Spookies (1986)

Episode 90, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd:  Hello, and welcome to another episode of 2 Guys and a Chainsaw.  I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd:  Today’s film, I chose. It is the 1986 film Spookies. It’s a movie with a fantastic cover art. I found out about this film with a great article that I found online in the dissolve called The Strange Saga of Spookies, which details the storied past of this film. This film, played in America briefly in the theaters. It also played in Hong Kong briefly, and you can kinda see that it might have played a little better for a Hong Kong audience, especially if you compare it to, the Boxer’s Omen that we did earlier. Not not quite as disgusting, but just as much, I think, a special effects extravaganza that just goes Right. Balls out. 

Craig:  Yeah. 

Todd:  I know this movie from the cover art. I had actually purchased the VHS tape quite some time ago and never did watch it and then sold it or gave it away or threw it away or some point when we moved. So, I was happy to be able to sit down and watch this movie. It is on YouTube. It has not had a proper DVD release. So if you wanna watch it after we’re done talking about it, you can definitely go to YouTube and, and check it out. And you might want to. It is interesting, very interesting.   The film is actually the product of of a movie that, was shot, called Twisted Souls by 2 longtime horror fans who wanted to shoot a horror film, and, apparently, they came up with a movie called Hellbender or Hellspawn or something like that. We’re trying to get the financing for it and in the process met a man named Michael Lee. Michael Lee, very rich guy, decided to put up the money for this, film if, they would do another movie for him first, which he just said, make it about a bunch of teenagers, running around in a house getting killed. So with that detailed plot synopsis in mind, these two guys went and just wrote a crazy script, for a movie that apparently was pretty ambitious. It had a special effect on every other page. They later admitted it kinda bit off a little bit more than they could chew, but by golly, they shot it. And in the process, had some creative tension between them and the financer, Michael Lee, who according to the people involved in this film really didn’t know a lot about movies. And so these two guys just got super frustrated, and finally, Michael Lee, kicked him off, kicked them out and brought in, another person, to finish the movie.   Her name is Eugenie Joseph or Jeannie Joseph, so the result that we have now is Spookies, the result of Twisted Souls, which was the original title with all this extra footage added in pretty clumsily, And the directing credit is shared by Jeannie Joseph, Thomas Duran, and Brendan Faulconer, which is never a good sign when you have 3 directors on a film. 

Craig:  Right. 

Todd:  Yeah. Now you know a little bit about the movie going in. I knew this about it going in. If you don’t know this about about it going in, you’ll probably be even more confused by how crazy this film is. Craig, have you heard anything about this movie before I proposed it? 

Craig:  Gosh. I don’t know. You know, the title seems so familiar, but at the same time, I don’t think that I really knew anything about it. And all of that history you just explained, you sent me that article and then later texted me and asked me if I read it, and I said, yeah, the first part because it was super long. So I I I didn’t have all of the, information, but I watched the movie, and then I went back and, reread that article, and it becomes pretty clear. I mean, you can you can tell where the backbone of the movie is and then what was added in later. And so knowing that, it kind of explains a little bit why the movie maybe seems disjointed and and and the way it is, but I don’t know. Yeah.   No. Really watching it this time was the first time that I had really any experience with it. 

Todd:  You know, the the the title Spookies was suggested by Michael Land because apparently, they don’t want they didn’t wanna call it Twisted Souls. And he said, well, Goonies did so well. Let’s call it spookies. 

Craig:  That’s funny. 

Todd:  Yeah. Like like you could compare this to Goonies in the slightest. Yeah. Well, the movie starts out with kind of a shot of a graveyard of sorts and some a big house behind it. And one of the graves is, kind of bubbling a little bit. And there’s a kid. Right? It’s this weird it’s like the stone it’s like a stone slab with chains over it, and it’s, like, undulating, like it’s Jell O or something. 

Craig:  Yeah. Pulsating is like a common motif in this movie. That’s right. It’s it’s kinda weird. 

Todd:  There’s a lot of pulsating going on. They had a discount on, like, air bladders or something at the special edition. Oh, man. So, so there’s this kid named Billy walking through the woods, and it’s dark out, and it’s near this graveyard. And he sits down by a tree and opens up a sandwich and starts talking to himself and tells himself happy birthday. You kind of figure out that he’s running away from home, but the only way you figure that out is this man just in the dark up at who happens to be in a tree across from him, speaks up and is like, so, Billy, today’s the big day. First night away from home, kid. 

Clip:  What makes you say that? 

Todd:  You just seem kind of nervous. 

Clip:  I’m not nervous. You just startled me. 

Todd:  Give an old man a life. In the meantime, we’re getting insert shots of this creature that looks like it’s looking at them throughout the woods, almost like he’s stalking Billy. Kind of a werewolfy type creature. 

