curtains still

We can’t really say “thanks” to loyal listener Shane for requesting this week’s movie. Maybe he wanted to punish us? What did we ever do to you, Shane?

Also, how sexually suggestive is that poster, eh?

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Automatic Transcript

Curtains (1983)

Episode 186, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw

Todd:  Hello, and welcome to another episode of 2 Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd.

Craig: And I’m Craig.

Todd: Well, we decided we better dip back into our request list because it’s starting to get a little long. The request that we chose to do for this week, since we do enjoy Early eighties horror slasher films, especially ones that are a little more obscure, came from Shane. And he requested a film that we had both never heard of, I think. Right?

Craig:  Right? And I know why.

Todd:  Now we know why. Sorry, Shane. We’re not gonna be kind to this movie. No. This is 1980 three’s Curtains, one of those many I don’t know. It seems like Canada had a, the beat on all of the early slasher films of the late seventies, early eighties, they were all coming out of Canada. Right? I mean, we’ve done So many. Terror Train, Black Christmas, prom night, just just a lot of these.  Some of them notorious. Some of them forgettable like this movie. Yeah. Come out of Canada, for some reason. It was I think it was a cheap place to do production. The Burning, I think, was it was there too?

Craig:  I don’t know. I don’t remember. But this I I think the producer of this movie was the same guy who produced Prom night, and they wanted to do a more mature slasher movie, like, for grown ups, like, not just like a Teen slasher movie. Mhmm. And, I think maybe they miscalculated. I think that the the whole Teen slasher thing is the way to go because

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  This is not.

Todd:  Nobody nobody wants to watch what Kind of ends up looking like a bad soap opera with a few killings in it.

Craig:  Right?

Todd:  I seriously, when we turned this on from the very beginning, I thought, is this What are those made for TV movies we’re gonna be watching again? And, apparently, the movie did have a bit of a life on late night television, and I can see why. It’s pretty Tame in most respects. It’s really odd in a lot of ways. It’s the sort of thing that if you’re half asleep, You might as well watch because you’re gonna fall asleep anyway.

Craig:  Yeah. I was gonna say, like, listen. Get your Beeper ready because I am not gonna be able

Todd:  to

Craig:  contain myself. This movie is super fucking boring. And I was bored to death in this movie.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  There are so many scenes that I was, like, looking at my watch, like, this scene is still happening. Like, are you kidding me? Like, I’ve been watching some bitch ice skate for, like, 5 minutes. Like oh my god.

Todd:  Todd notorious ice Gating scene from what I read online. You know, I have to admit this, and I’ve never I don’t think I’ve done this for any other films that we’ve had to watch. But about 20 minutes into this movie, I went into my video player software, and I set it Todd play the movie at 1 and a quarter speed.

Craig:  I I don’t blame you.

Todd:  Kid you not. I thought I could save a good 10 minutes from this movie by just speeding it up. And I didn’t even notice. Like, even even at 1 and a quarter speed, it seemed slow.

Craig:  I I Swear to Todd that if we hadn’t been watching it for the podcast, I would have turned it off. Like, I was mad. Like, I was, like, rage watching it. Like, this is this is horrible. Throw it stuff across

Todd:  the room.

Craig:  I mean, we have watched some movies that have been really bad in different ways. But usually, like, those are kind of fun to like joke about or whatever. The like like you said, like, this is just, like, bad daytime drama. Like, it it feels like Soap opera. Like, I watched, like, 3 episodes of All My Children or something. Like

Todd:  Bad episode. Yeah.

Craig:  Oh, So bad.

Todd:  And it’s pretentious at points, and it’s bizarre.

Craig:  So pretentious.

Todd:  And here’s the weird thing. There are really good actors in this movie.

Craig:  Yeah.

Todd:  There are seasoned actors in this movie. And some of the actors in this movie, this may have been their 2nd or 3rd movie that they did, but they went on to do a lot of stuff. I mean, There’s some really recognizable faces in here.

Craig:  Yeah. The only one that I recognized was the guy who plays the lead guy, Stryker. Stryker. John Vernon. Yeah. John Vernon. I mean, if you’ve ever seen any movie ever, you’ve seen this guy because he’s been in a Zillion days.

Todd:  And a lot of TV. A lot of TV.

Craig:  Yeah. Even now. Tons and tons and tons. But he was the only one that I really recognized. Who else?

Todd:  You didn’t recognize Samantha Egger, the the sort of the other lead actress in it? The one

Craig:  Not really.

Todd:  She has kind of a I don’t wanna say a wonky eye, but it’s like one of her eyes is just a little bigger than the other.

Craig:  Yeah. Yeah.

Todd:  It looks just a little to the side. So she’s got a very distinctive look. She was the star of the brood. Haven’t done The Brood yet, but we probably will at some point. She’s been in a ton of ton of movies. She was the voice of Hera in the Disney Hercules.

