Sint (2011)

Episode 60, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys in a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: And today, of course, we are continuing our 2010 Dutch movie. Sint, also known as Saint. Now, uh, I used to own and operate an independent movie theater, and we were open in 2011, and this movie came out, of course, in 2010, as I just said.

And we, this was one of our offerings, uh, during 2011 Christmastime. During our extreme movie, uh, week. We, we would do extreme movies every, every week. On, uh, I think it was Wednesday nights or Tuesday nights or something like that. And so around Christmastime, it just seemed very appropriate to do this. I was really excited to see, uh, something that looked like a, High budget, killer Santa Claus movie because, again, as we said last week, very little out there, um, that’s good.

You’ve got the Silent Night, Deadly Night series and some really crappy stuff. Um, although I think we enjoyed Krampus that we, uh, that we did last year as well. And I expected this to fall a little bit in line with Krampus. This is the second time I’d seen it, um, so I hadn’t seen it in the last five years.

And I remembered it a little bit better, I think, than I ended up seeing it today. Um, I think Krampus kind of Whomped it. In many ways. Yeah. But, uh, anyway, Craig, had you ever heard of this movie or seen it before? 

Craig: I had not. Um, I may have heard of it because the poster art looked really familiar, um, but I had not seen it before.

This was, uh, my first time around. And, um, This is a foreign film. It was filmed in Amsterdam, and, uh, I was unable to get the, uh, the, the version, uh, that’s subtitled. All I had to go on was, um, the dubs, and so, uh, you and I may have different experience on this based on which version we watched, because I’m assuming you watched the, uh, subtitled version, right?

I did, yes. Yeah, and I would have much preferred to. When it comes to foreign films, foreign language films, um, I typically prefer to read the subtitles, um, because even if I can’t understand what the actors are saying, um, I still like to get a sense of their performance and the way that they’re emoting and, and all that stuff.

And when you have other voice actors dub, uh, English over, The performances a lot of times I think things are not only lost in translation when it comes to the language But some things are lost in translation when it comes to tone and delivery, too So I think you and I may have some differing opinions on this one 

Todd: now So did the dubbing was it good?

I guess is what I’m asking. No 

Craig: No, no, it was actually really really painfully bad Um And I don’t really know how to describe it other than it was just really bad. Like the voices didn’t even match what the characters look like. For example, the movie opens, um, well, first of all, there’s a title card and there’s a quote that said, your parents have told you that he doesn’t exist.

And, you know, I knew what type of movie we were getting into here. So, um, I, you know, I kind of knew what to expect. And it opens up in 1492 AD. Um, on December 5th and we get that, you know, um, on screen and there’s a full moon and a ship and we see what I presume is the original St. Nick on a white horse and he’s got kind of all these goons with him and they’re, um, they’re going through this little village that I assume is, Amsterdam, 1492, um, and uh, they are collecting goods that have been left outside the village doors, and they’re terrorizing the people.

Um, and they leave a list on the church door that says, provide the following on the full moon. Gold, silver, meat, virgins, pigs, fur, uh, wax. And then it’s signed, Nicholas. Um, and so they raid this town, but then the townspeople get angry and revolt. And they come, the townspeople come to where the ship is docked, Uh, and they kill all the guards, and they burn the ship, and we see Nicholas burning as well.

And then it jumps to 1968 again on December 5th. And, um, we’re in what appears to be a farmhouse and there are kids singing and there’s a St. Nick commercial on TV. Um, but we also, as the mother is putting away things in the kitchen, we see kind of a scary burned, charred face looking at her from behind the pantry.

The oldest boy is sent out to take care of the pigs. And this was the first time, you know, this is a little boy. I would guess he was probably. Um, but the voice actor had this really, really deep manly voice like they didn’t even bother to go with a child’s voice. And it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it’s something that just really pulls you out.

And. And it was like that consistently throughout. Later on in the movie, there is, um, this like police goon. I never really understood who he was supposed to be, but he’s this big hulking man. Um, and his voice, it almost sounded like they had just recorded some, um, normal guy’s voice. And then they had tried to using technology, make it lower and deeper.

And, and it sounds almost like they just kind of slowed the track down a little bit to try to get a difference in pitch. And it, it just was really strange. It created this really weird effect. And, um, and, and just even beyond that, all of the characters, it wasn’t good voice acting. You know, I don’t even know if I believe that these voice actors, if English was their first language, I mean, it didn’t really seem like it.

So, um, I don’t know. So that, that pulled me out. Anyway, in that scene, um, we basically see this house, uh, terrorized by what I guess now is the spirit of Nicholas and his, um, little cronies, um, and, and, and the kids are, are pulled up the chimney. The dad is attacked, you know, with some, um, I don’t remember. He stabbed through the head, I think with something.