Craig:  It was all so random, like I and super, super dark, so I couldn’t really understand what was going on at first. At first, I thought that whatever this were creature was that was, like, you know, watching or whatever, I I thought that maybe it had transformed into this guy and was now talking to this kid. As it turns out, no, that’s not the case because as soon as the kid talks to this random stranger, about how he’s run away because his parents forgot his birthday or whatever, then he just walks away and the random stranger gets mauled and killed off screen by this were creature, and then, like, his corpse just falls into frame. So we see that yeah. I, like, I I really hadn’t I really had no idea. 

Todd:  So Billy walks towards the house, and he’s walking through a graveyard. And only because I was watching this on YouTube, and after it was done, it looped back onto another it was like, up next is, spookies. And I was like, oh, yeah. That’s great. Thank you, YouTube. I don’t need to see this one again. But, I was holding my son at the time, and I was just sitting there, and I couldn’t really stand up. So I ended up rewatching, unfortunately, the first 10 minutes of this movie.   And I caught something the second time around that he glances at a tombstone, and he makes a comment like, oh, this is weird. It doesn’t have a name on it, and then walks toward the house. And the second time, I looked at the dates on the tombstone, and it was like 1972 to 1985. 13 year old person. So I think that was supposed to be foreshadowing poor Billy’s death. 

Craig:  Yeah. 

Todd:  A bit of sophistication in this movie more than you’d give it credit for. Yeah? Right. He approaches this house, and it’s this huge house. And he goes inside, and he’s like, woah, couldn’t be any colder in there than it is out here. And I guess he’s gonna just chill for the night. And this house is easy to get into, but there’s nobody there. And he walks in, and he finds a room that is decorated like a birthday party. And Billy thinking almost nothing of this, but walking up, balloons hanging from the ceiling, there’s a doll sitting in a chair there, there’s a birthday cake on the table, some presents, party favors laid out, and a card, and he picks up the card and he opens it and it says 

Clip:  Happy birthday, Billy, from all of us. Hey, surprise party. So you didn’t forget after all. This is really great. You can come out now. 

Todd:  But nothing happens. And so he’s like, alright. So I guess I should cut the cake now? Alright. I’ll go cut the cake. And he goes to the piss of a knife when he cuts the cake. Like, this whole scene is so stupid because 

Craig:  Yeah. It it’s so dumb. 

Todd:  Yeah. He’s in the dark 

Craig:  It’s so stupid. 

Todd:  In this spooky room, somehow half expecting that all of his friends and his parents broke into this house that he wandered into to set up a surprise. It’s a very elaborate surprise party for him. 

Craig:  Right. Anyway Makes no sense at all. 

Todd:  Some silly little things happen, and he says, oh, well, should I open up this present? You guys want me to open up this present? Alright. I guess I’m gonna open up the present then. And when he opens it up, this head in there goes, hey, happy birthday, Billy. And and Billy runs out screaming from the house. 

Craig:  He gets chased around by this creature, and I couldn’t figure out what this creature was. I was in my notes calling him Nightcrawler because he kinda looked like Nightcrawler from the X Men. This thing, whatever it is, chases him around for a long time. Like it’s this long chase of this weird thing chasing him around outside the house. And eventually it catches him and it scratches his face all up and then it buries him alive in like this totally unrealistic scene where it’s this creature is like throwing shovels of dirt onto this kid who’s just like flailing around in this grave. But I, yeah, but I guess we’re just supposed to believe that, this creature, whatever it is, is quick enough that it can just bury this kid alive. And I was kinda surprised by that because, you know, we get this kid right from the very beginning and then, he gets killed right right off. And and I didn’t see that coming.   I kind of expected Billy to be more of a part of the movie. But as it turns out, this is one of the scenes that was shot later, and inserted into the film. So, I mean, I guess it kinda makes sense that they there’s only so much they could do with them because he really wasn’t a part of the central plot line. But it’s just all confusing and and weird and it’s a good way to start out this movie because it’s gonna continue like that for the rest of the time. 

Todd:  Well, you don’t often see a werewolf stalking somebody and then picking up a shovel and starting frantically shoveling dirt on them. Sure. So bizarre. So bizarre. 

Craig:  I know. Meanwhile, we kinda get to the meat of the movie. Seriously, like, you there are 2 cars driving down the Todd, and, all I could say about these people was that it’s a bunch of assholes driving down the road for reasons that we don’t know. And, like, I that’s how I just kept referring to them. I’m, like, well, there’s the asshole in the suit jacket and the asshole, like, they’re all just, they’re all just these annoying, horrible people. And it doesn’t even make sense. Like, why are these 2 groups of people together? Because one of them is like a group of like thuggy, punky teenagers, and the other group is, like, these WASPy 

Todd:  Middle aged. 

Craig:  Business middle aged guys. And, like, like, apparently they know each other and they’re supposed to be going somewhere together, but they don’t really know where they’re supposed to be going. And I’m like, why would these people be hanging out together at all? It doesn’t make any sense. 

Todd:  Well, the guys in the car, like, the guys behind them, the the older man, you know, the older people who are following, make some comment about how they’re following this other guy who’s the dude straight out of Greece, thuggy guy, and they say something like I told you we shouldn’t have followed him. First, he starts a fight at that party, gets us all thrown out, embarrasses the hell out of us. Now he gets us lost out here in the middle of nowhere. And I’m thinking, what party were all these people at together? Right. Just like you said. 