Craig:  Oh, that’s cool.

Todd:  Not not like a lot of big name movies, but a lot of stuff that you’d recognize. And like I said, a lot of TV. I don’t know. Especially from the eighties, actually, like Falcon Crest, The Love Boat, you know, things like that. And then, some of the other actresses, actually, we should have recognized from earlier films we’ve done. Sandy Curry was one of the girls in Here. She was in Terror Train, and Lynn Griffin was in Black Christmas. She was one of the girls in Black Christmas.

Craig:  Oh, We’ll see, here was one of the problems that I had with this movie. Okay. So the premise the general premise, like, if you read it on IMDB, Is like these 6 actresses gather at this manner for like some audition for like a life changing role or whatever. First of all, when I first started watching the movie, I was going back to IMDB because I was thinking I was watching the wrong movie, because it didn’t Seem like that was what it was going to be about at all for the 1st 10 or 15 minutes. But one of the problems one of the many problems that I had with the movie Was that aside from 2 of those 6 actresses, none of the rest of them had any distinguishing qualities. So I never had any idea who I was looking at. Yeah. Like, I had no idea who was who.

Todd:  Even physically, they have no distinguishing qualities.

Craig:  They have

Todd:  almost the same hairstyle. They’re they’re all kind of brunettes. There’s only 1 blonde in the whole thing, and they all just have a Similar look. Again, they all look like they came off of 80 soap operas, every single one of them.

Craig:  Well and to be fair, I guess they’re all auditioning for the same role. But At one point, somebody says, oh, you’ve brought all these girls here, and they’re all so different. No. They’re not. They’re all exactly the same.

Todd:  Like, I don’t know what you’re just

Craig:  talking about. And, like, the they try to give them distinguishing qualities, but the distinguishing qualities are like, Oh, one’s an ice skater. One’s a ballet dancer. One’s a comedian, but they look exactly the same. And so I never know who I’m looking at. And I don’t know what version of the film that you looked at. I watched it on Amazon Prime, and it was Terrible. The quality was terrible.  The screen was bouncing around all of the time, And, it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything for a good 30% of the movie. And there were also many, many times when the boom mics We’re so obviously in Craig. Like, ridiculously obviously in frame. Was that not the case with the version that you watch?

Todd:  Maybe you watched the transfer from the VHS or something like that. Because Probably. What I watched was pretty clear. I read that in the early 2000, all of the Fans of this film petitioned for it to be to get a proper Blu Craig and DVD release, and so it did. And I think the movie I watched probably came from that release. I’d imagine they fixed those problems. I can’t imagine there being that many fans to petition unless the guy who owned the rights to this was, like, 1 dude sitting in his house who got, like, 2 letters from people.

Craig:  I don’t know. I don’t know. Like, and that’s Todd did you say the name of the guy? Shane? Is it Shane who, requested this? Shane, get on our Facebook page and please tell us why you requested this movie. If there’s something about it that I missed, something that makes it endearing, something that warrants it being a cult classic. Fill me in because I just don’t get it.

Todd:  I don’t

Craig:  get it.

Todd:  It’s a bizarre movie, and It doesn’t flow well. It’s poorly edited. There are a lot of hanging threads in here. There’s

Craig:  Hanging threads? It’s completely nonsensical. Completely nonsensical.

Todd:  Like It’s not plausible at all. None none of it is. No. Almost yeah. Absolutely every bit of it, including the premise. The premise is stupid. The prem the premise is that this big name like you said, this big name director is gathering all up, sort of like, Agatha Christie style, gathering all of these people, these women Todd his house to audition them. And then his method of audition is he’s I’m he’s I guess he’s just gonna put them through the paces or something.

Craig:  And them. That’s what I that’s the only that’s the only reason that he’s breathing them all there.

Todd:  It’s true. And And he’s so brazen about it. He just it’s like 1 scene, he walks into 1 girl’s room with her, and she’s just like, okay. And another scene, he he saves a girl from, like, a thing and then, comforts her in bed, and they start kissing. And there you go. There’s that thing. And he just

Craig:  so That seems to be really his only motivation.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  Okay. Like, I feel like we should say that the 1st 20 minutes and I and I guess I found the 1st 20 minutes Kind of intriguing like, okay, so this director striker has this relationship with this actress named Samantha, where they have worked together like A 1000000 times. And they’re gonna do this new film based on this book Called Todd, I got so sick of hearing that name over the course of the movie. Apparently, it’s about like a crazy woman or something. So They devised this plan together, I guess. I mean, I think that when it comes down to it, it was really just, he was Trying to get her out of the way or something. I don’t know. But that they’re gonna do like this method acting thing where they have her Committed to an insane asylum so that she can really understand what it’s like to be an insane person.  And that idea is kind of interesting, but even that is so sloppy. Like, the the women in the asylum are so

Todd:  Over the top asylum ladies. Yeah.