And, um, because the boy is outside, he does not experience all the carnage, but he sees St. Nick and the elves or whatever they are on the roof. And when he goes into the house, he sees all the carnage and his dying mom with her eyes and tongue cut out, um, scare him. Uh, and then we cut to. Present day, uh, Amsterdam.

And that’s where the, the, the plot of the movie basically picks up. Uh, but you know, I didn’t like this movie because I, I just felt like they laid out what the premise was. And then there just really wasn’t much more to it. Like, okay, here’s the premise. We’ve got an evil St. Nick. He shows up every, I don’t know what they said, like every 32 years or something.

Every time there’s a full moon on December the 5th and he terrorizes the town and kills a bunch of people and takes, um, naughty children and, and puts them on his ship and takes them back to Spain. And they’re never heard from again. And, And then we just see that happen. Like, there aren’t really any plot twists.

There’s not really, I thought, I hated All of the characters, like they were all super obnoxious and they had no endearing qualities, whatever. And, uh, so I don’t know. I mean, I watched the whole thing and, you know, I already talked, I kind of skimmed over it and you may want to go back and talk about it in more detail, but like that first, um, attack scene at the farmhouse, um, it’s violent and, and bloody, and I thought that the whole movie was well filmed and it looked good.

I just didn’t, I just didn’t, I don’t, I didn’t like the characters, I didn’t like the story. Um, so, what are your thoughts? 

Todd: I, I would have to agree with you. I, I would say hate. Um, but I agree that I feel like they really squandered, uh, what was a great setup. You have to understand the Dutch, uh, tradition of Saint Nicholas.

It’s a little different from ours. Uh, it looks, um, it’s, it’s Saint Nicholas was a bishop at one time. It’s, And he comes back on Chris on around this time of year. And the kids also leave things out for him as well. Just like we would leave milk and cookies out for St. Nick. And I think traditionally they would leave their wooden shoes out the door and then Santa would fill the shoes with goodies and treats and things, which must be maybe a little bit where our stocking tradition comes from.

There’s also the coming down the chimney thing, but Santa has a helper named Zuarte Pete. And Zwarte Piet is unfortunately like a, um, African, it’s an African pygmy. And, you know, this wouldn’t necessarily be a problem, except, What they do then over there is dress up in blackface as Zwarte P. So you, the Dutch tradition of Santa Claus anyway is mired in this uncomfortable, for to modern day audiences, it’s uncomfortable sense of things.

And so when I first saw this and Zwarte P character first came in, I was like, what in the world, why are these people dressing up in blackface? This is really strange. Um, until I went out and researched and learned a little bit more about it. So. I like the idea that the, there’s a, that Santa Claus isn’t always murderous.

This isn’t like a murderous Santa Claus, a guy who dresses up as Santa Claus and kills people. This is actually Santa Claus. This isn’t Krampus, which is a creature that exists alongside and parallel with Santa Claus. But this is this idea that this murderous Bishop Saint comes back every 32 years. And so Santa Claus is not nice for those, It’s a little unrealistic that that would happen every 32 years and they would just completely cover it up every time and that’s what the movie basically presents to you.

And I guess this murderous bishop doesn’t come to every place, it just comes to Amsterdam, it just comes to the city, uh, where he was dispatched, apparently. And then, the way that they have Zwarte Piet incorporated into the legend is that when the saint and all of his cronies, which almost are like pirates in a way, are all burned up on their ship back in 1492 by the villagers, they all come back black and charred.

And so, it’s an interesting twist on the Dutch legend and gives a nice little, lays out nice little reasons for everything. Yeah. So you’ve got a neat setup, I think. And then, as you said, really poor execution. Because, you’re right, it just doesn’t work. Plays it out, and there isn’t even much tension. There isn’t even a lot of The scenes where we do get gore and the scenes where we do have killings and things are pretty intense themselves But there aren’t many of them right?

Right. Right. There’s a chase sequence in here that’s kind of half assed, I would say. I mean, there’s a chase that goes on, but he kind of gets away because he’s Supernatural Santa. And the way that it ends is that, well, you know, they haven’t really dispatched him. Uh, they think they have, but apparently they haven’t, which leaves all kinds of questions.

I guess we’ll get to that as well, but You’re right. I feel the same way. I feel like it’s a movie with a great setup, a great potential, and it just totally got squandered on this very pedestrian kind of plot. And the acting, I’ll tell you from my, from my perspective, the acting wasn’t, wasn’t horrible.

Again, when you’re watching foreign films, you have to make adjustments in your mind, like, well, is this just that style of acting? Like, you, man, you watch a Japanese movie or you watch a Chinese movie, you gotta get used to hammy. Acting and overblown stuff for a lot of modern day films at least and uh, this movie Maybe there was a little bit of that But they came across more or less as realistic and I’ll tell you the voice of that one guy you were talking about the older beefier Yeah, yeah.

