Jaws 3-D (1983)

Episode 132, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Craig: Hello, and welcome to another edition of 2 Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Craig.

Todd: And I’m Todd.

Craig: And we’re continuing our month of summer movies. And when we thought about doing, this theme, I made up a list of movies that reminded me of summer, and, the movie that we’re doing today, jumped out at me, right away. And

Todd: I see what you did there.

Craig: I didn’t even mean to do that. I’m I’m on a roll already. And, you know, people ask us from time to time why we don’t do more classic horror movies, and it’s not that we don’t love those movies, we do. It’s just we kind of feel like what are we gonna say that somebody else hasn’t already said? And so, you know, probably if you ask people to think about summertime horror movies, one of the quintessential movies that they would probably list would be Jaws, and I love Jaws. Jaws is a great movie. Of course, a huge blockbuster. You know, really gave Steven Spielberg, his start, but I decided instead that we should talk about the much maligned and I will say unfairly so, Jaws 3d or Jaws or Jaws 3 if you’re just watching it on television from 1983. This, of course, is the second sequel, to Spielberg’s original film, and, I have really super super Todd, memories of this movie. I almost did it again. Did you hear that? I I have a I have a tendency to say movies of this memory, but I’m gonna try not to say that. I used to watch this again for the same reason that I have fond memories of a lot of these movies from the eighties. We had this movie on VHS, and I watched it over and over and over and over again. In fact, I think I’m almost certain that I saw Jaws 3 d well before I ever saw the original Jaws. And, it gets a terrible rap, you know, even though it did really well in theaters. It made a bunch of money, in fact, it held the record for the highest grossing, 3 d film for a really long time, all the way up until like Spy Kids 3 or something. So, it did really good, but it got terrible, terrible reviews, and nearly killed the franchise. There was, of course, another sequel, Jaws the Revenge, which got even worse reviews. I got to admit, I’m kind of a fan of that movie Todd, although I don’t enjoy it as much as this one. I I have fond memories of it, but I’m coming from that perspective of having grown up with it. I have no idea, Todd. What’s your history with this movie?

Todd: You’re really laying all your cards out on the table for this one, Craig.

Craig: Hey. Come on. I’m I’m gonna defend this movie.

Todd: Okay. Well, I have to say, I had I had seen this movie before. I know it used to come on cable every now and then, but I mean, I was young. I don’t I didn’t remember. There’s only one scene that I actually remembered, and also what I remembered were the awful compositing effects.

Craig: Like, I

Todd: distinctly remember even as a kid going, holy Craig, does all of this look fake? And what I mean is clearly the sequences where they used visual effects. And I and I read later that this was the very first film to do, to use video for compositing, to do optical effects. An optical effect is when they use when they print on the film. So, like, for example, the lightsabers in Star Wars are an optical effect. Right? They didn’t use light. They didn’t have any special lights. They just wove around big sticks. And later on, on top of that, on the film frame by frame, they more or less this is a simplified way of saying it, but painted on, you know, bright glowing orbs. And so anytime you see, like, a giant ant and a tiny person in front of it, that’s usually an optical effect where you’re printing the footage from one film on top of the footage from another. You Usually using the blue screen or the green screen or something like that. And so all of the optical effects in this movie were the this was the first movie apparently where that was all done with video instead of just film to film and the result is not too pretty, I think. I’m not even sure it was great for its day because, you know, I know I saw it just a few days a few few years later, then it came out in 1983. And, oh my god. It’s it’s it’s it’s so bad. It’s funny, actually. And that’s one of the charms of the movie, actually, I think. And all all in all, not just about the optical effects, but, you know, I think the plot, some of the characters, it’s enjoyable for that reason for me.

Craig: Yeah. Oh, I will agree with you a 100% that some of the effects are really bad. But again, like you said, almost so bad it’s good in a charming way. Yeah. The shark, for the most part, I mean, anytime they’re using a fake shark I mean, there are some shots of, you know, actual real sharks, but they’re few and far between. And any of the shots of the fake shark, are are very clearly fake. There’s, you know, when people talk about this movie, there’s one memorable sequence at the end that everybody kind of like that like anything, but realistic. You know Todd doesn’t look real at all, but as a kid I don’t think that that bothered me, and as an adult I can recognize it for its shortcomings, but like you said, I I almost feel like that adds something to the charm. The movie was originally conceived as a spoof, you know, the first two films both did very well, both starring Royce Schneider who didn’t even want to have anything to do with the second movie, let alone the third movie. He was contractually bound to do the second movie, and so he did it begrudgingly. But, he said there was absolutely no way in hell that he was doing a third one. In fact, he took another movie just so that he could not do this movie. And so it was originally it was originally conceived as a spoof and it was going to be Jaws 3 People 0. And it was, you know, gonna be a comedy, a comedic take on it, but Spielberg did not like that idea at all. He was adamantly opposed to it and said that he wouldn’t have anything to do with it and in fact, you know, he actively worked to make sure that that didn’t happen. So then there was a, they decided to go in the traditional route, you know, the more serious route and a script was written I don’t remember who wrote it, I didn’t write it Todd, but there was a script that was written about a great white shark, somehow accidentally swimming upstream and becoming trapped in a lake, and there are remnants of that idea left here in this movie, but apparently all kinds of script doctors came in, made all these changes. They wanted a tie to the original films, so they wanted Sheriff Brodie’s sons from the original movies. They wanted them to be key characters in the film, so they wrote them in and instead of the sharks swimming up a river and getting trapped in a lake, they decided to have the shark, end up getting trapped in SeaWorld which I just think is just genius. Like, just, like, on paper, a rogue great white shark loose in SeaWorld, like, sign me up. I am on board for this movie.

Todd: It’s literally SeaWorld. It’s not like Marine Land Park or whatever. It is truly and honestly. Was SeaWorld involved? I mean, clearly, they were involved in the production of the movie.

Craig: Oh, yeah. They had to be, but that’s another thing that blows my mind. Like, what were they thinking?

Todd: You know, like, it doesn’t make them look good. No. Or You never see this happen today.

Craig: Oh, no. Absolutely not. They would have to totally make it, you know, some SeaWorld knock off.

