New Fears Eve (2025)

Episode 471, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: Happy New Year, Craig.

Craig: Happy New Year. Yeah, it’s been a year. It has been a year. 2025 was a year for sure. 

Todd: We’ve had a number of these in the last 10 years or so. It’s been, yep. And 

Craig: we’ve got 

Todd: at least three 

Craig: more.

Oh my God. Happy New Year. 

Todd: Happy New Years. I mean New Year. Yeah. We just finished chatting amongst ourselves about how nice Christmas was for us this year and getting together with family and [00:01:00] things like that. As we normally do, we gotta try to get a New Year’s theme horror movie in, and those are hard to come by.

So I got super excited when I saw something come through one of my feeds. I don’t know about this cool new great new New Year’s movie that just was released on Screen Box as an exclusive and you gotta check it out. Refreshing Throwback to Slashers from the nineties, blah, blah, blah. And so I was like, Craig, let’s do this.

And so he, uh, graciously got a free trial to screen box, which we’ll see how that is. I don’t know if it’s gonna be as fun as Shutter is. Maybe you can check that out for a while and see. See if you like it. That could just be another, another thing that you add onto your already growing pile of streaming services that you subscribe to every month.

Craig: No, I, I checked it out already. I, I don’t want to trash anything or anybody. It’s, it’s, it’s a bloody disgusting streaming service and the comparison between it and Shutter is, shutter is more mainstream [00:02:00] stuff and they have a much larger collection and shutter produces a lot of originals. Screen box produces some originals also.

Um, but they’re more low budget and indie, and that’s what you’re gonna find on their streaming service too. Their selections are relatively limited. At least based on the five minutes that I spent perusing it. Okay. And in that five minutes when I went through all of their different categories, and they don’t just have horror, they also have action and thriller.

At least that’s how they categorize them for me. Wow. There was next to nothing that was familiar to me. So. It’s not gonna be worth, I think it’s 5 99 or 6 99 if you just go there and subscribe. If you add it on like through Amazon, which is what I did, if you add it on through any other streaming service, it’s only 4 99 a month, which is only 60 bucks a year.

So it’s not like you’re [00:03:00] wasting a ton of money. But I didn’t see anything that made me. Think, uh, I need this for the whole year. I think we’ll watch this. I’ll probably cancel it before my free trial runs out. And if, if something comes up that we wanna watch that’s streaming there, I’ll subscribe for a month.

And that’s. Fine. I’m glad it’s there. I’m glad it’s there for, uh, yeah. People who are and, and it has a lot more foreign films also. Oh, okay. So if you’re a fan of foreign films, uh, it might be worth it to you. I don’t think it’s worth a monthly subscription to me, but I’m glad it’s there. 

Todd: Well, it’s nice to see the Indie Horrors got a home somewhere because there’s a lot Yeah.

Of that produced. And this is something that we don’t dive into too much. Most of the indie horror that we do tends to be stuff that’s, you know, stood this test of time, right? Older movies that have since gotten a cult following or something like that. And I think I’m a little biased towards that. This is why I like to do older movies and I shy away from newer movies.

I know we’re almost the complete opposite on this. You know, there’s, [00:04:00] there’s overlap, but, but it, I think throughout the years, it’s tended to kind of suss out that you like to do the, the, the newer movies, or at least watch them. Yeah. I, I prefer to just go back and find every old unsung classic that I could possibly find and, and do it.

The reason I do that is because I don’t like to waste my time and I kind of like other people to gate keep for me in a way that I’m reluctant to admit, but it’s true. Kinda like with books, you know, I kind of want people to have already established over the years, yeah, this is something worth watching and so then I’m gonna sit down and watch it.

When you, when you turn on a new thing, you’re not sure, you know. It can be, it’s fun and exciting, but it can also be a waste of my 90 minutes. You know, 

Craig: I, I understand that, and I do know that you and I are very different and that you keep yourself very busy. I like, I, I don’t enjoy that busy time as much as you do.

Like, I enjoy quiet time. I enjoy just sitting with my dog [00:05:00] and, uh, whatever. I don’t want to delve into it. What, what I was getting into was that I feel like you probably are far more productive than I am and oh God, you know, your, your, your life illustrates that, but I also feel like you miss out on things.

Yeah. That’s probably true. It’s definitely true. Well, and probably not anything. Not anything that’s. Sincerely consequential. But the last time that we talked, I was blown away by the fact that you hadn’t seen almost famous. Like that’s that’s true. And, and I imagine you still haven’t seen it. And I’m gonna keep talking about it until you watch it.

And when you watch it, you’re gonna text me and be like, I can’t believe I haven’t seen that yet. I don’t know which is better. You are very productive. You are very successful. You pop up on my ads all the time, so like you are out there, like all over the world. I’m just a small [00:06:00] town guy who likes being at home.

So it’s a, it’s a very different perspective and approach, but. I’m glad that I can be here for you in general to every once in a while tell you you need to watch almost famous or other things. Almost famous that that obscure indie film that, 

Todd: uh, that obscure indie film. But that’s what, 

Craig: but, but I know you’re talking about missing, like I am.

I don’t see this type of stuff. 

Todd: Right. 

Craig: No, you’re right. As often I miss 

Todd: that on everything. And by the way, what works. Yeah. And mainstream stuff. I do. I do. And I’m very picky about what I’m gonna watch in the theater too nowadays. ’cause that takes even more time and more money. So, uh, I don’t even see newer films unless they’re big.

Like they, I can justify seeing them on the big screen. Yeah. By the way, the movie that we’re talking about is 2020 five’s, new Fears Eve. Man. I remember, was it last year or maybe two years ago? Around this time of year, I was really entranced by [00:07:00] clever titles and I thought, man, why has nobody else done a title like this?

Last time was, it’s a Wonderful Knife. You remember that? Oh, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Just on title alone. I had so much hope for that movie. I thought anybody clever enough? To come up with, it’s a wonderful knife for the first time and have one or two famous stars in it. Like this could be something that we’re gonna really enjoy.

And you know, we kind of enjoyed it, but we didn’t really like it all that much. Yeah, we’re a bit disappointed. So this movie, new Fears Eve, uh, stars among. Nobody else. Issa Rose. Yeah. From uh, the Sleepaway Camp series. And she does quite a bit of horror and I thought, okay, she’s, Issa Rose is in it. So it’s not, it’s not like me running around shooting something with my camcorder.