Who seems to get pulled in like a, like a hitman for some things or whatever. Um, he sounded very similar to what you described as well. 

Clip: Problems? Can you find Goert Hoekstra? Goert? Is he with Wenegang? I, um, would like to speak to him. Doesn’t seem like a problem. And be a little, uh, 

Todd: discreet. So. I don’t know if that is actually the actor’s voice, or they changed it for us too, or maybe they had the original actor with that really distinct voice go through and dub things in English as well, and that’s what you heard.

But yeah, that was, that was a little jarring as well. Very strange voice that guy had, if that is indeed his voice and not some modified thing. 

Craig: Yeah, I mean, like you said, it squanders opportunity and in comparison, you know, there are good Evil Santa movies and there are bad ones. Um, and there’s a place for both.

I mean, we talk about this all the time. You know, there’s times when you want to kind of goof on a movie and, you know, you don’t want to have to think too hard, but At least in the good ones, like, you know, we reviewed, uh, Krampus and, um, we also did Rare Exports, Rare Imports, whatever, yeah, and, and in both of those, I, I liked them both very much, and in both of those, you had characters to root for, you had characters that you cared about, and, and you cared about the fact that they were in peril, and here, you don’t, there, there is nobody like that, there’s nobody to root for, I mean, everybody’s pretty terrible.

Um, when we, when we jumped to present day, it opens up in this high school class where apparently they’re doing some kind of secret Santa tradition. And I understand that, um, I’ve been to Amsterdam and their sensibilities are very different there. You know, they’ve got prostitutes in the windows on the street and, and, you know, they’re, they’re very, um, liberal, let’s say.

And, but, you know, I teach high school too, and this high school class, they’re doing Secret Santa, and they’re like, giving, and like, they get up in front of the class, and like, read a poem that their Secret Santa has written for them, in preparation for opening the gift, and then they open the gift in front of everybody, and the first girl who we see, she reads this, this poem, that at least the English translation was, was, overtly sexual.

Um, and then her, her gift was this giant purple dildo. And like everybody laughs, ha ha. That’s so funny. And the teacher makes a joke. He’s like, Oh, six dildos that year. That’s one up from last year and everybody cheers. And, um, I don’t know. I’m just like, is that real? Is that, is that how things are in Amsterdam?

Is this supposed to be comedy? Because if it is, it’s not really, Landing, right? And again, maybe that’s something that’s lost in translation. I don’t know. And then the next person who, um, gets up in front of the room is this guy. He gets called up. There’s a, there’s a gift for him and his name’s Frank. Um, and his box, it talks about how your, his poem talks about like how he cheated on his girlfriend or whatever.

And that’s why he’s getting this gift. And it, it ends up just being a bunch of his stuff. Like his girlfriend, um, Sophie, who’s also in the class. Is, is dumping him in front of everybody and returning all of his stuff and, and all that kind of stuff. Um, and, and so he’s, we get the idea that maybe he’s kind of the main character.

But then school gets out and Sophie starts walking home, um, with a couple of friends. Uh, one of them, Sophie seems like she’s kind of the wild girl. She’s got, she’s really pretty. She’s got this red curly hair. Um, and she’s talking to her friends. One of whom is Lisa, who seems to be kind of the goody goody friend.

Um, and, and she, these three girls are talking about how Sophie doesn’t really care that she and Frank broke up because she’s been cheating on him too for the past couple months. And like, it’s just all really off putting. Like, these characters are presenting themselves and you’re like, These are all pretty terrible people.

Like, Am I supposed to like these people? Cause I don’t. Sophie says to Lisa, do you want to come over tonight? I have to watch my little brother. And, um, the girl’s kind of like, nah, you know, I’ve got to celebrate with my sister. And, uh, Sophie says, well, careful who you open your door for tonight. It might be the evil St.

Nicholas. And she kind of gives us again, this story of how he comes every so many years on the full moon or, or whatever. And so Lisa starts walking off and something falls from the roof of the house. As she’s walking and she looks up and just catches a glimpse of somebody pulling away. Now we know that this is this Pete character, which by the way, in the English dub, they, they call him black Pete, which, which is also, you know, it’s, it’s kind of like, it compares in my mind to people in the South who still, you know, put up lawn jockeys or have like mammy dolls or confederate flags.

You know, there, there’s some of us. Find that to be distasteful. I find that to be distasteful But but but it’s tradition and and some people cling to tradition no matter How bad that tradition might be so I get it, but it does make me um, uncomfortable And then okay, so i’m thinking lisa’s the good girl.

She’s the nice girl, but as she’s walking home Frank jumps out and scares her and we find out that the girl that frank has been cheating with is this girl So even the nice Sweet character is a slut Who’s sleeping with her her best friend’s boyfriend and and so there’s just nobody to root for and So I don’t care, you know I’m almost I’m almost waiting for them to start getting picked off and I kind of wish that it would have happened sooner 

Todd: Yeah, I guess the the kinder way of saying it is they’re a very sexually liberal group.