Todd: Because there’s no way. Because the guy that Lou Lou Gossett junior plays the the the head of the park. I know I’m getting ahead of it, but I just gotta get Todd that. Lou Gossett junior plays the head of the park and he is like the typical asshole, only cares about money, doesn’t care about the safety of anybody or anything, or even the well-being of the animals. Basically, in the sea world. He is the owner of the park. And so it’s you just can’t imagine that they greet looked at this and said, oh, yes. This is really good. This is gonna do wonders for our attendance.

Craig: You know? Yeah. No. I I mean, I guess maybe because the first two movies were such big hits, they thought that they would get some publicity out of or whatever, but you’re right. They come off looking bad. Now SeaWorld gets a bad rap these days anyway, you know, in the aftermath of Blackfish where people are, you know, kind of questioning whether or not these marine animals should be held in captivity at all and if they are, you know, how are they being treated? Is it, you know, humane and that kind of stuff? And I’m really conflicted about it, but that’s also another reason that I think that I’m nostalgic, for this movie because I went to SeaWorld when I was a kid and I absolutely loved it. You know, my parents took us to Orlando and, we we, you know, we did Disney, and we did SeaWorld and SeaWorld was by far and away my favorite of the things that we did. I mean, it was just so cool to be able to see these marine animals up close and personal. And of course, you know, you’ve got the whale shows and the dolphin shows and all of that, but the SeaWorld that’s portrayed in this movie is the SeaWorld that I went to when I was a kid. SeaWorld is very different now. I haven’t been there. I haven’t been there as an adult, so, you know, all I know is, you know, from their promotional videos, from things that I see on TV or online or whatever, but this SeaWorld, you know, has a great big lagoon where they do water ski shows and they’ve got, you know, like these little variety show things going on while the skiers are in the background, and of course, all the marine attractions, and the animals and stuff as well, but I don’t have them, but my parents have pictures that could have been taken during the filming of this movie. You know, like like, the the people in costume doing, like, little, like, hoedown shows and, like, a a lady in a, you know, a a a cartoon pig outfit, like, dancing around. Like, I was there, and so Todd see it all again and there’s a lot of just sporadically throughout and it’s not jarring. It doesn’t seem out of place. It seems very much in keeping with the rest of the movie, but you just get all these really cool shots of SeaWorld stuff. Yeah. The the killer whales doing their stuff and the dolphins doing their stuff and, again, you know not necessarily SeaWorld’s greatest moment, but there’s just some beautiful, videography of of all that stuff that was going down and, I think that’s another big part of why I liked it.

Todd: It’s a 100% nostalgia for you, isn’t it, Craig? It’s gotta be. Yeah. And for and honestly for me too. I I mean, this movie is very dated and in a charming way, it just transported me a little bit back to the eighties again. And I didn’t go to SeaWorld when I was a kid. I went to Disney World when I was a kid, and the way that this SeaWorld has changed is is very similar to the way Disney World has changed. You know, you can look back at the eighties, and I’m sure, you know, my parents can look back even further, but you can look back at the eighties and see a very distinctly different feel to the park and to the costumes and to the things that people found entertaining, you know, at that time. They just don’t you know, it doesn’t work Todd, but it’s charming to see as part of the movie and it’s such an integral part of the story. I mean, they cram all this crap in there, like, as much as they can. And that’s why I felt like this had to be like a at first, I really thought maybe SeaWorld commissioned this because it’s almost like a giant advertisement for their park except for the part of, you know, people getting eaten by runaway Right. Of marine animals.

Craig: Right. You know, the bodies floating through the attractions and things like that. Oh, man. Well, I can talk about how it opens. It opens underwater and, like, you know, it’s got all all of the credits are, you know, like that great 3 d, like, popping out at you with, like, you know, the imagery trailing behind it and stuff and

Todd: Oh, that that’s the other charming part about this movie is the extremely obvious cheap three d effects, you know, where they’re jamming things up in your face at the camera the whole time.

Craig: Yeah.

Todd: You don’t you don’t need to be watching it with glasses to to recognize these things. It’s hilarious.

Craig: Well and and I don’t remember I don’t know if it was the director, somebody along the way. They didn’t wanna do that. That. They just wanted the 3 d, to work to give the movie depth. But then, of course, the studio execs came in and said if we’re paying for 3 d, poke something out at us.

Todd: You know? From the very beginning. Well and I’m and I’m watching this and I’m thinking because, you know, you and I are both huge fans of underwater photography and that’s another thing I really liked about this movie. I feel like the underwater photography in this movie is really good. It’s it’s really clear. It’s great when the peep the if I could say, like, the underwater acting or whatever, and the staging is also quite good. It’s just it’s just good. And, in the very beginning, we get all these, you know, scenes of fish swimming. It’s, you know, like, all this footage, it looks like it was shot on a reef, you know, it’s all underwater. And then there’s this big fish that swims by the camera and suddenly big blood sprays everywhere and this giant fish head just rotating.

Craig: Yeah. Towards the Floating out of the screen.

Todd: Oh, the minute that comes up you know what what kind of movie you’re in for. It’s

Craig: Yeah.

Todd: Really hilarious. It it

Craig: is hilarious. And and then they they show that the show skiers, like, rehearsing and apparently this SeaWorld is just opening, like, I guess they’ve been open, like, for a week for, like, previews or whatever, but it’s their grand opening. And so, there’s all this press around and, like, they’re training people and we, see somebody presenting this model of this new attraction, which is the undersea kingdom, which they say is the brainchild of Calvin Bouchard who runs it, owns it. I don’t know. But like you said, it’s Louis Gossett junior. There are so many famous people in this movie.

Todd: Oh my gosh. It’s crazy.

Craig: It is crazy. And, you know, Louis Gossett junior has been in a million things, and this is certainly not his finest hour.

Todd: He he seems to be phoning it in, to be completely honest.

Craig: He and and he he he plays it kind of stereotypically, like, as a person of color and also just kind of as, you know, just kind of the dicky executive who doesn’t care, you know, like, it’s always just about the bottom line for him. That’s all he cares about is the bottom line. Anything else be damned.