Got the clever title, new Fear Eve, and then there are all these people in line talking about it and it’s fresh and new and you know, it came out, I think on December 16th. So you were like, yeah, let’s do it. We got the screen box subscription. We went through the effort. I sat down last night with my dad and my nephew.

Uh, and we all watched it [00:08:00] together because we wanted to watch something. And, uh, they, they didn’t mind it. My dad doesn’t like horror movies. Yeah. He, at the end of all this, he goes like, this is why I don’t like horror movies. It’s just a bunch of people getting killed. That’s funny. You know? That’s funny.

So, you know, he didn’t love it either, but we enjoyed sitting down and razzing on it and, uh, and plowing through it, which is ultimately how I felt about the viewing experience. Plowing through it. Yeah. 

Craig: Yeah. I would say that this is not a movie that you want to sit down with somebody who doesn’t really like horror movies.

Anyway, like if you’re gonna sit down with somebody who doesn’t really like horror movies anyway, sit down with them with something that’s smart or funny. And not to say that this movie isn’t funny, but I say, not say that it’s smart, but, but Right. But you and I. Talked about trying to Busan with your dad, and he’s not a horror fan, but he loved that movie because Oh, yeah.

It [00:09:00] dealt with, you know, humanity and there was something below the surface that was going on that he could appreciate. 

Todd: Yeah. How old is your nephew? My nephew is, uh, he is 15. Yeah, I have two. Okay. What one is, what did he think? Uh, he was just like, eh. No, he didn’t really like it. You know, I mean, that’s kind of how 15 year olds feel about everything.

That’s true. That’s true. I mean, you know, I don’t know what his expectations are either. We were just happy to sit down and watch a movie. I warned them ahead of time. I said, look, this could just be kind of silly. It’s gonna be dumb. Yeah, it’s gonna be dumb. So don’t, don’t have high hope. So it’s not like he came in here thinking it was gonna be the best thing in the world.

And he was, he had a good spirit about it. We watched it, we finished it. We, we said goodnight to each other. And I was like, oh, I gotta wake up in like, in like six hours and uh, and talk about it. So I hope we can have some things to talk about because this is another one of those situations where I was like, oh, we always say are how much can we really say about this movie?

Are we even going to fill an hour? And I am wondering how that’s gonna work. We’re already 10 minutes [00:10:00] in, so that’s a good side. Well, okay. We haven’t talked about the movie years. 

Craig: Yeah, it’s interesting, like I feel like it’s an interesting throwback to nineties slashers. It’s very gory. I couldn’t even begin to estimate the kill count because it is a lot.

Yeah, there are a lot. Of kills in here. Yeah. Well, 

Todd: it’s kind of funny because the whole opening is nothing but just one kill scene after another of just random people setting up 

Craig: random stuff. Right. It opens up West Virginia we see on the. Screen. A guy is killed by some shears, like garden shears through the eyes mouth.

The killer is a guy in like, he’s like in a black coat and he’s dressed as like a plague doctor. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Basically. Um, with that long bird mask and there are like [00:11:00] red lights around his eyes. 

Todd: Yeah, it’s, it’s an interesting look. I mean, I think the, they were definitely going for something that could maybe be iconic someday.

Right. It just very different from I thought 

Craig: it Yeah. Everybody. It was a great look. Yeah. And, and then there’s a bazillion other kills, like another guy gets killed by two frying pans. Uh, on either side of his head. And then this killer rips a guy’s eyes out and slits his throat and he rips a guy’s face off and he rips a guy’s throat out.

And through all of this, we’re hearing news reports about how they’re labeling this guy, the doctor, because of the precision. I don’t know how ripping a guy’s eyeballs out with your hands is precision, but whatever. He’s called the doctor, and so we get all 

Todd: this. At this point, my dad turns to me and says, how do they know what he looks like?

The police have these like very detailed sketches of what this guy looks like, but all we’ve seen in these kill scenes is he approaching people out in the middle of nowhere [00:12:00] in the middle of the day. Really? Oh, yeah. Up in their home and a park. Yeah, on the deck in the behind their house. He’s doing his thing, but we can’t see that anybody’s seen who it was.

This guy is your typical killer. He could just pop in and out supernaturally at a moment’s notice, and he does his thing and he leaves 

Craig: and they’re like, where will he strike next? And then on the screen, Kentucky, and we shoot to this office where we meet our main folks, and I don’t really know who any of these people are.

Leslie is the main girl, the final girl. I guess Brian is this. Schleppy guy who looks like me, uh, I guess like he’s just like a schleppy guy. And Moses, who’s like this bleach blonde, douche kind of guy, and they work in a very generic office. 

Todd: Yeah. And 

Craig: they make jokes about how generic it is now. It reminded me so much of nineties things, but I couldn’t [00:13:00] tell if they were trying to emulate it.

Or spoof it. Right. The thing that bothered me the most is that this is a dialogue heavy movie. Yeah. Like it relies on the dialogue. And the dialogue is so. Tongue in cheek and self-aware. What I eventually wrote down is all of this dialogue feels written. Yeah. Nobody would ever actually say these things.

Yeah. On paper, it’s funny, but it doesn’t make like when the actors actually. Say it. It’s ridiculous. And I eventually just started just typing out quotes because they were so dumb. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Yeah, I guess we should, I, I guess we should set it up, but the dialogue is so written. When you said it was like the nineties.

Yes. It reminded me of the nineties. It reminded me of like Dawson’s [00:14:00] Creek, like no 15 year olds ever talked like that. Right. There’s a lot of really quippy, really quippy dialogue. And some of it’s funny, I laughed out loud sometimes, but it’s so quippy. Nobody would ever say that. It is so written. It’s ridiculous.

Todd: Yeah, I felt the same way. So at first you feel like you’re watching a comedy that’s not very well done. And like you said, I don’t know, I think if I read this script I would be like, oh, this is amusing. But one of the things that really struck out to me. From the very beginning was how ordinary all of these people looked, and that’s fine, but it, it signals, this is a low budget movie.