Craig: I Guess so and see again, like I said, maybe that’s Maybe I’m just a prudish American. Maybe that’s, maybe that wouldn’t strike them as being scandalous or anything out of the ordinary. I, I really just don’t know, but it was off putting to me. 

Todd: Yeah, no, I agree with you. It’s very strange. Now, quick question.

In your version, then, was, could you confirm that they were in high school? Because I always assumed they were in college. 

Craig: I don’t know. It could have been college, I suppose, but they all still live with their parents. Well, that’s true. Right? Yeah, that’s good. Again, you know, university is different in Europe than it is here.

So I don’t know. I don’t know. I mean, they don’t as as is always the case. They don’t look like high school kids. They look like college kids, but I kind of got the sense that they were maybe like high school seniors. I really don’t know. 

Todd: That’s true, that’s true. It could be, it could be. Either way, you’re right, it is a little off putting, uh, the characters, the way they’re drawn.

And, you’re right, that’s the thing, that’s a problem with all the characters throughout this movie. There’s really, the ones that you even get to know, uh, you don’t really sympathize all that much with or care that much about. No, I completely agree with you there. Um, and then we get to Gert, and Gert is the kid who had been out feeding the pigs while his family got slaughtered, who is now, like, 40 something, or so, and he’s an edgy cop, and he’s getting pulled into the office by his superior, the chief inspector.

And basically said, dude, you need to chill out. You need to take a break about all of this deadly Santa stuff. You’re scaring everybody. And, uh, and he has a report like a big thick report on his desk that Gert has given him that is his whole expose on this deadly Santa and Gert is basically trying to encourage him to take all these measures to protect everybody this year, because it’s going to be a full moon.

Gert knows from personal experience that that means that murderous Santa is coming. And so, he says, you’re gonna have to take a break, I’m putting you on leave for, like, a month or two. And go out and enjoy the holidays. Gert gets angry and storms off. So, so we get that little bit, which sets that aspect up, and then we jump immediately to a boat.

And there’s a boat patrol, kind of like the Coast Guard, I guess, out in the bay, or I shouldn’t say bay, but yeah, basically out there in the water. And, uh, they see on the radar, uh, some blip coming in and they’re surprised because it’s extremely foggy. There shouldn’t be other ships out here, especially not one this big coming in so fast and boom, this giant, we see just.

The giant bulk of a ship kind of tear through them and then that’s the end of that scene 

Craig: It was a good scare though. I have to say that I jumped when when the ship, uh came so quickly out of the fog And just you know obliterated the other ship

And that’s the thing. I mean, there are a few good scares. And like you said, I think you said some of the effects are good. I mean, it’s, it’s a lot of CGI. Um, I tend to prefer practical effects, but it’s not terrible CGI. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible. Um, and it is, you know, it’s, it’s bloody and, and, and violent.

And so if you like that in your horror movies, there’s at least that. 

Todd: Well, and as you said, this is a well made film. I mean, it clearly has some dollars behind it, uh, especially for a Dutch film, apparently. Uh, but, and, and, yeah, so it, it really has all of the appearance of a really high quality production that just doesn’t come through in the script and the characters.

Um, Gert goes out on patrol. He’s just gonna drive around the neighborhood looking for the Santa to see if he can stop him. Um, Sophie is at home building a fire. She has a brother, Timothy, who is, uh, super nervous, who’s in bed, who’s worried about the, the Santa legend. And she tries to set him at ease. And then she goes back down, she gets on the phone, I think she gets back on the phone with, is it with Lisa?

Right? 

Craig: Yeah, uh huh. 

Todd: Yeah. And, uh, there’s on the roof. Timothy thought he heard something on the roof and that’s kind of why he was nervous instead of excited. And uh, then she sees, you know, stuff kind of falling down the chimney a little bit, the fire’s out. And so she pokes her head up around there and then on Lisa’s end of the line we hear a scream.

And Lisa, who must live just down the street, uh, runs right on over. And discovers her dead, uh, she has, basically her body is hanging in the chimney upside down. Which seems to be a thing, right? I mean, haven’t we seen that body hanging upside down in the chimney an awful lot? And not just in Santa movies.

Like, how do you even do that, right? How do you I mean You’ve gotta I guess a chimney always gets a little narrower, so there’s a way to shove somebody up there, but then you’ve gotta shove them up sorta halfway so that they’re still kinda hanging, but not touching the ground, and it just seems like a lot of work.

Like a lot of effort. Ha ha ha 

Craig: ha ha! Yeah, yeah. And, uh, I don’t know. And, and the fact that, you know, they just left, why all of a sudden are they interested in concealing the bodies? I guess just so there can be a nice jump scare for us when she, when, when Lisa looks in there and she falls down. Um, I don’t know.