Todd: There’s no depth to his character. There’s nothing behind the lines, to be honest.

Craig: No. No.

Todd: And that’s true of a lot of these characters actually in this movie, I think.

Craig: That’s certainly not atypical for movies of the eighties. You know, that was a very common, you know, that was a very common antagonist. You know, like, the just the jerky businessman. But these skiers, so they’re going along and we see that a shark starts following them and, supposedly, this SeaWorld, I don’t remember where it was actually located. I don’t remember if it was Orlando. I think it was Orlando, but it was somewhere where there it’s landlocked, but in the fictional them to the ocean. And so these skiers are skiing and they they ski, you know, through this channel or whatever, and we see this shark follow them in and the engineers start to close this great big steel gate behind them as they go in, but we know that the shark is also coming, and so the gate, like, slams, I guess, on the shark, and jams. And so that’s when we meet, Mike Brody, who is, the oldest son of sheriff Brody from the first movie. And in this movie, he’s played by Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. Oh, thank you. And Dennis Quaid, you know, he’s he’s very young in this movie. He’s very handsome. I just read this morning as I was last minute kind of preparing for this that he claims that he was coked out of his mind for this whole movie. He says that every scene that he’s in in this movie, he is just totally tweaking out on coke. I I wouldn’t know it because I actually thought his performance was good. Like, that’s the thing about this movie too. Like, the acting isn’t that bad. I mean, what they’re given

Todd: Is bad.

Craig: Yeah. It’s not great, but I thought that the performances were kind of natural and, like, it it didn’t seem forced like I wanna hang out with Mike Brody. He seems like a fun guy.

Todd: If I were to figure out what doesn’t work for me about the movie is that I it’s gotta be the directing because you’re right. The actors are doing a fine job, with what they’re given. Mhmm. What they’re given is not Oscar winning material. No. But it’s also not at all uncommon for films from this era. Mhmm. Things that the people say, the way that they say them, the different characters, the stereotypical, you know, like you said, evil boss man who only cares about money, the really nice, hardworking guy, you know, who’s gonna save the day. He has a female sidekick, and they have a romantic thing. You know? And there’s a brother involved and a friend and all this stuff. Like, all of this is just pull completely plucked and pulled out of standard Hollywood boilerplate, especially for the eighties. And so it even though it it’s it’s cheesy, I think it’s cheesy, it should still work, you know, more or less. And I think the thing that keeps it from working has just has to be the direction, you know, the way that things were staged, the way that things were edited together. Sometimes, maybe particular line deliveries maybe weren’t the character you know, the the actor’s choices. And,

Craig: you

Todd: know, that’s the only thing I can think of. There he’s going, go for this, go for this, go for that, and they’re delivering, but, you know, it’s just not working as a cohesive whole.

Craig: Well, it was directed by by, Joe Alves, and this was the only movie that he ever directed. He was the production designer on Jaws 1 and he was, the 2nd unit director on Jaws 2. And and like I said, this is the only movie he ever directed, but, he was also the production designer on movies like Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Escape from New York. So, you know, he’s talented in his own right. Maybe direction isn’t his forte. This came in the advent of a surge in popularity of 3 d movies around this time and it came out right around the same time as Amityville 3 d, and Friday 13th 3, which is in 3 d. And in comparison to those movies, I would argue that this movie is a step above, you know, in in terms of maybe cinematography except for some of the, you know, bad effects that we’ve talked about, but the acting is better, like Yeah. I mean, if if you compare it to other movies of the same time, you know, capitalizing on the same 3 d fit deal, you know, I I just I think it’s pretty good. Yeah.

Todd: I have to agree. I mean, you’ve gotta put it all relative. You’ve gotta make it relative. But yeah. I mean, I I I won’t argue with you there for sure.

Craig: So, anyway, Mike is apparently the head engineer at the park. Like, he’s designed and and led the building of all of this, and he is in a relationship with doctor k Morgan who’s played by Bess Armstrong. Again, very famous, still working. She plays the mom a lot these days, but she’s, young and pretty and and tough and smart in this movie and I really like her. And I have to mention, at this point 2 of the very important characters of the movie, Cindy and Sandy, the Dolphins, who play a

Todd: pivotal role. They do. A little too pivotal. Yeah. One of my favorite pieces

Craig: of trivia that I read and I don’t even know how this makes me feel but, Sandy the dolphin who who played a female dolphin in this movie, but is actually a male is still alive at at 50. What? Yes. Is still working at SeaWorld and one of those dolphins that you can pay a $100 to, like, swim with and ride and stuff. Crazy.

Todd: And sits down to watch this movie at least once a week. Yeah. Sandy’s probably getting a residual check. Revisiting the good old days. Yeah.

Craig: But, Kaye is the head biologist at the park. And then, we get introduced to this other character, Philip Fitzroyce, played by Simon McCorkendale, who’s like this big shot photographer who’s gonna come in and do all this photography for publicity and stuff. And then, they introduce all the characters right away, which I really appreciate because I can get it out of the way. And then, Mike’s brother, Sean, who is played by John Putsch, p u t c h, I don’t know, he’s the son of Jeannie, I think, Triplehorn. She was the mom on All in the Family. Oh. Yeah. He shows up, and I think that he’s just there, for a visit or something. The

Todd: There’s no question that ever at at any point that he’s his brother. I think they refer to him as brother or that he’s his brother in, like, every scene. It’s so funny. It’s like when he first sees him, but, oh, it’s my brother. Hey, brother. How are you doing? Hey, brother. And then later on, I may be your baby brother, but blah blah blah. I mean, boy, do they remind you of, of their relationship.

Craig: And it’s almost it’s a little over the top because when they’re together, they kinda act like they’re, like, 9. Like, they’re all the time, like, kinda, like, hitting each other and wrasslin and Wrasslin. That’s right. But it’s cute and, you know, none of them are terrible actors and, you know, I I honestly, this time when I was watching it, and it’s been a while since I had seen it, I was just kind of impressed by how natural the acting seemed. Like, it didn’t seem forced. Like, these people seem like they were having a good time. They seem like they had a familial or at least friendly relationship. I kinda liked it. Anyway, he shows up. The first kill, I guess, is the guy who is tasked to fix the gate. You know, that gate that got broken before. And it’s it’s pretty simple. You know, he jumps in the water late at night for some reason. I don’t know why he waited till it was dark.

