Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker (1991)

Episode 59, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd:  Hello, and welcome to another episode of 2 Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: This kicks off our Christmas season of, podcasts. We are going to try to do 4 very Christmassy horror movies, over this month. You know, the longer we do this podcast, Craig, the more difficult it’s gonna be to find holiday horror movies, I think. The Pickens? 

Craig:  I was thinking the same thing, but I was thinking the same thing, but when I was looking around, there, you know, there are quite a few of them out there. I think we may run out of our favorites pretty soon, but, there’s still stuff to choose from. 

Todd:  Yeah. I guess that’s kinda what I was saying was, like, the pickings are slim as far as quality goes. 

Craig:  Right. 

Todd:  I mean, you got that whole Die Hard thing where, well, this one takes place at Christmas time, so maybe we can justify that one. Otherwise, likely, the directly Christmas themed ones seem to be getting worse and worse now. 

Craig:  Yeah. That’s true. 

Todd:  This one might fall into that category. Although it it to be fair, is, is it a long line of, well, it’s part of it’s part of a series. We chose Silent Night, Deadly Night 5, the toymaker. And, I picked this one, and I I decided we should just jump straight to 5 because this one Todd me seemed the most interesting when I was reading, a lot of the information online as far as, the plot and whatnot. This one stars Andy Rooney, and it deals with toys. 

Craig:  Hold on, bro. It’s Mickey Rooney, isn’t it? 

Todd:  Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You’re right. You’re right. This one stars Mickey yeah. What? Andy Rooney’s what? 60 minutes? Yeah. They’re both dead anyway.   Does it matter? Yeah. This one stars Mickey Rooney in, poor Mickey Rooney, by this point, has to be in Silent Night, deadly night 5, the toymaker. But at least he’s still working and doing stuff. And, it deals with toys, which is a Christmassy kind of thing. Aside from that, I was really sad to see that there wasn’t a lot of Christmas theming to this movie. They mentioned Christmas a couple times. I’m not even sure there’s a Christmas tree in their house, at least not one that’s visible for most of the movie. So aside from that and a quick visit to Santa and the idea that we’re dealing with toys and there’s a mention of Christmas every now and then, it didn’t really put me in the Christmas spirit.   How about you, Craig? 

Craig:  Yeah. Fair enough. I mean, there is a Christmas tree, and you can see it in the opening scene. And, really, the Christmas setting is just more for convenience, you know, because, we’ve got these interesting toys that are being given as gifts, and so it would only make sense that that would happen around, Christmas time. This, like you said, we decided to skip right to 5. Even last year, we talked about, doing Silent Night, Deadly Night, the original because it is it’s got a a big cult following, and it’s it’s pretty notorious. And, both of us kind of agreed that it’s just really not a movie we really wanna watch again. Like, it’s just not that, it’s it’s just not that great a movie.   And, the the sequels, I don’t even think I seen all the sequels. I know I saw the second one. It was awful. I don’t remember if I saw part 3 or 4. Reading online, there are some people out there who say part 4 was actually an improvement in quality. I think I’ll take their word for it at least until next year. And then there’s this one, which is kind of an anomaly because it’s really a standalone story. In fact, I wonder if this movie was originally just filmed under the title The Toymaker, and the Silent Night, Deadly Night, was was tagged on for name recognition at the end.   Part of the reason that I wonder that is because Mickey Rooney was very vocal in his protest of the first movie. He wrote a letter, an open letter of protest stating that the scum who made it should be run out of town for sullying the sacredness of Christmas. So the fact that he pops up in this one is kind of odd and I wonder if he went into it knowing that he was getting into this franchise. Either way, it’s it’s it’s kinda bizarre that he’s in it. But I’m glad that he is because there’s not a whole lot much more going for it.   What do you think? 

Todd:  You know, it’s funny that you mentioned, him because, honestly, he does dress as Santa at some point in the movie, so he had to he had to know he was in one way or another sullying the name of Christmas, whether or not it was it was in this franchise. But the other thing is it’s almost hard to imagine a time it’s hard to remember a time when Christmas was so sacred that we couldn’t do a horror movie about it. I guess, when anything was so sacred that we couldn’t make a horror movie about it. I I mean Yeah. It it’s hard to imagine that this really crappy low budget movie, Silent Night, Deadly Night, the first one, was so controversial because it portrayed Santa as a killer. And, you know, it’s just hard to believe now because we have Krampus, and we have Jack. We had that that Jack Frost movie. I mean, nobody cares anymore.   In fact, people kind of dig it. You know? Oh, let’s do something fun and different. And, and Yeah. So this maybe harkens back to an earlier time. What your question, whether or not it had a lot of stuff going for it, I really thought this movie would have a lot going for it even knowing that it would be crummy. And I have to say I was kinda bored by most of it. That’s the one word to kinda sum it up. It feels like a movie that was trying to build towards something, and then it putters out every single time.   It starts out with a kid, who is trying to sleep. His mom well, I I guess he just wakes straight up, and it’s it’s nighttime. And, he hears the doorbell ring, and it’s the middle of the night, apparently. And so he gets up, and he tries to get his parents, but his parents are having sex. And so he pokes his head in. And and, again, I thought we were gonna get that weird. Wasn’t it that one weird Christmas movie where the guy was traumatized by seeing his parents having sex? 

Craig:  I think it was. That’s right. We we did it last year. I don’t remember what it was called. Christmas evil, I think. Christmas evil. 

Todd:  That’s right. 

Craig:  Right. So I Well, and this is a pretty typical it’s a pretty typical setup. Well, I guess I shouldn’t say that because I haven’t seen all the sequels. But the first one and the second one both start out with a little kid seeing something traumatizing that has to do with Christmas. Now the the sex itself, I think, would have been plenty traumatized. I mean, it’s it’s these these, you know, these movies, I I think that the the somewhat graphic sex scenes, you know, that’s just a part of the franchise. Like they’ve gotta have it in there. In this movie it just seems, it’s pointless.   Aside and aside like, it doesn’t advance the plot really in any way, and, it’s just totally gratuitous, and kind of stupid. But, I I that’s exactly what I expected going into this, so it was no surprise at all. But, yes, you’re right. A traumatizing event early on dealing with Christmas, and that’s what’s about to happen. 

Todd:  Yeah. Yeah. The kid goes downstairs, after kinda closing the door on his parents and, opens the door, and there is a present there. It’s it’s has his name on it. His name is Derek, and it says don’t open until Christmas. So he picks the present up, walks in the house, and the door ominously doesn’t get completely closed behind him. Like, we find out later that really doesn’t matter either. But, anyway, he sits down on the floor in the middle of the living room and starts to open the present when we get our 1st jump scare which is his dad’s hand coming down on his shoulder and says 

Clip:  What in Todd name are you doing up at this hour? And what is that?   He was on the porch. He near the bell.   Goddamn it, Derek. How many times do I have to tell you not to open the front door by yourself, especially at night. 