It didn’t bother me. It was fine. But like you said, it was really typical. You know, there was nothing, nothing creative or unique, um, about it. And, and that, that It’s kind of disappointing. Meanwhile, Frank and a couple of his friends are going to, at first, I thought that he worked like as a mall Santa or something, but that’s not the case.

I don’t think, I think, um, that he and his friends just have a tradition of going to a party. Um, at some point, I think he said it was at a sorority house and he dresses up as St. Nick and his friends dress up as Black Pete’s and he’s all excited because, you know, all these drunk girls are going to be sitting on his lap all night, goofy.

stuff. Um, but they get lost. Their GPS gets them lost somehow and they end up just kind of stranded. They don’t know where they are. I mean, this all takes place in the city. Um, so they’re on well lit streets and whatnot, but one of the black Pete’s has to, uh, take a piss. So he, um, gets out of the car and is like peeing on the side of the street.

And he looks over and sees St. Nick. The evil dead Saint Nick, um, but he’s kind of off in the shadows, uh, a ways off and he’s on a horse. And, um, so the guy who’s peeing waves at him and, um, you know, just thinks he’s a fellow reveler. Um, and then he says, next year, next year, you need to get a couple of black Pete’s.

Um, and he kind of goes back to his business, uh, and then he looks back again and he’s surrounded by these evil black Pete’s. And, um, yeah. I don’t remember if we see him get killed or not, but then Frank and the other friend are in the car. The other friend leans his head out to holler at the guy who hasn’t come back yet.

And he gets like a sickle through the head and gets pulled out. Um, 

Todd: I thought that was cool. 

Craig: Yeah, I did too. I liked this whole scene actually. I mean, there was some, there was some. It was short, unfortunately, but, um, Frank, uh, gets out, not knowing, understanding what’s happening, and all these black peeps start attacking him, and he kind of fights back, and he offs a few of them.

Eventually he’s able to get back in the car and, and, and drives away unscathed, but he gets stopped by the police, who arrest him. him because apparently, um, of course, Lisa and her parents reported the murder of Sophie. And because Sophie had publicly broken up with Frank in school that day, he’s a subject, uh, a suspect.

Um, so they take him in, uh, for, for questioning. 

Todd: It’s worth mentioning. I’m not sure if we said this or not, but, uh, St. Nick is on a horse. Uh, that is, yeah, his thing, and he has this bishop’s staff, so what he gets through the mouth is this evil, it’s, it, Saint Nick would have this bishop’s staff that comes up and just kind of curls around at the top, and this one is much sharper.

It’s almost an icon for the movie actually, I think it’s in the postcard, and it’s in the beginning. It, it, this one curls around, it comes around almost like a sickle, kind of like a knifey sharp. And that’s what pops out through this guy’s mouth, and what he uses, um, to lop heads off of people and stuff like that.

So, yeah, so, uh, they’re trying to link Frank to, uh, Sophie’s murder. In the meantime, the captain, or the chief inspector, calls for this guy that you mentioned earlier, Van Dyke, I think is his name, uh, to find Gert, because he’s starting to have second thoughts. Maybe Gert has something to do with this in some way.

Now, how did he piece that together? Was there something St. Nicholas y about this whole deal? Or was it just because murder, more and more murders were starting to happen that night that we were just kind of hearing about in the background? 

Craig: This is a hole in the script as far as I’m concerned. Um, and again, I, I apologize if there are any of you out there who don’t like us to spoil the ending before we get there.

But, um, as it turns out, the chief of police knows all about this. He and, and the superintendent, the, the, they call them the mayor in the, um, in the English dub, but I don’t think that’s really an appropriate translation. But anyway, the, the government officials, they know, they know about this whole Saint Nick thing and they know that he comes when the moon is full and that he kills people and they’ve been working to cover it up.

So it doesn’t make any sense, really, that. I don’t know. I, I, I, I can’t imagine why he is looking for this guy now or, or sending for him now. It doesn’t make any sense. The, the guy, uh, Gert had given his boss like this whole book of research that he had done, you know, chronicling the history of this and showing it to be true.

And when the guy gets the book, he kind of looks through it and it’s like, he’s looking through it disbelievingly. And so it doesn’t make any sense that he, We find out at the end, he really knows. I don’t know why, um, he’s looking for him. I guess to get him back in the movie. I 

Todd: don’t know. Now, you got the, I, you got the sense that he really knew.

I, I got the sense at the end that the mayor was telling him for the first time. That the mayor knew, but that he didn’t. 

Craig: Well, okay, I guess that could be true. I, I really did get the sense that he knew. But, um, that, that could be. That could be. I don’t know. I don’t know. 

Todd: That’s a 

Craig: good question. Well, there’s also, and again, you know, I don’t know, I, the scriptures isn’t very strong.