Todd: I don’t either.

Craig: And, you know, he just jumps in there, and he’s fixing the gate or whatever, and then he gets eaten by a shark.

Todd: And his giant severed arm rotates

Craig: Floating. Floating

Todd: straight toward the the camera.

Craig: We see something like pounding up against the gate. I think the suggestion is that the shark is trying to get back out into the ocean, but it can’t. So we know that it’s stuck in there. And and then we just get, you know, some kind of fun stuff. They they all go to a bar. Apparently, there’s, like, a staff bar at SeaWorld or something and, Sean meets, his love interest of the movie who is Kelly played by Leah Thompson. Again, like, this was her first movie ever, but she went on. She went on to Howard the Duck and Back to the Future and still working, and and she’s young and cute, cute, cute in this movie. And they flirt and then, like, within 30 seconds, they’re a couple.

Todd: Yeah. Exactly. Again, total eighties movie. Really? The only thing they were missing was that moment where, like, they stop and see each other from across the room and some the sax music comes on, you know. That’s the only thing that didn’t movie. To its credit, did not happen.

Craig: Yeah. No. They play a fun flirty game in the bar and then there are a couple. And after that, Mike and Kaye go for a walk on the beach and Kelly wants to Kelly’s left alone with Sean. She wants to go swimming, but he tells her that he hates the ocean. She’s like, well, okay fine. You hate the ocean, so we’ll go to the lagoon. Then when we go back to Mike and Kaye on the beach, he reminds her. He says, don’t you remember I told you about that shark attack in Amity? So there can yeah. Here here’s the connection, you know, we’ve got this history with sharks or whatever.

Todd: And presumably with the first movie, I guess. Right?

Craig: Well, that would have actually been the second movie because it was the second movie. Again, a good movie, but remember, Sean in the second movie was a little tiny boy, and he went out with Mike’s friends on these sailboats, and they all got attacked. And so, like so he was a little tiny kid. So apparently, he’s traumatized, and so he hates the water now. Whatever. Right.

Todd: None of it matters really.

Craig: No. It doesn’t matter.

Todd: Doesn’t really add doesn’t even really come into play later in the movie, you know. There’s that’s that’s one of the things I think about this movie now that I consider it. There’s also no real major drama between the characters, like, that gets in the way or complicates the plot at all. Right. They raise these little things and, oh, I’m gonna have to go away and blah blah blah. But, I I I it doesn’t really factor in once the shark starts killing people. Everybody just bands together, and they do their thing. You know, there’s no Jurassic Park style sabotage or anything like that. Right. It’s a very pretty straightforward plot.

Craig: Yeah. Well, the whole relationship thing comes up again a couple of times and sometimes at the stupidest moments. Like, there will be urgent things going on, and she’ll just be, like, let’s talk about our relationship, like, right now. Let’s maybe wait until we take care of this killer shark problem. Yeah.

Todd: For sure. Can we rescue the people who are drowning in the water first?

Craig: Oh, man. Kelly gets Sean into the water and, you know, they’re making out or whatever. And they’re you know, I hate to these things aren’t really significant, but they’re so cute that I I hate to skip over them. Like like, Mike and Kaye pull this funny joke on them where, like, they pretend to be the police or whatever. It’s funny because the brother is, like, he’s standing there in his underwear in the water. He’s, like, I’m okay. My brother works here.

Clip: I’m Kelly Ann Bukowski from the ski team.

Craig: And then they wrestle on

Todd: the beach and That’s right. There’s lots of sand tossing and stuff. There are also some rafters who are, coming in. It’s still the dead of night and they’re they’re sneaking in. I thought, oh, they’re gonna sabotage SeaWorld or something. You No. They’re gonna steal some coral from the bottom. And correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s just a thing. Right? They just go in. They go in to steal some coral, and they get their comeuppance because the shark eats them both.

Craig: Yep. Mhmm.

Todd: And we don’t we don’t nobody’s ends up seeing their bodies later or anything like that. Nope. This is the other crazy thing about this movie. Okay? So the shark breaks into this, I guess, straight into this lagoon, right, at SeaWorld. Mhmm. And it’s causing all of this mayhem. By this point, he’s eating the 2 rafters, he’s eating the 1 guy, and, you know, their body parts and things floating around, but nobody sees anything. Like, none of this ever floats to the surface until they really, really go searching for the one guy, and then they only find the one guy.

Craig: Yeah. Mhmm.

Todd: Yeah. I don’t know. How big is this lagoon, you know, and how well monitored is it not?

Craig: Yeah. I don’t know. It must be pretty big. Yeah. Like you said, they do eventually they don’t even find the 1 guy. Like, they go looking for him, they don’t find him, but he eventually pops up, but that I mean, that’s that’s the next thing that happens. The the guy who got killed, the the guy who was fixing the gate, his girlfriend is all mad, and she’s, like, gonna kick him out because she thinks he’s cheating or something.

Todd: Mhmm.

Craig: But Mike and Kaye know that maybe he’s in trouble. And I don’t know how they know that he dove by himself, but, Mike says something like, He broke one of the cardinal rules of diving. You’ve always got to have somebody watching your back or something. So they they know he may be in trouble, so they decide to go look for him, and they take this submersible into the Lagoon to look for him. And again, it’s terrible, like, whatever you called it, the graphic design or whatever.

Todd: Optical effects. Yeah.

Craig: The optical effects. They look awful.

Todd: They really do. They If

Craig: you’re, you know, 8 year old me, like, it’s it’s pretty cool. Like, they get to go in their own little personal submarine and, like, they’re gonna go explore, like, this undersea kingdom where there’s, like, a sunken pirate ship and, like, they they they drive right by the control room and the control room is underwater and it has this huge, you know, big glass aquarium, you know, thing and which looks like a a bad movie screen or something. Like, it doesn’t look real

Todd: at all.