Craig:  Yeah. It’s just stupid. I know that we’ve watched other movies like this Before where people have been in an asylum, and it’s just people just acting goofy, you know,

Todd:  like Tackling each other and cackling.

Craig:  Yeah. I mean, it’s It’s dumb. And to to be fair to the actress who plays Samantha, she does a pretty good job of showing How just being in that kind of institution would break you down and make you maybe kind of seem insane. So it That may be the only positive thing I had to say about the whole movie. Like, she did a pretty good job with that, I will say. But then it turns out He gathers all of these other actresses or calls all of these other actresses and leaves her in the asylum. Like, He’s just gonna leave her there

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  Forever, I guess, apparently. Well,

Todd:  the way they do this too is they meet with the doctor, and he’s going to commit her. And she Stares off into space, and the doctor has to have them sign some paperwork. And he makes a comment to her like, well, you know, just from looking at you right now, I just can’t imagine that you have this problem.

Clip:  It’s an honor to have you here, miss Sherwood. I’m a longtime fan of yours. I am looking forward to seeing Audra.  The film has been shelved Temporarily.  I didn’t realize. I must say, miss Sherwood, from doctor Harrison’s report, I, Expected somewhat more severe behavior from you, but I see no reason why you shouldn’t be back in front of the camera in no time.  Those days are over, doctor. I only hope she faces.

Todd:  And she immediately on queue grabs, like, some scissors from his desk and tries to attack this guy. Striker. Striker. Striker. She tries to strike. Striker. And immediately, some orderlies from the other room leap in like Like, they were waiting there the whole time. And it’s at, like, a mansion, but I guess the mansion is also supposed to be an institution.  I don’t know.

Craig:  Yeah. Right.

Todd:  And and and takes her in there. And then he says they put her in a straight jacket and then put her in the corner. And then he says to the doctor, can I have a few minutes alone with her, and the doctor rightly so is, like, are you sure that’s a good idea? And he’s, like, well, she’s in the Drey jacket, so there’s nothing she could possibly do to anybody. The doctor’s like, okay. That makes sense, and just leaves him in there with her.

Craig:  I I think that she’s the best actress In the movie. But even she it like after the doctor leaves, she’s like, Oh, darling, didn’t I do a wonderful job? Like, method acting? Like,

Todd:  I know.

Craig:  So contrived and stupid.

Todd:  It’s bad. It’s bad. Well and just the whole idea of that. I mean, there are people who have Done the you know, actors who’ve done things like this in order to get into a character. You can arrange this sort of thing.

Craig:  Right.

Todd:  You can spend time With interviewing people or being there, you don’t have to do this kind of thing. But, again, it was his plot according to the movie. Stryker just really wanted to leave her there. For reasons I don’t understand, he’s trying to get her out of the way. Well, you don’t have to cast her.

Craig:  Right.

Todd:  You know, she might be pissed about it, but you don’t have to leave her in an Style them for the rest of your life just to avoid that embarrassment.

Craig:  I know. I know. It’s crazy.

Todd:  It’s dumb.

Craig:  And and and then, like, everything else is nonsensical too. So, okay. So then she’s there. And so then we find out, like, we see a newspaper, like, oh, exposition newspaper headline, Audra is finally going forward, casting underway. And then we get these brief introductions to all of these actresses. Again, like, indistinguishable from one another. And there’s 1, one of the first ones that gets introduced, I think, If I remember correctly, is this blonde chick.

Todd:  Oh, my gosh. This one.

Craig:  And and there’s the way that she’s introduced is there’s like this stalker outside her house like she’s laying on our showering or like in the bathroom or something I don’t remember. And There’s this stalker who like puts pantyhose on his head and is going in. And I knew from the beginning, I’m like, this is fake, this isn’t real. But this Scene went on for days. I know. Like, I lost a week of my life on this scene, and it went on for so long. And then it was just a stupid rape fantasy scene Oh. That

Todd:  that It’s kinda eerie.

Craig:  Amounted to nothing.

Todd:  Yeah. It it well, It’s so funny that she’s maybe the most developed character of all of them. Right? At least you know she’s got this twisted fantasy because, nobody else really has anything of note or interest besides their occupation. It’s just she’s in the bath. She’s in the kitchen. She pours herself a glass of wine. She goes into the bedroom. You see the stalker outside the window.  Then she comes back into the kitchen to, like, close the fridge. You see the stalker outside the window. She goes Back into her bedroom. Stalker’s still outside the window. Then she goes back into the kitchen, pours herself another thing of wine. Stalker’s outside the window. She goes back into her bedroom. He opens the window, and then there’s, like, this long ass scene of her sitting reading a magazine until finally she gets up out of bed and turns the corner, and he leaps out at her.  And then it gets really icky. Yeah. She’s he’s like he’s like looks like he’s raping her, and then it turns out that she knows him and this is Some game that they often play, and he’s like, oh. Mhmm.