Craig:  They end up at this mansion Todd. And this mansion apparently is the John Jay Estate, and John Jay was one of our founding fathers. And, like, so I guess they shot this really all at this big, southern mansion. I guess the crew stayed in the carriage house and like it was this whole big deal. And it it and if there’s anything interesting or cool about this movie, I thought that was kinda cool. But they all end up at this house and as it turns out, there’s some sort of like Craig keeper type guy who lives in this house, who has this beautiful girl in a coffin. And I guess the premise is supposed to be that this this was his wife, and now somehow through sorcery, he’s keeping her youthful and alive by killing people and and stealing their youthful essence in this mansion. And he says, 

Clip:  I can wait no longer. The final foolish victims will be here very soon and say, once again, we shall be together for all time. 

Craig:  First of all, he’s wearing what looks like a dime store Halloween mask that barely moves when he talks. Yeah. Yeah. And every time he talks and not only does he talk when he’s on screen, but he also does kind of some narrative stuff when he’s not on screen. It sounds like they put him in, like, a tin can and asked him to record all of his dialogue. Like, there’s this weird resonance going on with his voice. 

Clip:  For 70 years, I have waited. I have sacrificed the use of so many so that you might live and get to. I betrayed all my powers some way to make you see how helplessly I love you. 

Craig:  Basically, what it is, they get all these people into this big mansion, and it’s just a setup for them all to die in these crazy wackadoodle ways. I wish it were more fun than it than it is. Like, I I don’t know. How did you did you think that it was fun? Because it seemed like it should have been fun. It seemed like it seemed like and I think that really going in that their idea was, let’s be as off the wall as we can. Let’s have a new monster every few minutes. And and in theory, that sounds neat, but ultimately, it just seemed dumb. 

Todd:  Yeah. I’m the same way. I felt like this movie should have been a lot of fun, and there were a couple things I think that killed it. First of all, the fact that you just really don’t know what’s going on. And it’s not just that you don’t know what’s going on, but you get a sense that that nothing is go like, it’s just completely inept. And I think that’s the marriage of these two concepts. This guy and his bride popping in every now and then, and him sitting in front of a chess table talking about how he’s playing this intricate game of chess with these people, which is not an intricate game of chess with these people. And later on, like, you know, his bride wakes up, and so she’s, like, alive.   But this is, like, halfway through the movie. So it’s it’s not like 

Craig:  Right. 

Todd:  These people dying is is giving her any kind of new life. She’s already up. She’s already moving around. There’s almost a whole just separate movie playing out between him and this girl. Then, of course, the acting is absolutely terrible and they’re Oh, 

Craig:  it’s some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen. It’s so, so bad. And not only, you know, like the dialogue is bad. Like they didn’t have anything to work with really, but, I mean it’s just horrendous. My favorite is there’s this guy. I think his name is Rick. I think, I don’t know. I, I was trying to keep track of their names.   It doesn’t really matter, But there’s this I think his name is Rick, and he’s, like, the funny one. And he’s so over the Todd, like, it’s just ridiculous. Like, it seems like he’s doing stand up. And he’s wearing a t shirt with his own face on and, like, he has a puppet that, like, he kind of does some gags with. And, like, I thought that that might play more into it, and it, like, it might be a funny thing, but, like, he just does the shtick with the puppet for a little while in the beginning, and then you just see him running around with a t shirt with himself and the puppet on the t shirt. He was the worst, but, I mean, that’s not saying much because all of them, the acting was just terrible. Yeah. Yeah. 

Todd:  It was just bad. I mean, these lines and the staging of everything was terrible. And if you read, you know, this article, it sounds like from the film for the original filmmakers of twisted souls, it sounds like they had some very elaborate camera setups that they did with following shots and tracking shots and things that they say, like, with ideas behind them. But those got so chopped up, so all you get are these cuts from, you know, here to there to here to there. I don’t know. I I’d I’d find it hard to believe that even if you went and looked at those original shots that they were that interesting because even the most static shot in this film, which is, you know, 3 people or 4 people talking, looks like it was shot from across the room, and they’re awkwardly standing 

Clip:  Yeah. 

Todd:  Kind of like they’re on stage. They’re they’re sort of facing each other, but they’re also sort of facing the camera as they talk. It all just looks so put together for the camera. None of it looks natural. And then the other thing that I think really ruins it is the horrible music. The music in this movie is so bad that it kills any tension that comes in any of these scenes and just makes them laughable. Like, I think the movie would be at least 10 times better, not to say it would be good, but it would at least be 10 times better if they had just kept all the music out of it. Whenever the music cuts in, and it cuts in a lot, and it’s this terrible synthesized kinda junk, It never seems to fit with the scene, that it’s over. 