Todd:  The kid, goes back up to bed scolded, but then, as his dad examines the present, we see that the kid reappears on the stairway behind him. So he’s watching the proceedings, and his dad decides to go ahead after shutting the door to go ahead and open this this mysterious package anyway. So he opens it up, and inside is a Poke Ball. 

Craig:  Yeah. Right? Exactly what I thought. 

Todd:  It’s a big red ball, that’s some kind of Santa toy. When you press a button on it, the head pops out. And at first, it’s a slice cheerful head that makes a sound, and the head starts turning. And we get these shots of this guy from the perspective of this Todd, and this guy looks absolutely delighted. Way too delighted by this dumb little Santa ball Todd. But as the the Santa head turns around, there’s a mean Santa on the other side. His mouth opens and he has kind of fangs and starts chattering, and there’s a little electricity effect where you can tell this isn’t a simple little toy. There’s it’s definitely an electronic gadget and probably not a very safe one at that.   Right. Chattering inside his mouth. These legs spring out of it, and instead of just being these little legs that we’ve kind of see later in commercials that are just supposed to pop out and be cute, It’s these long legs that wrap around his head and instantly, yank this toy to his head kind of like an alien. And so the guy stumbles around the room for way too long, but it’s in slow motion. Maybe that’s why it’s too long with this Santa thing attached to his face, and the kids kind of looking in an expression that should sort of be horrifying, but looks more like a cross between horrifying and bewildered. All this kid can really ever do through this movie is just stare slack Todd, kind of dumbly Yeah. Shaking his head back and forth minutely, maybe his eyes moving left and right. I think there’s a reason why, after he witnesses this, he’s mute for the rest of the film. 

Craig:  Yep, yep. I think   you’re right. 

Todd:  But anyway, dad stumbles around, and lest we believe lest lest anyone else were to discover the evidence, that this toy caused this problem, the co the toy actually just causes an accident, which is the a very improbable accident where the dad stumbles across the poker and other items that are hanging up by the fireplace, which fall of course, it falls in a way that Wow. Okay. The poker is still sticking straight up in a way and the father falls down onto the poker and impales himself. Thus, our first kill of the film, which the kid witnesses, as you said, he is now traumatized. And as I said, he is now mute for the rest of the movie. And, of course, nobody knows that it’s the toy that caused this except for the child. 

Craig:  After this first death, I was like, I just thought that that was one of the dumbest death scenes I had ever seen. And I was like, oh my god. What have we gotten ourselves into? Like, it was so contrived. It it was like a a final destination trap or something. Like, first he had to knock over the things, then he had to hit his head on the mantle, then he had to fall. Meanwhile, if he would’ve just stood still, he probably could’ve gotten this stupid ball off his face. Like Yeah. There wasn’t any indication.   I don’t know. Was were we supposed to think that it was, like, shocking him or, like, biting him or something? It seemed like it was just literally like a mask clinging to his face, and he couldn’t get it off. Yeah. But but anyway, it was it was so dumb. 

Todd:  I agree. 

Craig:  It’s just so dumb. 

Todd:  Well, they don’t get much better, do they? I mean, it’s all kind of like this this contrived. This notion that these toys have some sentience and that they’re causing this to happen, but they’re causing it to happen in a way they couldn’t possibly, like this. Like, there’s no way that toy, even if it was smart, could have done anything except grab onto the guy’s face. It wasn’t pushing him around the room or anything. The guy was flailing like an idiot. 

Clip:  Yeah. Yeah. Stupid. 

Craig:  Well, we we cut then to 2 weeks later and, there’s some guy, like, stalking outside of their house. And and this guy, I he doesn’t get a name until, like, 3 quarters of the way through the movie, and then it’s so stupid and contrived when you figure when you find out who it is. But eventually, you find out his name is Noah. I just kept writing down stalker because he stalks them throughout   the whole   movie. Anyway, he’s stalking them. Derek is not talking. He hasn’t talked since the accident. He’s acting out like there’s a silly scene where his mom puts down food in front of him, and he, like, grabs the eggs and squishes them in his hand, which is totally out of character for him the rest of movie. Like 

Todd:  Exactly. 

Craig:  He, like, he never acts out again, so I don’t know what they were trying to do there. 

Todd:  It’s so contrived, and and the dialogue is so silly. It it sounds like dialogue ripped from a a worse movie because the mother sits down and hands him breakfast, and it’s like, I made you breakfast. Everything is just the way you like it. Nothing is rushing. And I’m thinking, who makes their kid breakfast the way they don’t like it? Really? I made you breakfast. I I tried to make the worst breakfast possible that you wouldn’t eat. Like what? What’d 

Clip:  you eat? 

Craig:  Well, so he’s acting out and so she has this idea that she’s gonna take him to the toy stop the toy shop, which is named Pedos, which is the worst name for a toy shop ever.   What? Pedo? Pedo? Let’s go to Pedos. Pedo’s photoshop. But, anyway,   it’s it’s a play on Jimeno. 

Todd:  Yeah. What? You’re right. You’re right. They had to get in at this I 

Craig:  mean, it it reference. It’s spelled p t t o, but it sell it sounds like p e d o, and that is not some place where you should be taking your kids. Right. But anyway so that she’s gonna take him there, to get him a toy to cheer him up. I think that he sees the killer toy on a commercial and kinda freaks out. Again, nothing comes of it. But mom, the mom, her name is Sarah. She’s played by Jane Higginson, who I think was, a soap opera actress back in the day.   I I she didn’t do a whole lot else, I don’t think. So they take her there, and they meet mister Joe Pedo, the toy shop owner played by Mickey Rooney. And she is, you know, he’s trying to show the kids some toys, but the kid doesn’t like anything. Meanwhile, his son, Pino I mean, they’re they’re really heavy handed here with the whole Pinocchio thing, played by a guy named Brian Bremmer. I don’t know anything about him. He’s up there and from the very beginning you can tell that he’s acting weird. And really, there’s it’s almost as though they wanted there to be a twist at the end, and there kind of is. There was, something that I didn’t really figure out.   But you’ve got a guy named Joe Pedo and his son, Pino. I mean, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on. Yeah. You know, that that this this guy is he’s Pinocchio, basically. He’s acting weird. He goes down to the basement, and he brings up this toy from the basement called Larry the larva, and it’s this ugly looking, like, centipede toy. But the kid doesn’t want it, and so the mama Sarah just leaves. All this time, their stalker has still been in there, and after they leave, Pedo gets angry.   And that’s what I liked. You know, Mickey Rooney is so, jovial and and grandfatherly. And here, not that it’s any kind of amazing performance, but to see him in these moments of anger where he lashes out at Pinot, it it was good and and I thought that he played it well because he’s he looks so innocent and grandfatherly, but he does come across as pretty menacing when he gets angry. 

Clip:  I ought to break you in half. What kind of a son are you? A real son would help his father, but don’t you? You keep undermining me. I’d rather have 

Craig:  a son like that stay away from me. 