Clip:  This is getting a little boring.

Todd:  Well, it

Clip:  was always the pizza boy. No. Too messy. Says that pepperoni always sticks to my ass. It’s the only way to keep it warm.

Todd:  Like, seriously. Even makes sense. Yeah.

Craig:  And like, all the while classical music is playing in the background like This is some kinda, like, classy art film or some shit. Well Like, come on.

Clip:  Well and then when they’re done

Craig:  like, this was like dream within

Todd:  a dream within a dream stupid stuff. She kind of falls asleep or they’re making out or whatever, and it pans over to this weird doll that she has, this sort of, like, 2 foot tall Porcelain doll thing. Mhmm. And which has a weird frowny face. The next scene we see is of her driving down the Todd, presumably

Craig:  even think it was Her, was it? Yeah.

Todd:  It was her driving down the road.

Craig:  I don’t know. I couldn’t tell any of them apart.

Todd:  And she stops the car. Well, she was the only blonde one, Craig. She was the only one I could tell And it doesn’t help us, because she gets killed off right away. So She stops the car because there’s a girl in the road. It turns out to be her doll. And then her doll’s hands clamp around her. And I’m like, what is going on? And somebody hops in this car and runs her over, and then she wakes up because she had a dream. So this is the 2nd fake out.  2 scenes back to back where we’ve been faked out that this woman’s gonna get murdered. So, of course, in this 3rd scene, after she’s woken up, the guy who she was with isn’t there anymore.

Craig:  Inexplicably, They never explain where he is.

Todd:  Yeah. And she’s like, hello? Hello? Hello? And then she gets, what, knifed or something? I don’t remember.

Craig:  Well and that’s another thing, another Crap piece about this movie. Like, the kills are so lame. Like, they’re not inventive or interesting. Like, they’re not even visually Tristan, like, we’re so dumb and she gets killed and like, then there’s that doll keeps popping up. Why? What?

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  Why why is the why is this doll around?

Todd:  What’s the connecting what does this doll signify? It just well, This movie, apparently, had a very storied production history because the original director filmed, like, 45 minutes of it and quit. Yeah. He and the producer apparently couldn’t stand each other and completely were at odds with what they wanted. The producer wanted another slasher movie like prom night. The director wanted this sort of adult art, maybe art house thoughtful film. And I think that probably has a lot to do with why this is so weird. A lot of it was filmed in this Kind of try there are probably moments like this doll or whatever that were supposed to have some significance, but then it got lost because they brought in another director to finish the movie, and then they shot some scenes, like, a year later. This movie was, like, in production for 3 or 4 years before it finally came out.  Mhmm. And so It got chopped to pieces and rewritten and additional scenes added. A whole bunch of scenes were reshot or shot and then weren’t even used. And they said it was just kind of a nightmare, So this thing was more or less cobbled together, which explains something. Except even the thinking that you would have all of this footage At hand for you, couldn’t you put together something at least a little more coherent than this? Mhmm. I don’t know. So, yeah, it makes no sense. I would think that the doll the doll comes up one more time.  Right?

Craig:  Yeah. In the ice skating scene.

Todd:  Again, totally and probably for no good reason.

Craig:  Yeah. So I thought the same thing that you did. It was very get the Christie, like, they, you know, bring all these women together and, like, they all are when they’re all finally together. There’s one other, I guess, significant introduction scene where we’re introduced to this 1 lady who’s, like, a comedian, I guess.

Todd:  With the Worst act you could imagine, but the very enthusiastic audience.

Craig:  Yeah. She’s not funny at all. And, apparently, she filmed this in front of a real audience, and I guess they We’re just generous. I don’t know. But, whatever. She’s like, have you ever wanted something so bad that you do anything for it? Blah blah blah. Foreshadowing. Yeah.  Yeah. So then they all come together, and they’re all seated around this big dinner table. And They introduce some guy who’s, like, a caretaker or something who is completely insignificant.

Todd:  Do they introduce him? He just kinda walks to the scene and sits down next to 1 woman, and I don’t think anybody The

Craig:  guy’s like, oh, and this is Matthew. No. That’s like that’s it. That’s all you get. This is Matthew. No explanation for who he is or why he’s there, but okay. And and So and and they comment on how the their 1 girl hasn’t shown up, and then Samantha shows up. She’s not supposed to be there.  She has Escaped. Mhmm. The asylum. Not been let

Todd:  out. She’s escaped.

Craig:  With the aid of an unseen friend who, like, talks to her for A big long scene, but you never see her.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  And then Striker. What bother like, they they Say, you know, like, this is really weird. Like, this isn’t a typical audition. Like, what does he have in mind? And all he says is

Clip:  And one of you is Vadra. Which one, I don’t yet know. The next 2 days will be unlike any you’ve ever known. Not all of you will make it, But I promise each of you would have learned something about themselves and their craft.