There’s a lot of, I don’t know what you would call extras in this movie. Because they Yes, and they do. And that’s good. I mean, that’s impressive. Actually at the very end of the film, when you watch the cast list, it’s, it’s huge. But that also kind of tells you it’s a low budget movie because Hollywood sort of insists on everybody being beautiful to a certain extent.

[00:15:00] And, uh, and even the ugly people are beautiful in their, in their own way. Like, and here everybody just looks like they’re my neighbor pulled off the street. And sure, at first it’s fine. It’s like, oh, cool. Like this, this looks like. Normal. It also is a tell. It’s like, okay, this feels more low budget because of it.

But I’m getting over that as we go on. It’s refreshing. I mean, this is something we always say we want real life reflected in movies. We don’t want this fake glamor stuff reflected in movies, but I don’t think we really, but yeah, we really mean that. I think we like to go to movies and see gorgeous people and everything perfect and pristine more than we like to admit.

And then on top of that, though. And like you said, this probably read really, really funny on paper, but I think it requires extreme skill to pull off convincingly. And again, these comedies aren’t convincing. Even the quips, you know, the office or whatever, it’s, it’s not convincing. We all know that nobody really talks like that or acts [00:16:00] like that.

I mean, it’s, it’s satire, it’s parody, it’s kind of blown up, you know? It’s like it’s the two of the extreme. Yeah. But those people. Make it funny. Their acting level is to a degree, and the directing is to a degree, and the timing. Everything with comedy is so difficult to do. It’s so difficult to do comedy really, really well.

It relies so much on timing. And that goes for the actors, it goes for the editing, uh, it goes for the direction and like how you frame a shot and, and, and when you cut away to somebody else’s reaction. There’s so much of that that has to be perfect for you to be rolling on the floor. And very little of this was, 

Craig: yeah.

And I, I think that this one missed the mark and that they, like, they weren’t entirely sure what they were doing because it’s so self-referential. There is a character who only speaks. In one-liners. Right? And he calls that out later. He’s like, I get it. I’m, I’m the character who only speaks in one-liners, but I really have a heart [00:17:00] too.

And I just feel like it, it didn’t go far enough. I would’ve preferred it if they would’ve pushed this into scary movie territory where it’s just rid. Ridiculous. Right. And I, and I, I didn’t feel like it went far enough for that. Like you think it held back, it kind of tried to ground itself in reality and that didn’t work.

Like if you’re gonna be feeding me this stupid, stupid, jokey dialogue, you’ve really just gotta give it all. I think that the only person who understood the assignment was Issa Rose. I thought she was. Hilarious. And I thought she got the assignment. I’m the big titty bimbo girl, and I’m gonna play it stupid.

Yeah. I’m gonna do it over the top. I mean, think of her lines, the lines that she says are no different than the lines that anybody else says, but it’s like she recognizes how stupid they are and [00:18:00] she plays them stupid. Yeah. And she’s funny. She’s hilarious. 

Todd: Yeah, she is. I mean, by herself. 

Craig: She’s funny, but she seems out of place.

Yeah. I don’t think she seems out of place because she was wrong. No, no. I think she’s the only one who understood the assignment. Exactly. 

Todd: They 

Craig: should have all been 

Todd: doing that. No, I agree with you. The her bo, the boss character, so she’s the secretary to Mr. Dugan who’s the boss of this company. He seems to be the closest to it, but he’s copying the whole like, like, well, who was the guy, the original office who’s the.

Sleazier feel. By the way, did you ever watch the Office? I didn’t really watch much of it, 

Craig: no. I, uh, the American one? Both, both either or? I, I, I watched all of the American one. I’ve never seen, uh, the original, but I know who you’re talking about. I can’t think of his name. Uh, VES. Ves, yeah, Ricky dva. 

Todd: He, he seems like he’s going between like Ricky Ves and he’s got a bit of a Phil Hartman look to him.

I don’t know. [00:19:00] He’s, um, trying very, very hard to be this kind of dickish boss who doesn’t care how dickish she is. And he’s full of sarcasm and one-liners and treats everybody poorly to the extent that, you know, this is no real office anywhere. ’cause he’d be in so much trouble and, uh, nobody would wanna work for him.

He’d be, people would be quitting left and right. So that’s kind of like, the joke is he’s that kind of boss, right. And he calls these two main characters in, what are we, Brian and what was the other guy’s name? Moses. Moses. 

Craig: I didn’t figure out his name until the end of the movie. Yeah. Uh, I just kept referring to him as blonde.

So if I refer to anybody as the blonde, I am talking about Moses. He’s the guy that thinks he’s real funny and he’s cracking jokes all the time and he is funny. He’s actually a very refreshing part of the movie. I don’t know, I just felt like, ugh. Yeah, it just, there’s something about it that’s unbalanced, like, yeah.

It just kind of doesn’t work. And there’s also a bazillion characters. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: [00:20:00] And tons of. Leading scenes that suggest something to you, but nothing ever pays off by the end of the movie, you have no idea what’s going on. Yeah, it’s, yeah. Who is the killer? What is his motive? You’re right. There are. Red herrings left and right.

Todd: Yeah, 

Craig: but none of them pay off because they just set it up for a sequel at the end. That frustrated me. 

Todd: Yeah. The ending was so abrupt. Oh God. I was so, but I was also glad it was over. 

Craig: I know. Oh my God. I think probably about an hour into it I was like, Jesus Christ, how much more of this. Is there, we were laughing about it 

Todd: too, because we were, I kept checking the time and it’s like, oh God, it’s only been like eight minutes.

Oh God. It’s only been 10 minutes. And that happened again, about an hour in as, as, as it was apparently for you because ultimately. The movie is really [00:21:00] just a bunch of kill scenes. They have all these characters and all these people to come in and really, it’s just the killer pops up, it kills this person.

The killer pops up, it kills this person. There’s some weird sideline about a cop and. His partner and then the FBI and I didn’t know what that was about. I still don’t know what all that was about. 

Craig: I don’t know. I still don’t either. Like, and I don’t even know how to talk about it because that’s what it is.

Like it just kinda seems like a series of vignettes that are loosely connected. Right. And you find out eventually that they. Are connected, but it’s dumb. Like we meet those three main people. There’s Leslie, the girl, Moses, the blonde, and Brian, who is just kind of a schleppy guy and they’re the three, three best friends or whatever.