Craig:  Well, it’s it’s just silly. I mean, like, the the music, everything about it, it just feels very after school special. Like, it just seems so low grade and so low budget. I would have rather seen Twisted Souls. I would have rather have just seen that because I feel like what they were going for was just this madcap. It’s not supposed to make any sense. It’s supposed to be silly and over the top. When Twisted Souls was over and they went back and put in other stuff, everything else that they put in was this old guy and his bride and and all of these minor characters that surround this old creepy guy, and it just seems forced and stupid.   Twisted Souls seemed like it was just gonna be kind of an Evil Dead romp. Like, here’s all this crazy shit that’s gonna happen. There’s just all these crazy monsters and special effects and and these kids getting picked off 1 by 1 by all this weird madcap stuff. And I think that it would have been more fun and it would have been a heck of a lot shorter if we had just gotten that. The extra stuff just seems to muddy it. Like it’s trying to take itself too seriously, and it it just doesn’t work at all. 

Todd:  Yeah. And the Evil Dead, influence is clearly here. One of the first things they do, Duke, the bad guy, opens up a door Yeah. Eyes open a door, and a, like, a mummy type I don’t know what you call it. Just some kind of, like, crazy Crop. Prop corpse. Thank you. That’s the best way to put it.   Falls out, and it looks just like it was ripped off of the evil dead. It’s holding like a box that they open up. 

Clip:  What’s this supposed to be? It’s sort of like a parcheesi game or something. I know what this is. I mean, I’ve never seen one like this before. It’s a Ouija board. Ouija board? That sounds stupid. They’re rich. This must belong to you. But there’s something missing.   It’s supposed to come with a, there. That’s the thing that fell out of the box on the shelf. Well, how do you play? Don’t you need dice or something? You don’t play. The Ouija board is a tool for communication. 

Todd:  Communication with mood. 1 of the girls who seems to know a lot about Ouija starts just spewing out of the the Wikipedia page on we on Ouija boards. And and, and then this is the point at which bless them for trying. The filmmakers trying to make a connection between these 2 separate stories. But at this point, our crypt keeper man, it’s like he’s possessing her. It looks like he’s trying to take control. And we get these odd close ups of his forehead. Like, his forehead is like there’s a vein pulsing in his forehead or maybe his head’s about to split open, and that goes nowhere.   Like, that just kinda happens and then that’s it. But then she turns into a deadite. I mean that’s the best way to describe it. Yeah. 

Craig:  There’s no other way to describe it. I mean that’s exactly what it is. It’s so silly to even talk about the plot because really from that point on, it’s just everybody else gets scared. And so then they start running around the house and then we get an hour of them separated, just running around the house and running into different things. And, like, at some points they’ll be really, really scared, and then at some points it’s just like they’re just hanging out. Yeah. Like a couple of ones that I remember and there’s no I’m not even gonna try to be linear in talking about this plot, it’s so dumb. But Duke and his girl, whoever Linda, I guess is her name, at some point they end up in a basement and Duke’s like, hey, I’m super horny, let’s do it.   Like, what? Like, you’re running you’re running for your life from, like, these demons, that you wanna take the time to bone in the basement of this creepy house. He even, like, he even throws a sheet over his head, I think, and says, oh, 

Clip:  look at me and poop the horny ghost. 

Craig:  Like, seriously? And and then and then the crown jewel of this movie, Linda is laying down on the ground, and she even says, like, it feels so good to lay down. Like, oh my Todd. And and and then these okay. So, like, these, zombie arms come out from the ground around her and grab her, and she gets up, and these creatures start to come up from under the ground. And we’ve already seen we’ve already had some Night of the Living Dead moments with people coming up out of the cemetery outside the house and and whatnot. But these are different. These are like these big, like, swamp thing monsters that come out. On IMDB, they refer to them as the muck monsters.   But they come out and then it’s just 2 minutes of them walking around farting. Every step they take is a fart noise. Oh my gosh. 

Todd:  It’s it’s hard to believe that that made it into the final cut of the movie. 

Craig:  It’s so silly and stupid and then the way that they kill them is that they realize somehow that they dissolve if they’re exposed to wine. So like they’re in this wine cellar and Linda, like, takes an axe and, like, axes wine barrel, and all this Wine just pours out. The if this movie had just been a series of those type of incidents, I would have applauded it and said, that’s hilarious. That’s funny. I see what you’re going for. But because they tried to put other stuff in and make it more than that and give it more of a cohesive plot, I’m like, nope. You lost me. This is just stupid.   Like, I’m done. 

Todd:  And the special effects are good. I mean, for for the eighties, the special effects alright. Well, I’m not gonna say they’re all good, but I’m gonna say there is a lot that went into them. Like those creatures, there’s one of the girls gets, gets attacked in a I think it’s the woman with the terrible British accent. 

Craig:  Yeah. Adrian, the smoking asshole. 

Todd:  The smoking British asshole. Her her her boyfriend or whatever dies or or husband or whoever it was. And then it’s like ghoulies, these these creatures 

Craig:  Yes. 