Craig:  And that’s All we ever learned about this audition process Yeah. Like, there’s there’s no rhyme or reason Todd why they’re there or what he has planned for them.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  Like if it were really Agatha Christie, there would be like some game, You know? But there there’s not. No. Like, they’re just there to hang out, and he’s there to, like, Fuck them, and that’s it.

Todd:  Mostly. And do some weird ass exercises like, well and and here’s the other thing too is that they keep referring to Audra, you know, this character that they’re supposed to all be auditioning for. And at one point, one of the characters says, oh, I read the book, you know, when I was a kid. It made this huge impact on me. In another one, 1 girl actually asks Another one, like, who is Audra? What is she like and everything? Like, she has done no research for this role at all. And but the point is, like, We don’t even know. No. They keep referring to Audra, and there’s even coy suggestions like, oh, well, she’s playing Audra.  Like Like, maybe some of the girls, the way that they’re acting isn’t they’re not really doing things. They’re just trying to impress him by acting like Audra. But it would be very helpful if we, the audience, had any clue who this Audra character was Mhmm. And what her Qualities were anything like that. We’re given nothing but a name and these tiny little references here and there, so it’s not helpful for us. Mhmm. It doesn’t add to deepen the mystery. It doesn’t make it Cool.  Mhmm. Oh, yeah. He and he makes that big speech, and then they all kinda go off on their separate ways. And like you said, 1 at a time, he just kinda peels off and starts starts banging them. And he makes a comment to 1 girl, says, did you bring your ice skates, I hope? And she’s like, yes. And then There are these scenes where they’re all talking to each other, and she mentions that she kinda pops in disturbed. She says, my ice skates, they’re missing. Like, where are my ice skates? Has anybody seen my ice skates? And, like, oh, well, sure, they’ll turn up somewhere.  A scene or two later, you see one of those sort of, you know, the killer preparing scenes where you just see some hands grab some things in a tool shop, and you see that it’s sharpening something. It appears to be sharpening the blade of some ice skates. I’m like, oh, okay. Later on, we get this ice skating scene, and she inexplicably has her ice skates back.

Craig:  Yeah. Like Right.

Todd:  I guess she’s found them, and she’s walking through the woods to go ice skating. Like, what was the whole deal with the ice cream?

Craig:  There was a funny puppet show. I liked that puppet show. Oh, yeah. For a second. I had no idea what was going on, but it was kind of funny. But, yeah, it’s like all these girls that like they’re just kind of interacting or whatever, but But it’s just a setup for them to kinda be picked off, and it’s not even a good setup.

Todd:  Well and they’re not picked off 1 at a time. It’s like 1 person gets killed, then there’s most of the movie goes by and the rest of them get killed in succession.

Craig:  Exactly. Like okay. So there’s the ice skating girl. She, goes ice skating for, like, 20 minutes.

Todd:  Oh, geez.

Craig:  And and then, like, the killer Sneaks up on her on ice skates? I’m like, how is this even happening? Like, how is she not hearing somebody Ice skating up behind her. Okay, we would be remiss if we didn’t say that the killer wears this Mask like this old gross woman mask. And I liked the mask. Yeah, it’s cool. So like The ice skating girl finds the doll in the snow and then the ice skating killer in the mask comes up and like attacks her and this whoever is the killer, which we’ll obviously will reveal later on, but Like, they’re not even, like, badass. Like No. They’re not good. They, like, they get a slap to the face and

Todd:  Fall backwards.

Craig:  Like you’re down for, like, 10 minutes.

Todd:  It’s so true.

Craig:  So but So the ice skating girl gets Attacked, and then she runs through the forest for 20 minutes. And then finally, she gets killed, like, In a super boring way.

Todd:  She leans against a random tree to catch her breath. And, I mean, this tree is about as wide as she is. Yeah. And suddenly, Arms reach around the tree and slash her throat. Like, this killer from she’s been somehow got ahead of her, Found the right tree to hide behind, and I don’t know how he made himself skinny as he did Great. To to actually hide behind this tiny little

Craig:  Free. Oh, so stupid. And you don’t even see anything. Like I said, like, the kills are so boring. Like, it’s just, like, close ups on their face. And then she gets killed. And then there’s a lot more drama, like they’re trying to inject like serious drama, and it just Doesn’t work at all. Like there’s this random lesbian scene.  And I was like, what is happening? Like 2 of the girls are like, 1 girl’s like unbuttoning the other girl’s blouse. And again, it goes on forever. Like, oh my Todd, just whip her tit out seriously just do it. And she finally does is She caresses it, and then you realize that it’s like an acting moment. And the director pops up and he’s like, No, no, you’re a man seducing her a man would never be like that. And Samantha’s trying to interject herself all the time, and he’s not interested in her, and they’re fighting all the time. And

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  It it’s so confusing. At one point, He has all the actresses that he’s invited in, like this studio or whatever. And then Samantha shows up and then Sis, that she’d be given a chance. And he’s like, okay. But you’re so beautiful. What if you weren’t beautiful anymore? Here, put on this mask. And it’s the color’s mask.