Clip:  You know why people don’t wanna come in the 

Craig:  store no more? Do you? Because of you. No. Yes. Because of you. Woah. Woah. Woah.   But they don’t realize that Noah the stalker is still in there. So they, you know, they change and and act like everything’s normal. And and Noah buys a bunch of Todd, and Pedo says, man, you’ve been buying a lot of toys here lately. But then Noah just leaves, but not before out of his pocket, he drops a news article about Derek’s dad’s death. So obviously, he’s connected to all of this somehow, but we don’t know how. And then that leads up to what in, again, our our second kill, which is it’s like they just had to shoehorn things in, you know? You tell them about it. 

Todd:  Well, it it it really doesn’t even logically make sense because this Larry the larva toy that, that Pinot pulls out and tries to give to the boy, which the boy refuses. All this is in front of Peto, then gets picked up by the stalker guy, Noah, And it’s one of the items that Noah buys, and Peto doesn’t seem to care that he’s buying this particular toy. So even that doesn’t make sense in the motivations of, you know, what we’d later discover. But anyway, Noah the stalker guy is living in this motel and there’s some really truly horrible dialogue. He’s there with the toys and he’s got a screwdriver, he’s trying to take them apart. You’re meant to get this impression that Noah is the one who is modifying these toys or doing something to them, that’s causing the one problem that we saw and we assume is going to continue happening. So 

Craig:  Right. 

Todd:  He there’s this great scene where he opens the door because there’s a knock on it, and it’s the owner of the motel. And this guy starts tries to kick him out because he hasn’t paid. 

Clip:  There’s plenty of money left   in this account. Not according to that.   Then there’s been a mistake, and I’ll take care of it in the morning.   Uh-uh. You’re packing up and leaving right now.   Alright. Look. What about if I give you some cash?   Cash? Cash is good. I like cash.   Great. I get paid tomorrow.   Then you’re out of here tonight.   Look. What is it with you, man? You think I’m a 

Craig:  skip out on you? I paid you 

Clip:  for the last 2 weeks, didn’t I?   That was then. This is now. 

Todd:  And this guy’s really adamant. And at first, I thought, wow, finally we have some realistic dialogue here where this guy is not gonna take no for an answer. But then of course at the end You got 

Clip:  a kid? Yeah. What the   hell’s that got to do with it?   You give me till tomorrow and I’m gonna give you a nice little toy for your kid for Christmas.   Well, you don’t look like a deadbeat. I guess so. What? 

Todd:  You just you just spent the last 3 minutes accusing this guy of being a deadbeat, and now your justification is you’re gonna give my kid a toy, and well, anyway, you don’t look like 

Craig:  a deadbeat. 

Todd:  Yeah. Anyway, the toy that he ends up giving him for his kid is Larry the larva, which is in a box that looks like a Barbie doll box. It’s pink and stuff. But Mhmm. What kind of toy is this that you’re gonna just hand a man as the perfect gift for his, I don’t know, son and or daughter who you don’t even realize? Anyway, he hands him Larry the larva. The guy glances at it and is like, gee, thanks. This better be good. So the guy gets in the car and, has us in the back seat, and the box jostles a bit and falls on the ground, and Larry the Larva pops out of this box.   It’s not like Larry the Larva burrows out of this box. It’s like this box was so loosely closed that it happened to open just by falling off the seat behind him. 

Craig:  Right.   Right. 

Todd:  And the larva comes out. And you know the minute you see this larva, something’s gonna happen with it. And sure enough, it manages to work its way under the seat, and into the front seat. And the guy just looks down while he’s driving is like, oh, what is this? Oh, it’s the toy. And, again, is almost as delighted by this toy as the previous guy was delighted by Santa. At least the previous guy didn’t have driving to distract him. Right. It just it’s just so dumb.   So dumb. But anyway Well, 

Craig:  and these these toys are nothing to be impressed by. You know? They are they’re cheap looking, crappy looking toys. Nobody would be excited about these things. I mean, the effects the effects aren’t good. I mean, you know, it looks like, you know, when the larva’s crawling around, it looks like there’s probably just somebody below frame holding it, you know, like just scooting it up It’s it’s it’s it’s not good. Anyway, go ahead. 

Todd:  Well, I mean, there’s nothing much more to say. He, like, picks up the remote. It starts moving. It’s like no. It’s not even moving, and then he picks up the remote. It’s like it gets there, but it gets there without moving. So then he picks up the remote to it. It it’s got a remote attached, which is also, again, the first time we see it, and he starts to press it like he wants to play with it in the front seat while he’s driving.   And then the larva starts moving and inching towards him, and we see the little electricity sparks between the larva’s pinchers. He’s like, oh, cute. Blah, blah, blah. And so he keeps moving it, away from him, but it keeps moving forward. Oh, the sting must be broken. Then he tosses it in the back seat. And then, like you said, in a great effect, which looks like a guy in the back seat who is just sticking the larva over his shoulder, it comes back and just suddenly jumps straight into his mouth. Again, we don’t see the jump.   You just have to trust that it happened. And, it goes into his mouth and, oh, oh, oh, the guy grabs it and the car is weaving all over the Todd. Like, even though the guy has this in both hands, so he’s no longer touching the wheel, though the car is going left and it’s going right, it’s going left again, and it’s going right. I mean, the guy doesn’t know to take his foot off the pedal and something is steering this car. We have no idea what. Right. Anyway, it’s supposed to be cool because then it’s the idea is that it burrows into his skull and comes out his eye. And again, it’s a cheap looking effect, and there’s there’s really no blood to it.   It’s it’s really bizarre. Anyway, the car finally does its last veer off the road, hits one of those ramps that all these cars tend to hit in these movies, flies over and flips into a field and explodes. 

Craig:  Mhmm. 

Todd:  Again, covers up the complete evidence that there was a toy involved in the death of this in the bizarre death of this man. So, yeah, very strange, contrived, silly death scene that probably looked really great on paper, but played out horrible on the screen. 

Craig:  Yeah. I I mean, I’ve seen worse effects. Not a lot, but I’ve seen some. There was some effort made, but it just didn’t it didn’t look good. And the whole scene is just I mean, it’s it’s irrelevant to the plot. I mean, you could take that whole scene out and it would have no impact on the narrative whatsoever. They just clearly needed to get another kill in there. After that, Noah, the stranger breaks into the toy shop at night, and there’s a scene where he’s looking around with a flashlight, and Hedo comes into the room and is, like, looking around the room.   And as far as I could tell, Noah was just standing there with the flashlight on and Pedo doesn’t see him somehow and goes up to bed. Noah goes down into the basement where we’ve seen Pino go down before. And and in the basement, there’s, like, a trap door for what I assume is like a sub basement. And he opens it up, and he starts to walk down there, but something grabs him by the legs and starts pulling him down. And so he’s struggling to try to stay up. He eventually gets out, and he runs away, and we get to see Pinot pop his head up just above the Craig just a little bit. So we know that it was him down there, and he must be pretty darn strong. There there’s a scene where Derek and Sarah, I think Sarah actually finds it, finds a new box on their porch, same kind of tag Todd Derek, don’t open till Christmas.   She puts it under the tree. And then we cut to a scene where Noah is apparently a mall Santa. That is his job. Yeah. Right. And he has a buddy who works there with him named Ricky played by Clint Howard. Clint Howard pops up in these cheap movies all the time. I actually really like the guy.   I think he’s pretty funny and charming and he brings something special to some of these bad movies.   Yeah.   And apparently, he and Sarah also has a friend named Kim who we’ve seen, but she’s Todd we haven’t mentioned her because she’s totally unimportant. But these 2, Clint, Howard, and the the gal that plays Kim, I don’t have her name written down, they’re actually reprising their roles from part 4. I haven’t seen part 4, so it doesn’t really mean a lot to me. But, but anyway, I mean, it’s just a it’s a little it’s a tiny little cameo by Clint Howard. 