And then Mr. Dugan is their boss. Uh, the actor who played Mr. Dugan. The only thing that I knew him from was he played. Deputy Doofy in the Scary movie. Oh really? Yeah. And he was funny [00:22:00] in that. And then Issa Rose’s assistant that like, she’s really kind of all I want to talk about. Issa Rose from Sleepaway Camp.

Classic. Classic movie. And she is one of those actresses now who you see pop up everywhere. I like her. I think she’s funny. I think she knows. What she’s doing in her career. She’s got great big boobs and is showing them off in this movie, and she’s like the boss’s assistant and she’s ditzy and slutty and hilarious, and I love her.

Issa Rose come to our podcast. Yeah. She’s not listening to this, but when you contact her manager, you can send this clip and 

Todd: yeah, we like you. 

Craig: We’ll treat you well. Yeah. We love you. I, I think she’s fantastic and she is really. Doing it like she is going all out. She is [00:23:00] going all out to be silly and funny and slutty and ditzy and hilarious.

And the two main guys are in a scene with. The boss, uh, and he’s telling them that people are gonna get laid off, but it’s not them. And there’s some stupid gag about jizzing. Oh God. And God, it’s so dumb. And I can’t imagine watching that with your 13, 15-year-old fuck. Nephew. He laughed. I was like, I didn’t even wanna make eye contact with my dad.

I thought it was so cringey. Oh God, that joke. Moses, this dumb blonde guy is like simulating cuing with like a lotion bottle over the, all over the desk. And then Felicis Rose, her name is. Stephanie in the movie, but she’s like, I’ll clean it up. No, no. I like cleaning up. I like, like, it’s just so stupid. God, it’s so dumb.

But it’s hilarious. Yeah. I mean, is it hilarious? I don’t know. I, I, I only found it funny because it was her, I think. [00:24:00] Oh her? Yeah, because I know who she is. Mm. And I know that she’s cameo in these cheap movies and she’s having a good time. She really seemed like she was having a really good time. Yeah. Yeah, she was.

She probably, she probably came in and made a couple hundred bucks. If anything, they’re probably like us. They probably called her and like, Hey, Issa Rose, we can’t give you any money, but this will go on screen box. If you wanna be in a movie. And she was probably like, sure. And she had a great time. Yeah. I don’t know.

I’m speculating a lot there. Er Rose, I’m sorry. Now you’re, 

Todd: now you’re dissing her. It’s like, no, I’m Rose, not dissing works for, works for nothing. She just thrilled to be in this silly movie. 

Craig: I’m not dissing her. I’m saying she is in it to have fun and have a good time. Yeah, I know what you mean. And that’s why Yeah, I, I, I really, but he’s not, I 

Todd: mean.

Craig: But it’s, this is [00:25:00] another re It’s dumb. 

Todd: Like it’s all dumb. These kinds of jokes, you know, to do silly, stupid comedy like this actually is more difficult than you would think. You, oh my gosh, to come on. I 

Craig: hate it. I hate this kind of stupid comedy. It’s hard. It’s really hard to do something that people are gonna laugh at.

Todd: So this is like Elli brothers level stuff, and the Elli brothers knew what they were doing and this is just like, ugh. It just goes on a little too long. It’s a little too cringe. I don’t know what it is. I couldn’t really pinpoint it, but I just like, Ugh. Is this really what we’re in for is this movie is trying hard to be funny and we’re going to be cringing a little bit at how hard it’s trying and how.

Much. It’s kind of not really succeeding. I applaud the effort. I was just like, Ugh. All right. And most of the, I thought most of the comedy in here was quite cringe. And like you said, if you’re going for parody or something like that, I mean that you could give them a lot of leeway, I suppose, but still, [00:26:00] like it’s supposed to be a horror comedy.

It needs to be funny. And so much of this just didn’t land with me. I, I could see what they were doing. It was probably really funny on paper. It’s really funny in concept. It just didn’t land. And this just seems to set up pretty much a whole bunch of cringey, not funny moments for me that just kind of made me tired of the movie.

I didn’t hate it. 

Craig: I know, I know, I know. Like I said, it’s so written and I feel like it’s pretty obvious at this point that we’re not gonna really get into the plot that much ’cause it’s, it doesn’t really matter all that much. We can talk about the things. The frustrating things, but just let me just tell you some of the quotes that I type.

I took the time to type out Moses says to a waitress. I think at some point I’m a composer. My best composition is putting a D major in a bjr hot. And then [00:27:00] right after that he says, I’m gonna puke outta my butt. He also says me in the butt about a hundred times throughout the movie. Yeah. More dialogue after a couple of people have a long conversation about nothing.

Somebody says, although this is a riveting conversation, I hear something really loud in the back, so I gotta go.

Uh, somebody says that one point. Uh, pardon my banality. What? Oh, I, I think my, oh, okay. I’ve got, I’ve got. Two more and then I’ll let it go for a minute. Somebody is like trauma dumping on somebody else. I’m going to use this line. Somebody says, uh, cancel my subscription to your issues. 

Todd: Yes. I also wrote that down and I think it was the most standout line for me in the whole, [00:28:00] the whole show.

Craig: Okay. Okay. All right. All right. And then my last one, a skeevy guy walks up to his skeevy girl and says, are you a beaver? Because damn. And she says back, are you a damn, because I’m soaking wet.

Todd: Oh man, 

Craig: the writer, whoever wrote this. Was trying really hard and the actors read the lines and were like, all right. I’ll say it like, yeah, it won’t always lie, but I’ll say it. I’ll say it. 

Todd: PJ Starks was the writer, wrote a few things before this, a bunch of things before this, but uh, it’s all kind of horror stuff.

Little segments and what must be anthology movies, it seems like, uh, from, you know, 10, 15, 20 years ago, not a lot, just, just a bunch of stuff over time. And executive produced a bunch of [00:29:00] these low, low budget movies. I’m sure he’s in a circle of people who are doing this and making a lot of low budget movies that I just have never seen.