Craig: It looks terrible. But they go down there and they look around, and I I have it in my notes here, bad graphics slash good music. So I wanna take just a second here to say I love the music in this movie. It is so good. It is such a good score that, like, if it is or if it were available, like, I would order it. Be because in the happy moments, it’s like kind of this big swelling, you know, orchestral score. I don’t know if it’s orchestral. It’s probably synthesizers, but and then in the scary moments, it’s, you know, kinda got some really cool tense stuff going on too. It does incorporate the traditional shark theme a little bit from the first two movies.

Todd: But not too much.

Craig: Not too much.

Todd: Very little, actually.

Craig: Yeah. Wow. I just love I’m sorry, guys. It’s I’m not gonna it’s a bad movie, but I’m gonna I love it, so I’m gonna talk about how much I love it.

Todd: It’s more it’s more fun listening to a guy who loves a bad movie than a guy who doesn’t love a bad movie. Well, good. I’m glad to hear you. Hearing hearing you gush over it is nice. I I I wouldn’t I don’t think this movie would get nearly as much gushing if it were just me talking.

Craig: Oh, no. No. I and I figured you’d totally be, like, arguing with me about, no, dude. It’s bad.

Todd: Shut up. So I I appreciate you at least indulging me. I’m not gonna steal your childhood away from you, man. You get to keep that.

Craig: They go down there, and they’re searching through the pirate ship and, like, the dolphins, Cindy and Sandy, are acting weird, and, like, at one point, like, the one of the dolphins literally, like, comes right up to them and starts shaking its head no, like, no. Don’t come out here. And then all of a sudden, this great white shark, like, attacks the side of the pirate ship that they’re in. And there’s a a, you know, kind of a little bit of a chase, but then the dolphins save them, like,

Todd: like, the dolphins swim up

Craig: to them and let them grab on to their fins, and they swim away with them.

Todd: It’s like a cartoon. I was like, this was really, really goofy. I I just couldn’t get behind 2 dolphins swooping in last minute. Hey, guys. Hitch a ride. We’re gonna get you out of here. The cube is grabbing their fins and pulling them away from the sharks. That was cornball as hell. I don’t know who wrote that, but, oh, come on, man.

Craig: I’m rolling my no. I’m I’m sitting here rolling my eyes. Like, that happens, Todd.

Todd: Like, dolphins save people. Dolphins save. God. Grab on. Don’t look back.

Craig: Yeah. And and one of my favorite parts is, like, at one point, she falls off and, like, the shark is, like, a centimeter away from her and then the dolphin, like, swoops in, like,

Todd: I gotcha. It made it very clear how difficult it really is to film this sort of thing. Yeah. You know, because it was very poorly filmed. There was no way to really do this realistically. And so what you end up with is just a bunch of close ups. It’s like, here’s Jaws coming after them, and then it’s like, oh, here’s them riding on some dolphins. And then, oh, here’s Jaws again. And, oh, here’s them riding on some dolphins. You know?

Craig: Well, I understand what you’re saying, but it reminds me of something that I actually thought was kind of neat about the movie. Like, I have no idea how much switching in and out they did, but so much of this movie takes place under water and it really it really seems like a lot of the time, the the actual actors are acting underwater. Like, I would just kind of have expected that they would have had stunt people or, you know, professional divers or whatever. But a good amount of the time, at least on my little computer screen, it looked to me like it was I know some of the time it was because you would see close-up reaction shots and stuff, but, I I didn’t anticipate that. And Dennis Quaid, you know, when I don’t think people ask him about it much anymore, but, in an interview once they were like, so you did Jaws 3 and he was like, I did Jaws what now? Like, these people don’t really want you know, it’s not their proudest moment, but, there’s some cool stuff going on. So Yeah. Whatever. And they get out and and so now they know that there’s this this shark, in here. So, obviously, it’s a problem, and the photographer the photographer guy is like, let’s kill it. He’s like, I’ll I’ll I’ll film it when we kill it, and it’ll, you know

Todd: Play big on TV.

Craig: But Kaye’s like

Clip: Well, I don’t know if it’s occurred to any of you all, but there isn’t a great white alive in captivity anywhere. Now, we’re unique here, Calvin. You know that. If any facility can maintain a white, it’s us. If if we could could dodge him, tranquilize him, we we could get him in a holding spot.

Craig: Oh, now hold it. Hold it. Now hold it. No. This is crazy. This is nuts. She convinces him. She’s like, you you kill it. You know, that happens once. You get some publicity for a minute. But if we capture it, then we can, you know, put out all this advertising. We’re the only people that have it, and so he can she convinces him. And said so they go on this mission to tranquilize and capture the shark.

Todd: And to me, this is one of the sillier, more melodramatic moments of the film. And maybe this is also looking at it from the lens of today as well. But just to see the one guy, his extreme solution to this is we’re just gonna kill it. And then the woman’s ideas, no. We’re gonna capture it and we’re gonna study it. And then to watch the owner of SeaWorld seriously pondering and considering and weighing the pros and cons of each approach, it’s just a little silly.

Craig: Oh, yeah.

Todd: And and and, again, just way over the top. I thought this scene was was hilarious, hilariously bad.

Craig: Yeah. It’s it’s funny.

Todd: And the fact that that kind of sets up the central premise for the film. And and that’s kind of the thing about the movie is the the shark doesn’t do a lot of killing. I guess whenever you got something in the water that can’t come out of the water, and it’s not like people are freely swimming and doing things in the water. Like, this is SeaWorld. Like, this is their lagoon. This is, like, corporate controlled environment. And so most of the time, they’re not even open to the public yet because they’re they’re preparing this undersea kingdom section. There’s very little danger, it seems. Like, at least, you know, they have lots of time to contemplate what they’re gonna do with the shark. They go on this hunt for the shark after they have this, conversation, but it’s not a hunt to kill it. It’s a hunt to tranquilize it. And so they dive in the water, and they’re just looking for it. Right?

Craig: Yeah. I didn’t really understand why she needed be down there.