Todd:  Yeah. Yeah. How did he get it? Where did that come from? I mean, we’re supposed to think, oh, but at the end of the day, It there’s no explanation for this at all.

Craig:  Right. None.

Todd:  Yeah. And then And Go ahead.

Craig:  Yeah. Go ahead. Well, no, you do it. I don’t I don’t even know what to say because seriously, like, there’s, like, these long moments of drama, and then It felt like they tried to wrap everything up in 5 minutes at the end.

Todd:  Well, it it’s almost like just a bunch of disparate ideas that are Not very well connected. At one point, it feels kinda like Friday 13th Mhmm. Where Brooke goes into her bathroom. And This is where that random flashback of the lesbian thing gets thrown in. And I don’t even know why it was thrown in there. Just they had to squeeze it in somewhere. And she’s, like, painting her nails, And there’s clearly a figure behind her in the Shower. Curtains of the shower.  So cliche. And she turns around, and suddenly, there’s no figure there at all. She opens up the shower. There’s nobody in there, and the window’s open. I mean, this tiny window. Mhmm. She closes the window, closes the shower. And then when she opens up the toilet, the head of the ice skating girl is in there.  Mhmm. She runs screaming out to the rest of the group, and, The guy says, everything’s fine. It’s okay, Striker. And he comes back and to the bathroom. And, of course, he looks at everything and opens up the toilet lid, and the girl’s head is not in there at all. So she runs into the bedroom Craig, and and they both just kind of, like, get into bed together. He embraces her. She looks up at him, and he looks down at her.  And suddenly, they just start kissing. Like, really?

Craig:  And then the next Seen as Samantha, like, coyly opening the door and just seeing him, like, smoking his cigarette, like, in poise Coital bliss.

Todd:  It like, he’s egging her. Like, he’s yeah. Oh, my God. Like, he’s, like, see what I just did? Isn’t this pissing you off more?

Craig:  I know. And it’s so dumb. And then from there, like, I don’t know, there are there are a couple of other like, Seemingly kind of dramatic scenes like the the director has 1 scene with the comedian girl where he like eggs Her aunt, like, he dismisses her immediately. And then she gets all angry. And he’s like, Oh, I see something thing in you, and then that’s just it. That’s just the end of the scene. Like, it’s stupid. And then there’s a 20 minute Bad ballet dancing scene because there’s a ballet girl, apparently, and she ballet dances by herself for a while, and then the killer just all you see literally is she’s dancing, and then it does a close-up on her face, and you see gloved hand come around her mouth and her eyes go wide, and that’s it.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  Like, that’s how create and you hear, like, stabbing noises. Like, that’s how creative the kills are. Yeah. So bad.

Todd:  It’s it’s this magical killer that is can be anywhere and everywhere at any time and sneak up on anybody with No rhyme or reason. It’s this sort of supernatural deal. And, and then, we kinda come to the end of the movie. Like I said, it’s just bing, bing, boom in succession. Once once she gets killed, Striker and Brooke are meeting and talking about something. And you see somebody, but you don’t see who it is with a gun now, come into the room and shoot them both, and they fall out the window. And, inexplicably, he falls out the window of the 2nd floor only to fall back in the window on the 1st floor somehow Mhmm. With the shard of glass in his back.  So we see he’s dead. And I thought for sure this, Maybe we’re getting some April fools day stuff here like Yeah. Yeah. You know? No. No. Definitely not

Craig:  that bad. I felt exactly the same thing. I thought there was gonna be some clever Twist at the end, but there’s not.

Todd:  Yeah. Well, at this point, I forgot who was left. I I thought, well, surely Me too. Samantha here. And because you see so little of this other girl, like, literally, this comedian girl, you see her at the beginning. You see a couple scenes with her, then there’s nothing with her until toward the end. And that’s the problem with all these girls. Like you said, they’re indistinguishable with each other.  We have these separate scenes that are supposed to be dramatic and whatever, But they don’t really do any character development. No. So we don’t really know who’s who. We still don’t really know anything about them or their motivations. It’s just not interesting. So Keeping track of them is hard enough. And so this other girl, who I don’t even remember where she came into the picture, but I I swear we hadn’t seen her since that Dining scene at the beginning.

Craig:  I have no idea who she was. I just wrote down beret girl because she was wearing a beret. I’m like, all of it. Like, She runs around and sees everybody dead, and she also, like at one point she goes,

Todd:  Matthew.