And apparently he was asked to help David Breckman, who was from Monk and SNL film, his debut, directorial debut murder in Kentucky during some. Writers festival in 2009, you know, so he is, I mean, he is, he is good enough to get a movie out there. And he was a co-director on this with a guy named Eric Hutch.

Hutchson. Again, just a bunch of low budget movies, uh, behind them. Nothing wrong with that. It’s fine. But yeah, it kind of shows, and what you said earlier about this being a dialogue heavy movie, that’s what makes the movie so frustrating from the beginning is that there is so much setup, aside from all the kill scenes in the very beginning.

When we’re in this office with these people, they’re trying to set up a little bit of drama. I think I, I think that Leslie has just broken up with a guy, but she’s kind of into Brian, and Brian has this. [00:30:00] Girl who’s maybe his fiance or maybe just his girlfriend who he’s sort of trying to break up with.

I’m not even clear on all this because it wasn’t very clear and And you don’t care who care cares. Nobody cares. We care because all of this is just delivered through conversations that people are having with other people in an office. We don’t really have scenes between the two of them that are really interesting.

We don’t really have action happening between them, funny bits, funny moments or whatever. It’s just all talk. And it’s talked about and around it. Instead of diving us right into their relationship and showing us more of their character, you know, they just seem very flat because of it. They seem like just flat people who they are, what they look like, and they just 

Craig: talk and they like, yeah, they try to establish dynamics between these three people, but over the course of the whole movie, like, I don’t know if I hadn’t read the Synopsis.

I think the synopsis says like. Three friends try to maneuver their way through. I don’t even know that I would’ve [00:31:00] thought necessarily that it was about those three people or that they were friends. Yeah. Right. Like they just happened to work together and Yeah, they have, they, they’re interconnected in some way.

Yeah. What’s his name? Brian, the beard guy has a girlfriend, I guess, who’s like a doctor, doctor or something. But it seems like their relationship isn’t. Great. And then there’s the girl, and she’s just gotten out of a relationship with the douchey guy that they also work with, who you find out later in the movie was like abusive to her.

Like they just casually throw that in. Oh, I know. That was weird. And yeah, she says something like. And when you hit me, was that normal? Like what, like are we really getting into that in this movie? It’s weird 

Todd: at this point. 10 minutes before the end. 

Craig: Yeah. And, and then there’s a third friend who’s like the comic relief.

And again, it’s so self. Referential. Like he call, he keeps calling it out throughout the movie. Yeah, I know. I’m that character who just [00:32:00] drops funny lines and blah, blah, blah. Like it’s, it’s, yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s a little bit meta and it kind of knows what it’s doing, but it’s not clever. Like 

Todd: Yeah. Yeah. 

Craig: I see what you’re doing too.

You calling it out isn’t really that funny when it’s so. Obvious. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Um, so it, it’s kind of centered around them, but then also, like there’s this other slasher thing going on that you don’t have any idea what’s going on. You know, the, the guy in the plague mass just kills a bunch of people and then you find out that he kills Leslie.

That’s the girl, one of the three main. People kills her mom and her sister. The mom seems to know like something weird is going on, but we never find out what she knows. And she references her brother Mike and the daughter, Leslie’s sister’s, like We should call Uncle Mike. And she’s like, no, I can’t call him.

And then we meet him and he’s like a cop who we’ve [00:33:00] already seen before, who’s just some old cop. Yeah. And then he does something shady with like a warehouse full of people. What was that? Who get killed 

Todd: by table saws that the FBI is like, uh, tailing him on for some reason. 

Craig: There’s like some stakeout. We see him on the phone.

By himself and he or no? No, no. I feel like he’s recording himself, like he’s taping himself and he’s like, I just have to, you know, tell you all, um, you know, I was involved in something but I didn’t expect it to go this far and I just have to do this one more time. And I thought, well, like they’re making him a red herring for the killer.

But no, like he goes up to some warehouse and then his. Partner, his female partner’s, like, I’m gonna come join you. And she does. And they go in there and they’re looking around and she’s like, do you not see these bodies on these tables? Like it’s a whole room full of corpses [00:34:00] apparently. And then I didn’t even remember what happened, but somehow like a flip a, a switch 

Todd: gets flipped.

Well, she goes, they’re breathing that notice that they’re not bodies, they’re breathing, and then one of them flips the sheet of over one of them, and I guess that triggers something because now that triggers 

Craig: table saws on all 48 of these tables. That is a lot of people, that’s like, it’s a lot of table saws, 

Todd: right?

It’s expensive. It’s an elaborate saw trap of some sort, I suppose that. But who are these people? Right? Why were they killed? What’s happen happening? What is the point of this? We never know. Who knows? 

Craig: Do we? Okay, but we, but then we find out that the cop is Leslie’s uncle and he’s watching out for her at a dance because he has a bad feeling.

But then he sees the. Bird guy and he follows him, and then he follows the bird guy and he confronts him in the alley. He’s like, that wasn’t our [00:35:00] deal. I was just supposed to drop off some evidence, and then I, me and my family would be out of this. And then his partner shows up and he is like, and look, you brought my partner into it.

And then his partner shoots him in the head. Yeah. And the partner goes up to the bird guy and is like, why didn’t you tell me you were working with him? That would make it a lot easier. And then a couple of FBI agents show up and the bird guy slits that lady’s throat, the one who was just talking to him, we never find out.

Anything about how any of this is connected, 

Todd: right? I Are they trying to go for like a multi sequel sort of intricate saw type situation? I 

Craig: can only imagine, but it’s lazy. Like yeah, let’s just establish that they were in some way connected and kill them off. So that we can do something later. Not in this movie, no.

Todd: [00:36:00] Well, they would have a lot of explaining to do because this Birdman just kills everybody. They don’t seem particularly connected in any way. Nobody seems to be particularly in his way so that they’re Cannon FOD or whatever. I mean, he just. The whole film is just, here are these people we saw briefly. Now they’re gonna die.

Craig: Most of it takes place at this party. This is my favorite part. My favorite part is when he shows up at the party and like even when he just first walks in the door, some drunk guy stumbles out and is like, Hey, nice costume. And he slits his throat. Then he just goes in the party and just starts killing everybody who he comes across.