Todd: It was yeah. I didn’t quite get that whole thing, but somehow she was down there, and she runs across a shark almost instantly. And, Dennis Quaid’s character, Mike ends up, shooting a giant harpoon type thing with a tranquilizer at at the shark from the surface after it surfaces, and they managed to tranquilize it and pull it in. And at this point, I was like, well, okay. Really? Because the next scenes of the movie are of them nursing the tranquilized shark back to health. Like, they’ve got it in the shallow lagoon where clearly it’s not gonna be much of a danger to anybody. They’re on either side of it pushing it around and, you know, it’s like it’s just a a lifeless, you know, thing, trying to nurse it to health. And then when it starts moving, like, they just, you know, leap out of the water like you’ll leap out of the shallow end of a pool. And I’m just look where are they going with this? Like, how the minute that you have, at least by this point in the movie, we think, our our main antagonist tranquilized completely under their control. It just loses all sense of suspense. Yeah. The fact that they could just capture the shark. Now later on, we learned that this isn’t the shark. Right?

Craig: That’s the thing. It’s set it’s setting it up for the big twist, but it Todd does you’re right. And and I was just gonna kinda, like, you did a good job. You, like, they nurse it back to health blah blah. Like, that’s all you need to know. But the the thing like, they’re in there with it. Like, this is a great white shark that’s been, like, stalking and, like, killing people, and, like, then there’s kinda, like, hanging out with it in the shower and, like and, like, what what really bothered me is they’re they’re aerating it. Apparent I didn’t know this, but I looked it up. Like, I knew that sharks had to keep moving because they constantly have to keep water go or excuse me. Yeah. Water going over their gills so that they can get oxygen in that way. But, apparently, they can also breathe through their mouths. And so they have this great big hose, and they’re putting it in the shark’s mouth, and they’re, like, sticking their arms, like, elbow deep in the shark’s mouth. Like Yeah. What if it wakes up?

Todd: Like Yeah. It’s it’s just like I I mean, this might be true and this might be accurate, you know, and might be real life. But if you’re making a scary movie about killer sharks, I don’t care if it’s not the shark, you know, maybe clearly there’s a bigger shark. But the fact that you’ve shown how easy it is to manage a shark that’s smaller, you’re sharing the pool with it, you’re shoving your arm into its mouth and stuff like that. It kind of neuters the whole concept.

Craig: I know what you mean. I I I I guess I feel like I guess I feel like I’m getting defensive, like, shut up. It’s fine. Because they’re because they’re setting it up for this big twist because okay. So yeah. They you know, like, they get the shark alive and that’s great or whatever. But she, the doctor k, says, we can’t stress it out. It’s a baby. It’s been through enough trauma. We’ve gotta just, you know, take it slow. But then as soon as Bouchard, the main guy the head guy finds out that it’s awake, he orders that it be put on display. And they put it on display in one of those tanks where, like, you can go

Todd: And pet things.

Craig: Yeah. Like, pet, like, the stingrays and stuff. Like, you can’t put a great white shark in there. Like, his arm is gonna get bit off.

Todd: It’s but it’s plus it’s, like, 3 feet of water. I’d I’m kinda surprised, like, they could even fit in there.

Craig: And and so she hears over the loudspeaker that it’s on display, and she runs over there and, like, she’s watching it swim around for, like, 5 seconds before it goes belly up. So she jumps in and and the her assistant she’s got these 2 assistants who are always around. And, she jumps in and they, like, they try to keep moving along or whatever, but, then it flips over and it’s dead. And so yeah. I mean, it seems kind of like, well, okay. Jaws is dead. So, like, what can happen for the next half hour?

Todd: It it my point is, like, this goes on for so long with no other indication that there is another shark out there or that there’s any other threat out there. We don’t even get, like, some other kill, and it’s like, wait a minute. What’s that? You know, that or there’s nothing. It just starts to look like a domestic dispute over how we’re gonna handle this animal, you know, that we’ve captured and how we’re gonna display it and stuff. And and I think it just pulls a lot of the energy out of the movie at this point.

Craig: Yeah. I I mean, I don’t know how long this takes. It does go on for a little while. One of the things that I kinda like about the movie is I really kinda felt like it kept moving. Now that may be because I’m so familiar with it that, like, I know what’s coming next. I don’t know.

Todd: But it’s gotta be you you it’s gotta be propelling you. You know? I feel like Yeah.

Craig: Sure. Sure.

Todd: Be pushing and and at this point, it’s pulling.

Craig: Yeah. But I I I okay. Again, I’m probably giving it too much credit, but I feel like they’re trying to like, I feel like that’s what they want you to think. Like, well, what now? Like, the shark’s dead? Like you said, we have no indication that there’s any other threat or whatever. I feel like they’re they’re waiting for the sucker punch, like, Like, we’re gonna you thought it was dead, but Meanwhile, while all of this going, the big undersea kingdom has opened, for the first time. And people are down there, you know, in these big underwater tunnels, and, like, they can see everything, and, like, you and we get more creepy 3 d effects with stupid stuff in the underwater kingdom or whatever.

Todd: This is my one of my favorite parts, though, is when the the the the tourists go in to the underwater kingdom for the first time and they walk in and the first part of it is, like, some weird undersea haunted house. Yeah. This is the point where it’s like they’re the, oh, this is Craig. It’s like there’s coral and stuff all around them, and suddenly, like, a moray eel puppet, like, jumps out at them and, like, a long tentacles swings out and, like, starts to wrap around somebody else, and they’re like, ah, ah, ah, ah, kitty. And there’s, like, smoke and black lights and things, and I’m thinking, oh my god. This is so silly. And that was the point at which I was like, really, SeaWorld? Did you really stamp your approval on this movie?