Todd:  Out. They look cool, though, but they’re like water creatures because they have like a they’re almost like giant nasty tadpoles because they have, like, a back to them, and they’re all dripping with slime. And they come at her from around the room, and it’s totally obvious that they only have, like, one of these puppets because they never show more than 1 at a time. And she’ll, like like, kill 1 or throw something over 1, and then another one will pop up that, you know, just just like the first. And, it’s it’s kind of a goofy scene, but, but those were cool creatures. They were better. 

Craig:  Yeah. I I know what you mean. When when you say good special effects and I scoff at that, I I know what you mean because it’s all very practical and in all honesty, you can tell that a lot of work went into these practical effects. Do they look great and real? Not necessarily. There’s a lot of like heads like expanding and glowing and like splitting into like vagina foreheads and things like from a practical perspective, yeah, I can tell a lot of work went into it. I could tell that there were people, you know, like pumping air into these faces or masks or whatever and they were passionate about what they were doing. It Todd doesn’t age well. I get it and I’m down for it.   It’s just that the the movie is so dumb overall that I’m just not very forgiving. 

Todd:  Well, you know, you always talk about x y z would be a good movie to have on the background during Halloween. Do you think this movie is one of those? 

Craig:  Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Because it’s it’s silly, you know, it’s silly but it’s Todd, God. I don’t even wanna say it’s fun. Like, I don’t even wanna give this movie any credit because it I it’s really, really bad. But, yes, if you were walking through a haunted house and this movie was playing on screens sporadically, Yeah, there’s some neat stuff to look at. Just in the context for me, it just doesn’t work. And again, I can’t say enough.   If it had just been the movie that the filmmakers originally wanted to make, I think what they were going for was off the wall, weird stuff all the time, and I would have just preferred to see that. Like, don’t give me too much of a storyline. Don’t give me this dumbass storyline about this, like, Frankenstein who’s trying to keep this young bride who’s not interested in him. Just show me the monsters. Show me the Asian lady who pops out of nowhere and then turns out to be, like, this mistress of the evil spiders, and then he kinda turns into this weird demon spider and kills that annoying comedian guy. Like, yeah, those parts I can appreciate on their own. And if I guess what I’m saying is I the plot is dumb. Like just get the plot out of there.   What you said from the very beginning was whoever was behind this initially was just get a bunch of teenagers in a house and kill them off with a bunch of different monsters. I’m down with that part. It’s the rest of it that just ruins the whole thing. 

Todd:  Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean there’s that one scene where they all get to where they’re like 4 of them left. I think this is before the comedian gets into the evil spider lair. He’s like the only one who’s off. The older guy and his girlfriend or whatever, and then it’s, Duke or whatever and his girlfriend, It’s another one of those moments where they’ve all just escaped something terrible, so they all Todd to talk about it. And they’re all real calm about it. And then Duke, for no reason, starts a fight with this other guy, and we get this Yeah. 

Craig:  For no reason. 

Todd:  We get this really lame, long, drawn out fight scene where they’re punching each and it’s like every punch, like, sends somebody, like, careening across the room and against the banister and onto the wall. And then they’re, like, in another room, and they’re fighting, and the girls just walk in. Oh, doody doody do. You guys should really stop. And, Yeah. 

Craig:  We should really stop this. Yeah. And then, 

Todd:  like, the door slams behind him. But in this room, for no really good reason, there’s a big statue of, like, the grim reaper. And Yeah. Which looks totally out of place in the room because it there’s just, like, a table and some chairs, and that’s it. And the magician chants something else, and the grim reaper’s light eyes light up. And this is a okay. This is one of the more low rent aspects of the special effects where it’s clearly just a guy in a costume with glowing eyes. Right.   He’s coming after them, and he’s swinging his act. They end up on the roof. They’ve run out the window onto the roof, and they’re going down this roof that goes along the side of the second floor of the house, and they’re it’s just lined with windows. There are, like, 6 or 7 windows along the edge of this roof. And as this green river climbs out of the window and starts menacingly going towards them, they’re trying every window along the roof to try to get back. 

Craig:  Yeah. I also loved that part because a major part of the premise of the movie is that they haven’t been able to get out of the house. Yeah. And now all of a sudden now all of a sudden, they can just crawl out on the roof. Yeah. 

Todd:  But the way they dispatch him is fantastic. 1 one guy just runs up to him and grabs him. You know, they’re wrestling with the, with the scythe or whatever in his hand, and he just throws this guy off the the Grim Reaper off the roof. He and he explodes upon impact with the ground. Like, not just not a little explosion, like a car exploded. Exploded. Yeah. And and they go back in. 

Craig:  Yeah. And then they go back in. Yeah. Oh, gosh. You know, and there’s all kinds of these little moments that are kinda like there’s one monster that’s kinda like octopussy and, like, it can, like, but it’s also, like, an electric octopus. Oh, yeah. You can, like, electrocute people. 

Todd:  And it’s got, like, an exposed heart that beats. They’re, like, they’re throwing the kitchen sink in here with all with all these monsters and special effects. 