Todd:  Uh-huh. Yeah. And and, again, he brings a little bit to the movie. Even though he has very little to do, he’s Right. He’s another small spark of, happiness in this otherwise, tire tiresome film. 

Craig:  Right. Right. And then we cut to a scene that was really confusing for me. I didn’t know what was going on. Pinot breaks into somebody’s house, and I didn’t realize at first, but it is Derek and Sarah’s house. But what threw me off was to break in, all he has to do is pick up a a brick, like, out of a flower bed near the back door, and underneath it’s a key. Okay. That makes sense.   But on the underside of the brick, it says Pinot, like 1970 something or something like that. And I was like, What is going on? He goes in there and he’s just very creepily looking around the house. Like he lays in, Derek’s bed and plays with some of his toys. He goes into Sarah’s room and he’s like looking at her clothes and it looks like he’s gonna maybe sniff her brassiere. Mhmm. But he doesn’t actually. Meanwhile, Sarah and Derek are at the mall to see Santa. And, Noah is the mall Santa.   He has taken an additional shift because he saw that Derek was gonna be there. And again, I’m wondering why is he what is his connection to these people? And he’s the mom sits Derek on his lap and they just kinda sit there and stare at each other awkwardly. And the mom’s like the mom’s like, well, do you wanna tell him what you want for Christmas? And the kid, like, shakes his head no. And she’s like, oh, okay. Well, let’s just go home then. At which point, Noah grabs onto him and won’t let go. And the mom is, like, just trying to pull him away and eventually does get him away, but then they’re on the escalator and she’s like, Oh, sorry. I guess even Santas have a bad day sometimes too.   What? This guy just, like, assaulted your kid. Like, what? Yeah. They shake that 

Todd:  off pretty quickly, and everybody shakes it off pretty quickly, including, apparently, the other kids in line, the woman take the the elf taking the picture, all of this. It’s really weird. I of course, you’re right. It becomes it this is, like, the creepiest department store Santa ever. He outright grabs the kid, and then you you you’re just I’m so confused by this point. We’re 30 minutes in. I’m still not sure what’s going on, but it’s not in an intriguing sort of way, you know. It’s not like I they’re building this suspense, like, oh my gosh.   What is this puzzle I need to unpack? It’s like somebody’s gotta throw me a bone here at some point because these scenes are silly, and they they’re so over dramatized. I Todd don’t know what’s going on, and I and I really wanted to know. And then and then as Pino’s going through the house, he’s going through this kid’s toys and you see that that killer Santa toy is up on his shelf still. Yeah. Right? Everything else. The this kid is fine with having this killer Santa toy up on his shelf. It makes absolutely no sense. It makes no sense that the kid doesn’t completely freak out about the new box being brought into the house.   It makes no sense that mom, is just writing off this department store Santa that assaulted his kid, and it absolutely makes no sense that Pinot is walking through here. At least it it doesn’t seem Todd, and that this kid’s got this toy on a shelf. It’s it’s it’s silly. Go ahead. 

Craig:  Well, like, with the toy on the shelf, like, did she, like, clean the blood and brains off of it and then put it back? Like, who would do that? Do you even make any sense? Yeah. Anyway, go ahead. 

Todd:  This kid’s gotta sleep with it every night, and and he’s okay with that? 

Craig:  Like, what?   No. He’s not sleeping in his room. That I mean, that was the thing that I thought was, you the mom can’t figure out why he won’t sleep in his room. He’s only sleeping in her room. It’s because he put the murder murder seats on his shelf, obviously. 

Todd:  That’s true. That’s true. That fact escaped me, but that’s true. Well, they come home, and they find Pinot there. And so Pinot runs out, and so she knows who Pinot is. Obviously, they they have a relationship. That’s the other thing is that they know Petto is, like, the neighborhood grandfatherly toymaker guy who, earlier, Sarah and Kim were talking about how their shot his shop used to be so successful and everybody loved it, and now it’s just kinda gone by the wayside and become this nothing place that nobody ever wants to go into. Petto even yells at Joe in the beginning, Pinot in the beginning saying, you’re the reason why nobody wants to come into the shop because you keep creeping everybody out.   So we have that. So she goes to confront Joe, and he explains, that we actually used to live in your house. 

Craig:  Right. It’s interesting that we have this relationship, but that’s never come up before. Yeah. Right? Like, they’re on a first name basis, but, you know, they’ve apparently known each other for a long time, but he never mentioned, oh, yeah. You live in my old house. I mean, that that would seem like a point of conversation that might just kinda come up casually, but apparently not. 

Todd:  You would think so. And and apparently, when this woman bought it and I I don’t know, probably didn’t go through too many generations, but she didn’t change the the key or on it either. Whatever. Okay. So he gets he goes he says, it will never happen again. And I’m thinking, what’s he gonna do? Is he gonna kill Pinot? Is he gonna try to kill Pinot? Pinot’s gonna kill him. So she leaves, and he goes back in, and he yells at Pinot through to the trap door on the floor for a while. And then that’s pretty much 

Craig:  it. Yeah.   You have to come   up sometime, Pinot. And when you do, I’ll be waiting for you. And to to to do what?   Like, to to, like, to to kill him? Like,   is he a prisoner in the basement? Like, I who knows? I had no idea   Yeah.   What was going on. In in in the end, it it doesn’t amount to anything. So 