Yeah. And. People are just standing around. Yeah. Just watching and, and just waiting, like, just standing against a wall. Okay. I’ll, I’ll stand here while you kill that person. Um, take your time then. Take your term on me. I’ll be here when you get here. I’ll be here when you’re ready to swing that ax by direction.

[00:37:00] Yeah, and it is very go. And it gets creative with the kills. He typically doesn’t kill anybody in exactly the same way. 

Todd: Each one’s very different. 

Craig: He may use the same weapon or something. One of my favorite kills was when he walks outside and there are three people like sitting outside and somebody makes fun of him and he.

With one swipe of a scalpel, slits all three of their throats. Yes. 

Todd: This is what I turned to my dad and I was like, this, this party, uh, everyone’s very well spread out and this office has a million rooms. Yeah. ’cause nobody seems to stumble across any of these bodies. This, the party is happening. My dad was like, do you remember when it establishes the party and we see that they have hired some musician to come and perform some kind of, I don’t know.

Hardcore band. Yeah. DJ type thing. And my dad turns to me, he goes, this is the entertainment they hired for this office party. And then I would say about 20 [00:38:00] minutes later, my dad turns to me and goes, whatever happened to the band? Right. And I’m like, 

Craig: the party looks lit at first and then they’re just hanging out in the office later.

They are. 

Todd: And nobody, again, there’s no panic or anything like that because, uh, apparently people die. They get, their bodies are left there and nobody ever stumbles into that particular room again, uh, for the rest of the movie, because that’s how it is. It’s just like a person dies, okay? A person dies. Okay?

A person dies. Okay? There’s no consequence, there’s no build, there’s no payoff. You know, there just happens for our sake, so we can see a whole bunch of different kills. My favorite kill. Was Issa Rose’s kill in the bathroom stall. Oh my God, that 

Craig: was fantastic. 

Todd: She’s back in and she’s like, no, no, no. And he pulls out a syringe and he pokes her, not once, but twice in the stomach with this syringe.

He’s like, oh, no, no. What are you doing to me? Just again, like not really fighting back, not doing anything. Then he pulls out a scalpel, cuts her in the stomach. She’s like, oh no. And he reaches into her belly and starts pulling out her intestine, [00:39:00] and she’s like, oh, I can’t even feel that’s going on. I can’t even feel that.

Pulls. Pulls her intestines out in front of her and she’s just standing there. Oh my God, no. What are you doing? And then he throws the intestines into the toilet and fletches it. And as it only happens in movies, toilets have incredible suction power. Yep. And that just pulls all of the rest of the intestines out of her while she stands there going, ah, I can’t even feel it.

Oh my God, what’s going on? 

Craig: Yeah. Seriously, anybody who’s listening, if you have. Any connection to Issa Rose at all? 

Todd: Get her on here. 

Craig: Hook us up. I would die. I would die to talk to her. Die. We 

Todd: could totally do it. Give us some credit, man. I think we can make this happen. I don’t think we, and so this is a scene where you’re just like, okay, so is this movie trying to be funny?

Is this like a parody? A lot of the other kills are just basically creative ways of killing people, acts or this or that or the other. And then this like ridiculous thing happened that on its [00:40:00] face is super ridiculous that you have to think. Well, they meant it to be ridiculous, right? They, 

Craig: yeah, right. It didn’t go far enough.

They should have pushed it into more stupid, because you know, the doctor, that’s what they call him. He goes around and he kills everybody. Like it’s just, again, like I said at the beginning, I couldn’t begin to tell you what the kill count is in this ’cause it’s huge. He kills. Literally everybody at the party and then the quippy guy says, this party’s officially dead.

Again, not knowing that all these people have been slaughtered, but it’s just so dumb, and then he has a heart to heart with it. Turns out Moses the blonde guy. Has a crush on Leslie who has a crush on Brian or whatever his name is, and he has like a heart to heart with her and he’s like, I know I’m the comic relief.

I’m just one throwaway joke after another. And he says several things like [00:41:00] that throughout. So they are aware of what they’re doing because that’s exactly it. That is exactly who he is. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And it’s all like 13-year-old. Guy jokes. 

Todd: Yeah. That 

Craig: I can smile at like, and it’s funny, but like it’s not. Smart or creative or gonna make me laugh it just, or 

Todd: delivered well enough, you know?

I’m sorry. It’s just No, 

Craig: it’s, it’s, it’s just the expect it, like I see what you’re doing there. Like, it’s funny, whatever. Ah. But guy, but, but then I, I feel like the three of them are now kind of running around and, and the doctor confronts them in several places and kills people in front of them. He kills a couple of people with a corkscrew right in front of them.

And 

Todd: he also has a way of, sometimes he chloroforms people. Sometimes he just puts a cloth over their mouth and they pass out and then they wake up and they’re in some scenario, which again, I thought, oh, we’re setting up, [00:42:00] like this is going to be important. Like, why did he not just slash this person, but then he chloroform someone so they can wake up tied to a chair so that he can stand in front of them and for example, just at point blank range, shoot a couple crossbows into him.

I, uh, yeah. What was the point of that? Just again, like. Have another way of killing someone that, yeah, 

Craig: I guess 

Todd: that’s so frustrating, 

Craig: right? What’s, I mean, he’s just doing it for us, like Yeah. So that we have something to look at. I mean, it’s, it’s silly. I did wanna mention, and I, I’ll look it up real quick if I can.

Um, the only person, there’s a hot girl in the movie. There’s one hot girl in the office, um, and she is played by Hannah Fearman. And when I was looking at the IMDB, I was like. I know those eyes. I’ve seen this girl before. I think it was the very first VHS. Have you seen any of those v those shutter? VHS anthologies?

Yeah, I’ve seen a couple of [00:43:00] them. I think we did one of them on our show here too, maybe. 

Todd: Mm-hmm. 

Craig: They vary in quality. I have liked them less the further that they’ve gone on, but they vary in quality. This girl, the hot. Office Girl. Yeah. Is played by Hannah Fearman, who was in the segment where these three drunk douche bags.

Pick up a seemingly naive girl and she turns out to be like a siren or some kind of demon, and she flies away with one of them at the end. 

Todd: Mm. 

Craig: I think they may have even made that into a feature film, and I have no idea if this actress, Hannah Fearman, was. In it, but I recognized her right away. She, she eventually gets killed and everybody’s killed except for the final three.