You know, there’s a scene, I can’t say it’s unrelated, you know, cause it’s, it’s more St. Nick doing his thing, but there’s a scene in a children’s hospital where the black Pete’s and St. Nick show up and, um, we don’t really see any carnage with the kids. We just see the door of their ward open up and of course all their beds are just all lined up in this long ward.

And they, they look, it’s St. Nick’s kind of. He’s lit from behind, so it’s just silhouette, and we see these kids, when they see him, they sit up in their beds, and they’ve all got these big smiles on their face, which then, when he steps forward, turn to fear, and they, like, hide. We don’t see what happens to them.

At the end of the movie, when the government’s trying to cover everything up, uh, we see that they’re reporting that there was a fire in the children’s ward, and it was so intense that they’re not even going to be able to identify the bodies. Um, so there’s that little scene. And then, somehow, I guess they’re going to be transporting Um, Frank to jail away from the police station and to jail and these two cops are driving and he’s in the backseat, um, handcuffed.

Um, so they hear on the radio that there is this chase happening right now nearby where they are and it’s a guy, uh, in a St. Nick. costume on a horse and they jokingly say something like, Oh, I suppose you’re going to tell me it’s not on the street. And the dispatcher is like, yep. And then this is that chase scene that you were talking about where it just doesn’t, I don’t know, like it doesn’t seem.

chronological. It’s just not very good writing. You know, why is Saint Nick all of a sudden being pursued? I guess they just saw him riding around on the roofs and now they’re chasing him. Um, but I guess, I mean, it’s a kind of cool sequence where this scary guy on the horse is riding this horse furiously over all these rooftops and it’s jumping across the street from roof to roof.

And the cops that have Frank get in on the chase. And they’re chasing, uh, the, the guy and, um, one of them rolls down as the guy in the passenger seat rolls down his window and gets up, uh, sitting on in, in the window with his gun. And the other guy’s like, wait a second, what are you doing? And he’s like, I’m going to shoot him.

And the guy’s like, but it’s St. Nick, which I thought was kind of funny. Um, so he’s shooting at him and he doesn’t, He doesn’t hit St. Nick, but he hits his horse in the neck, um, and the horse, this was so bizarre to me, the horse like falls through a skylight or something, with St. Nick on it, and into this apartment of what appear to be these two gay guys who are celebrating the holiday together, and one of them’s like, I thought we weren’t going to celebrate St.

Nick this year. Like, It’s just so goofy. And then I didn’t understand how this happened at all. But like, I guess the weight of the horse and St. Nick caved in their floor and they fall through, but somehow they land exactly on the cop car that’s outside. I don’t know. I, I have no idea how that happened. I, I, I just, like, I’m at a loss.

I, I, it’s just bizarre. 

Todd: Yeah. I didn’t get that either. You’re right. It’s all a little nebulous here. And of course the cops are the only ones on the street at this point. It seems like, uh, the chase should be really great and should be really fun, but it just all ends in a fizzle as St. Nick gets up, uh, back on his horse.

And as he is approaching. Well, I guess the only person alive now is Frank, who’s crawled out of the back of this car. He apparently didn’t get crushed, and uh, he’s, it looks like it’s the end for Frank until Plruhhh! A guy with a flamethrower shows up behind him, and uh, that turns out to be Gert, and the flames chase Saint Nick away.

And we realize, of course, it makes a lot of sense that you know, Saint Nick, if you can’t kill him with anything else, apparently flames are still his So, uh, that’s where Gert comes back in. And now it becomes a Gert and Frank thing. And Frank, uh, helps Gert with his boat. For, Gert is, is getting to his boat.

And, uh, Gert has, tells Frank that he knows how to lift the curse. Out of all of his research, he’s learned that if you blow up the boat that’s docked off into the, in the dock, then you can lift the curse. Uh, lift the curse, I guess, destroy Saint Nick and all of his followers once and for all. So, then it kind of becomes them.

Uh, it becomes them trying to get to the boat, and then them getting on the boat, them fixing the engine of the boat, Gert showing him the explosives, and there’s kind of a funny line in there about, uh, I actually kind of like that line about the detonator, which was, uh, he, what did he say? He said something about it was made in Chi uh, He said, don’t tell me this is made in China.

He says, no, it’s made. Don’t tell me the, the detonators made in China. He says, no, the. The detonator’s made in Taiwan. The explosions are made in China. Yeah. Which I guess is a dig on things that are made in China. I don’t know. It’s kind of a cheap shot. I guess. It’s kind of a cheap shot. But yeah, anyway, they get caught by the Coast Guard while they’re out there.

And so the Coast Guard’s got them on the boat and they’re not listening to them. And sure enough, they run across the big, uh, scary, evil pirate boat and, uh, get slaughtered there. But Frank, uh, manages to set the detonator while Gert dies. I guess they’re back on land at that point? I don’t know. 