Todd:  No. It really 

Craig:  they go back home. And again, immediately just get over what’s happened. Like, okay. Well, make sure it doesn’t happen again. If it does, I’ll call the police. Okay. She takes, Sarah takes Eric back home, and she tries to urge him to open the mystery gift, but he won’t. The friend that I mentioned before, Kim, comes over and, she tells Sarah Sarah’s like, oh, thank you for leaving that gift.   And Kim’s like, what gift? I didn’t leave any gift. And again, Sarah’s like, oh, that’s interesting, but not concerned at all. And then, so Derek, while they’re talking, goes and gets the box. It’s a big box, and he takes it out and he puts it on in the trash. I mean, he just sits on top. It’s a big box. Well, Lonnie, Kim’s kid, sees and runs over and gets it. And he opens them up on the street, and it’s a pair of roller blades.   And he puts them on, and then in a totally random scene, he taunts this rando couple on the street who are, like, making out. He’s taunting this couple. He’s on these roller blades. This is a small kid. I mean, it’s an adolescent looking kid, but it’s a small kid. And this guy that he’s picking a fight with is like this big guy. He must be a stupid kid, I don’t know. But anyway, of course, the roller blades malfunction, they start sparking up and they start flying him all over the street and the choreography is something special here.   But eventually it rolls him out into the street and he gets hit by a car. And I thought, Wow, These movies are pretty dark that they’re gonna even kill off kids. But they didn’t even they pulled the punch and that really kind of irritated me. We see, just a few minutes later, the kid in the hospital. I mean, he’s totally in traction. There’s blood on his bandages and stuff. He doesn’t look Todd. But I felt like that was just kinda pulling punches a little bit.   I mean, if you’re gonna go for if you’re gonna make a trash movie like this, just go for it. 

Todd:  Yeah. Right. Kid. 

Craig:  That was funny. Annoying kid anyway. I guess, eventually, we cut back to the toy shop, and I guess Pedo was right. Eventually, Pinot would have to come out, and he has, and they are fighting. And, Pedo is drunk. We’ve seen him drinking whiskey throughout the course of the movie. He’s fighting, and Pinot’s saying things like, you’re drunk. You’re always drunk.   Please don’t hurt me. And Petto breaks the bottle over Pinot’s head, the the liquor bottle. And Pinot falls into the basement and appears to be dead. Pedo goes down there. Pinot is motionless, and Pedo is saying, what have I done? What have I done? 

Todd:  Joe is so 

Craig:  hot. Then we cut sorry. Go ahead. 

Todd:  I said Joe is so hot and cold. He’s so bipolar. Yeah. 

Craig:  Gosh. I don’t know where we missed it. I guess when, the stalker broke into the the, store before, he found a photograph of Pedo and Pino that was from a long, long time ago, like not a long, long time ago, like the seventies. And, Hetto looks younger, but Pino looks exactly the same age. So if it hasn’t already been drilled into your mind what’s going on here, now we know that Pinot is some sort of Pinocchio, he doesn’t age. And they these guys have probably been going through this routine, fighting back and forth for probably many years as far as we know. Meanwhile, back at Sarah and Derek’s house, Sarah tells Derek that he needs to start sleeping in his own room again. So she takes him in there, and, he’s laying in bed when the Santa ball activates again.   So he breaks it with a bat. Again, Sarah, not particularly concerned. Like, because she comes in, like, what are you doing? And then that’s just the end of it. 

Todd:  Yeah. And it’s so funny that Derek is has no problem picking up the present, and he he didn’t just take it outside and throw it in the trash. He tried to throw it out the window first. He took it downstairs and threw it in the trash. Like, when in the past did he not just try to take the Santa ball and toss it out the window? 

Craig:  Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. But anyway, I guess then it’s the next Todd.   Oh my gosh. Stranger   the stranger shows up. This is my favorite part of the whole movie. This guy, Noah, who we still don’t know his name yet, he’s just been stalking them the whole movie. He shows up at the door, and Derek answers the door. Noah gets down on his hands and knees and he’s like, 

Clip:  hi, Derek. Hi. You don’t know me, but, let’s just say I wanna be your friend. Okay? Hey. Look what I brought for you, man. Look in there. You’ll find a very special toy in there. 

Craig:  Oh my god. Be any creepier or more suspicious? Like, that is the number one creepiest thing that you could possibly say to a little stranger kid. And and I know that the eighties weren’t that different a time. I remember very vividly being told not to talk to strangers and not to take gifts from strangers. And And then Derek’s like, oh, I just wanna give him a I just wanna give him a a present. Luckily, the babysitter steps in and clearly realizes what a creep this guy is and locks him out. 

Todd:  It’s hilarious that this babysitter has fended off this guy, is clearly scared, has locked the door. The guy is still pounding on it, trying to get in, insisting he’s a friend of the family. 

Clip:  Hey. What are you doing? Open the door. Go away. Look. I’m not gonna hurt you. I told you I’m a friend. Come on. Let me in.   I just wanna use the phone. I’m not told you I’m a friend. Come on. Let me in. I just 

Craig:  wanna use your phone. I’m not supposed to let anyone in. Come on. Just tell me where missus Quinn works. 

Clip:  I’ll go see you there. Okay? 1200 Market Street, 5th floor.   Thank you. 

Craig:  Not worried about her.   You   know? Just get rid of it. Oh my gosh. 

Todd:  So silly. 

Craig:  And then we cut to what has to be one of the most ridiculous scenes ever in the history of filmmaking. 

Todd:  You’re right. This next scene is super bizarre, though, it’s late at night, of course, and she’s working late. And so she, gets off, and she’s walking through the garage. So we get the creepy walking through the parking garage scene where you feel like you’re not alone. 

Craig:  Right. 

Todd:  And so it’s it’s varied by the numbers, where she’s looking and she thinks she hears something and then you get the shot of her legs and then the shot of her looking over her shoulder and nothing behind her, but she panics, for no clear reason. I mean, it’s not like she sees anything that we can tell. Honestly, I’m not even sure if she hears anything that we can tell. It it’s really a strange scene. But, anyway, she starts running to her car because they’re supposed to do this in these kind of scenes and fumbles for her keys because they’re supposed to do this for these scenes. But but is clearly, there’s this unfortunate close-up of her trying to get the key in the door because it’s obvious she is intentionally fumbling the keys. Like, this woman cannot aim a key in a door to save her life even I mean, it’s so bad, and it falls on the ground and somehow rolls under the car far enough that she can’t reach it. And then when she kind of reaches it, it goes under what must be like a grate in the floor.   It’s so dark you can’t see it, but, apparently, it’s under grate in the floor. The sheep pops up and starts sees this man come into the light and it’s the stalker guy and she clearly sees who he is and starts taking off running and you’re like, oh my gosh, like, like, okay. And so he runs after he runs after. He catches up with her, grabs her, swings her around so they’re face to face. 

Craig:  Then they start making out. Totally start making out. 

Todd:  I was like, what in the hell? Like, I just Right. This movie can’t get any weirder. And it’s supposed to be this big dramatic twist, but it comes off as really dumb. And they try to explain this later with a little throwaway line that, I’m sorry, just doesn’t work. 

Clip:  Why did you run from me?   Oh, god. I don’t know. I guess I panicked. I couldn’t believe it was you. 

Todd:  But it turns out that they were lovers and that, oh, my gosh. Like, the dialogue is so bad. 