And 

Todd: yeah, it’s annoying. It was a horribly staged confrontation at the very end. Uh, that was, yeah. They 

Craig: have like a, like a comedic like slap fight. Yeah. Like this guy’s killed like 30 people and then all of a sudden [00:44:00] they have like this. You’re having such 

Todd: a hard time with him. Scary. We 

Craig: slap fight. 

Todd: She knocks him out with 

Craig: a cardboard box.

I mean, and I was so angry because the two guys who are apparently both in love with her are like, get out, get out. And she stands there for five minutes, like, no, I won’t leave you. And they’re like, seriously, get the fuck out. No. 

Todd: Do something while each of them have his, his leg, they’ve clearly pinned this guy down.

He is not moving for five minutes. Why didn’t she just pick something up and smack the guy? She just, again, like you said, other people just stand around and so these scenes are very unconvincing and that’s, that really takes you out of it too. I guess it would be weird for us to finish this off without talking about the dildo kill.

Craig: Well, go ahead, you. I don’t want to.

Todd: And why not? There’s just a ddo in one of the offices. Offices. This is so dumb. Which is so stupid, right? And [00:45:00] so one guy, whether they’re searching for something to find, he finds a dildo in someone’s inbox, like, oh, how did this get there? Oh, well that’s really gross, guys. And then of course, the killer shows up.

He kills one of ’em. He ends up with the dildo, he throws it across the room, and this rubber thing goes right into his eye. Kills this guy, which causes him to fall forward against the glass and the suction cup. Part of the back of the dildo. ’cause it’s got one sticks to the glass. So the guy’s held up for a minute and then he kind of slides off of it, but his glasses remain on the dildo.

Oh my God. It was, 

Craig: the thing that I appreciated about that scene was that the guy commented on how comically large it was like, anytime you see dildos in. Movies. They’re like 12 to 14 inch cocks that are like three inches around. Nobody’s using that for fun. That’s just, that’s just for porn. Just a gang porn.

That’s just a, yeah. [00:46:00] Yeah. Nobody, nobody. And I like, I get it. I, if you’re a fan of porn and you wanna see big Dixon porn or whatever, but nobody really wants that. No, it’s too much. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do with that? 

Todd: Slap it against 

Craig: a face, I guess. No, thank you. 

Todd: Plus it’s rubber, I mean. It’s pretty floppy at that point.

Something that big anyway. Oh boy. Yeah. So there’s the dildo killer. 

Craig: Yeah, so, so eventually while her friends are getting brutally murdered right in front of her, because she’s just standing there, like in theory, if she had just cut the chain and run away, maybe the murderer would’ve run away without stabbing the guy that she was interested in 50 times with a scalpel in the back.

Todd: Right? 

Craig: Maybe. Um, but that’s not, but she eventually decides to run and she runs into a cop and immediately faints. Yeah. God. And then there’s cops and ambulances and a 

Todd: bunch of bullshit she’s taken to the 

Craig: [00:47:00] hospital. A bunch of bullshit, right? 

Todd: Oh. That cut on her arm. My dad was like, that cut on her arm has really put her under, because he, my dad’s a nurse, she’s in the emergency room, hooked up to IVs and shit, and she’s just got a cut on her arm.

But you gotta get her by herself. ’cause that’s, we knew this was gonna happen if they take this in the, into the hospital. Hospital. And we’ve 

Craig: seen this a bazillion times. Yeah. We know the. The doctor, capital D is still out there and it turns out we never see his face, but he is an actual doctor at the hospital named Dr.

Fierce New Fierce Eve. And he gets called over there but she figures it out ’cause she sees his shoes or something and she escapes out a window and he follows the blood trail and it, she’s outside and she looks back and she sees his. Silhouette in the window and she says, come and get me. Motherfucker.

The end you. Oh, I [00:48:00] so mad. I know. Like I watched this movie for a long hour and a half. It felt long. I swear to God, an hour into it. I was like, Jesus Christ, is this over yet? Like come on. 

Todd: I know. And then they do this and 

Craig: I don’t, I don’t care. To see a sequel will surely not be made. And if it is, I don’t have any interest.

I don’t care. 

Todd: Yeah. I’m not interested in unwrapping the mystery of this guy who just goes around, kills every single person who is he’s in contact with. It doesn’t feel like there’s I Right. 

Craig: An intrigue don’t. I don’t care. Yeah. I don’t care how their family was involved in it. I don’t care why Leslie’s mother was nervous about something happening.

I don’t care why her uncle, the cop was somehow invested in it. I don’t care. Yeah. Wrap it up. And it made me mad that they didn’t wrap it up. But it 

Todd: made me happy. They wrapped it up. I was very conflicted here. Thank God I was so mad that it was over, but I was also like, oh, I, I did let a breath out. I was like, okay, cool.

[00:49:00] We can go to sleep now. 

Craig: Yeah. And to say all that, honestly, it wasn’t awful. Oh, like I have seen way worse, I think that my biggest problem with this movie was the plotting because it just, even though there were like 50 kills, like it just, it plotted along and my biggest complaint about it. Was the writing, like I didn’t believe a, a word of the dialogue.

Nobody would talk like this. Nobody. Yeah. It was so quippy and, but then again, I do feel like they were going for some kind, I think of parody of nineties. Horror. Yeah, I guess, and I think that nineties horror was kind of like that. Like Sure. Off of Scream and off of Dawson’s Creek, where it was very dialogue driven.

I feel [00:50:00] like they were trying to spoof that and I just found it nauseating. Yeah, it, it’s just a little 

Todd: insufferable, you know, again, like I said at the beginning and you agreed like spoof comedy is hard. Comedy is hard. And if you’re going to spoof something, it’s harder than you think. And you know, you’ve gotta either, in this case, probably just should have laid into it.

So that it was obvious and the goofiness became consistent. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It just needed to be more consistent in some way instead of just sort of consistently insufferable. Yeah. You know, and uh, and if you’re gonna try to put some intrigue in here, that’s good and that’s fine. But make it interesting.

We don’t wanna hear everything through people talking. We wanna see something, we wanna see some action that has consequence. We wanna see. A person you know, who’s struggling with something. Well we, that we can get behind. 