Craig:  And I’m I’m I’m cool with that. That’s that’s fun. And, like, I there’s the the the random Asian I already mentioned her, but I she’s worth another mention. The random Asian lady that just shows up. And, like, of course, they just do that shot where it’s like the light is just lighting her eyes, and she’s like, hello, come here. I will help you. 

Todd:  And the Camille is like, okay, I guess I might as well. 

Craig:  Right. And then she goes through a huge transformation where she turns into this crazy spider beast. And, like, that’s kind of fun. It was awesome. 

Todd:  Oh, don’t come on. Give that give that effect some credit. That was a killer effect for its time. 

Craig:  I know. I do. I do. I mean, it’s a little bit Jason and the Argonauts or those movies that our dads watched, you know, like, where it’s like where it’s like slow kind of stop motion kind of and it’s not stop motion. It’s just that’s just kind of what it looked like. But ultimately pretty cool. And and meanwhile, we’re leaving out okay, so you have to know, you have to know that it it it’s clearly 2 movies. So you’ve got the kids being chased around by monsters.   There’s, there’s the first movie. There’s Twisted Souls. And then you’ve got all this other stuff that’s supposedly going on around. But the stuff that’s going on around is just this crypt keeper kind of narrating things going on and he’s got this bright or whatever. But then he’s also got, like, these other minions. Like, there’s we we mentioned from the beginning with Billy and this weird thing that’s chasing him around. I I guess he’s supposed to be a werecat. The cryptkeeper guy calls him Kitty, which I thought was freaking hilarious.   And, like, he’s he’s like Igor in Frankenstein. Like, he’s always just creeping around the corners. And so, like, they try to incorporate him into every scene even though he never interacts with anybody else ever until the very, very end. So you just see him sneaking around all the time. Like 

Todd:  gleefully closes and opens doors. 

Craig:  Right. Right. And not only that, but he’s everywhere. Like, every time you see a scene, he’s, like, hanging around opening and closing doors. But then he’s also always with the Craig keeper guy. Yeah. Like, how is he everywhere at one time? It doesn’t make sense. And then at some point, the crypt keeper guy, Todd, is like 

Clip:  Why must you resist? There’s no escape. Your future no longer belongs to you. It belongs to us. Dior, don’t touch me. Can’t you see I’ve always hated you? Is that anybody? Doctor Zabaza have your children? Children? What do you mean children? We have only one child. Oh, I know my darling. We have many children. My god.   What have you done? 

Craig:  And this kid, this poor, they they they bring in this poor child actor who they, like, threw this monk’s habit on, and, like, these these terrible, like, Bubba teeth and put gray makeup all over his face, and he’s supposed to be, like, the sun. And he doesn’t do anything really. Like, I don’t even understand what his purpose was, but he’s hilarious to see. 

Todd:  I kept expecting him just to hold out a bag and go trick or treat. 

Craig:  Yeah. Oh oh, man. 

Todd:  I think I had a costume like that one Halloween. 

Craig:  Yeah. As terrible as it was, like, I thought, oh, man. I wish I were that kid. I bet it would have been fun to hang out on that set. 

Todd:  But the bride runs away, and it makes no sense because at first, you think they’re on the well, they gotta be like on the second floor of this house and some room that nobody’s discovered yet, but it’s this huge, like, cavernous room. And 1 you know, you see one side of the room, and it looks kind of like a parlor, you know, like Dracula’s lair. And then when it shows the other side of the room, it almost looks like there’s a portal to the outside. It’s kind of misty and smoky, and there are vines and green things. And she runs out through that, like, sort of stony arch. And then she ends up running through what appears to be the basement at times, but then at other times is like a forest or a cave. And she encounters this witch that, jumps up behind her, but it’s not like a person dressed as a witch. It’s another one of these creature effects. 

Craig:  Were you talking about the giggle witch? Yeah. Yes. 

Todd:  Yes. I’m talking about the giggle witch. 

Craig:  The giggle, which was one of my favorite because she, she kind of looked like something that you would buy at Walmart to hang on your door at Halloween. 

Todd:  Yeah. But just somebody attached 

Clip:  a little 

Todd:  more articulation to it. Yeah. 

Craig:  It was that’s the kind of thing that my dad gets a big kick out of. Like like, you hang it on the door and, like, it has a motion sensor so when the kids come up to the door, it’s like And it starts vibrating. Oh, god. The Giggle Witch was one of my favorites. So then she runs outside. And again, like, they’re not supposed to be able to get out, so I don’t know how she got out. But Oh, 

Todd:  no. She hasn’t go outside yet. First, she says, I know what I have to do, and she gets an ice pick. And this ice pick is so bizarre because we’ve seen this ice pick. Like, this ice pick originally came out of Billy’s bag. And I don’t know why this kid running away from home thought to pack his ice pick along with him. That was how one of the demons had grabbed one of those. And then I guess she found it just up on a ledge somewhere, and she hides it.   And so she comes to, you know, old wizard man and starts to pretend like, okay, I love you now. And he leans her over, the coffin for a kiss, And then she stabs him in the forehead, and he falls forward. And then she runs out onto the roof, like you said earlier, that we that we saw them run out. It it’s like the same window too, so none of this makes any sense. And she climbs down the vines, of the trellis outside the outside the house. And then we get subjected to a good solid 10 minutes of her just rolling around on the ground being pawed at by zombies. 