Clip:  Things have been pretty crazy around here lately, but I’m glad you’re here. I really am. It’s been 6 years since you left, and I guess I never thought I’d see you again.   Is that true? Or did you see me every time you looked at Derek? He’s my son, isn’t he? Yes. Damn it, Sarah. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?   Would it have made any difference?   It was my child. I had a right to know.   I wanted to tell you, Noah. I really did. I I wanted to tell you. I did. I loved you so much. But you aren’t ready to settle down, Noah. You know that.   All I know is that you could have trusted me to do the right thing.   I did what I had to do. I wanted to finish college. I wanted a career, and I needed security for that. And you couldn’t give it to me, and Tom could.   Listen to me. I did a lot of growing up when I was in the army. I know it’s important now. 

Todd:  And so now we kind of know why he’s been stalking the family except why couldn’t this guy just flat out knock on the door and say, Hey, I wanna be in front of your life again. Why did he have to do all of this in the creepiest way possible? I mean it makes no sense. Even when you look back on the movie it makes less sense. Like, why was he creepy department store Santa latching onto this kid? Why was he coming to the door when mom wasn’t home trying to give him a present when he’s when we learn he’s had this idea that there are these killer presents being dropped around Todd. All of it is just it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s so contrived. No. 

Craig:  No. And then and then to tough it all off and again, I said that this really is part and parcel for these movies, but then they decided now would be a good time to have sex in the back of the car in this parking garage. What? Yeah. Oh, welcome back. You’re his father. Let’s get it on.   Exactly.   And and on top of that 

Todd:  Literally. Is 

Craig:  dual sex scenes. Dual sex scenes cutting back and forth because back at, Derek’s house, Derek is in bed and the baby the babysitter has her boyfriend over and they are getting it on in the, bed there. And so it just cuts back and forth between these two sex scenes. It’s so strange. And neither one of them are in any way sexy   at all. 

Todd:  No. They’re not any good. 

Craig:  I mean, the No.   There’s nothing titillating about them at all. The the 

Todd:  the filmmaker’s trying to be clever here, I think, in doing these supposed match cuts between the 2 sex scenes, but it’s it’s really clumsy. It’s not coming off well. And you’re right. It’s not titillating. No clothes are really coming off in any of these scenes into the point where you notice that no clothes are coming off. I mean, this is freaking Silent Night Deadly Night 5. Right. You would expect boobs and stuff in this kind of movie.   Not that I needed to see it, but come on. If you’re gonna 

Craig:  pull Right. 

Todd:  Again, like you said, if you’re gonna pull punches, why did you choose the sex scenes that you are so cleverly juxtaposing back and forth with each other and felt like you had to stick in this movie, to decide that you’re, you know, you’re not gonna go for as far as nudity. 

Craig:  Right. Yeah. And and the one at the house, the the the boyfriend or the babysitter and her boyfriend is so funny because, like, I guess I I guess that we’re just supposed to I mean, she’s kind of hesitant with them, so maybe their intention never was Todd have intercourse. Maybe they were just fooling around and that’s why only some clothes come off. But while they are, humping, for lack of a better word, Santa breaks into the basement of the house and comes up. And we know it’s Santa because he’s wearing a Santa suit, but we don’t at this point see his face. But as soon as he gets upstairs, we see and he’s standing outside the room where they are having sex with the door open in this kid’s house. It’s it’s Petto, dressed up as Santa.   And he takes all of these toys out of his bag and sets them on the floor. And we know, you know, of course, what’s gonna happen. They’re gonna attack these these kids who are having sex. And there’s one point even they they Todd for a second and the the girlfriend’s like, where did all those toys come from? And she’s like, oh, I don’t know. I guess they were there when we got here. And some of them are already on the bed with them and stuff, but I guess they just okay. Whatever. So they keep going.   And then this part, it’s so bad, but it’s so bad that it had me laughing out loud because there’s this toy I don’t even know what kind of toy it’s supposed to be because it just it’s a severed arm, basically. It’s a hand and an arm. And it crawls up onto the bed, and it crawls up on him, and then like, there’s, like, some some evil toy hand ass play.   Like like, it’s it’s, like, touching his butt. Like, we see his facial expression. He’s, like, oh.   Oh, you’ve never touched me there before. And, like, totally getting into it. And and even when it, like, when it crawls off of his buddies, like, oh, no. Wait. Don’t stop. Oh, god.   It’s so funny.   Put it back. Put it back. Well, it’d   be a fact.   And then the the the hands the hand continues to crawl around on them, and I couldn’t, for the life of   me, figure out how they couldn’t put together that there were too many hands.   Like, they’re kind of interacting. Like, they’re touching it and, like, moving it to   different places. I’m like, wait. 1, 2, 3, 4. Oh, there’s there’s   no there shouldn’t be this many hands when it’s happening.   That’s Oh, but it’s   kind of funny. 

Todd:  They, like, pick it up and move it somewhere else. Like, it’s clearly not attached to an arm. Right. Right. Like, did your arm just come did you become detached? And and so then these toys, attack. The the first thing that happens is the hand, strangles this guy, which is there there’s always this inherent problem with, with loose hands in horror movies. In in that, you know, there are certain things that loose hands just aren’t gonna be able to do. And at least in this movie, the the loose hand clenches around his neck.   And, okay, that is something a loose hand can do and that might be something depending on how tight it can clench that you will have trouble getting off. Right? So Mhmm. That’s the one thing I can say about this scene in this movie that after doing so much wrong, it’s doing right. So he gets up, and he’s struggling with this. In the meantime, all the rest of the toys are kinda like army men, basically. Mhmm. 

Craig:  And 

Todd:  so it there’s a tank that wheels in and starts shooting at, the woman the girl rolls off the bed and it starts to get kind of brutal. 

Craig:  Yeah. 

Todd:  And, it’s shooting, into the wall behind her and it shoots her flat out in the chest. And there’s there’s like a squib. I mean, it blood bursts out. It looks like there’s shattered skin around her chest, and I’m thinking that must have killed her. But she’s still kinda screaming and flailing, and I’m thinking, man, that that looks like a really bad wound in your chest for you still to be screaming. Yeah. In the meantime, on the other side of the bed, the guy’s messing with his hand, and there’s a tank that has these buzz saw contraptions at the front of it, and it’s coming towards them. And the whole thing is filmed in a very low budget cheap way where, boy, they’re really trying with what they have and what they’ve got.   There’s some point of view shots of the tank. There are close-up shots of the tank and does not just the buzz saws, but it has some spikes on the on the back of it and some spikes on the underside of it. So the when the tank somehow jumps up on his chest, I guess the spikes embed in his chest so that it can’t move. It’s all just shot very clumsily so you get the impression of what’s supposed to be happening, but you don’t get the satisfaction of actually seeing it happen. Right. But, anyway, it’s supposed to be buzz sawing in his face. And so we leave them, and we get Noah and Sarah come home. And immediately the babysitter runs out, so she comes down out to the garage and runs toward their car.   And I’m like wasn’t this girl just inches away from death a second ago? Mhmm. Like how in the world did she get out of the toy massacre and she’s almost not the worst for wear? She’s Craig, and she’s got blood all over her, but that gaping hole in her chest is is gone as far as I can tell, or it seems to have not had a really bad effect. And she’s yelling that the boyfriend is dead upstairs. I was really kinda let down that it was just pussing out here. I mean, so anyway, she says it was the Todd. It was the toys. They took Derek. Who took Derek? How do we know that Derek is gone? 