Craig:  And then you just see A dead body in the jacuzzi.

Todd:  Yeah. Like It’s that guy.

Craig:  Oh, Matthew from there. Dead.

Todd:  Like, we weren’t even gonna care. We never saw Matthew at all. He was at one point making out with a girl in the hot tub immediately after the, dinner The dinner scene. In the in in a distant from a distance. Yeah. Right? Just okay. K. Great.  Matthew’s dead. Apparently, there was a scene they shot

Craig:  Yeah.

Todd:  Of of him getting it on a snowboard or something like that or a snow snowmobile. But, Once again, like, what did they have this character in mind for besides just another body to end up for her to discover at the end? I have no idea.

Craig:  Yeah. And and and then at this point it is very much like Friday 13th and that you’ve got this 1 girl running around and just seeing tons of dead bodies and finding all these people. And I had no idea who she was. Frankly, still, I have no idea who she was.

Todd:  I couldn’t even look it up, but IMDB had figured it out, to be honest with you.

Craig:  She was running around, and then she found, like, A weird, like, prop shed?

Todd:  Is that what the fuck? It was this weird kind of fun house place that he I thought, at first, it was Deshed, then I thought, oh, maybe this is his garage. And then I remembered the 1st scene from the movie where there’s this woman in a theater. And I thought, oh, this is like the back stage of his, like, personal theater on his estate. We don’t really know. It’s just a bunch of random shit in it that she has to run-in and around, Doors that she opens that leads to just a brick wall, and, I mean, it doesn’t

Craig:  make sense. Goes on forever. Ever. Yeah. Like, she is running through this place for so long, and, like, they’re they’re showing us, like, shots of things, like, that you think might be significant, but they ultimately aren’t like there’s a tombstone with Audra on it. And there’s like a director’s chair with striker on the back, then everything else is just random. Like, there’s like a A taxi cab and like you said, like a door to nowhere and and she’s running around forever. At first she’s I don’t even know why she’s running around.  I mean, there are dead people Well, and she finds the, I think the ballet girl, like, hanging in there. Mhmm. I guess if I were finding dead people, I would be kind of Frantic, but she just for no reason is kind of running around. And then the killer pops up and attacks her and she slaps her or something. So then the killer goes down for 5 minutes While she runs around some more, and then the killer starts chasing her, and I I don’t you got it. It went on for so long, and and she ends up hiding, like, in a vent or something.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  And She sees the killer walk by and she thinks that she’s safe. And so she goes to like go out of the vent, but Apparently, the killer is, like, in

Todd:  the vent

Craig:  behind her now. Vent and pulls her away and, I guess, kills her. We don’t see it.

Todd:  We heard a bunch of sounds, like cutting sounds, so we assume that she was killed. Yeah. Again, I thought that might be a trick, but it turns out no.

Craig:  Yeah. I mean, at this point, I had already, like, I was watching on my computer. Oh my Todd. I had stopped hearing a long time ago. But at this point, I had already, like, on my computer, like, taking the mouse pad and, like, scans to the end just to see how long the credits work. Hoping they were really long

Todd:  so

Craig:  that I wouldn’t have to watch more of this.

Todd:  Like, 8 minutes left. Jeez. Please tell me the credits are 5 of those 8. I know the feeling exactly.

Craig:  And then you get, like, the reveal scene, but it’s just dumb. Yeah. I mean

Todd:  It’s It’s the girl, the comedian girl. I still don’t know her name. No. She was, she’s in the kitchen popping open a bottle of champagne for herself, And, Samantha walks in. And Samantha, basically, during their little conversation, admits that she killed so she was the one with the gun. She says, I killed striker. Go ahead. Call the police.  I don’t care. Okay. And then She’s

Craig:  like, but but don’t worry. I won’t hurt any of your little friends.

Todd:  Yeah. And then this girl’s like, but they’re already all dead. And she whips out a knife, and it turns out she was the killer. And, she stabs her, and then we get kind of that flashback to her doing her comedy act, which, You know, the telling line, again, like you said, have you ever wanted something so bad you would do anything for it? Right. But it pans out, and she’s performing this Act now in a mental institution for a bunch of empty chairs and a few, other people there.

Craig:  Yeah. And I guess, originally, it’s conception. Shannen was supposed to be that she was doing her Todd role in front of all of the corpses of the people that she had killed, but They thought that that was too implausible.

Todd:  Oh, man. That’s hilarious.