Craig:  Wasn’t this the longest scene you’ve ever seen like? Like, they these zombies, like, they chase her for a while, and then they catch her, and then they rip her dress off. Like, she’s been wearing this wedding dress the whole time, and they rip it off. But and then she runs, and then they catch her, and then she runs, and then they catch her. And it seriously goes on for, like, 10 minutes. Like, it’s so long. I thought I knew. I was like, oh, it’s the eighties, so they’re gonna rip her clothes all the way off, and she’s gonna run around with her boobs out. But she didn’t even.   Like, there was one point where they were ripping her dress off that I thought maybe her boobs are coming out. I don’t even know. That just may have been I don’t wanna I don’t wanna say wishful thinking because I don’t really care that I you know, maybe wishful expectations wishful expectations for an eighties movie. Damn it. No. 

Todd:  Thwarted again. Like, this movie can’t get that right. It’s so incompetent. Don’t you know there’s supposed to be nudity? There’s no nudity in this film. 

Craig:  Okay. So by this point, we’re like an hour and 20 in, and I know there’s only like 5 minutes of the movie left. So I’m like, okay, what’s gonna happen? So she runs and she finds this random car and the zombies are just like lurking behind her, like not even pursuing her anymore. They’re just like, ah. And she gets in the car and I’m like, how is this lady who’s been dead for 

Todd:  70 days. 

Craig:  Who knows how many like, yeah. 

Todd:  Yeah. 

Craig:  She drives, I guess. And there’s a hilarious shot where, like, I feel like it was really ambitious. Like, she had to jump down off this platform onto the car, and then she was supposed to, like, swing herself in through the window, but she totally misses it. Like, like she tries to swing herself in, but she, she, she loses her grip and, like, she falls out on the So like so like just her legs are in the car window. But somehow she crawls her way back into the window. And she’s just in this car. And then this rando guy shows up and is like, hey. What are you doing in my car? 

Todd:  The bigger question is, what is your car doing out here, and why are you hanging around? 

Craig:  Lady, what are you doing to my car? She’s like, help me. So he gets in, and they start to drive away at, like, 5 miles an hour. 

Todd:  That’s right. 

Craig:  Like they’re just taking a stroll through the woods. And they they stop and she’s like, oh, thank Todd. I never thought I’d get away. It’s so nice to meet a nice stranger. And he’s like, I’m not a stranger. Didn’t you know I’ve loved you forever? And, like, it cuts back to him and he’s the wear cat guy. 

Todd:  Which still makes no sense. 

Craig:  No. I have no idea who this guy is or where he’s supposed to be. 

Todd:  Is there supposed to be a love triangle going on between the magician, this girl, and the werecat guy? 

Craig:  Just have a deal at the end. I guess. And then and then okay. So then, like, it just cuts to, like, a lot of rumbling at the house and, like, that pulsating grave that we saw from the beginning bursts open, and the evil wizard necromancer pops out of it. I don’t understand. Was he supposed to be dead and in there the whole time? Like, I I I I have no idea what’s going on. He bursts out and is like, and then you get a, a cut of the kid in the Halloween costume with the big teeth giggling. And then it’s over.   Like it. Yeah. I had no idea what was going on because by my count, there were still, like, 3 of those people still alive in the house. 

Todd:  Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Like, we just forget about them. And and we’d never even cared about this woman and the this bride in the first place. So, you know but but that just begs the question. What was the original ending to Twisted Souls? What happens? 

Craig:  I I really am just kind of at a loss for what to say. I didn’t enjoy this movie. It was frankly kind of painful to watch. Now, there were parts of it like the effects that I enjoyed. And some of them were so bad, but I feel like in the right context, it could have been so bad it’s good. I wish that whoever took over would have just left it alone because I think then it could have been so bad it’s good. Putting in all the the evil magician and the bride and the were cat and the Halloween costume boy, it just detracted from the evil dead, ghoulies, millions of things they were trying to mash up. And even though some of those effects were so bad, like going all the way back to the beginning when Carol turned into the dead egg, there were sometimes when her makeup looked okay, and there were sometimes when she was clearly just in a latex mask, and like her mouth didn’t even move when she was talking, like It was so bad and I think that I would have appreciated that more if they hadn’t messed with it.   I would have liked to have seen, Let’s just get a bunch of assholes in a house and have them taken out by a random assortment of monsters. That part was fun. The rest of it just felt trite and stupid and, like, they were trying too hard, and I didn’t need that additional story. It didn’t add anything. It was boring, and, like, I walk away from it just thinking, why? I don’t care. I don’t care about this wizard. I don’t care about his bride. Like, it was just dumb. 