Craig: But, again, I think that that kind of I don’t remember anything like that when I was a kid at SeaWorld, but it does kind of highlight how things have changed because I remember SeaWorld as being an amusement park and, like, it’s it still is to some extent, but they’ve really shifted their focus to, you know, kind of let’s learn about sea life and, like, you know, we’re preservationists and we’re studying these animals. You know, there’s kind of been a shift whereas before it was like let’s watch dancing pigs on the beach or whatever. Anyway, so you know now the shark is dead, the undersea kingdom, is open, and everybody’s looking around and everything’s all cool, and they’re looking out these, you know, kinda like porthole windows seeing the fish or whatever. But then the body of that guy who was killed fixing the gate floats up and it’s pretty gross. And so they they they get it out and, Mike and Kay go to have a look at it and, Mike pulls the sheet down, and it’s pretty gross. The prosthetic effect or whatever they use, the dummy or whatever, it’s pretty gross and, like, they’ve got, like, snakes coming out of its mouth or eels or whatever they’re supposed to be. This movie is rated PG, which really kinda surprises me. Yeah. Yeah. It’s it’s pretty dark for PG. I don’t remember when the PG 13 rating came into existence, so maybe it didn’t exist yet. I don’t know, but for PG, it’s pretty dark. Parents out there who are thinking about showing this to your kids, it’s it’s pretty rough. But, anyway, they find this body, and when Kaye looks at it, she freaks out because she realizes that there’s no way that the shark they captured could have done this much damage. And so they run to this underwater restaurant, like everything’s underwater, where, Bouchard is with the photographer and they have this conversation. Meanwhile, there’s this other stuff going on with how, like, one of the filtration tunnels is clogged and the filtration tunnels have been brought up of several times. Like, if you don’t see it as foreshadowing as I didn’t when I was 8, you know, unless you’re 8, you probably should, but one of them is clogged, and so Bouchard says, well, just turn it off and, you know, turn on another one. It’s not worth blowing out the motor or whatever. So Kay tells them and this is my absolute favorite part of the movie.

Clip: Still has all its teeth. Yep. That means it was a baby. Our shark couldn’t have killed Overman. Its mother did.

Craig: You talking about some of the damn sharks, mother?

Todd: No. I’m talking about Shaft.

Craig: And she’s like, the mother is in the park. Meanwhile, we’ve been seeing that as soon as they turn this filtration pump off, we see this huge tail, like, in the the tube, and then it, like, backs out of the tube. Sharks can’t swim backwards, folks, but they they can in this movie.

Todd: Big ones can. Apparently, Jaws can.

Craig: Yeah. And so the second they’re talking about it, it swims right up to the window of the restaurant.

Todd: I was like, you rang?

Craig: Yeah. Yeah. Right. And everybody starts freaking out. And this really sets into motion the whole I I guess I would call it the 3rd act, but it’s kind of like just this big climactic scene where everybody kind of runs off. Like, Mike runs off because he knows the ski show is going on, and so he’s trying to pull people in from the ski show and the shark is, like, chasing the skiers and at one point the skiers are, like, in this big tower or something and the dorsal fin of the shark is literally, like, 3 or 4 feet behind them. And I’m thinking, well, that must mean that there’s a good 10 feet of the shark in front of them. Like, how are they not seeing it? And, like, the skiers fall and it’s all very dramatic, but they all get away.

Todd: I love the sequence because it’s all of this stuff also interspersed with just the perils of them warning people. Like, at one point, Mike is on, like, a golf cart and he can’t even, like, drive his golf cart straight. He’s like, woah. It flips over as he’s trying to get yell at people, and and, it just creates all this extra little drama in these kind of absurd ways. There’s a I think he ramps he cuts off another golf cart, which then flips and it’s been carrying popcorn and Yeah. All this popcorn dumps off the back and, like, about 30 people rush for this floor popcorn. Like, it’s like it’s money bags or something like that. And I thought my wife and I watched this. We, we sat down. You know, this is PG, so it’s one of the few movies she could watch with me. So we, you know, we made up some tuna sandwiches and and sat down and watched this movie. And she says, don’t they have a PA system? Right. The owner is in this big mission control looking underwater room, you know, like, they’re gonna launch the space shuttle with all these 19 eighties fancy computers behind them. And, it doesn’t seem like he can get on and actually make an announcement, at least until later. He I think he does Yeah.

Craig: He does eventually. Yeah. Okay.

Todd: And the other thing that

Craig: I like about this is that it all happens in the course of, I don’t know, max 10 minutes or 5, 10 minutes. Every time somebody runs somewhere, the shark is there. And, and so, like, then, after it attacks attacks, it doesn’t actually get anybody. But after it scares the skiers, then, Kelly and Sean are on these bumper boats, and, it attacks the bumper boats.

Todd: That’s right.

Craig: And and Kelly falls in, and Kelly actually does get bit. She doesn’t get killed, but she gets bit. And then, she gets sent off in an ambulance, and Sean gets goes away with her. It’s also a good way to, like, kinda get rid of some of the extraneous characters like, bye, Sean and Kelly. We’ll never see you again.

Todd: That’s right.

Craig: Any and the shark breaks up a dock. There are all kinds of things going on.

Todd: I just like the idea that the SeaWorld of the past, everything was just happened in one big body of water. You know, whether they were water skiing, whether it was the Undersea Kingdom, whether it was the dolphin show, anything like that. Apparently, dolphins and sharks and fish and these attractions just all intermingle.

Craig: Right. Yeah. It’s kinda stupid, but okay. And so then the shark attacks the underwater kingdom and, like, everybody in there is freaking out and, like, it breaks one of the tunnels. So, like, the tunnel start filling up with water and the people are freaking out and the the airtight Todd shuts, so some of these people are, like, trapped down there. Now that all that commotion has settled down, you know, their big, prerogatives, they have to get these people out. So Mike’s working on that. Kaye takes a moment to talk to him about their relationship, which is totally stupid. And then Philip, the photographer, has this idea. He’s, like, well, it hidden the tunnel. Hidden those filtration pipes before. Let’s get it in there again. And they come up with some elaborate plot where he’s gonna be, like, this live bait or whatever. And that doesn’t that, you know, like, they get it in there, but that doesn’t go well because then something bad happens. And, anyway, he gets eaten.

Todd: The owner of the park decides he’s gonna go ahead and shut off the pump Yeah. And we couldn’t even figure out why. Why did he say that? Why did he instruct them to turn off the pump?

