, I was just so much more invested in that movie.

I thought it was scarier. I didn’t think that this movie was scary. 

Todd: It was scary at all. No, it definitely wasn’t scary. It was Christmassy. 

Craig: Yeah. And, and again, I am glad that we continue to find. Christmas horror movies. I really enjoy it. I look forward to it every year and finding stuff that we haven’t seen before.

You know, that makes me happy, and that excites me. So at least there’s that. Um, but like I said, there are so many better ones. I don’t think it’s worth 

Todd: wasting. Go see black Christmas again. Yeah, flat 

Craig: Christmas is amazing and they have now done two remakes of black Christmas, neither of which we have other ever covered.

I think next year we may have to bite the bullet and doing these. One of those remakes, 

Todd: I, boy, I don’t know how to turn. I’m ready to watch a remake of black Christmas, but. You’re right, it’s almost our duty. We almost need to, 

Craig: the first remake I saw, and I didn’t care for it at all, but I’d be really interested to see what you thought of it.

And, uh, the most recent remake just came out this last weekend and it performed very poorly at the box office. I think it made like four point $5 million or something on a pretty big budget. Uh, and I know that they made some significant changes, but. It also has gotten some pretty decent reviews, so I’ll definitely check it out.

But, um, no, I mean, black Christmas is great. Black Christmas is great. Krampus is great, gremlins is great. There are tons of great core 

Todd: Christmas movies. Even M was a Christmas evil. 

Craig: That one. 

Todd: Yeah, I really liked it. Yeah. All right. Well, that’s none of those are this movie, 

Craig: sadly. 

Todd: Thanks again for listening and happy holidays to you all.

We do have one more Christmas movie coming up next week, and we’re excited about it because it’s. It’s been recommended to us and it does seem quite unique. It’s a foreign film and we’ll just leave it to next week to let you know what it is. 

Craig: I’ve already watched it. I’m excited to talk to some about it.

Todd: If you enjoyed this podcast, please share it with a friend. You can go on our Facebook page. Leave us a message there. You can also find our website and two guys. Dot. Red 40 net dot. Tom. We also now have a YouTube channel. If you just search for us, go to two guys and a chainsaw. Our YouTube channel, we’re just trying to get a new audience.

Just introduce a wider group of people to our podcast. Other podcasts do this and it seems to work for them. So if you happen to have a YouTube account, do us a favor, just go to our channel and subscribe to it. And that way we can up our subscriber numbers, maybe get a little more noticed and be able to do more fun things on YouTube.

Happy holidays. And until next week, I’m Todd 

Craig: and I’m Craig 

Todd: with Two Guys and a Chainsaw