Todd:  Yeah. I feel the same way. You know, people online will say, oh, this is hilarious. It’s this madcap romp. You just go with it and whatever. I I had a very hard time going with it. It just I would I felt like it was painful as well. Apparently, the very first cut of this of Twisted Souls was 2 and a half hours long. 

Craig:  And Holy crap. 

Todd:  Yeah. And it and it would apparently move very slow. And the Michael Bell, this producer, got so excited that he showed it to a distributor, Golden Harvest, which is a major film company in Hong Kong. And the filmmakers were like, no. No. No. No. No.   No. No. No. No. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. And he did it. And, of course, the distributor said, well, we’re not interested in it, you know, because it’s too slow for our market.   And so this guy just turned around and was like, the movie sucks. Blah blah blah. It needs to be cut. It needs to be cut. You know? Whereas the these filmmakers are going, yeah. We know that. It’s a rough cut. That was the whole point.   You’re not supposed to show it to people. Now the original filmmakers had an almost 90 minute cut trimmed down. And when they were kicked off the project, they thought that whoever came in after them was just gonna add a little bit of extra animation. They they felt the movie was pretty much done, and it was this new crew that came in. They ended up cutting it down, and when they trimmed the fat from the film, they ended up had 45 minutes. 

Craig:  Mhmm. 

Todd:  That was what they had deemed, was usable that they had to add additional stuff to. Basically, kept all the creature effects and very little else. So clearly the movie’s been messed with, and unfortunately, no existing original print of of even this film is known to exist. So as far as getting, like, a nice cleaned up version, as far as getting, like, what the original twisted souls could have been, we’ll probably never see that, which is kind of a shame. But, yeah, I I would love to be kinder to this film. I really would. The best I can say to it is if you were to cut it down even more, say Todd, like, 20 minutes by cutting out everything in between all the monster effects and just string the monster effects back to back. I mean, this movie probably made an awesome trailer.   Right? The trailer for this movie probably 

Craig:  Oh, yeah. Yeah. 

Todd:  Like gangbusters. Right now, like you said, it feels like watching people go through a haunted house and and not particularly interested people. 

Craig:  Right. And and and, like, if you get off on bad movies, like, if if that’s your thing, like, if you like bad horror movies, then by all means. I mean, this it’s it’s I I, you know, I I don’t know what to say because I like those sometimes too. You know, we just we’ve watched a couple movie movies lately, where it’s been kinda so bad it’s good or at least it really had heart and we appreciated it and maybe that’s it. You know, I think that the the 2 guys who were trying to make Twisted Souls, I think they did have heart and I think that they had a love of horror and and they were going for something madcap. And I think that if we had just gotten their vision, that it wouldn’t have been a lot of fun. But unfortunately, it it got messed with, and and I think that was a big mistake. But like you said, and I do say it all the time, I’m like a broken record, You know, at a Halloween party, throw this on, you know, in a room where people are just gonna be hanging out and talking and drinking and not, you know, not there to watch the movie, but every once in a while, you’re gonna see some fun things, some fun practical effects and and and terrible acting.   And that’s funny Todd. You know? Like, that’s terrible acting is funny if you don’t have to sit down and watch it for an hour and a half. Yeah. There’s there’s, like, a limit. 

Todd:  You know? We’ve seen a lot of films, whether they have hard or not, that at least there’s a linear structure to it. At least they’re not terribly confusing. They may not make a lot of sense, but at least they’re going in a particular direction, or at least you can see the the attempt behind it. Whereas this movie just feels like a big jumbled mess, and that’s why it’s just not entertaining to sit and try to watch from beginning to end. 

Craig:  The acting is so bad and the writing is so bad in some parts of it that I I wish that I had pointed to more specific examples. At one point, the comedian Rich says 

Clip:  Either kill me or get me the hell out of here. 

Todd:  I gotta take a leak. 

Craig:  Like like, these are the kinds of lines you’re dealing with in this movie. And that’s freaking hilarious. That’s hilarious. Even and it’s delivered so bad. Like, this guy is just, like, pop eyed the whole oh, gosh. 

Todd:  How about when he’s walking around upstairs and he trips and falls and makes this huge deal over it? It’s an electrical cord, you idiot. Oh, my god. 

Clip:  I thought I bought the farm that time. Scared the hell out of me. Are you alright? Oh, yeah. Sure. I’m fine. I haven’t met the electrical cord yet. They can get the best I made. 

Craig:  Oh, gosh. Well, now see folks, there’s fun to be had with this movie, And that’s about the best I can say for it, really. I I’m not gonna be watching it again. I’m not gonna be watching it again, but, you know, by all means, give it a shot. See what you think. 

Todd:  Well, thanks again for listening to another episode. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend. You can like us on Facebook. We have a page there. You can find, this episode as well as many other back episodes on iTunes, on Google Play, and on Stitcher. Please send us a note. Let us know what you think of Spookies, as well as any films you’d like us to review in the future. Until that time, I’m Todd. 

Craig:  And I’m Craig. 

Todd:  2 Guys and a Chainsaw.