Craig: Yeah. You know, I’m glad that you covered that part because I probably would have gone into too much detail and it’s not necessary because it just really felt like they were trying to stretch at this point.

Um, it, it felt like filler, like, okay, we found the boat. Oh, now we have to get killed by, or we have to get caught by the cops. Oh, okay. Well, now the cops have to get killed and we get away again. And then we get to shore and we’re setting up the bomb and we get caught by the cops again. And then the black Pete’s show up again and kill the cops again.

And I mean, it’s just. It’s it’s repetitive. There’s nothing new. Um, eventually you’re right. They’re back on the shore. Kurt is trying to set up somehow to get the boat off the shore and back to, um, the pirate ship before, uh, the detonator goes off. And this scene, God, it just bothers me. I hate timers. in movies.

I hate timers in movies because they’re never accurate. No, right. Like we look at the timer and he looks at the timer and we see that he’s got two minutes until it detonates. And then he goes and does all of these things that probably would have taken a good 10, 15 minutes. Like there’s no way that you got this whole bomb rigged up.

Like he has to carry like this whole big Um, one of those huge metal containers of gasoline, like he has to unload that from somewhere, carry it, get it set up on the boat, like, it’s, it’s just ridiculous. And like I said, then once he’s got it all set up, ready to go, um, the cops show up, but then Black Pete and, uh, the St.

Nick show up again, they, all the cops again get killed, but Frank doesn’t, and right before St. Nick is about to find Frank and expose him, he’s able to light. And again, I just thought that this was really dumb. Like he, all he has is the, the, the container of gasoline laying on its side with, a hole in it, like the opening, and he just lights that and we’re supposed to believe that that then acts as a jet that accurately propels this boat 300 yards out into the ocean and hits the ship.

And it explodes big, big stretch there, but I guess it appears to work because St. Nick and the black Pete’s all take off. Gert’s plan had been, this has to happen at a specific time. It has to happen exactly at midnight because that is when they will have reboarded the ship and they will all be on it and we’ll blow it up.

Well, that didn’t happen. They, you know, we saw them like, and another thing that was problematic with this for me is they, they know that these guys have stolen a bunch of kids. In fact, when they’re up close to the boat, they can hear the kids inside, but They just blow them all up. Like, okay, congratulations, you saved the day, you blew up all the kids.

Like, good job, hero. And then, uh, it’s, it’s the next day. Um, well, the, the goon, whatever you said his name, the big guy shows up and delivers this line that I thought was supposed to be clever. Is St. Nicholas Eve is nice, but you always get junk you don’t really need. Like, ugh. Really, one liners are just not going to do it for me at this point in this movie.

And then we cut to the next day where the police chief’s meeting with the mayor and he’s like debriefing him saying 300 have been killed and the mayor’s like, well, we can’t let them know that it’s that many. We’ve got to cover it up. And that’s when we see all the fake news stories that are covering up the disappearances.

They blamed a lot of the murders on Gert. Um, there was the, the fire at the children’s hospital. They explained that away. And, um, you know, it appears that. Amsterdam is just fooled and is gonna be pleased to go on their merry way. And the mayor says something like, There will be a day when this will come to an end, but I doubt we’ll see it in our lifetime.

And then it cuts to a hospital, um, where Frank is in the hospital, and the big goon visits him, and I thought for sure that he was there to kill him. Like tying up loose ends. And, and frankly, that would have made more sense. Um, but instead he gives him a check for like 50, 000 euros, I guess, as hush money.

And, and Frank takes it. Um, and then there’s a little jump scare where a black Pete attacks Frank, but it ends up being a nightmare. And it’s actually Lisa. And they kind of, you know, chit chat. And then for no apparent reason, she’s like, I got you a present. I’ll do the unwrapping. She takes his package. She takes her top off and straddles him

And then the camera pulls out of the hospital room and kind of scans around, uh, Amsterdam. And, and it starts to zoom in on this really tall cathedral and it, it goes all the way up to the very top spire. Um, and we see St. Nick just standing atop, uh, the cathedral. Um, and, and that’s where it ends. And it, it, it, it’s just so unsatisfying because like you said, from the very beginning, they don’t win.

Really. Yeah. I mean. All they succeeded in doing was blowing up the boat. Well, does that mean that St. Nick is just going to be hanging around all the time now? Is he going to, is he going to be like quasi moto ing it up in that cathedral for the next 32 years? Um, I don’t know. It was, I was just really, uh, disappointed overall because like you said, the.

The filmmaking itself, the technical, the technical aspect of the filmmaking is not bad at all. Um, and apparently this director is, is, uh, kind of a big deal, um, uh, over in his part of the world. Um, and so I just expected better quality, but I just didn’t, I, I just didn’t. I just didn’t like it. I just didn’t like the story.

I didn’t like the characters. Um, it was, it was a letdown. 