Craig: I don’t remember. I don’t remember if it was because it was clogged again or what and it, you know, it really doesn’t make any sense anyway. Like, I don’t even understand what difference it makes. Like, oh, I remember why. Because they’re, like, let’s suffocate it. Like like, if the if the water is not rushing through the park and it’s or through the pump and it’s trapped in there, it won’t be able to breathe. Well, the shark is having none of that, and it breaks out of there again backwards and, meanwhile, Mike is, like, welding the tunnel for the underwater kingdom and apparently he gets that done just in the nick of time, and then he and Kay are both down there, and then the shark, you know, comes and it almost gets them, but it doesn’t. And then everybody’s in the in the control room, and that’s when we get to this scene that is so often pointed to as being so bad. They’re all just standing there. They’re all standing there, and through this big glass window, they see the shark approaching them. Now, mind you, the shark isn’t moving. Like, it just looks like a cutout of a shark, like, that some kid has on, like, a popsicle stick that they’re just, like, moving forward. It looks terrible. It’s not moving at all.

Todd: It just gets bigger like you would zoom in on a picture.

Craig: It looks awful. And then as it approaches the window, like, it breaks into slow mo, and then it busts through the window and, you know, the glass explodes out at the audience because it’s 3 d or whatever. And then the shark is just, like, it’s got its head in there. This shark is it’s supposed to be, like, 35 feet long or something like that. I don’t there’s no sense of scale

Todd: at all. It’s different everywhere. Yeah.

Craig: Every time. And it’s hanging out the back and, like, again, like, it looks like a movie out of the sixties. I mean, it just the effects are terrible. But so they’re in there and, like, one of the guys in the control room gets eaten, a couple of them like Bouchard and gets one of the other ladies out. And so then it was just Mike and Kaye in there. They don’t know what to do, but Mike sees that Philip, the camera guy, is still lodged in the shark’s mouth, and he’s holding a grenade.

Todd: Yes.

Craig: And so Mike gets, like, some sort of, like, hook contraption and manages somehow, reaching into this 35 foot shark’s mouth to hook this tiny, tiny little ring, and he he he pulls it out of the the grenade, and he and Kate take cover, like, behind a desk or something, which also doesn’t make any sense. The shark explodes, and, again, we get these 3 d effects with everything shooting out at the screen and it it just the jaws of the shark and, you know, it’s all very exciting and then the shark has exploded or whatever. And then my second favorite part of the movie is at the very end where Mike Mike and Kaye come up in the lagoon and it’s morning now and it’s beautiful and, like, the sun has just risen and she’s all concerned about the dolphins and she’s, like, where are the dolphins? And, like, so she’s calling them and, like, slapping the water and one of them comes and they can’t find the other one and he’s like Mike’s like, I don’t think she made it. And then all of a sudden, this dolphin leaps into the air, and they celebrate because they’re so excited that the dolphins made it and the music swells and it’s so exciting and then the dolphins just do their little dolphin show all around them. That’s right. And then it and then it freezes with the dolphins, like, framing them in the frame.

Todd: It freezes on another horrible optical effect.

Craig: Yeah. It’s terrible. But it’s so exciting.

Todd: If if there had been a rainbow behind them, maybe that’d be that way.

Craig: Oh, man. Listen. I know it’s a bad movie. I I know it. I get it. But honest to Todd, I just still even watching it 30 years later or whatever, I still find it really entertaining, like, it’s fun to watch. It’s a fun movie to watch.

Todd: There’s no doubt it’s entertaining. It is total popcorn. Again, nostalgic. You don’t even have to watch the movie before to feel this you know, you just need to have lived through the eighties to sort of feel nostalgic for the time and those kind of movies and all that. No. I grant you all of that. I’m you know? It’s okay. My feelings will

Craig: only be hurt a little bit.

Todd: But it’s a bad movie.

Craig: I it is. I know. It’s a

Todd: it’s a bad movie in so many ways, and I think it could have been good. I mean, I feel like you probably could have taken the same script and the same concepts and things, tweaked it in very small ways, and maybe, like I said, improve the directing and get some good special effects in there.

Craig: Yeah.

Todd: And and maybe, you know, maybe just they just got a little ambitious. You know? It’s the number 3. They’re trying to do the 3 d angle. They were really pushing for the 3 d, and a lot of that probably forced their hand to use a lot of these really cheap optical effects just to, you know, be able to ram those effects and those things into people’s faces. And, if it had just been a you know, held back just a little bit from that. And, yeah, Yeah. Basically, if they just redone the whole thing. But, you know, honestly, my wife loved it. She she thought it was great. And, Good. Like I said, it was it was fun to watch. I would even watch it again. It was one of those, again, I think so goofy that it’s fun to watch.

Craig: Yeah. And I know, you know, I can’t speak for all the actors, but I know that Dennis Quaid isn’t particularly proud of it. Well, he was going through, you know, drug battle time in his life, so that may have had something to do with it. But I just think that the acting is super competent. Like, I liked these characters. I liked them, and I I well, you know, except for Louis Gossett junior, who I wasn’t supposed to like, and, you know, he did a reasonable job of playing the stereotypical bad guy. I don’t know. I just think it’s charming. Folks, if you, wanna leave comments about how much you think this movie is terrible, again, my feelings will only be hurt a little bit. I understand. I totally get where people are coming from, when they criticize this movie.

Todd: This film sits in a special place in your heart that nobody can touch, Craig. I don’t think any of us need to worry about that.

Craig: Oh, man. Alright. Fine. I guess it’s time for me to stop gushing. Alright. Well, thank you for listening to another edition of 2 guys in the chainsaw. If you liked this episode, you can find all kinds of back episodes online. We are on Facebook. You can check out our, website at 2 guys dot red forty dot net. We’re also on Itunes and Google Play and Stitcher and all kinds of other places, I think, where you can find, your favorite podcast. We are gonna continue our month of summer movies next week. We’ve got a couple coming up that I’m really looking forward to. We subjected you to one bad shark movie. I have also requested that Todd and I do a good shark movie and I’m really looking forward to that one. So, stay tuned for the next couple weeks and beyond, and until next week, I’m Craig

Todd: And I’m Todd.

Craig: With 2 Guys and a Chainsaw.