Craig:  I don’t know how she would know. Todd doesn’t make any sense. I mean, well, I guess that maybe, 

Todd:  I don’t know. Had taken Derek. Sarah. I mean, yeah. Yeah, Petto had taken Derek because it was Petto. We have to say it was Petto in the Santa costume who unleashed the toys on the floor. And he had put Derek came in and, was going into the bedroom to see the couple, and and and Peto basically threw a huge bag over his head, a Santa bag, and took him out. So we know that Derek has been taken, but the 2 were making out and didn’t know that Derek would been taken as far as we can tell. 

Craig:  Right. 

Todd:  Or did Derek witness the carnage, and that’s what caused him to wake up and go in, and Petal put the bag over their head, and they kind of saw it maybe over the shoulder. I’m not real clear on that. 

Craig:  I I guess that must be what it is. And and we also I guess the way that Sarah and Noah put 2 and 2 together is because conveniently, right before this girl flails herself on their windshield, Noah had been telling Sarah that the reason that he had been buying so many toys from Pedo’s shop was because, he knew from a long time ago from when he was a kid that Pedo at some point had owned a different toy store, I think, and had lost his mind when his wife who was pregnant at the time was killed in a car accident, and after that he had booby trapped some toys and some kids had gotten hurt. So I don’t know. I guess so he just came back to town, was checking up on, Sarah and Noah and just happened to notice, oh, wait. Here’s this Todd store. I guess I better check it out. It it doesn’t really make much sense. 

Todd:  It doesn’t. And their, their conversation about it doesn’t make much sense either because he tells her all this, which is extremely implausible anyway. Then she go, like, no. He’s such a nice man. We’ve known him forever. He’s so great and whatnot. And he says, well 

Clip:  The moment I saw that toy store, it all came back to me. I got worried about you and Derek. So I did some snooping around, bought a bunch of toys from Pedal. Took them apart, checked them out, see what I could find. And? 

Craig:  Nothing. Yeah. Nothing. 

Todd:  That should kinda be the end of it right there. I mean Right. It’s supposed to be a sinister line in that he’s found nothing yet, but she didn’t believe him in the first place that that would be possible. So the fact that he found nothing should pretty much settle the matter, at least for in her mind. So she goes back to the shop. Right? And, 

Craig:  They both do, but she, like, runs ahead of him. So they’re kinda separate, which again is totally dumb. I mean, why do they why would they split up? Why wouldn’t he have caught her? He was right behind her. But I guess they wanted to get them both there, but in different places. 

Todd:  Yeah. So she goes back, and she kinda goes around the pee pounds on the door. Peto, I know you’re in there. You’ve got Derek. Blah blah blah. And then she runs to the back and finds another way in. So she gets to go upstairs. There’s a stairwell that leads up to the top, and Peto lives up in the the top of the toy shop.   Mhmm. So she goes in there. And, you know, this building doesn’t look very big, from the outside, but they sure try to make it look big, when they’re prowling and and sneaking through it. Mhmm. Again, it’s another one of those cases where even though things happen in the different parts of this rather small building, nobody hears it Right. On the other end or, you know, downstairs or even in the next room. 

Craig:  She looks around the apartment, and there’s all kinds of I mean, it’s typical. It’s creepy stuff. There’s some creepy looking toys, some creepy dolls. Nothing special. She doesn’t really find anything up there. Meanwhile, Noah comes, arrives, and this part just drove me absolutely crazy because like you said, Sarah had been pounding on the door. I know you’re in there. I know you’re in The door wasn’t locked.   She never even tried it. And so when Noah gets there, he just walks right in. So she’s up in the, in the attic or the upper room, and he goes down to the basement. And he looks around. He’s attacked by one of those toy planes, and then Pedo comes out from behind the door and shoots him with a squirt gun that we’re supposed to, I guess, assume has acid in it? Maybe. Or mace? Like because it works, like it it takes it it hurts, obviously, and it takes him out. But then when we see him again later, he’s fine. Fine.   So I I don’t know what I don’t know what that was supposed to be. So then but he’s out of commission. I guess whatever it was in the squirt gun also knocked him out. So Sarah goes down to the basement, and there’s all these creepy, like, boy sized mannequins, like, hanging on the body and stuff. And then the twist, she stumbles upon Pedo’s dead body. And this is the part that I didn’t really see coming even though I kinda should have. Santapedo then steps out and removes his face to reveal that he’s a robot, and he gets another face and puts it on, and it’s Pinot. And Pinot and Sarah have this conversation where he says things like, he always broke me.   I had to be sure he wouldn’t hurt me. And then for no apparent reason, he strips naked, and we see that he’s kinda put together like a puppet. I mean, it’s obviously a suit that this actor is wearing, but it it’s like it’s jointed. It’s segmented like a puppet, and he doesn’t have a wiener. So he says, my father could make everything, and then he looks down at his no wiener and says, well, almost everything. Oh oh my gosh. And then this this is a bad movie, but that can sometimes be fun. And I think that this movie is worth watching it for this ending because it’s the most bizarre one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen.   So now you’ve got naked Pinot advancing upon Sarah who’s, like, pushed up against a workbench, and he gets up in between her legs and, like, pushes her up up on the bench, and she’s wearing a skirt, so, like, he’s up in between her legs, and he starts saying as he thrusts between her legs,   I can love you like a real son. I can. I can.   I can. I can.   I can. I can. I love you, mommy. I love you. I love you. I want you. I love you.   It is the most bizarre thing I’ve maybe not the most, but really darn close. Top 5 for sure. 

Todd:  Oh, yeah. 

Craig:  So weird. 

Todd:  I mean, it would have been it would have been super creepy in a super creepy movie. In this movie Right. 

Craig:  I was just I was kinda just sitting there kind of wide eyed with this look of, like like, I was appalled. Like, what is happening? Like, that is just wrong. They It is just wrong. 

Todd:  They won’t kill a kid. Right? They won’t 

Craig:  show boobs.   They won’t   show boobs. 

Todd:  But they’ll have the mannequin humping, this woman as while he screams, I can love you like a real son, mommy. 