Craig:  Oh, god. I don’t know. Like and seriously, like, when it was over, I was like looking stuff up and I’m like, oh my Todd. I hope there’s like interesting backstory to this. And And I guess there was with like the production troubles and stuff, but really not like sometimes, you know, we’ve got all kinds of like behind the Scenes things that we can share with people. And there really just isn’t all that much like it’s just a shit movie. And I don’t I don’t Yeah. I don’t know.  Like, again, folks, if you’re listening and you’ve watched this movie and you like it, Tell me why I am desperate to know. Yeah, why I should like this movie because I don’t. It was awful. I, I very rarely, like Todd, can attest to the fact that I tried to Be as nice as I can even when movies are bad, but I just can’t say anything nice about this movie. It was it was not good. And I was, I didn’t enjoy watching it. And fun little fact, I started watching it and I was So bored that I had to take a nap. And I told my partner, I’m like, I’m sorry.  I had to take a nap. And that means that when I get home from church, True story. I’m gonna have to keep watching this movie, which means that, it’s gonna be kinda late. And so I came home from church and, I had to sit down and watch this movie and my partner was making dinner, and I just So badly, just wanted to turn it off and have dinner. Like

Todd:  The the things you do for our audience.

Craig:  The things I do for you guys. I swear.

Todd:  You know what’s hilarious about this movie? Is that the 1 guy in this movie that people would probably recognize the most Aside from Stryker’s character Yeah. Is the dude who Michael, who popped in and out in the middle of the movie. He his real name is Michael Wincott. And if you actually got a clear look at his face in the movie, you would totally recognize him. Do you remember Robin Hood Prince of Thieves? Yeah. You remember the sheriff of Nottingham, like, his assistant guy?

Craig:  Evaguely.

Todd:  Yeah. This is him. And Oh. Yeah. And he went I mean, he did Along Came a Spider. He did Strange Days. He was in the Doors movie. He has this insane list of The Crow, The 3 Musketeers, Alien Resurrection.  This guy was in a lot of movies.

Craig:  Good for him.

Todd:  Yeah. Right? This was one of his first.

Craig:  And that’s the thing. Like, it seems like from what I’ve read, everybody who is involved with this is just embarrassed. Yeah, the director took his name off of it. The direction credit is given to the character of John Stryker.

Todd:  Yeah.

Craig:  And the the actress who played Samantha, apparently, like she had high hopes for it. She thought it was going to be something special. And and she’s just when it the result she was like, Oh my Todd, like, It’s awful. Like, even the people who were involved with it understood how Bad, it was.

Todd:  Oh, yeah. Samantha Egger, the most seasoned actress on the on the whole thing, said that She read it. She thought it was insane. She thought that it was all the characters are extremely underdeveloped, and she just took it for a paycheck. Mhmm. So, Clearly, she also wasn’t too concerned about this being so widely seen that it put a stain on her

Craig:  on her profession, maybe they’re right. You gotta work.

Todd:  Gotta buy that truck somehow. Right?

Craig:  That’s right.

Todd:  Well, we wish we could recommend this movie. Shane, if you’re listening, and I’m sure you are, please get on our website and Social media someplace. Find us and let us know where we’re going wrong on this one because, we’ve been wrong before. Yeah. And we’ll always keep an open mind about that. But, anyway, I I definitely couldn’t recommend Sitting out loud.

Craig:  Todd. No. Don’t watch this movie. Take a nap. I don’t know. Dig a ditch.

Todd:  Watch your dick.

Craig:  Anything Anything anything would be better than spending an hour and a half watching this movie. I swear to god.

Todd:  It’s not even fun. Well, at least we hope you had fun listening to this podcast today. If you enjoyed it, please share it with a friend. You can look us up on Online. Just search for 2 guys in a chainsaw. You’ll find our Facebook page. You’ll find our website 2, where you can leave, see all of our back episodes. You can leave us comments, and you can request movies.  We’re gonna do a few more requests here, because we’ve got a bit of a backlog. So, it’s not Todd late to get your request Todd for us. We we do enjoy seeing these films that otherwise we wouldn’t see. Well, we don’t always enjoy it, but at least it’s something. Right? Yeah. Until next time. I’m Todd.

Craig:  And I’m Craig.

Todd:  With 2 Guys and a Chainsaw.

3 Responses

  1. Ryan says:

    Not gonna lie, I kind of liked this movie as an oddball curiosity. Like Craig, I watched it on Amazon Prime and it looks horrendous. It’s a shame because I think there was some care put into the cinematography. A careless pan-and-scan transfer is no doubt responsible for the presence of the boom mic in so many scenes. Didn’t hate the movie, but it was fun to listen to you guys trash it nonetheless. On a side note, Matthew is played by Michael Wincott, who went on to land roles in some pretty big movies such as The Doors, Robin Hood, Strange Days and Alien: Resurrection. He’s played a lot of bad guys, and I always enjoy seeing him pop up in stuff.

  2. Ryan says:

    Sorry, didn’t hear the end of the podcast until my evening commute.

    • toddkuhns says:

      Hi Ryan! I had a nicer copy, so I didn’t experience the video quality issues Craig did. I have to agree, it is certainly an oddball curiosity. Thanks for the feedback!

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