Craig: We skipped over [00:51:00] the two or three flashbacks where somebody said, here’s exactly what happened to me.

And then you get to watch it for the next five minutes. And it’s not interesting at all. Like somebody says, oh yeah, that guy chased me too. And then it cuts back. For five minutes where you just get to see that like, yeah, you could have just told me I didn’t need to see it. Like I believed you when 

Todd: you said it.

Yeah, it’s, it’s frustrating. And I also, you know, it, it, it was far too much set up that wasn’t interesting. That was all just dialogue that was trying to be funny but didn’t really land and that didn’t really set a good tone for the rest of the movie, honestly. And so I think that, you know, it kind of failed there too.

I also really, really, really didn’t care for the fake documentary style thing they were going for. That was kind of office like where the camera is very jittery. 

Craig: Yeah. Like 

Todd: [00:52:00] there’s somebody handholding it. At the beginning, it just didn’t seem to fit with, it seemed to fit with the tone of the comedy section of the movie that they were going for.

Like I said, it was clear. They were like, they were trying to cop the office in a way, but then it just didn’t work for the rest of the film. It was just inconsistent, I guess. It was just very inconsistent and that. That I found irritating. I don’t know if I’m uniquely irritated by shooting styles, but, but like anytime there’s a handheld type shooting style in a movie anymore, my mind immediately goes, all right, mother, you better gimme a very good reason why you’re shooting it this way.

Because if not, I, I’m just gonna be annoyed. It feels lazy or it feels like you’re, you know, I just, Ugh, I hate that. And I really hated it at the beginning. So the movie didn’t start out, you know, the first 20 minutes didn’t lay great groundwork for me personally. It was, it was already annoying in a couple ways.

And then to have like fake intrigue that doesn’t go anywhere. Characters, I don’t care about just a whole bunch of kill scenes, you know? Nothing really seems to be. [00:53:00] Existing in reality where people would find bodies, where people would be upset about certain things, where people wouldn’t stop in the midst of a chase scene and have quippy dialogue back and forth for 10 minutes and cosiness between them.

It was, I know, I, I wanted to say like I was mad at it. I kind of knew what I was getting into. 

Craig: No, it was fine. 

Todd: I 

Craig: just, I, I was genuinely amused by Issa Rose, so if you are a Issa Rose fan, you might find this amusing, but honestly, if you could just find her scenes on YouTube or something. Yeah, just watch that.

I, I just feel like she’s, she’s really leaning into what people expect of her or what she can get or whatever, and she’s just. Going for it. And I think that’s fantastic. She’s a I, I, I find her very beautiful. She’s got huge. Boobs. And that’s not usually something [00:54:00] that like I’m super into, but they work for her.

And I just think that she has a great sense of humor about who she is and her career. And I, I, I just respect that. I, I respect when somebody’s like, you know, this is. What people want me for and what I can do, and I’m just gonna lean into it. And I, I really like that. So she was a, a highlight, uh, for me of the movie.

Beyond that, it’s okay. We’ve certainly seen worse. It’s clearly low budget, but for a low budget movie, I thought that it was competently shot. It doesn’t look super cheap. Oh, I mean it that cheap. It shows its budget, but it doesn’t look super cheap and it doesn’t look super amateur-ish. I thought. True. You know, even the effects, and there are like 750,000 kills in this movie, and each one is unique.

It’s not like it’s the same thing over and over again. Each one is [00:55:00] unique. So the people who worked on the special effects on this applause. Good job to you. Yeah. Yeah. Great. I thought it looked great and that was fun over overall. I didn’t care for it. And I have a feeling that this is the type of offering that you’re typically going to find on screen box.

Todd: Mm. Yeah. You’re probably right. 

Craig: I feel like if I’m looking for this type of thing, I can find it for free on Tubi most of the time. Ah, 

Todd: yeah. 

Craig: But if I need to pay. Seven or $8 if you wanna support every once in a while. Bloody 

Todd: disgusting. 

Craig: Every once in a while to watch a movie on screen box. I’m willing to do that.

That’s fair. I’ll pay that much to rent or watch a movie that I wanna watch elsewhere. So. To each their own. It’s not awful. We’ve certainly seen worse and um, it happens on New Year’s Eve and that’s what [00:56:00] we were looking for. And Happy New Year. 

Todd: Happy New Year. What a way to kick it off.

Oh my gosh. Well, 2026 is going to be interesting. It’s gonna be interesting for all of us. And, uh. I walk into this new year with, uh, I don’t know, the same level of trepidation combined with positivity that I try to walk into every new year. Really interested to see how it turns out. Really hoping for the best for you, for all of you listeners out there, for myself, obviously my family, and, uh, we’re looking forward to a new, nice new batch of horror movies coming to us in 2026.

There’s an interesting lineup of stuff to look forward to, so, uh, happy 2026 everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Happy 

Craig: 2026 and things, you know. I, I, I tend to be kind of gloomy about things sometimes, but I am forever grateful for all of you who check in with us every once in a while and hang out with us for an [00:57:00] hour or whatever, and, um, are patrons who are not only generous, but so kind and we’ve made.

Great friends, and I’m grateful for you all and, and knowing wonderful, lovely people like you who I can talk to and laugh with and have a good time with. It reminds me that things may sometimes look bleak, but there are good people in the world and there are good times to be had, and, uh. That keeps me going.

So thank you and Happy New Year. 

Todd: Happy New Year everyone. If you enjoyed this podcast, please share it with a friend. That’s the best New Year’s or Christmas gift you can give to us. Write us a positive review on any place that you could find that. Uh, reviews, podcasts. We love to read those. You can also contact us by visiting our website, chainsaw horror.com.

Click on the talk to us button there and you can send us a, a voice message if [00:58:00] you’d like. We will play it on air, but you can also just, uh, find us on social media just. There are two guys in the Chainsaw podcast. We’ve got the Instagram, Facebook, all the, all the lovelies out there for you to comment on, and the newsletter.

If you subscribe to our newsletter and you respond to our newsletter, you can, uh, you can get to us directly, and that is all at chainsawhorror.com. Alright, happy 2026. Until next time. I’m Todd. And I’m Craig with Two Guys anda Chainsaw