Todd: Yeah, I completely agree with you. And like you said earlier too, everybody dies, but really who cares? I mean, you don’t really like the characters who get it. And then what you’re seeing is people who you meet for about two minutes and then they get it too.

And they’re just your policemen, your SWAT team. Uh, the woman at the hospital was maybe the closest that they came to. trying to drum up a little bit of sympathy for this gal before she dies. There were these nice elements in there where they were always smelling burning before it happened, but after a while again, it stops being suspenseful and you really just don’t care.

Um, right. You know, and it’s a shame 

Craig: and it almost gets, it’s like they, they, they like, we don’t get it. Like they keep saying, Oh, I think. I feel like I smell smoke. Okay, we get it. You smell smoke when he’s going to show up. They, like the characters say it every single time. Yeah, we get it. They smell like smoke.

I got it. 

Todd: Yeah. And I liked, I like being able to peer into another culture’s Christmas celebrations through this kind of window. It’s neat in a way for me, the puzzle became to kind of put together, um, this, what the actual Dutch traditions are through the lens of this movie, which is skewering them a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah. But. You’re right, it just doesn’t have a lot going for it otherwise, and that’s really a shame. You’re right, this director is apparently a big deal over there. He released a movie that was one of those where the box art had always intrigued me when I was growing up. Sometime in the early 80s called The Lift, and it has a, it has a, an image.

I don’t know if you’ve seen this one, Craig, but it’s, it’s a picture of a guy who’s got his head stuck in an elevator, and his hands are like he’s trying to open it, and the elevator’s glowing from inside, and it’s a real dramatic angle, and it’s just called The Lift. And this, the, the, the byline at the bottom is, Take the stairs.

Take the stairs. For God’s sake, take the stairs. 

Clip: Oh, that’s 

Todd: funny. No, I haven’t seen it. I don’t even remember that box art. I have always wanted to see that movie. Ha ha ha ha! Just from the box art and the idea, uh, and, and this guy directed that movie. So, and then that was back in the early 80s. And apparently he did an update to The Lift called The Box Art.

The shaft, which, which was done, which was done in, uh, I think the nineties or, or maybe even in the 2000 early, early aughts or whatnot. Maybe that’s something that I’m going to put on the list just because I’m curious to see if everything this director has done is kind of like this. 

Craig: I, me too. I am. I would be interested in seeing, because I don’t know, unless their sensibilities are just so different than ours, that this is what they view as being quality.

Um, there’s gotta be something. I mean, if, if he’s had this so much success, there’s gotta be something I would like, um, maybe not for a little while, but, uh, to, to watch another one of his films. Um, You know, as is often the case with, uh, foreign movies, it was kind of difficult for me to find any additional information other than, um, you know, just the technical aspects of who directed it and whatnot.

I, I, I didn’t find much interesting trivia. The only, um, thing that I did find interesting, you know, you and I are big fans of, um, poster art and, and, and, um, box art and, um, this, this movie, the, the, the film poster, It’s fairly simple, but really effective. It’s just, it’s, it’s this, it’s Saint Nick, the scary Saint Nick on the cover with his staff, um, with a dark sky behind him.

And I guess, much like what happened here with Silent Night, Deadly Night, there was kind of public outcry because, um, you know, these posters were displayed publicly, and people were afraid that it would be upsetting to children. You know, the director, uh, Addressed it publicly and, um, as it turned out, the controversy ended up stirring up a lot of publicity for the movie and arguably made it perform, um, better than it might have.

Um, which again, was also the case with Silent Night, Deadly Night. If it hadn’t been for the outcry from the public, that movie probably would have flown completely under the radar. Um, and we wouldn’t probably still be talking about it today, but, um, so I guess this movie kind of has its own, uh, little, Following as well.

Todd: Now, now you and I would still be talking about it today.

We find, we find, we go into the bowels of, uh, of film history here to find the, the, the hidden gems or not so gems as they were. Well, it’s a shame because the world needs another good, uh, quality killer St. Nick story. Something that isn’t just a guy dressed up as St. Nick doing the killing. And this one definitely falls pretty far, uh, short of.

Craig: Yeah. And I, I recently would just the day after Thanksgiving, um, rewatched Krampus. And so if you’re looking for a good, uh, evil Santa movie, I would recommend that one. Or like I mentioned before, uh, rare exports, uh, I also really liked. Um, so there are, if you want to see one, there are good ones out there.

If you’re looking for a bad one, You found it.

Todd: Well, that’s it for today. Thank you so much for listening. Uh, if you enjoyed this podcast, please share it with a friend. You can find us on iTunes and on Stitcher and also on social media. We have a Facebook page out there and a Google plus page that is fairly active. Please write a comment there. Let us know what you thought of this film and any film you’d like us to watch in the future.

Until that time I’m Todd and I’m Craig with Two Guys and a Chainsaw.