Craig:  Oh, jeez. So she grabs a screwdriver off the workbench and stabs him right down into the top of his head, and he starts to malfunction. These sparks start to shoot in his eyes and out of the top of his head and stuff. And, of course, this is all effects that don’t look all that great. But he’s not out for he’s not down for the count yet. He goes over to where all these bags are hung up, and we can see Derek, like, we get a peek inside one of the bags that Derek’s in there. And he takes this knife, and he’s gonna stab into the bags. Well, we don’t notice at first that there are all out actually multiple bags.   So when he goes to stab one of them, we think that he will have stabbed Derek, but he pulls the knife down and a bunch of toys just fall out. So now we know that Derek is in one of these bags and he continues to try to stab them while the mom pleads with him saying, It’s okay. You don’t have to hurt him. We can, you know, you can come home with me and be my son. And like it seems like he kinda contemplates it a couple of times, but he then he says, No, he has to die, and he just keeps stabbing. Eventually, he does get to the bag that Derek is in, but when he stabs into it, it just opens it up, and Derek jumps out and jumps onto his back and is kind of just holding on to his back while this robot is flailing around, and finally gets his voice back, I guess, and is saying, help me, mommy. Help me. Help me.   Noah comes in, with an ax and hacks at Pinot’s arm, and it looked to me like he cut his arm off. But then in the very next frame, he still got his arm. Did you notice that? 

Todd:  Yeah. That was that was that had to be a mistake because you’re right. It it was supposed to be his arm hacked off. It was clearly his arm hacked off because they’re in the foreground. You see the the little bits and pieces sticking out. 

Craig:  But then in the very next frame, he has both of his arms.   Yeah.   And and they fight. They struggle. Pinot and Noah struggle, and Pinot appears to be strong. You know, Noah’s not winning. But then Sarah steps in with an ax and chops Pinot in half, and the top half of Pino’s body crawls towards his dad’s body saying, father help me, father help me, which as crappy as this movie is, I actually felt a little bit sorry for him in that moment. It was a little bit sad. 

Todd:  Yeah. 

Craig:  And then and then he apparently dies. And, Derek says, mom, who is he? And I think she says he’s just a toy. And then we get one final jump scare where Pinot, of course isn’t dead yet and he pops back up for a second before then just dying again. And Derek says to his mom, don’t be Craig. It’s only a toy, mommy. And they all go out together and we the camera closes up on one of those, creepy mannequins that’s hanging on the wall, and we see the sparks kinda sparkle in its eye and we hear Pino’s laugh. The end Oh, boy. That’s it. 

Todd:  You know, you’re right. I I think this movie is worth watching for the ending alone. 

Craig:  Mhmm. 

Todd:  So I I can’t say it’s as bad as some of the other movies we’ve seen, and we’ve seen some pretty bad movies in our day. 

Craig:  Oh, yeah. 

Todd:  And it it’s tried really hard. It fails in so many levels, and it’s really a shame that, you know, this is a movie with Mickey Rooney and it’s like that. It the whole movie just begs the question. This is the problem you get into with these movie with these toy movies. And I think that’s why so many of these toy movies with the Todd are actually like demonic Todd. You know, they’re they’ve got some supernatural element to them because the elephant in the room is if this guy can make these sentient toys, if he can construct a whole person, with sentience and whatever, then why is he depressed, run in this rundown old toy shop just trying to peddle off crummy little toys to people, talking about how unsuccessful he is and how nobody wants to come in, and he’s apparently destitute. I mean, this guy should be making millions, right, if he has this Yeah. This ability. 

Craig:  And never even never even crossed my mind, and you’re absolutely right. I mean, this guy clearly has some untapped talent. Yeah. You’re right. 

Todd:  And so that becomes the the the big point at which the whole movie just is completely implausible. And, and it’s again it’s not played like this guy is a is a mysterious creepy guy who wishes evil upon the world. Right? And and that’s the other way you you have to go if you’re gonna do this. Okay. Well, he’s the mad scientist, but he’s not ready to let his inventions out on the world yet. Well, yeah. No. He’s just the neighborhood toy guy, and even though apparently he had some malice toward children in the past after his wife died, for apparently many years he’s been operating just fine and not sending out creepy Todd.   Unless we’re supposed to believe that he has been still sending out these creepy toys and that’s kind of what caused Noah’s dad to get killed. It’s all pretty murky for me where that first toy even came from, you know, and why. 

Craig:  Yeah. That I still have no I don’t understand that at all. I I why why were they why was he sending toys to this family? I think wasn’t upstairs in Pedo’s apartment. I think that one of the things that Sarah sees is a photograph with a knife in one of the faces. Was that a picture of of, Derek and his dad? 

Todd:  It’s possible, but I could not tell. And I even rewind it and paused the movie just to see what was in that photo, and I I couldn’t make it out. 

Craig:  If I had to piece it together, and it’s so tenuous I that I could be totally wrong, but well, first of all, when he’s telling the whole story, Noah says, well, at that time, he decided if he couldn’t have a family, then nobody else could either. Okay. That’s fine. But that was a long time ago, and he hasn’t been doing that for a long time. So why again now? So I’m wondering maybe, Peto knows that he can’t keep Pinot around because people will figure out that he’s not a real boy and he’s creeping people out and it’s bad for business. Maybe he was planning on replacing, Pinot with with, Derek, maybe?   Mhmm.   I don’t know. I I have no idea. 

Todd:  Like the opposite. Like, Pinot wanted to replace himself with Derek in that family. Peto was trying to do the opposite, was trying to get Derek and his family. 

Craig:  I I don’t know. I have no idea. 

Todd:  Yeah. It’s all pretty well. 

Craig:  Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. You know, we’ve we’ve we’ve really ragged, on this movie, and it is bad. It is a bad movie. That doesn’t mean I didn’t kind of enjoy watching it. I mean, like, I can’t even really say that it had anything in particular going for it, but it was just so odd in places. And I’ve definitely seen more inept filmmaking too. I mean, it’s not great here, but I’ve definitely seen worse. So, I don’t think that it wasn’t at least a valiant effort.   And, you know, you and I watch all these movies, the good, the bad, all of them. And, I can even appreciate this one a little bit for what it is. I mean, it was different. I’m not saying that it was necessarily executed perfectly, but that whole idea of the Geppetto Pinocchio relationship, in a horror context, you know, that’s it’s a little bit different. I mean, it I guess you could say Frankenstein’s monster is kind of along the same lines, but, it’s it’s in many ways or at least in some ways, it’s unlike other movies that I’ve seen, and I can at least appreciate that. It’s not a good movie, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody unless they were specifically looking for a bad movie to goof on. But if that’s what you’re looking for, I think this could be a contender. 

Todd:  Oh, if that’s what you’re looking for, this movie fires on all cylinders. It really does. Yeah. And I have to say if memory serves me correctly, it’s still better than the original Silent Night, Deadly Night. 

Craig:  I think so. 

Todd:  Yeah. More watchable. 

Craig:  Yes. Agreed. 

Todd:  Thank you again for listening to another episode. If you enjoyed this podcast, please share 

Craig:  it with a friend. 

Todd:  You can find us on Itunes, Stitcher, and Google Play. We’re also out on social media, so check out our Facebook page, like us there, and let us know what you thought of this episode as well as any films we should watch in the future. Until then, I’m Tod 

Craig:  And I’m Craig. 

Todd:  With Two Guys and a Chainsaw.